Relapsing & Backsliding Thread

[melontonin]

Hi everyone, hope you're doing good.

I've recently been going through a period of relapsing on a lot of bad habits and I wanted to start a thread about it to hear other people's stories/advice with it. Five years ago until about 1 year ago, I was going through extreme depression and self-destruction to the extent that it's a miracle I'm alive now. It was drug abuse, overeating, self-harm, etc.

Over the past year or so though I've gone through profound healing and growth after what felt like me banging my head up against a wall for years trying to implement good habits. I've been going on dates and getting laid, been very consistent with my life purpose practices, massively improved my social skills, great holosync meditation habit, etc. But then over the past couple of months I've been relapsing on a lot of bad habits and, to be honest, I'm terrified that I'm gonna end up where I was before. I've been overeating and masturbating a lot and not pushing my comfort zone as much.

Does anyone have any advice or any thoughts whatsoever on relapse, backsliding, and other frustrating aspects of the journey like this? I was almost in tears on the way back home from a social event where I couldn't bring myself to talk to the people I wanted to speak to so I'm feeling pretty down.

Peace and love.

Edited May 24, 2023 by melontonin

[caspex]

If your habits are coming back that means you are re-identifying with your old identities. Make sure you say NO to these identities, To say No you need internal strength and power of will in your gut. What more you need is an unconditional feeling of safety in your heart. These two things will give you the energy and protection you need to combat relapse. These are very literal sensations in your gut and heart respectively. You can go about the logical route trying to contemplate your problem, but it will eventually lead you back here. Problem is of inner strength, not of understanding.
These two things develop when you integrate and master spiral dynamics stage Blue. Although by mastering Stage Blue, these only 'develop', to reach their peak form, I don't know yet.

[sholomar]

I like to listen to Leo's "addiction" and "subtle addictions" videos when I get back into old habits. This morning I just deleted my save file for Zelda Tears of the Kingdom because it's so time consuming and the line in the sand to tackle these addictions for me is now.... this game  is designed to consume hundreds of hours of one's time and given I was maybe 25% through it, it had to go.

On the other hand, cultivating acceptance with my weakness is equally important. Beating myself up over things just leads to a downward spiral. The trick seems to be to change behaviors first, and not fight the emotional reactions that are part of the old programming, but merely watch them. The cravings really are like a whole body experience, no matter what they are. I see emotions and cravings as one of the same... impulses designed to get the animal organism to take a specified action.

Edited May 26, 2023 by sholomar

[Vajra]

Hi! The way I see it, there is no such thing as relapsing.

You work through a challenge, and then there is a period of joy and freedom. Then a subtler level of that challenge arises. And you work through that. And so it cycles... until you are completely free from it.

As this goes on, you  will come to more and more love yourself, until the thing that was a challenge becomes love. As such, it is not a getting rid of but an Inclusion.

Edited May 27, 2023 by Vajra

[woohoo123]

Has anything changed recently that may have triggered those old bad habits? Maybe you can get some insight?

if you use your addictions as a coping mechanism, feeling bad about life in general can lead to a downward spiral. 

Sometimes as adults we expect to make progress in a linear fashion. Each attempt or practice should be better than the last. But that’s not always the case and that’s ok.

I like the analogy of a baby child learning to walk. The child may get up and make 3 steps before falling. The next attempt l, they make only 1 step and fall over. The next attempt they may try to stand up and immediately fall down. 

Throughout this process the child has just one focus - taking the next step. They don’t spend time doubting themselves, they don’t sit in despair at all their previous failed attempts and start worrying themselves if they will ever be able to walk. They don’t beat themselves up or guilt themselves when they fall down. They just get up and take the next step.