I tend to overrate myself

[LSD-Rumi]

OH GOD I AM FUll OF SHIT

It is just obvious to me that I didn't complete even 1% of my spiritual journey, yet I sometimes tend to overrate myself until I am slapped in my face by myself to wake the fuck up from these daydreams.

And at the sametime, I know I am special in a certain way. I have the seed in me that will sprout into a big fking ass tree one day. 

I feel a lot of people here have the same problem and that's why Leo, is always reminding us that we know nothing.

Ironically, I also have the problem of self doubt and I tend to underestimate myself and doubt my abilities despite I know that these doubts are not true.

Maybe this represents the nature of my bipolar brain. It is like having two opposite personalities in one person. One person is arrogant and foolishly self confident and the other one is weak and skeptical.

My mission is to merge these two personalities into one and break that duality into nonduality, hehe 

Edited June 5, 2023 by LSD-Rumi

[Buck Edwards]

I've seen your posts. You've some sort of narcissism. Don't take it personal bro.

 

[LSD-Rumi]

8 minutes ago, Enlightement said:

I've seen your posts. You've some sort of narcissism. Don't take it personal bro.

 

Hahaha, some posts I wrote while being hypomanic so it may appear that way. But I am confident I am not a narcissist. Ironically, I may benefit of some more narcissism, I am a very nice person, too nice actually.

I am also very confident and brutaly clear when I repond to questions or give my opinion on something.

My sister sometimes says the same thing but I explain to her that I like to be very clear, so I may sound harsh or "narcissistic" and she understands.

I would like to hear from others if they feel the same way about me.

Edited June 5, 2023 by LSD-Rumi

[Buck Edwards]

22 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

Hahaha, some posts I wrote while being hypomanic so it may appear that way. But I am confident I am not a narcissist. Ironically, I may benefit of some more narcissism, I am a very nice person, too nice actually.

I am also very confident and brutaly clear when I repond to questions or give my opinion on something.

My sister sometimes says the same thing but I explain to her that I like to be very clear, so I may sound harsh or "narcissistic" and she understands.

I would like to hear from others if they feel the same way about me.

Your defense is coming from ego 

 

Literally what was the point of making this thread if you didn't want feedback? 

Some of your posts are obnoxious to read. So I mostly skip your posts. And this is barely 5 of your posts that I scarcely came across and the energy was off putting. 

You can be brutally honest even in non offensive ways. 

It's bad enough that you wanna tell everyone the truth yet when someone tells you the truth you can barely handle it. 

Edited June 5, 2023 by Enlightement

[LSD-Rumi]

@Enlightement  I was not defensive. I actually digested your response very well and I responded to it as I understand myself. Believe me, I scan myself for any sort of narcissism everyday, If I was narcissistic in any little way, I know it. Maybe you are projecting on me?

If you want me to be honest and I didn't want to write this, I do feel the same things about your comments 

I stopped reading your comments a while ago. I am not writing this from an egotistical position, if I did so, I would not write it. Maybe we have different ways of approaching things? Let's end it right here,okey? I want to hear from others.

 

Edited June 5, 2023 by LSD-Rumi

[Yimpa]

There is such a thing called healthy narcissism 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Healthy_narcissism

I plan on being narcissistic as fuck while eating broccoli.

[LSD-Rumi]

1 minute ago, Yimpa said:

There is such a thing called healthy narcissism 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Healthy_narcissism

I plan on being narcissistic as fuck while eating broccoli.

A fancy term for self-love and confidence ? 

Edited June 5, 2023 by LSD-Rumi

[Buck Edwards]

@LSD-Rumi dude. I remember you saying something to flowboy and poor guy left the forum. 

Sometimes take accountability. Your posts are unnecessary drama, sorry, but take the truth. 

Yea ending it here because I don't want the drama to continue. 

 

[LSD-Rumi]

@Enlightement I don't want to open that page again. I don't like drama in general. I have never got into a fight with any other member. The guy literally abused me in the comments and I was very toleranant to him but he kept going. Leo finally banned him for a few days and he realized that it was his fault. 

I am very sad that he left the forum. I know the guy is very good in general but I think he had been very aggressive in that time period. I think he left to do some self reflection or he has some personal issues he needs to take care of.

Anyways, I sent him a message apologizing and asking him to come back.

 

[Buck Edwards]

I think this thread should be transferred to mental health. 

 

[Yimpa]

3 hours ago, Enlightement said:

Yea ending it here because I don't want the drama to continue. 

2 hours ago, Enlightement said:

I think this thread should be transferred to mental health. 

Choose the higher truth 

[caspex]

I had the same problem until a few months ago. This was the case for basically my whole life since I had developed some sort of superiority complex from my academic achievements, which only got stronger when I got into spirituality. I always had a suspicion of my 'narcissism' but it was never as bad as what was said about it online. So I thought to myself, "Hey I just like to be very honest, am comfortable with saying no, and possess a strong personality. If that comes off as narcissism then the others are mistaken.". Turns out, behind this surface level idea of who I thought I was, I was much more manipulative, to the point that I didn't realize it myself.

See, it's very easy to come up with a defense for anything, I am speaking any opinion, viewpoint, or lie. Having a strong defense doesn't mean it's true, but to me at the time, it was "If I can defend it, it must have some truth to it!" "If I can convince the other that they were wrong, I was true!". I used this deception to often misdirect the blame away from me. This worked because if you know how to defend something, unless the other is really great at dissecting arguments / is great at deconstructing, they can't do shit to you.
Not to mention that most others who would call you selfish, don't have great articulation, so even if they are speaking truth, you can easily fuck them over by confusing them of their own intended meaning. Or using some cultural pattern/rule/moral to make them admit they were 'wrong'.

When I read about others describing their problems, specially regarding this topic, even if I had the problem directly, I would think while reading, "That can never be me.". Notice, are you doing that right now?

I said to myself I was one way but was actually another. Every person has a pure side and an impure one. What I did was I looked at an idea of the pure side, thought that was all of me, but continued to be the impure devil I was. My friends found me to be selfish, narcissistic even. But I chalked it all up to "I am just bold."
I legit couldn't bring myself to help my friends if they could do it themselves. "Why is this guy so lazy? Get a grip!". This also manifested in me as me giving unwarranted advice. Even after I fixed that, I was still very very selfish, and overrated myself. In fact, I believed that I had to respond to everything. I couldn't just accept someone telling me a fault of mine.

You know realizations about "I am so selfish and full of shit" were almost always just me trying to 'achieve' this realization like others in this work. It was almost never genuine, and only showed me a little part of me that was selfish, not affecting my overall facade.
The most fascinating part is that to me, I didn't realize ANYTHING. I felt as if I was the most normal, with no problems. It's not like I had the problems in my experience, I was just ignoring them. No, I was blind to the problems and processes at work.

This reply makes me sound like a selfish monster but this was only one of the major parts of me at the time. I also had good parts, selfless parts that all formed the purer side of me. I thought THAT was really me, but I acted otherwise.

Judging by your post and reply on this thread alone, you feel like the past version of me lol. I hope my reply helps you in some way.

[LSD-Rumi]

@Swarnim No, I don't have problem with narcissism or judging others. I transcended that a long time ago. 5 years of mental illness and suffering will purify you from any kind of superiority over others. 

What I was talking about is spiritual arrogance or at least wrong estimation of one's level of development spiritually wise.

31 minutes ago, Swarnim said:

Judging by your post and reply on this thread alone, you feel like the past version of me lol. I hope my reply helps you in some way.

Hmmm, I don't feel I wrote anything wrong or Narcissistic. You cannot judge a person by text. Text cannot convey emotion or attitude properly. I actually was having fun replying to these accusation  I didn't get annoyed or defensive.

That dude is also overestimating himself like hell. There is a list of people here that I almost never read their comments, he is on that list for specific reasons.

Edited June 5, 2023 by LSD-Rumi

[caspex]

12 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

@Swarnim No, I don't have problem with narcissism or judging others. I transcended that a long time ago. 5 years of mental illness and suffering will purify you from any kind of superiority over others. 

What I was talking about is spiritual arrogance or at least wrong estimation of one's level of development spiritually wise.

Hmmm, I don't feel I wrote anything wrong or Narcissistic. You cannot judge a person by text. Text cannot convey emotion or attitude properly. I actually was having fun replying to these accusation  I didn't get annoyed or defensive.

That dude is also overestimating himself like hell. There is a list of people here that I almost never read their comments, he is on that list for specific reasons.

This is exactly how I'd have replied back then if someone wrote the same reply to me. But I will take you on your word. Even then, the spiritual arrogance you mentioned in your op isn't that isolated from what I am talking about. Mine certainly stemmed from what I have described, and dissolved massively when I got rid of the overall 'arrogance' in my nature.

[LSD-Rumi]

@Swarnim Yeah, projection is a common mistake especially online where you cannot see the real attitude of the person you are talking to.

[Carl-Richard]

8 hours ago, LSD-Rumi said:

And at the sametime, I know I am special in a certain way. I have the seed in me that will sprout into a big fking ass tree one day. 

In what way?

[Buck Edwards]

4 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

In what way?

[LSD-Rumi]

1 hour ago, Carl-Richard said:

In what way?

I explained literally in the sentence after it.

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, LSD-Rumi said:

I explained literally in the sentence after it.

The sentence after it:

Quote

I feel a lot of people here have the same problem and that's why Leo, is always reminding us that we know nothing.

 

[LSD-Rumi]

@Carl-Richard I have the seed in me that will sprout into a big fking ass tree one day.