Exellence/Health/Mastery/Enthusiasm/Passion

[ValiantSalvatore]

Generally it has become a huge problem to find someone to talk to, and I don't get some attitudes as well as other stuff. I am still so massively different. As well as I don't know fully who to talk to as some trigger some stuff where I notice. I don't have a resort to talking to.

I leave it be. I leave this open for now, as I might post about constructive stuff, even when stuff here is toxic, it's better toxicity than my family who just sees me as this arrogant prick apparently, as I had so much fear and I do well and get a lot of passion/enthusiams. This should be fine I can't talk to my aunt I noticed she changed to much and I don't really resonate with her. 

This is also a fundamental distraction, I post more when I have breakthroughs currently the energetic quality at times stuff etc. It's fine, I can't waste a single day anymore, I might post my meditation sessions in the morning I am so happy writting a brief report and sharing it. I am not reflecting here anything. I just sometimes lack. I don't quiet find the right people to talk to, and I find to many attitudes. I'll think about these value at times. 

I can't speak to anyone in my family besides my mother, they just lash out and get angry and use a very bad parenting strategy based on behaviourst type of thinking without empathy. I feel as though they have given up, it felt better to not have the journal, yet sometimes I might miss a slight edge and or post of recognition as I get only these appreciations for breakthroughs in my family. 

I have to go now also. I leave this here for meditation posts. I feel better ever since I have more positive future outlooks and I am still looking for the right kind of threads, and I'll see how well this works now, now that I am at a more healthy space. 

I know I can't talk to anyone within my family it's impossible. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

So this will be different. 100% different and I hope I can finally run some game, when I get a working students position and generally I have a support now for getting a job and he showed me some mistakes and said I am setup pretty well, he can't exactly pinpoint as to why besides some smaller stuff, and that the students are generally faster gone and he deals with a lot of IT. 

This gives me a lot of motivation for exellence I hope I can re-iterate the values in 1h tomorrow and not sit to long with them. This is a mistake I have been doing. The b-12 lack was definitely evident. I also can fully focus on my dream now for 1 year. The point is not wasting a single second anymore. As well as the intention I let time unfold for me IIRC. I don't know how I will post in this journal and if I will post a lot. At best I don't post at all. I just leave it here for a random intermittent reward. I might post my meditations and or not and leave others in the unknown I generally enjoy this. I hope Leo brings out and episode about power and how to deal with the subject in a work space, I definitely have an issue with not getting enough exellence&mastery. 

As well as my reading and intellectual endeavours when I get like 20% more security I am on fire. As well as ice-cold when I finally can do the more technical and complicated stuff I yearn for a lot of peacefulness and quietness. I keep meditating to 963 frequencies. That is my birhtday date almost in reverse... I hope Leo can clarify some stuff, I generally feel some are offended by my "excellent attitude" and I have to tone my intellectualism down. Also I am not the best at academics and I yearn for deeper more mechnical exellence, that is more associated for me with mastery. 

Overall I'd like to see how close I can get to the expression of these values and their emobodyment in my life purpose. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I'll study the full day. I can get more exact feedback to this, yet I will be left at the unknown at one point which is typical. Health-wise I have some ideas. I'd like to post once a month as this structure did help. As soon as I am getting 50% more on mastery, I am close to getting into more spiritual endeavours and tracks back again, with dating this time, and proper feedback I have to see what is possible. 

All in all this is fantastic news I thought I am just an idiot, yet I did get some experience, the point is I find Leo has the issue of not fitting the "player professional corporate ladder" advice, as he is so against it, and I am so afraid of solo business, I definitely need someone who did both for a bit longer. So I can keep this spiritual etc. 

I am playing some chess, then hitting the gym, then I hope all will work out well, and I will work like an animal. It's so good when I meet gay people they legit are a social glue for me where I feel a lot of pain and power points. I dunno these pattern also of meeting men who's father died and all of these synchronicities and love are insane..... 

I don't know how to up my social eq without theory. What does an excellent life look like to me? What clothes do I buy? What do I wear, what is my behaviour? Where can I get excellent feedback? What defines exellence etc. I will channel this into mathematical and coding endeavours now as much as I can and do proper planning and focus on creating exellence, I am very happy and positively surprised that he told me that I am setup well. I hope he can continue to guide, me and he is more than willing to meet-up and give feedback. I love it thank you man! Going hard, also at the gym I am doing deadlifts at 70kg-90kg and 90kgsquats (110 with bar). I will definitely value strength when going out, I hope Leo finds some ressonance points and shamanic breathing will heal stuff. I feel I can go a bit crazy to heal myself here, like a shaman in the forest or so. I hope this will workout, and I see the danger of beign here more clearly. As well as I get more excellent feedback. Hopefully and find something I definitely will stop wasting time. 

Also the concept of self-motivation and EQ of this in this journal and the social benefits etc. of this will be quiet important. This will fundamentally be it. I hope stuff will workout and I make it work. As well as go into this last bout of hardcore studying otherwise I don't know anymore. Basically only mathematics for a month for a very deep foundation I make to many mistakes. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Rules for my own journals on actualized.org:

• I shall not curse without censcoring myself 
• I shall not spend more time than 15 minutes per post maximum, 30 minutes+ for deep post!
• I shall not post more than twice topics that disclude mindfulness&consciouness and psychdelics
• I am allowed to post about daily meditations
• I shall not post about Leo (without scrutiny) and hate on him, yet be wary of the gaslighting emotions who gaslights who? (some patterns re-occure internaly for me - mostly the cynical schadenfreude type of imagery)
• I am allowed to post daily meditations and impact and inspire others with A.I as my life purpose
• I am allowed to contemplate the dangers of A.I & Dating & generate ideas, yet not more than the limit twice a week
• I am allowed to post about shadow work and inner workings and health as well as mental health
• I am not allowed to post & randomly delete journals like every week, maximally once a month. 
• I am allowed to post about my shamanic breathing journey without limitations
• Gratitude journaling without limits
• I am allowed to post about my gym sessions after each session, this was one of my main passions and I love sharing it.
• Those who do not obey these rules within my journal are blocked
• I shall not listen to others who do not respect that I am not perfect and I can break rules
• Every cursing I consciously notice I do 10 push-ups
  • Some cursing is allowed, yet only censored
  • One cheesy edit allowed per week only! Self-Control = Mastery!

Purpose of this journal:

• Actively integrate the values above and act more in real life 
• Letting go & escaping some of the toxicity that I witness offline
• Practicing excellence and embodying it more deeply in real life with mastery, health and enthusiasm especially
• Contemplating these values till they are exhausted
• Self-Motivation
• Gratitude build up -> better relationship to world 

This is it. It will still be a massive challenge. I am definitely stopping playing with chances the knowlege in mathematics is to important and I was to lazy to work deeper here, and to much fear out of stuff that is still denied even here, as due to power and social games and I react at times negatively to this to much. 

The most important stuff I underlined. I'll focus more quiet time on studying this is one chance I have, and I definitely shall not miss use it in anyway and I'll post-pone the lecture about machine learning I miss to much mathematics. I also just forget stuff I don't practice with interleaving more, often and basic mastery then etc. 

 

 

 

Edited June 4, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Rules are activated by the post. Badum! 

First post of this week! This guys girlfriend is super sexy doing yoga for 90 minutes while he mixes some chill stuff. I am off to the gym. 

---
Drinking one more shake. This is for pure self-motivation and yes I am giga scared of failure and the track at 47:00 approx is so good called NEXV002. 

I ditched the coffee it's to anxiety provking and I'll use green tea, if it was also purely a b-12 lack the irony of all of this, as I lived vegan/vegerterian and could not differentiate properly. So I am acting on the health insights I drew from perosnal experience and the new information I have about my father, just makes it even more evident. I did not even know he cheated like I swear how much information they withhold that I'll contemplate about and I have issues with girls, and they guy does not talk. What a scumbag, I swear at times. My mother was cheated on twice, it's incredible I know why, yet I don't like to boil it down even further. At this point I knew why I choose early to not hold my father as a role model, it's insane the "gaslighting" of both sides etc. 

First post of the week after rules apply. I am out for now my nervous system should be even more cleaned due to coffee just making things worse and me practicing shamanic breathing etc. I'll still drink one at times, yet I keep at at 3-5 cups per week if I go out maximally. To not cut myself of socially dude I was hammered by how much coffee they drink here. 

It took me a while to enjoy this guys music. I am again out, I find these dub-techno mixes excellent and I bet he is one of the few who has mastered this, by the amount of mixing he does etc. I hope this will I help. I'll still drink some caffeine in the form of green tea, and ditch the l-theanin then and see what is missing health wise. 

No coffee anymore! Even caffine due to my nervous system. I am to antsy. As well as I can digest pain better. 

Edited June 2, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

I ironically bought and have this. I am doing cold showers also again, as well as I can. 

This was my original vision for my masters, they even partially do this stuff, so people can build themselve more and uplift themelves. 

This is also the second post of the week I did not go to the gym. This is ideal as I am forced to eat less meat. I was a bit worried as I talked to my aunt and she gave me this looser spiel, that I don't enjoy and I don't know why she feels like this. I talked to my mother about my father and see more of how I can let go more and be more playful as well let's say passionate and not as serious, as this is something I did not know and also the type of trauma my father received is similar to mine, so I wondred etc. 

I am drinking one to two glasses into my birthday, and will just do this last step and see if it'll work out. As well as I can ask more question when I do the trauma work to work on myself with this, as the psychotherapist had to little info to work with stuff that included my father, as I simply did not know and I must have pocked something, as I do have some resemblance apparently with seriousness. I hope this will workout. I am a bit worried. I will most likely not interact with my aunt and my father, simply because it's not that great at times

Second and last post of the week in terms of "random posting" and thinking. I am apparently very different from my father at times stuff just resmbles, yet I notice how hard I've been pumping a lot of healthy masculine energy the last years, it wonders me how people see me as masculine I legit could loosen up more it gives me more room for creative type of mastery, game also just shocked me etc. 

I am drinking two glasses of wine maximally three due to all of the information and knowing how strongly I craved dopamine etc. It's just more evident that I need to take care of anything that seems dopaminergic to much. Be more chill. Similar to my rampant posting, it shocks me the similarities my behaviour can take similar to my fathers, and I never enjoyed this and it triggered me as I know the deep healthy red behind it, yet I am apparently 10000000000000000000000% more ambitious than my father. That suprised me. I can only get so much intel for trauma work, reaching out before I get some stuff handled will be tricky, yet I'll most likely do it to heal myself and yes you how is happy st*u. You contributed to all of this. 

First curse will abbrevations be censcored yes totally! So yeah I hope this will all be working out and I get back to the more chill and deep work where I can handle the insane melancholy pain...

Last post of this week to stick with my rules. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Post got lost. I did drink a half a bottle of wine yesterday, and it is my birthday today I did find some cannabis that I knew I still had and smoked the scuff of a bong hit, which made me psychdelics so aware of reality how heavy hitting perception is in terms of how intense it can be and how strong that "psychological dominance and stabillity" is in a sense, yet also how wavering it is based on skill/knowledge/wisdom. It's a bit of a joke how strongly this was activated. I had some rougher contemplations this morning, where I noticed I wasted an immense amount of time, and how foolish it was to smoke so much and generally all the planning, yet then I contemplated my american family history, as my mother does not remember as much it is often the more conscious I am the more she suddenly remembers and a good spirit. It's odd. 

I did not know that there was serious substance abuse in my extended family as my other cousin, yet this should be my cousin once removed apparently this is called or tante zweiten grades. It's actually a girl also. I dunno what to think about this I thought about all of this stuff, my mother told me I am very open in contrast to my father. We barely talk etc. I definitely underestimate Leo at times for his kindness. I noticed this also to late. 

This is mostly it. I don't know how well to put this into words, yet it was a subtle realization that I had. How much time I wasted and how deeply and cleanly I lived me life where I did better in so many aspects, and enjoyed the improvement of it more. It's odd to notice desire again, and channel it and not still it with coffee in a sense. 

Edited June 3, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

The oddest experience I had today was how I get this inclincation of how I invented anything and how this is globally imprinted when I watched Ralston, as well as how this instinctively plays itself out as a pattern of self-conttrol how this truely masters, others and myself in that sense and how much sense of control I had, yet Ralston is insane for also knowing I bet this physically plays itself out. 

It was odd.

Edited June 3, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

I am drinking one birthday coffee, as to simply enjoy the feeling and savour it and be greatful to even have something like this to drink. I'll do the value re-assesment fully after this with a deep meditation session, as I do have to see how to deal with the feeling of weakness due to injury and the value of health. How strongly I can build inner strength and not only persevere. I notice how enthusiasm and passion generally yearn to let me move and go outside and explore the world, as well as how mundane and prosaic life feels without any substances and just beign "high" on life, especially with only exercising this was so beautiful. I notice how usually life and time is working out for me, generally speaking. As well as I have right now less fear, when I am even less on any substances. Regardless what it is. 

What bothers me is how much values change, as well as goals also! I'll do this with only a 30 minute meditation session, due to drinking coffee and just time constraints. I notice how important it is. As well as how I generally feel better. What bothers me is the coffee addiction and happiness dependent on conditions thing. 

• What does the value of clarity hold and entail?
• Exellence health and vigor?

I definitely feel less anxiety, when I drink less coffee. I did not notice how badly this is evident for me. I do get a cognitive boost, yet what I notice deeply is how deeply mastery runs with self-control and I did not notice this, I might change this value for clarity as these coincedences are just to much and clarity. Is something that I fundamentally create out of self-control?? I don't know how personally deeply this runs for me. I notice how deeply I feel the feeling of clarity through strength & self-control and how these values would have been partially so good. I learned to enjoy plateaus also, especially of coffee I notice this, yet I can't deny the subtle physical tearing when it comes to playing video games etc. My performance dropped significantlly, I can basically only make it up when someone has tremendous inner strength, as well as the partial self-motivation, and allowing to be very femine in a sense by feeling. I notice a lot of patterns here internally, and I feel the videos from Leo will do me well. I either take clarity or self-control. I can still physicall do what I want, and I am of coffee which leaves room for other dopaminergic activites even smaller ones. 

What I can say for sure is, that I miss HIT exercises immensely as part of mastery and self-control, yet I thought self-control is partially a toxic value. The point is this is all human generated by emotions and fits emotional mastery, someone gave it a name. What bothers me is how I am creating "adaptive mastery" in a couple of fields, yet the focus on one thing without self-control, clarity and order as values for example are tricky for me personally. I could take freedom entirely out, and just admit fuck it it's self-control, freedom is a value where I yearned to be independent with skills, yet I did not follow through with it to much. I might take freedom out and put self-control and clarity in, as well as I called it autonomy, autonomy is nothing, but self-control fundamentally. I see also the issue of principles first thinking emotionally ever since musk.... turned more right, and the shaolin monk from my region suddenly also gained traction with a super liberal academic werdegang. 

This is something what surpised me that he gained so much traction, as he had the exact potential of it I would feel it if  I see him, I feel I lost this, due to some inabillities I wanted also to learn a bit from this guy, I just could not due to injury. I was way to naive about how important changing values is. I changed everything besides strengths and values. I also have tremendous issues with the strengths of teamwork and loyality, due to actualized.org beign so heavily individually focused. As well as potential other strenghts and not doing the 2.0 finder from the course. I just underestimated how much external and internal changes go hand in hand. I miss my best friend he and others would be in so much for self-control and this is also so good for other activites like sex that I value and I did get a lot of subtle karmic impression from this. 

This is fundamentally it. I'll see what comes out. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I also would have free range to test DMT, especially the self-control and possesive type of experience I had, which was open and inviting, I lack better terms to describe it. I really yearn to take consciouness to some level of mastery, yet I don't quiet comprehend how this is so wavery and how being in doing matters more than doing in beign. 

I will not do DMT, it bothers me to much I did not change value and did not construct challenges a bit more intuitive. Where I do stretches at night/evening to get into a position for deeper meditations, as I still sit in a chair, and the issue with scar and pain digestion, when I contemplate synchrodestiny, it's imporant to keep this in mind. This should also dovetail with deeper training, 

Basically what I will do is:

• Cold Showers/Constrast Showers 
• Limit coffee intake to outside of house and only socially
• Look for ways to keep nervous system more calmer with nootropics 
• New routine, when stuff works out move to stretching I just changed the work out to 4 days a week.

See how this goes. Keep it simplified. 

I take one shower now after the next coffee and meditate to get a taste of it again.... I did this in China I would not have survived mentally with all of the b.s I notice by touch,sight sound etc. 

Let's see what this will be. This is the best idea I had in years and I simply did not know. The anti-meditation stances as it seems anti-climatic, to success these changes are so small within 2-3 years and continuing it shows such ripe fruits imo, I am amazed by how difficult it seemed for many to maintain a practice like this for even a month or so. Internal changes are usually the deepst. I'll drink this coffee then, do the cold shower and meditate and do the value change... this is still the deepest discipline I ever created where things were more intact, it took me so many moves to get into a place where I felt more inclined to be at this peak, and continue to get to peaks, so the peak finally sinks in and stays a peak. I was to ambivalent about how often I'll climb this mountain, so to speak and how enjoyable this exellence usually is with ressources etc. I also did not think my lethargy could have been due to muscle recovery, this is also a point that I did not take into account, that the regenerative process just takes to much of a toll. 

I miss creating exellence in my life 100%. I keep 3 values and exchange 7. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I wonder if Wim-Hof would ever get stressed. I was also never stressed in China just mind-fogged which I don't have anymore since beign out of China ironically. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

It legit was not even cold and I turned it down, oh yes..... damn I forgot how I got my bachelors also... I never also did cold showers and coffee I could take more care of quality in that sense, yet that cold shower felt so refreshing. I would ask Ralston if I could how could I maintain peak states, if I would imagine his answer as if (high cognitive order thinking).

-> Train longer in it was it it to it?
-> Produce the state from scratch more often
-> Use what got you there!
 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I did some stuff completely wrong and not as concise as I did listen to my intuition a lot and was skeptical about buying the course as pure intuition unbiased gave me so much guidance, I disliked even the tiniest notion of XYZ, yet I definitely could be more open. The refinement of these values I do after the math exam, I pick & choose I contemplated these for so long. Don't get me wrong, I did do all of the exercises, I just might remember how lethargy and apathy and the gut intuition I had there prevented me from doing some exercises, especially as I was very dejected because of the group work stuff and I bought the course as I made a mistake. Some motivations might be off. 

I'll definitely will do a larger review. I did not know that I did a couple of mistakes by not beign concise enough, I do have this issue due to fear and shame, and beign hypersensetive at times to this. Which lessened dramatically, as I have more confidence. This is the new list. 

At which tier does this value function for me? & Stage

1. Consciouness & Awareness TIER 3 states, teal+ most of the day actives besides stress 
2. Clarity (TQ but hard), Teal, Green, 
3. Excellence Orange, Yellow
4. Health/Vigor/Energy Red,Purple,TQ,Green ( I tend to have struggles with orange types of energy and rational energy) 
5. Knowledge/Learning/Understanding Yellow, (TQ if self study), 
6. Passion/Enthusiasm TQ,Teal,Green
7. Productivity/Efficiency orange,yellow
8. Self-Control/Temperance (emotional mastery) -> anti-stress, stres deepening! Not pain, stress! 
9. Love/Romance/Intimacy Beyond time&space TIER 3 notions a lot of gone, unfication, teal+!!! Big. & Green relative love.... also. 
10. Progress/Mastery Blue & orange it's such a heavy cultural pull-down appreciating Green/Yellow structures is insane. Pure yellow feels to isolating. Yoga and zen retreat showed me how TQ mastery could look like, especially zen. It was very nice seeing the interconnectivity of mastery for example from a physics guy chinese, who did taichi & zen meditation and spoke 5 languages or so. The energy of mastery was extremely high. 

I'll call it this. Reprogramming my subconscious mind with these values and their meanings. After the math exam a bit more extensively, I see more organically how they'll unfold currently as they are replaced from and by.

Most simple answers.

1. Freedom&Autonomey  - Self-Control/Temperance. Why eudaimonia. Penetrating reality
2. Adventure  Passion/Enthusiasm. Why I love life. 
3. Playfulness & Spontaneity  Productivity/efficiency. Why? Moving forward and seeing and minimizing/maximizing is fun. Connection to self-control.
4. Bravery & Courage  Health/Vigor/Energy Why? I don't enjoy the hidden fear in courage, and vigor and energy I find I enjoy so many facettes of it. Cold Shower energy etc. 
5. Honesty  Clarity Why? I enjoy the cleansing feeling of creating it and it reminds me of design and creativity. 
6. Connection     Progress/Mastery -> I love the feeling of seeing a project and myself in an area move forward and to track progress and see the stepping stones
7. Personal growth Exellence

I do an alternative exercise (higher order thinking from the LP while I am eating and preparing these dovetail also well in more deeper inner child emotions of abundance, innear wealth, timelesness, abillity to control, imagination etc. As well as my early twenties and teens, I notice especialyl how health and vigor are values I have from my grandma and I enjoy the survival of health/vigor/energy in a masculine energy spectrum etc. 

I'll do a deeper review after the exam. I do have to make the sheet again, and I have other stuff to do. 

Why is clarity meaningful to me (10 items briefly)

Clarity

• I love the feeling of cleansing inner frictions and how they are manifested outwards
• I love the feeling of working through a problem and having the aha! moment
• I love the inner feeling of freedom I have and sanity above rationality, be seeing reality for what it is and not by any conception
• I love the feeling of creating relative clarity and alternatives 
• I love the feeling of clarity in my room and workspace, I just never created a value out of it
• Clean air, full hygiene, professionalism rooted in perception and not identity
• Deeper state of beign clear and how it cuts through the illusion of identity
  • Clarification and feelings of creating clarity through reason and logic -> classification and deep deep knowledge aha's! That feel like they stay forever and echo through eternity
  • The feeling of cleaning my room and buying items that create clarity, not "category and judgement" clarity based on perspective shifting, gradations etc. 

This is how it would go approximately. I would assume by the level of depth I can create, it would take me a little more than half a day, and also to ruminate before and afterwards, and then see the integration. I make a commitment to exchange values each year. The deepst one will stay. I build on the LP course.

The chunking note-taking and this log-step thinking, I am pretty good at it, due to bias, although I learn the best through it using visceralization 

This is the depth I am yearning to build, yet I mass murdered myself a bit to much. I don't have the time to post anything. This was pure luxury, I don't at times can appreciate what I did and what I yearn for. 

This is better, I do progress also so I have some level of download available.

Progress

• I love the feeling of integration and seeing I have fully learned smth. and I can repeatedly do it over and over again
• I love the feeling of putting in deep work and seeing how 1-2h went away and I realized oh I made progress! Correct and incorrect one
• I love the expression of progress as strength in the world for the good of humanity at higher and lower altitudes. Progress at altitude teal emotions, especially I call it teal emotions. Joy, Enthusiasm. Love.
• I love the feeling of etc. etc.

This is a lot more accurate. Than what I did before. As well as a bit more accurate what Leo said in the course. I'll do a proper Leo bout also, when I am done with the exam etc. 

This is fundamentally it. To give a taste.

Edited June 3, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

I'll head to the gym and give a brief taste of how I feel. I notice how a lot of power abuse and gaslighting brought me to my toxic behaviour and the "hyperresponsibility attitude". I notice beign more gentle & chill is better. I give a brief report after this and then I am fully out sticking to rules till my birthday ends. 

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Back from gym I pushed 130kg with the olympian bar, I did not look. I can see many potential errors, with stuff the value of efficiency more internally rooted than externally consumed via books, is also a huge game changer, although my attitude has shifted. Coffee is by far the worst ancy agitator I ever consumed, I am way more conscious of what I am doing with my nervous system and the green tea, and drinking tea reminds me of clarity and energy, health and vigor more than other stuff.

With this I can also take pictures for dating deadlifts I might injur myself, if I don't focus on form for 100 reps approx +- and or do a starting rep. with 10x in clean format. Every session might be the most efficient for practicing spaced repetition, I wonder if this works for muscle memory. Ironically I saw what I yearn to do and co-operate with for a potential thesis, yet I presume the more clarity I had some insight regarding compassion and gaslighting and upholding the image. 

I did not pay attention to some synchronicities. The creatin boost is also evident for me. I did not know this was so healthy apparently to take. I keep hearing for what ever reason the name Andrew Tate, I did not watch any videos consciously about the guy, I did not even watch a tiktok of him just some random news etc. Yet it has become such a projection phenomena it feels like I created it. The more I get into the idea of self-control I somehow can realize how I created this phenomena and him, I am not at a spiritual workout level again. My form is not as clean, yet I see the limits and maximization points now a bit more clearly. The mastery book by Ralston was also really good.

• Clarity distinctions
• More evaluative thinking for higher cognitive order strength and weaknesses 
• Be wary of compassion manipulators who yearn to validate their worldview
• Ask my friend yu why I feel he is so psychological dominante even in a weak position, it might be simply self-control and stability and clear distinctions
• I am acting way more slower (feminine yin) and notice that I gan stability (masculine yang)
• I notice how I could erode bias in me sexually, as I do this mostly for clarity

I'll keep some secrets about dating, as I intuit how there is going to be some level of greenification. It should be good the more masculine I am healthy the more I can step into feminity, toxic feminity also seems to more away automatically than, I notice how many girls are attracted to dark masculine traits. The patterns are more evident. I can soonish push also some of these pictures when I have a strength lvl of approx. It's unfortunate I have a lot of strength in my legs I could easily pull a 150kg max rep picture for squats now. I did 130kg with 5-7 reps. 

For efficiency sake I have to focus very hard on the right form and I might plateau for a while to prevent injury, yet I notice muscle memory is pretty overpowerd. I keep contemplating evolution and survival I had a huge backlash into Green as I yearned so badly to get into some greener city and have the "green animal german" experience. Nothing ever happend I had to function at Yellow and pure survival.... I notice this etc. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

30 min meditation themes during the sit. (I could sit for a couple of hours)

1. Python Coding & Other Projects
2. University Papers
3. Mathematics
4. My Aunt
5. Compassionate gaslighting
6. Gut & Brain & Heart Synch, as I stopped coffee
7. Mundane stuff
8. Rules I integrate in this journal
9. Image and denial of defending an image even if you don't care
10. Gratitude journaling! Big love here!
11. Higher & lower self (post-meditation)
12. Yin&Yang theory, especially stability
13. Guilt & family

These were the topics I had ruminating while I went through various techniques, what I feel is that the value of clarity might be the biggest motivation, as I took the cannabis hit on my birthday I notice damn, I never contemplated the perfection of design and beauty that deeply, and somehow it resonated the most with clarity. This also in the real world gives me more of an anker feeling. The drawback is the lack of self-motivation and habitual patterns that emerge out of it. A good birthday "sprint workout" would have been more self-motivating, as an EQ concept. To not make this to long. I give a brief re-connecting

1. No action needed currently I have stuff
2. Action will be done, I picked out 2 papers that I can read confidently and is NLP based (secret passion)
3. Interesting and more practice time management and boxing 
4. Forget her she seems to not realize how she is contributing to bad mental health and just rides on old negativity and old images
5. Notice this more leave the person, it's a fake kind of strength, if vulnerability present okay
6. Awesome!
7.  ----
8. Shamanic breathing journey (inner child wording)
9. Confused here
10. Thy be done!
11. Synching!
12. Slowness into stabillity keeps toxic girls away apparently, and toxic feminity, the other concept fast as masculine principle is interesting.
    I thought it would be to "beta" instead of beign it a masculine principle
13. Confused as how to work through guilt besides not denying the feeling and feeling through the pain of it.

Doing shamanic breathing then posting about it.

Gratitude Journal:

• I am thankful I value efficiency instead of effort now more and I enjoy how detail oriented it can feel and the clarity I create
• I am thankful and grateful the sun is out today and I feel healthy masculine energy 
• I am thankful for the match with the beautiful girl who is a elementary school teacher, according to new book this is 10/10 possibillity
• I am thankful no one get's into stage wars with me, without doing the work and actively thinking about it, it's rare to find someone with a shared mastery interest and not just theorizing
• I am thankful I will do shamanic breathing and report the session as well as that I am building muscles again and the strength, health & vigor I feel. ??
• I am thankful for feelings of love and joy and enthusiasm. 
• I am thankful for every girl that can realize how difficult it can be for a man to get a girl today, and for every girl that values her beauty internally and externally, as well as sporty girls liking me and enjoying my presence and company. 

Edited June 4, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Shamanic breathing session
Time: 20 minutes (last session was 30 minutes)

Shadow material:

• Produced a *ugghhhh** type of sound when breathing and they lessend due to having slowly moved into it self-healing in that sense is powerful, I had full blown kriyas, so I know my stuff
• I stopped the session as to not get into something to deep as I noticed this deep self-control spectrum 
• More energy that I could not really control reminded me of my kriya experience a couple years ago and it's pure joy about existence, also so not really shadow, I learned from the experience a lot. 

Golden shadow:

• Going with more advanced theory unsure if they come to fruition here
• Going to be wary of them 
• I intutit lower self -> higher self purpose transformation, especially subtle energy this is how it feels 
• Had a huge grin on my face after the session, as I loved my old higher self for beign disciplined and self-controlled 
• Ngl I for sure got a kick out of making the hottest girl in class blush fully red, as she noticed the depth of my persence
• Ideally healthy self-control of dark masculine traits? (warrior etc, especially and king archetypal stuff)

Process:

• Breathing near my scar gives a very odd experience, it feels like a smooth jagged ocean wave when the breath deepens
• Unsure if I am breathing correctly, I might record myself and compare it with Leo's take as I use his stuff the, other is to technical right now to learn and implement asap
• 30 minutes was to much today without guidance I would not go as deep currently

Contrast to 3-2-1- process

• Feels less identity based and more energetically based, so the changes are not based on direct contact with the "encriptions..." of society.
• Stronger energetic component smoother integration instead of this constant identity shift with 3-2-1 and how fast I change with this, it feels subtler, yet not as effective, yet I get more to energetic type of shadow material, which is buried gold apparently

Edited June 4, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Read new rule.: I am allowed to post about my gym sessions. A part of me still loves to share it's journey. Especially the progress.

• New appointment for new plan, I am through a couple of them.
• Gained 3kg-4kg muscles mass I weighted myself again
• Stage orange pull makes it tricky to fully engage in more holistic fitness the injury also
• Bettered my form listend to mastery from Ralston for the second time now
  • Seeing finer distinctions the energetic pulls positive and negativ make it tricky to fully focus on the audibook at times
• I bench pressed 80kg today the first time with the olympia bar 
• I feel odd ever since I hit full yellow in the social spectrum, it's has become also very predictable so I at times turn away, and I generally seem to care more for the weak than the strong for some reason

The Ralston principle type of integration injured is the most difficult part, especially balance and form, there is latent anger there. 
 

 

Edited June 4, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

40 min session. Clarity gained in meditation I found out that gaining sensory clarity is my biggest strength during meditation, this is why I generally don't need a lot of feedback besides posture at times. 

Gradtitude practice

• I am grateful for feeling a stronger heart connection
• I am grateful I notice the interconnections and karma I build by drinking coffee
• I am grateful I notice how vehemently I've beend denying more healthier impulses and the purification that pain can produce
• I am grateful that I get matches and likes with saintly sexy girls and devilsh sexy girls
• I am grateful I don't match normi girls as they would not fit into my life purpose
• I am grateful I can post about my dating experience without beign shamed

What did I go through in my head and body during these 40 minutes:

• Dating & the girl making an emoji = gym is not a character trait and clown emojis while smoking and having purple hair
• The power abuse and white society notions I get from this and how I construct these notions, also how experience and survival shaped these notions, I dislike the idea of clown. Thank you Leo for saying fool... it's incredible how sensetive I am.
• The feeling of love that I sent to Leo during my meditation sit, as it's difficult to put that into words and I love to send these intentions through meditation
• The unification feeling I felt in me that I am beign whole and complete
• Visualizations of overcoming obstacles
• Feminine energy contractions of ??? 
• Generally for masteries purpose drawing better distinctions between feminine and masculine energy inside of me
• Fantasy, planning & rumination

What can I take out of this session what did I learn? 

Clarity that I don't enjoy visualizing fearful outcomes and the consequences and not doing it, I enjoy more the reality of overcoming these obstacles while there is fear with courage, strength and enthusiasm. Clarity how fast I will grow due to leaving out coffee and only drinking tea. Intentions to let go of the fullfilment of intentions and to simply send them out, act on what is and not force myself to stuff to negative. Intentions to ask universe to realse me from apathy. Desire to plan and scheme activities that are healthy for my social life. 

Edited June 5, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Post gym post. Was able to run 25minutes on the treadmill 45minutes was the maximum this year I am not training cardio this was just because I was hanging-out with a new friend and for socializing. I believe I saw the girl that flaked on the second date smoking a cigarette. The girl online also deleted me this needs specific skill training. Right now just powerlifting is good. I did not have very good contemplations besides that the world at times tests your abillity to penetrate it by listening briefly to the way of superior men, and I had this fat girl running a competition with me, so I wondred why I even feel this as I give myself the best to meditate. Anyway I notice how training cardio is tricky because of my scar and I better of cycling I presume, as the treadmill I am very bad at focusing on my breath due to injury (scar on hip), so I rely on flow and counting a lot. Also why I prefered HIT instead of cardio. I could train breathing, yet I have a lot of resistance to it. I mostly run and just let everything go and meditate with techniques. 

At the end I seem to have attracted some with the drive for exellence I presume I had this in mind, and also the "toxic" side of it. That is about it. I  wonder what type of plan I can generate to fully go into my passions still, I trained endurance a lot to loose most of it. 

Anyway, I hope I can get a hot computer science girl I somehow find this sexy. I bet I subconsciously yearnd also for this. Some stuff I don't enjoy as much. 
 

• Clarity around how dating works
• Clarity around how to create a better second bout of pictures (with&without new clothes)
• Clarity about why game could be a very good a nische skill to have, to simply get the girl of your dreams and desires
• Clarity around that I at times still deny feminine desire and energy when it comes to girls I deny the attraction to because of character based conditioning 
• Clarity around how non-easy it is to get a girl with looks and character like my bf has for example

Generally good vibes. 
 

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Clarity 35 minute meditation, focus is on clarity.

Themes:

• Perceptions that are global, yet perceived through weird channels
• How clarity and keeping order is good, and how clarity seems to help 
• The crashing and burning of life purposes and deeper intuitions and how to go about it
• Gut feelings and what to do with that, I sometimes neglect it out of fear when I could more than often act on it
• Routine deeper grounded in values and how good it would have been to realize OH! I can change values and build an new life purpose, with building blocks. Vision and goals are not the issue it's the value section.
• The integration and the time it takes I notice how some intuited my new higher values of clarity and exellence and some even point to wisdom
• Sex and work and the way of superior men how to not be balanced and engage in this painful depth

This is what I was thinking and digesting in flow space, I call it with subtle see space awareness. 

I feel as though cleaning the entire appartement and actively creating these values will create the change that I yearn to see, exellence is already on the kicker. Though I find it tricky to engage in my interest and not wase time and self-hatred, I don't know where it stems from besides the perpetuation of it through others and generally lack of self-love. Although my self-love is strong, the world tests me more ever since I stopped coffee, I've been getting more synchronicities even smaller ones, that show me. Yep this is the world testing inner strength in me, how deeply do I enact my vision. 

Especially spiritually and in the relationship domain I feel deprived, IT takes alos a lot of time away, so I have to see where to get love and intimacy from, I would enjoy it if I could date a c.s girl even if there is a power dyscreprancy simply because of lifestyle, and I hope she is not a workaholic at best who just pushes a career and jumps through hoops that is my gut fear, building ivory towers for ever. 

UPDATE RULES:

• A cheesy edit is an edit that is done after 10-15 minutes, so within that time frame I am allowed to edit a post.
• Editing more than once is forbidden. Meaning I click the button after 10 seconds, at one point I make nano-rules, micro is as important as macro... 
• Rule update also, as soon as I get work students thingy send Leo some love via Patreon
  • Editing a cheesy edit more than once if forbidden also, hence once edit per post. (This is an exception and rule updates are an execption)

I had a thought about how to mix these values now, to get a deeper integration especially health and clarity and efficiency, I thought about how it even feels on one level better to drink an energy drink and not drink coffee and how many c.s guys/girls do it simply because of time and culture currently. 

I do enjoy coffee, yet I would purchase higher quality one, I purchase the organic brand and sometimes it's to heavy even. It's great for exellence somehow. I dunno. I yearn to create a life style upgrade, so I can finally cook with an open flame with a wok, and cook stir fries etc. Quicky, healthy and tasty. It's possible. 

What is blocking me from currently having the new wake up routine and values integrate more efficiently and productively? Simply the clarity that I create in my room and to much information at times, I would be better of reading a book, and to much doubt about processes where I already have the information like dating. 

I miss beign fully healthy and I have subtle fears, when I don't find the type of girl that resonates with the old higher self of me, I notice I've outgrown also Green academia for a longtime and many "immigrants", also play the game of Yellow to blue/orange and many love Green. Green without a group = death though. I don't know what to say, I had to function in this spectrum for to long. I am glad I have the two new friends. 

Gratitude Journal

I am grateful for experiencing more clarity
I am grateful that I have a strong sex drive, even when it's distracting at times
I am grateful that I can see new ways to still lust
I am grateful to realize how deeply I learned to love lust and how it helps to build skill
I am grateful to realize that I can go deeper even since I laid the beautiful syrian girl 
I am grateful to realize how tricky dating is in the post-modern and modern arena
I am grateful to realize how healthy red and functional yellow fundamentally works
I am grateful to realize how deeply I enjoyed living in China (the water is not cold here for cold showers), showing me the interest of self-control
I am grateful always to have chinese friends, I never understood the hatred
I am grateful for people who value friendship even if I don't
I am grateful for sexy girls matching and not beign brainwashed by the evolutionary type of reaction and mechanistic manipulation I see in this pua group, that I am in as well as how important it is to see and keep track of it to spot dating trends, it works for a reason
I am grateful to accept that part of me that is like andrew tate, dark dominating masculine energy and the healthy one even penetrating the world. I forgot that even this guy must have healthy traits due to the unclarity, regardless how sick it is, his energy to penetrate the world is real, like donald trump and I am grateful to express this healthily and from no one remind myself of healthier role models like arnold schwarzenegger and the rock for example, especially when working out and I am powerlifting. The rock looks like a god.
----
Last Section:

Due to this envy and lust cycle and different projections I get as soon as different countries and ethnicities is present I'd like to create more clarity, around self-control and mastery, especially and stop it totally to associated myself and wishing to associate my self with the best. To create more exellence from where I am working at and to create exellence by stopping to do things that don't work. Bringing clarity to doubt, as been a strength of mine due to mastery and the 6'ish nature I feel this is also where the 7 type of stuff shines and the 6 finds it doubts and the cycle of this simply. 

Right now efficieny and clarity as well as love could be the main three values. I love it how I can change my life based on values. I miss how I missed the mentioning IIRC of changing values. I miss beign more feminine and I find it tricky on a sexual specturm I notice more my intuition is correct, I yearn for a girl that is switch, simply because of high yellow and the enjoyment of polarity. 

I never enjoyed the skeptical fear nature, this is why I feel Hitler was allowed to reign supreme. Let's see I am making social progress based on career capital by kicking out options and talking to 1w9 and not high aiming 4's. Perfection just comes back.... I just never engaged in that much exellent perfection, and yes they write this in their book. 

Edited June 6, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore