I'm in love with a pornstar, what should I do?

[Schizophonia]

13 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

What does it matter? You are the one who can't get the point of what I wrote and keeps asking me dumb questions.

lol
 

Your ability to conceive of other paradigms is close to nil to the point of pissing you off on your own like a monkey at the OP, who must surely be half trolling and giggling behind his pc, and now me.

[Osaid]

37 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Like what ?

Like this:

29 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Actually porn gives you (obviously) more variety to experience sex. The shit is literally endless . Whereas real sex is the same old same old.

It's one thing to love porn. It's another thing to say you're in love with a specific porn star and then considering leaving your relationship because of it. There's a value system which is making your relationship unsustainable. You will get bored of all the girls you get with because you're reducing their value down to something very limited that gets exhausted very easily. 

[integral]

Wow ok there's maybe some kind of genetic component here, you have very strong gifted orgasms for a male and it so happens also need multiple women and cant settle for one. So I'm guessing your brain gets a very larger dopamine hit and drug addiction that comes with porn and sex causing dependency issues.

Your a full blown drug addict. 

Edited May 22, 2023 by integral

[woohoo123]

Hi - I am in a similar boat to you. I had a porn addiction for almost 20 years (started at 11 now 29).

Thing is for me shit got serious. Porn wasn't enough, I got addicted to seeing escorts for real sex as well. I wanted to live out all my porn fantasies in real life (I also did this whilst having a full time gf)

Firstly I had to realise I had a problem, and I had to have some desire within me to stop. I am not sure if you are at that point yet?

I am still very early in stopping my porn addiction, I have tried willpower/no fap but this always fails. Psychology/ trauma healing also didn't really work for me (people asking why do you want to fuck women? What deep trauma do you have my dear? I mean cmon bro I'm just horny and like naked girls ok)

What has helped me is

1) Trying to connect with God. Contemplation, long walks alone in nature, focusing on developing an internal sense of mindfulness and love

I still have urges, but I no longer feel like a ravenous dog that can't control his impulses and needs to fuck random women immediately for satisfaction. I start to focus on realising that 'I' generate that internal buzz, that sensation of lust and sex in my body. My thoughts do that, not necessarily the women. 

The energy from semen retention is mine, my creation, mine to own and a gift to me, it is something I wanted to cherish and not give away freely to others.

The scary thing  I think people miss is that porn changes your brain, changes your desires until you no longer recognise yourself.

I do not believe it is my natural state to feel like a ravenous dog that wants to fuck hundreds of women a day and cannot control his urges to the point where I was fapping off in work toilets and seeing escorts even in a full time relationship. 

I think people get this confused with 'ok but what if I am polyamorous' or 'this is natural for a guy', I really started to question that... how in the hell can this be normal? Who am I really without porn? Do I even know?

I was playing a game called Cyberpunk... in that game one of the side missions you help out some politicians who are drinking some substance but unbeknownst to them it starts changing their brains from the inside. Their desires, their thought patterns, their personalities changes... and the scary thing is since it happens slowly and over a long time they don't realize it. They lose their 'true' selves and they get lost in a world of lustful thoughts they really think is their own. They are unaware their brain has literally been fucked over and they spend all this time thinking... yea maybe I should have more of that it would feel good. Or they start thinking 'yes this is what I really want I am sure of it' I really feel it yep more sex please. Another analogy is like becoming Smeagol from lord of the rings. He desires the ring so much, it gives him so much pleasure, but it turns him hollow.

I realized I wanted to be free. I wanted to be free from 'artificiality' like porn. Yes it looks amazing and glossy on the outside, its enjoyable to fap to hot porn not even gonna deny that, but it is hollow on the inside. It is like eating bread which sustains you for a moment, but 2 hours later you are hungrier than you were before. You literally become a ravenous dog.

For me I started losing myself in this endless cycle, naively thinking 'maybe if I consume enough it will stop' (well its been like 20+ years and counting of porn for me ). For me it was the realization - what this is not really 'me', but then who am I really? Who am I without this? but only love and connection to spirit can heal that, not willpower. (sorry I am not that spiritual so apologies if I am being too woo-ey but I want to help you. For me this type of spirituality was the only thing that really helped me)

I am still early in my journey, but I have started to be able to appreciate the beauty of women, seriously they are all goddesses. But I don't feel the need strip them down and fuck them senseless and 'get' some kind of satisfaction from them. It's just a deep appreciation for beauty, like watching deer in the distance, or a flower blossoming nearby. But I don't feel the need to take or ravage in order to satiate myself.

I'm not saying you need to be constrained to 'one old pussy' for the rest of your life. But before you make big decisions lay off the porn for at least a good few months. Spend that time alone in nature and surrender. Then check in again, you may find your desires, thoughts, perception of this topic has changed since you stopped consuming porn.

 

 

Edited May 23, 2023 by woohoo123
added more comment

[integral]

K guys observe the negative emotions of judgment and ask your self why your getting triggered.

Edited May 22, 2023 by integral

[Osaid]

Guys, chill ?

 

[integral]

I would not tell her. Not sure why you guys feel that's necessary, Will it improve anything?

A gf is not someone who your supposed to dump your problems on. 

[nhoktinvt]

if you love someone you will tell them the truth 
-how to practice love video

[RendHeaven]

I somewhat relate, I get it. I have a titanic sexual karma that's dormant like a black hole in the corner of my soul.

The difference between you and me, is that you have a girlfriend who you're considering cheating on, I do not.

Also, you're all bark no bite. You want to fuck the hottest girls but then you whine about your porn addiction.

I want to fuck the hottest girls so I keep my head down and improve every single day. I will have her in due time.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oFVOJf0TzY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vivGQWrXdqA

 

Edited May 23, 2023 by Raze

[meta_male]

13 hours ago, Someone here said:

So basically I want to cheat on my girlfriend or fuck another girl.  Dunno. I know it's embarrassing to say this but I hope you guys are open-minded enough and don't judge me .

Maybe be open minded about how far you're taking your open mindedness. It leaves you with poor reasoning like being convinced one girl isn't enough for you because you have a ton of porn on your phone. You need to explain how you came to this conclusion.

Also, why so worried about getting judged?

[Someone here]

18 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Firstly, if you and her agree that it's not cheating, then it's not cheating. Other than that, my stance is quite liberal: unless there is a genuine possibility that you'll break up with her because of watching porn behind her back, then there is no reasonable difference between watching porn behind her back and simply masturbating behind her back. So if she wants to call porn cheating, then masturbation is also cheating (unless you guys somehow agree that they're different).

I mean I didn't tell her that I masturbate ,..but do you think she doesn't know even if I don't tell her?  She is not that naive . She knows that guys need a sexual release every once in a while . And we only have sex twice a month .

Porn is a whole different story.  I told her explicitly that I don't watch "hot stuff online "(that's the term she used lol). 

Like I said if she finds out that I watch porn ..99.99999% she will leave me .

[Someone here]

17 hours ago, Osaid said:

Like this:

It's one thing to love porn. It's another thing to say you're in love with a specific porn star and then considering leaving your relationship because of it. There's a value system which is making your relationship unsustainable. You will get bored of all the girls you get with because you're reducing their value down to something very limited that gets exhausted very easily. 

That can only happen if I "overdose ". Sometimes I watch too much porn and fap too much to the point my dick becomes sore from the intensity lol.but I keep looking for new girls (in porn ,not In real life ).

But what are the alternatives? I'm a guy who gets bored quickly. I can't find a new girlfriend in the immediate future.  So I guess I will just stick to my girl..and not telling her about my porn habit. 

[Someone here]

17 hours ago, integral said:

Wow ok there's maybe some kind of genetic component here, you have very strong gifted orgasms for a male and it so happens also need multiple women and cant settle for one. So I'm guessing your brain gets a very larger dopamine hit and drug addiction that comes with porn and sex causing dependency issues.

Your a full blown drug addict. 

Yes unfortunately I'm very very addicted to sex and to porn. Nothing in life compares to sexual pleasure .I still didn't fully transcend the horny teenager phase .so I guess I will keep indulging in my addiction until something makes me  stop.

[Someone here]

17 hours ago, woohoo123 said:

I am still early in my journey, but I have started to be able to appreciate the beauty of women, seriously they are all goddesses. But I don't feel the need strip them down and fuck them senseless and 'get' some kind of satisfaction from them. It's just a deep appreciation for beauty, like watching deer in the distance, or a flower blossoming nearby. But I don't feel the need to take or ravage in order to satiate myself.

I'm not saying you need to be constrained to 'one old pussy' for the rest of your life. But before you make big decisions lay off the porn for at least a good few months. Spend that time alone in nature and surrender. Then check in again, you may find your desires, thoughts, perception of this topic has changed since you stopped consuming porn.

Sweet .namaste 

[Someone here]

17 hours ago, Lila9 said:

Lol. Do her a favor and tell her who you really are. She deserves to know what type of person she's dating with

What type of person does watching porn make me in your opinion? 

[Someone here]

16 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

I somewhat relate, I get it. I have a titanic sexual karma that's dormant like a black hole in the corner of my soul.

The difference between you and me, is that you have a girlfriend who you're considering cheating on, I do not.

Also, you're all bark no bite. You want to fuck the hottest girls but then you whine about your porn addiction.

I want to fuck the hottest girls so I keep my head down and improve every single day. I will have her in due time.

Sure bro. I was hopeless just few months ago .I couldn't believe that I could have a girlfriend.  Law of attraction and dreamboard helped me immensely. 

[Someone here]

6 hours ago, meta_male said:

Maybe be open minded about how far you're taking your open mindedness. It leaves you with poor reasoning like being convinced one girl isn't enough for you because you have a ton of porn on your phone. You need to explain how you came to this conclusion.

Also, why so worried about getting judged?

Well..I know most of you guys watch porn .every guy watches porn.even married guys .porn is more addictive than real sex . So I'm just asking to not have double standards. If you watch porn ..don't judge me because I watch it as well . We are in the same boat. 

I know one girl Is not enough because as soon as I love a pornstar I quickly change my taste and find another one .

[RendHeaven]

On 5/23/2023 at 9:34 AM, Someone here said:

Sure bro. I was hopeless just few months ago .I couldn't believe that I could have a girlfriend.  Law of attraction and dreamboard helped me immensely. 

That's good. Keep going. I want to see words of affirmation, and ultimately action, rather than complaining and self-pity

[LSD-Rumi]

On 23/05/2023 at 6:32 PM, Someone here said:

What type of person does watching porn make me in your opinion? 

Don't tell her anything. Continue watching porn but in a reasonable manner.