Near Death Awakining Experience

[Kokorec]

I'm 19 I have been consuming leo's content for a almost two years now. I've read trip and awakining reports and always wanted to experience something like it. Since last week I have started to smoke weed. Normally it hits me a few times and gives a ease of head and a lot of laughs but this last different. Started with a lot of laughs with 2 other friends and after some minutes all three of us stared laughing and making jokes nontop. This went on for 10-15min and at some point we kinda telepathcly merged(at least that what I felt.). I also thought I had passed away. I turned back when my friend said "No dying bro what dying keep calm". Also there was some moments where I felt like I was watching my life as a movie and interfere in some moments.

Since this experince happened which is now almost two days ago I still fell odd to put it simply I feel like I need some guidance. Some moments I see a path for my life and effortlessly follow but occasionally I feel like am imagining all of this and going crazy -kinda-. I again and again see some signs on what I should be doing how I should just let it flow, trust and accept what's going on. It feels so naturel at times but also Freaky at a lot of times and I get scared, I fell fear. Also there is a almost constant anormal heartbeat and it increase when ever I try to see everything as it is. 

I read about kundalini psychosis and the symptoms seemed like what I am experiencing(It's the phenomenon where you kinda awaken but not totally and your mind thinks its going crazy.). What should I do? How should I react and think about it? What am I really experiencing?

[Moksha]

If it were me, I would stop smoking weed for a while and focus on integrating what has been realized so far. The deepening will happen on its own, if you let it.

The spiritual path takes you beyond where your mind wants to go. Your mind prefers the familiar environment of being with friends, playing video games, and maybe occasionally contemplating spirituality. No harm, no foul.

When you begin to realize that the mind itself, with its addictions and habits, is the source of suffering, the mind protests too much, and fights back. It is more formidable than you realize, and you need a solid foundation before you can begin releasing the kite into the wind.

Serious spirituality requires absolute surrender, and many of us don't reach that point easily, if ever. After awakening, I went through a long period of disorientation and distress. There were times when I didn't even feel safe to drive. I realized that I had to pace it, if I wanted to continue going deeper without losing my mind entirely. Eventually, I acclimatized and was able to safely continue the descent.

It's not an easy process, and there's no reason to rush. Take your time and enjoy the journey.

 

[Kokorec]

First of all thank you taking your time and replying. I'm trying, to let it sometimes it's so natural sometimes it feels unbearable. My biggest fear happens when I think about if I am losing my mind or all of it is Real which it is:). I know it somehow deep down but still cant accept it fully its feels soo unnatural and scary,

The biggest obstacle I feel like I have is understanding what is my ego's Traps and what is Real and that sturggle of trying to understand which is which. It makes me quite unsure if what am experiencing is real or not and as a result gives me anxiety and a lot of heart palpitations. What can I do to ensure am on the path and get rid of anxiety in the long run? Also what would you recommend on how to build a good foundation( how to pace it etc.) and how not to feel like am losing my mind completely.

I am still trying to find balance and enjoy this. Soo please give answer accordingly to my experience. Thank you <3

[Razard86]

17 minutes ago, Moksha said:

The spiritual path takes you beyond where your mind wants to go. Your mind prefers the familiar environment of being with friends, playing video games, and maybe occasionally contemplating spirituality. No harm, no foul.

 

Serious spirituality requires absolute surrender, and many of us don't reach that point easily, if ever. 

It's not an easy process, and there's no reason to rush. Take your time and enjoy the journey.

 

This^^^

[Kokorec]

@Razard86 I'll let God guide me:)

[Moksha]

14 minutes ago, Kokorec said:

First of all thank you taking your time and replying. I'm trying, to let it sometimes it's so natural sometimes it feels unbearable. My biggest fear happens when I think about if I am losing my mind or all of it is Real which it is:). I know it somehow deep down but still cant accept it fully its feels soo unnatural and scary,

The biggest obstacle I feel like I have is understanding what is my ego's Traps and what is Real and that sturggle of trying to understand which is which. It makes me quite unsure if what am experiencing is real or not and as a result gives me anxiety and a lot of heart palpitations. What can I do to ensure am on the path and get rid of anxiety in the long run? Also what would you recommend on how to build a good foundation( how to pace it etc.) and how not to feel like am losing my mind completely.

You're well ahead of where I was at 19, so give yourself some credit 

Do you have a meditation practice yet? If not, given that you're struggling with awakening anxiety, meditation will probably help you. There are several excellent guides; my go-to was "The Mind Illuminated" by John Yates. It's hefty, but chock-full of detailed recommendations. Also if you're inclined to contemplation, spend a few months diving into source material like the "Bhagavad Gita" or the "Upanishads". It will calm and center you.

The fear is produced by your mind, and is completely natural. We're genetically programmed to fight for form survival, so it's not surprising that the mind freaks out when we no longer identify with its thoughts. Instead of fighting it, give it space and let it naturally adjust. It's like a wild horse that needs to be tamed gradually, with handfuls of sweet grass.

The biggest ego trap is conceptual questioning. I noticed that whenever I felt disoriented, it was due to thinking about my spiritual journey rather than silently realizing. When I created some space from my thoughts, and centered my awareness in myself, the disorientation went away. It took some practice, but eventually it became natural.

Every time you have a thought, instead of rushing to it like a moth to the flame, let the thought come and go without energizing it with your attention. Here again, meditation can be your mainstay. Confusion only happens when you get entrapped in the snare of your thoughts. Eventually when you realize your essence beyond thoughts, clarity and peace will be your default state.

[Breakingthewall]

2 hours ago, Kokorec said:

What can I do to ensure am on the path and get rid of anxiety in the long run? Also what would you recommend on how to build a good foundation( how to pace it etc.) and how not to feel like am losing my mind completely.

If I were you I would forget the weed. It is very psychotic, more than other psychedelics. and it is very easy to abuse it. If your path is really inwards (which would be very positive for your life) read about spirituality, meditate, perhaps psychedelics in a very specific moments, but above all, do not conceptualize. don't make a belief system with god, infinity, solipsism, and all that. spirituality is like playing a sport. You are in the field, you feel the situation, you are present, you do it. You are not thinking about the ideas of how to play, what it means to play, why the human being plays that. no, you play and that's it. 

Edited June 2, 2023 by Breakingthewall

[Kokorec]

2 hours ago, Moksha said:

2 hours ago, Moksha said:

You're well ahead of where I was at 19, so give yourself some credit 

@Moksha It doesn't feel like I should be proud, but thank you. Having my ego acknowledged in any way also contributes to dissonance. I feel as if it is creating a trap for me, and this also results in me doubting the signs that I receive from people. Should I just trust them?

2 hours ago, Moksha said:

The biggest ego trap is conceptual questioning. I noticed that whenever I felt disoriented, it was due to thinking about my spiritual journey rather than silently realizing. When I created some space from my thoughts, and centered my awareness in myself, the disorientation went away. It took some practice, but eventually it became natural.

Every time you have a thought, instead of rushing to it like a moth to the flame, let the thought come and go without energizing it with your attention. Here again, meditation can be your mainstay. Confusion only happens when you get entrapped in the snare of your thoughts. Eventually when you realize your essence beyond thoughts, clarity and peace will be your default state.

THIS hits home. Any more detailed explanation on how I can more silently realize and how not to energize my thought with attention

I will look at "The Mind Illuminated." Thank you.

 

[Kokorec]

49 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

If I were you I would forget the weed. It is very psychotic, more than other psychedelics. and it is very easy to abuse it. If your path is really inwards (which would be very positive for your life) read about spirituality, meditate, perhaps psychedelics in a very specific way, but above all, do not conceptualize. don't make a belief system with god, infinity, solipsism, and all that. spirituality is like playing a sport. You are in the field, you feel the situation, you are present, you do it. You are not thinking about the ideas of how to play, what it means to play, why the human being plays that. no, you play and that's it. 

This helps.

The more I think the more I try to put limits for "safe playing" the more it gives me anxiety.

I will try to think less and play(?) more but one thing is reading into spirituality and Leo's content also feels like I am doing what I shouldn't. How should I approach this stuff it feels like playing with fire in some way its warm but it also feels like it will burn me.

 

[Kokorec]

And also I see signs almost everywhere how I should be reading into them and react ?

[Breakingthewall]

20 minutes ago, Kokorec said:

reading into spirituality and Leo's content also feels like I am doing what I shouldn't

I feel the same, something tells me: toxic. I can only see this when I have already realize it directly, not before. then, if I see it, I take it as an interesting curiosity and forget it immediately. 

Real spirituality is opening yourself up. Opening up is what you need to do to eliminate the apparent separation between you and reality. It's not something you have to know, it's something you have to do. You have to give yourself to the reality. and once done, you no longer have to do anything. just be freely, without obstacles that limit you. This is the only happiness that exists, the rest is farce.

Edited June 2, 2023 by Breakingthewall

[Moksha]

7 minutes ago, Kokorec said:

It doesn't feel like I should be proud, but thank you. Having my ego acknowledged in any way also contributes to dissonance. I feel as if it is creating a trap for me, and this also results in me doubting the signs that I receive from people. Should I just trust them?

Any more detailed explanation on how I can more silently realize and how not to energize my thought with attention

The ego is so insidious that even acknowledgment can make you feel embarrassed. It's the inverse of pride. Self-judgment leads to suffering, believe me I know it well. Hopefully you can see it for what it is, and learn sooner than I did to let the judgment go. It claims to keep you safe, but actually hurts you.

Before trusting other people, learn to trust yourself. You are your own true guide, despite whatever doubts you currently have. Instead of listening to your incessant thoughts, which aren't you, learn to be comfortable with inner silence, which is you. It will serve you well.

Meditation will teach you this. It's a skill, like anything else. You will become adept at noticing thoughts without identifying with them, and eventually surrender thoughts entirely. You will learn to settle into pure awareness.

Set a timer for 1 minute, and whatever thought happens to be in your head when the timer goes off, instead of clinging to it simply notice it. Let it be in your consciousness, and observe it from a distance without judging it or engaging with it.  Just watch it drift unnamed across the field of your awareness, and eventually disappear. Then notice the next thought that arises. It won't take long for you to realize that you are not the source of your thoughts. They come and go, and they don't define you. You are the underlying awareness, and your true nature is not conditional on your thoughts. Make silence your best friend, and it will set you free.

[Breakingthewall]

1 hour ago, Kokorec said:

And also I see signs almost everywhere how I should be reading into them and react ?

Depending, sometimes it's better to do your will and forget any sign, but just my opinion, could be wrong

 

1 hour ago, Kokorec said:

will try to think less and play(?) more

Yes , play the game. The thing is: you live in an illusion of temporality overwhelmed by thousands of ideas, stimuli, desires, fears. spirituality is taking a step back from that. open yourself little by little to the now until you open yourself completely. you have to master the game, it is very difficult. you are the game, a trap to yourself. you have to take control of the game and not give it to others. there are no others, only you. not in the solipsistic sense, but in the sense that only you can be you. You are alone in your experience, for ever. If someone is with you, he is in your experience , but he never will be you. You are always you, so only you can do this. 

You are a kind of enigma, a puzzle. If you want to awake, you have to solve it. The thing is: do you want? Do you really want to open yourself to the now, open your heart, completely, renunce yo all your illusions, to your ego? I think it's the best idea possible. Over all because anything else is shallow, false. There is only one real way: the truth. But that is what you really want? Difficult with 19 imo, but if you can avoid some tons of shit and falsehood, better for you

Edited June 2, 2023 by Breakingthewall

[gettoefl]

surrender is, whatever is happening good or bad is the absolute's will ... how can i be the means by which this here more smoothly more fully more lovingly unfolds

[OldManCorcoran]

Cannabis is a worthless drug, don't bother taking weed thoughts seriously.