Exellence/Health/Mastery/Enthusiasm/Passion

[ValiantSalvatore]

Using my first post of the week to post randomly also without clarity. I do have to say, when I contemplate which members left as well as which types of people answer my threads, it's sort of insane. How well the people seemingly do who interact less with actualized.org, it's quiet critical when I contemplate what type of gut feelings I get at times, and how evolutionary oriented most are, most of my post 95% are all from journaling, so I thought I use it as a tool. At the moment I notice. How some of the forum stuff is against my natural tendencies and I dislike it when women and men, start subtle hate talks about gender. As well as just riff of their emotions, I did my fair share of testing this here, and I stop completely venting does not work. I find it tricky at times deadling with this. I might quit for good, as I don't see the communal value and it's insane how fast dating deteriorates regardless which gender it is, this bothered me since I was a kid, I might just apply the advice and see how it goes. 

The irony of Leo's maturity video is that most of his immaturities either were already inside of me and came out into the light, or/as well they rubbed of on me, especially the verbal type of stuff. I never had an inclincation to do this, yet since my grandma died, and Leo cut through with arrogance, it became an issue sort of for me, as I thought I can do the same. Ultimately ngl, I don't know if it helped and or not, I certainly notice how septic my nervous system is at times. When I see how greedy and impatient most people are and judge each other and shame each other. I also get as triggered by right-wing Germany as Leo does most likely by right-wing America. 

Currently, I notice how much and even more responsibility and action I am taking in my life, as well as how much sacrifice it takes, and why dating is so tricky, as I legit did a lot of advanced work. Most are very stuck in orange/blue and the LC's of turoquise etc. Don't even really exist have you noticed? 

This is what I find the most tricky to create, as it's so costly and it does not fully need to be like this, obviously a small version of this is possible, I also don't actively recall it from the book. I hope this will work out and I see how I am already implementing better systems. This is superb. The point is if things go as they are going it will still take me 2-3 years to be finished with the 2 degree (masters), I wasted to much time and Leo shared also stuff super late to train it. 

All in all I hope the training and fitness and just a workstudents position is okay, this hypergamy of online-dating and the complexity of beign at this university and my memory, I don't know I wasted a lot of time. By not beign more strict and disciplined. I missed the atomic habits audiobook and healthy blue-yellow stuff etc. All in all it's fine dude there is so much stuff again in the background, the guy recommended me to do a model shooting my application/career advisor wtf. Also so many hot girls are not on dating apps, because they are so social here I should have just fking done what I yearned to do, yet I have so many things to repair, physically, emotionally, etc. 

I don't know I for sure did not notice how good of a university it is. I hope this will work out, currently I just notice how much action is neccessary, and how good it is to have some new more efficient systems etc. Atomic habit is the best book I listend to recently. I dunno hope this will just be better, when the book arrives I wish I would be younger and be given this opportunity, yet with all the info I have etc. It's quiet insane still what I worked myself out of, I just have to care to not deal with people who are incompatible etc. I really wish I would have had an opportunity like this when I was 18, yet the scarcity mindset, the amount of subtle gaslighiting I noticed my family put my through, saying I will not have impact etc. You will not change anything about racism, you should be grateful not born XYZ, which is all gaslighting, dude even Leo said some of this stuff, and I notice how it got into my mental at times. 

What I can say for sure is I am doing better in every department of my life, and these are like very deep and old patterns I am working on, most will not get this out in their lifetime... the irony....

[ValiantSalvatore]

30 min meditation:

• Not really possible to do more, as I have to go to an appointment with a company because of a university project, and there is a traffic jam today
• Feeling slightly better, I still see the hypocracy of the forum, and gain it's very obvious
• I questioned Leo's leadership abillity and immaturity and suffered significantly because of this and his arrogance, I felt this pain deeply and thought about leaving, and how everyone kiss up, instead of giving real criticism and he does not realize his impact at times, seriously not.

Gratitude Journal

• I am grateful for stating that I am angry and what I am angry about
• I am grateful for the current opportunity I have
• I am grateful to feel less hatred
• I am grateful for seeing the sun out today, and that I can deeply study mathematics and a.i technology
• I am grateful to have less doubters and skeptics that are not rational enough to speak to me
• I am grateful for feeling through my level of vulnerabillity
• I am grateful to know I am not Green and that hot and sexy girls are attracted to me 
• I am grateful to take more action and to see the hypocracy of dating

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

2. Random post of the week. (Max)

My success journal arrived. I will use this now and focus again on how well I can on the practical side of success, even thought it's very isolation and I could cry at times, the point that I notice is this, how iffy it is to strike a balance with spirituality and just habits etc. Food etc. As well as how much I can't even enjoy listening to rap music currently, because of how money centric it is, even if the attitude is correct apparently to enjoy it and to have fun, which I always craved. I guilt tripped myself into not to as this = maturity. As well as the layers and layers of unknowns. I still have plenty of time to build real skills, and even if I "wasted" a huge opportunity, I did not have enough strength and I frankly resent the immaturity and childishness of friend and family on how to deal with death of a family member. It's such a dumb expectation to think oh hey nothing changes, while everything is externalized and nobody cares about the internal stuff. Now their entire family gives them their wealth, which I never saw any honor in. I don't know what to think about this. 

I notice facing my fear and continuing building. I seriously might quit actualized.org, simply because it has been racist, homophobic, utterly biased and takes very little responsbility to personal attacks and snipping, as well as most members are very bad at enacting what Leo teaches, that makes him seem to get bitter at the ones who are actually implementing the stuff. If this continues to have a negative influence I quit for good. I don't know how often I say it, yet I am doing better daily, and I know I will hate and resent some people for their actions and attitudes. As they can't fathom and and evaluate from arrogance, not empathy, not understanding, not comprehension nothing like this. There is 0 alturism at times here present, and even if the forum is content wise cleaner, enviroment matters. The more I listen to atomic habits I can clearly see, I might should have never followed Leo Gura, even when I like him. I don't feel I can have that much of an authentic interaction with him without turning to dark, so there is always a social veneer level of interaction. Which is fine, and good for feedback. I just find it odd, if I would have asked for help earlier I might could have gotten it, yet I felt so lost and overseen and taken for granted, and the gaslighting language of Leo and other members is a serious threat to acting like a mature leader. As well as embracing inner child notions, which is the real issue and authenticity etc. The point is near me somehow people steadily talk about things that involve status and presitige in some manner and or not. As this is real. I also have strong cravings to make a lot of money and seen how "disgusting and corrupt" some programms etc are. I might not take to do even something soulless, yet my passion is more in A.I even A.I art and digital art. Beauty, beautiful constructions etc, yet this work (even stereotyp I am a bit tired of seeing toxic eastern attitudes about black ppl it's the worst I have ever seen and witnessed). I do have to see how to work with this stuff, and be more practical and chill, also to eventually get of  actualized.org, I never contemplated how bad the online enviroment could be, and I felt a stronger connection to Leo, as I was doing more of the work, yet it became so exhausting and barely anyone did this. The balance of this also enforces an extrem maturity close to an elite athlehtes level of performance studying, working & meditating for 1h-30min is not so easy, most have nothing going for them here. This is the biggest issue I am faced with to find a community, not only discord etc. For developing deep coding skills. 

So I still use this plattform and if it get's to toxic I seriously quit, I don't know if I ever quit, as there is no other place like this on the web, and contemplating how "toxic" humans are. I am glad etc. As well as how much trial&error and new mindsets I am still implementing. The meditation sessions still feel great to post here. I am going to use the journal and also the two minute habits, there are so many processes I wasted so much time, and it's better to do some stuff, also the level of projections and clowning level of gaslighting. Makes this forum generally for anyone honest and intersted etc. A clown. 

I could get a date started with a cute scientist girl who is into yoga/meditation, and I bet I could do psychdelics with her, also the new marketing I am seeing gives me hope for proper green/Yellow and it's insane someone is building turqouise lc's.... I might seriously quit this and do the work, also in all honor to Leo, even when I see him immature, especially this russian side of him and the non-serious attitude etc. I use the new success journal. This tool is for me! Me!! YES! And not for anyone else. I'd also like to change this sh*tf*ck of a name and fk*ng micer mentality of an a**hole name, that I devoted to a friend, as I honestely believed in his path, and his stup*d*ty destroyed mine and it was a bad influence I see at times how sensetive I am. I hate it when people withhold information, can't be honest and point out flaws directly without causing to much harm, as well as not provide steady feedback etc. 

The point even now still is, with the new earnest, Leo could still ban 30% of the members, to cause less toxicity and snipping and gaslighting via text. It's will swap over quickly. THe point is for me I am not good at recognizing what he does not care about, as I care about such subjects more apparently. I just find it odd, how tricky it is to interact on the website. I find it even difficult to journal about self-improvement as it generally feels like a mental hospital and worse at times, and people seriously write shit in here. As well as some notions are just horrendous. The point is I don't find a good way to speak about my fears and take action, Leo legit gave me a lot of encouragement, the point is the world is so diverse. 

I just have to see and proceed and continue to be practical, the point is I don't enjoy the provider and hypergamy notions of many girls, and how much study and action all of this takes. As well as the negative attitude of Leo I find at times, it's very pessimistic, and I do better under optimism, and I often find conflicting evidence, of what works for me and for him. The point at least not currently this survival shit was so real, I seriously considered learning mystery type of game, this evolutionary paradigm. Is also the biggest shit I've encountered. I also keep wasting time by thinking and writting about this, I wonder if I make progress. If it's all survival why not learn survival game? If it's all hypergamy? Why not etc. etc. 

I know it's about passion and love, yet how fake 90% of the people here are it's insane. That is why I seriously might quit and just do other stuff. I'll do the success journal and head to uni and implement more of the 2 minute habits. The forum generally speaking is to immature, that was something my gut feeling was telling me. I never had the inclination to join this forum etc. It's insane when I contemplate what happens and I might seriously leave this place. Leo keeps making fun of it also. I might just take the russian counter-intutive path and do the impossible paradox, of what ever that might be. 

Anyway. Take the teachings and run. I might just come here for game and this journal. As well as focus on habits. As well as write away strengths and weaknesses of this forum. As well as stop interacting to much with toxic foreigners who have bias and are simply beign discriminatory. 

I am to honest by nature to undergo this, and I can cherish Leos sincerity. Just at times it's a bit to much diversity, I see this at uni also, lower stages are absolutely racist, and they should also be tested at times for these attitudes. This can cause performance drops etc. It's quiet serious, and I don't know if it's good etc. I for sure have some insecurities, again etc. This has not point the success journal has more value. 

I am out now mostly. I don't feel like I am appreicated neither loved and taken care for here. The new journal is also to much effort to sustain to, and it takes me a lot of energy to spread this alturism, compassion etc. A few members etc. Send me hearts etc. I clearly also see why, as I wrote this from clear intentions, I am so out and glad to be out when I see others are doing it without this .org, the over skeptical gaslighting and subtle toxicity etc.

Edited June 14, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

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