Feel like absolute shit after a heroic dose.

[Adodd]

Life has been a little tough lately. Feeling low and discouraged about life. Figured it was a good time for a strong trip as a reset.

Yesterday I swallowed 200 mg of harmalas and 30 mins later i swallowed 6 grams of shrooms and 60 mg of nn dmt.

I had a good trip but it was almost too spiritual and I got nothing practical from it. I saw how meaningless it all is and during the ego dissolution it was beautiful how meaningless everything was but now… 

I feel like, what’s the point in putting in so much effort. I have been working so hard. The average person could never see the internal conflict I push through every single day. It’s exhausting, it’s been exhausting for years and I don’t see much progress at all. 
Before yesterday I felt like “hey Im suffering and struggling every day BUT it’s ok because in the end it will all be worth it. But, what if it’s not. What if I spend my whole existence struggling towards the goal of not struggling and at the end I just spent the whole life pushing myself and pursuing things just to end up in the same spot by the time I die and I wasted my chance at enjoying life. 
Like I said, it was actually a good trip but coming out of it and back to an ordinary body and ego was tough. I don’t want to be stuck in this ego or body anymore. On the way out of my trip and back into my body I felt the intense need to stay boundless and infinite/physically die. (I wasn’t suicidal at all and didn’t ever come close hurting myself or anything like that) Because I was free of everything, and I no longer feel free. I feel trapped and alone in a meaningless reality. I don’t want a job, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to put in the effort to even stand. What’s the point.

Edited May 21, 2023 by Adodd

[Bob Seeker]

Maybe take a break from psychedelics and allow yourself to simply enjoy life is it is in this moment. 
 

like I mean right now, take your focus if of the idea of being stuck or that there is anywhere you can get through struggling.

Do you see that whether you believe you can get anywhere or not, life still boils down to simple practical decisions and simple beingness.

if you don’t think of what your life will mean when you die, there is no problem. You are projecting meaning onto the meaninglessness. 
 

you are trying to get things. Maybe try something different?

[Razard86]

The biggest secret to life is every ego suffers equally it only appears like they don't. Egos love to only show their good times and hide their bad times

[puporing]

@Adodd it may not seem like it but it's actually a wise insight. 

I would say that's exactly the kind of "life experiences" you need to ultimately decide (while you're in a body) whether or not you want to "return as a human"/planet earth.

Having said that I would suggest to figure out how to give your best shot at this current life and "feel complete" here if you can.. sounds like some drastic changes might be in order. And remember if you don't make sure you feel fairly complete here you might feel compelled to reincarnate.. just an fyi from someone who's thought of this stuff out. 

If that's truly been your mental state the past while then I would say some kind of "ascetic"/minimalist lifestyle might be suited for you but you know best. It's not so bad to ask for some help too, people are too ashamed to these days.

Also you can be "infinite" and God Consciousness while in the body (idk if you already have that in your baseline or not), it's just keeping it with survival stuff that can be challenging.

Edited June 4, 2023 by puporing

[puporing]

5 minutes ago, Jehovah increases said:

Agreed thank you beautiful

[Caoimhin]

First, I empathize with your struggles. Life is tough. It feels impossible sometimes. It's overwhelming and can totally go the opposite direction you want it to. It can feel out of your control and to a large extent it is. I don't want to make assumptions or project, but you've clearly been feeling down and out and I want to acknowledge that before I give you my two cents.

I've hit low points too and have turned to spiritual techniques and psychedelics as a desperate attempt to figure it all out. I haven't done a trip like the one you did though. I stick with LSD and I've never gone higher than 150ug. I'm fairly sensitive and I only use it for trauma work or with set intensions. I suggest if you want to get something practical out of your experiences with psychedelics, lower your dose and have a good foundation of spiritual practice before. Don't blast youself to space if you can't handle life on earth. These psychedelics show you your highest potential. This can be depressing if you are nowhere near there. Use them to show you what the next highest state looks and feels like and then try to maintain that. My base reality has moved up to a microdose of LSD because I realized that it's possible to live there sober. If I were to experience what you experienced, I'd feel so far from that, that I might get depressed and discouraged. That is not productive. I'd say take time away from psychedelics for a year or two. When you return, take low doses and don't mix substances too much. These types of intense spiritual experiences are meant to help you realize that this state is always available and always present. When I take LSD, what I realize is that the only reason I'm not tripping when sober is because I haven't given myself permission to do so. This is the classic idea that you are always enlightened, but you just haven't realized it yet. You experienced a potencial way of existing and it was pretty great compared to the lower vibrational plane of material reality. You caught a glimpse of the truth but your ego hijacked it on the come down. I'd say let this experience process and try your best to integrate it, there are deep lessons there, they may not be "practical" but they may be lessons in being. Yes, life is meaningless... that's not inherently depressing. The depression is a projection of the ego. The ego wants to feel important and special. When it realizes that it isn't, and that it might not even exist, it gets depressed and holds on to that because that is all it has left. Practice reframing this experience of nothingness. Depression is a choice, choose to view this meaninglessness as infinite potential for meaning(it's the same thing). Because life is meaningless, you can create that meaning. 

Ask yourself: Why is meaninglessness depressing?

Best luck and keep the faith