Life is still hard to manage

[Schizophonia]

When I'm in the illusion and my fixations, my head in my diary, life is ok.
But as soon as I become excessively "free", in contemplation, isolation, call it what you want, it all becomes excessively indigestible.
And it's actually indigestible most of the time and we spend most of our time with our heads in the sand waiting for the next illusion, fixation, which will make us forget all that shit of being a consciousness trapped in the 3rd dimension etc. .

All this has an excessive weight, why God does not commit suicide/is obliged to exist so as not to leave room for an eternal rest, devoid of love but in any case without the possibility of contemplating it?