Need help with Screening for Trustworthy Friends

[EdgeGod900]

I had "close" friendships in the past that I had to cut due to me finding out that they would gossip about me and make me look bad infront of others. My goal now is to meet new people, but now with extra caution -- I need help in finding better ways of observing people (their body language or vibes in general) so that I don't fall for fake relationships ever again. This might be imposing a strict parameter, but I really prefer certain techniques that I can use safely "from a distance."

Here's a list of what I think are ways of screening trustworthy friends (please confirm OR debunk OR add more to it):

• If you hear him/her gossiping about other people right away.
• If they act/feel like a different person around different types of groups.
• Always looking around(being really nosy of what strangers are doing)

 

Side Note: If you have some "psychic" techniques that you've implemented before, share them down below.

 

Edited May 15, 2023 by EdgeGod900

[lizz_luna]

I would say in general read their energy above what they say. There's a lot of people who will talk about being positive and uplifting but their energy is draining and you can sense it doesn't match with what they say. Definitively takes time to get to know people and trust them.

Focus on your own fulfillment and development, and you will naturally feel drawn towards that when you meet other people.

Set strong boundaries when you hear people talking about others, etc.

[meta_male]

Listen to your gut when being around people. The way you feel after spending time with them should tell you enough about wether you should keep them around or not.

16 hours ago, EdgeGod900 said:

so that I don't fall for fake relationships ever again. This might be imposing a strict parameter, but I really prefer certain techniques that I can use safely "from a distance."

Tell yourself it's fine even if you were to fall for another trap here. Ultimately it comes down to learning not to give your power away to others. Which will go a long way when trying to look for quality friends.

Edited May 15, 2023 by meta_male

[integral]

Its not about finding people you can trust, you simply stop trusting people and form realistic expectations of others. The need to trust is a paradigm/game that doesn't not need to be played, there is no need to trust or not trust someone, that is a unhealthy attachment you created. Instead you identify there qualities and understand them, that leads to then predicting there behavior. 

Saying that filtering out childish people is pretty easy you just talk to them for 5 minutes and understand how they think. How to do this is by being skeptical of the person they are presenting for that's always a mask. If you remain skeptical and don't naïvely trust everything they say you wont get screwed over again. This skepticism lasts indefinitely, it does not go away once you understand them, because your understanding is always partial and incomplete, many unforeseen factors are always at play, you don't know what people will do under stress. But if you get a good sense for there values you can predict behavior and so predict (not trust) they will do the right thing. 

That good feeling you get about someone is a lie. Its what blinds you from being skeptical and realistic.

I see it alot with people who had parents with low integrity that makes them struggle to identify people with high integrity. They get tricked easily. I think it has to do with them not receiving enough foundational love from there parents that then makes them eager to receive love from anyone they meet making them quick at trusting them, they also tend to create fantasy story about them in there mind of how great that person is and get all exited about this new person when there is absolutely no evidence to support that fantasy or they where tricked by first impressions. 

Edited May 17, 2023 by integral

[integral]

On 5/14/2023 at 11:16 PM, EdgeGod900 said:

• If you hear him/her gossiping about other people right away.
• If they act/feel like a different person around different types of groups.
• Always looking around(being really nosy of what strangers are doing)

Its likely you know the truth just by interacting with them but have a habit of looking the other way, dismissing red flags and looking at people with rose colored glasses.

Its also takes an enormous amount of energy to truly understand people in this sea of diversity. So there will always be people who will bypass a filter. The best filter = indefinite skepticism. Its not about "I figured them out, I trust them now" no! That's literally insane.

Forget the need to trust, that's naïve-codependence, learn to be independent and predict peoples behavior based on observations. 

Edited May 17, 2023 by integral

[pablo_aka_god]

In the social realm I think rules are too limited. Better than limited rules I recommend writing a list of values you expect from people in your life. You can write a long list with the ideal values and then select the top 3 or 5 that are an absolute must. For example for me the top 2 values I look in a friend are authenticity and honesty, if a person doesn't have them they are automatically out of my life. If they have those then I pay attention to how I feel around them, if they are honest and I feel good around them then thats enough for me.

I perceive some fear of trusting people from your post, if you trust yourself then you don't fear trusting the wrong people Because you don't depend on them and also you trust your judgment on people and you trust in your ability to set boundaries.

 

 

Edited May 17, 2023 by pablo_aka_god