This is the best day of my fucking life

[trenton]

I did something to myself.

My mom gave me some gummies.

they were weed gummies. They made me happy.

She gave me these gummies hoping it would help me sleep but my God I feel amazing.

She said she was a light weight and she ate half a gummie to help her sleep. I don't know if she gave me the wrong ones.

She gave me two gummies, but I think they were halves.

I ate them both.

I didn't feel any effects, until later.

My body feels very relaxed. I had a ton of tension in my back and legs and face and neck. I tried body awareness exercises but I didn't do well. This works like God.

My body was moving in weird ways as I pulled my muscles in ways I don't normally do it actually released the pressure and pain and !y God I love it.

I love it I'm never could have done this without ut. I love it

I started living and laughing a lot I loved it

My brain is moving ways it down at normally !over

Kik know how this will affect me tomorrow morning. I love it I wonder what the long term impacts are I hope it's good I love it

I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it okay I know I might be high but this is my first time in my life I love it

I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it up for it I'm for it it pic r I'll do t I'll over

Florida p.o.

I should probably post this came come back tomorrow I am Bering wierd. I love it I love you so

I love all. Thank you. Bye

[trenton]

In being wird 

I am scrolling through pages aimless or and not caring about how it upe.

I am not typing accurately and I keep going.

I love it but anyway my body never felt this way before what the duck

I love it

I should turn off the tablet. Maybe I should keep recording what's going on I love it

I am starting at the screen don't nothing.

I don't let itm. I love it

 

I'm still doing it

My body feels hermeneutics I feel pain in my leg that was always there

I'm moving again.

I love it.

 Totally worth it

 

[trenton]

I am in a clearer state of mind this morning. I love you all. My body feels different. I love you all 

how deeply did this change me? Was this a life changer? It might have been. I was not expecting this because those gummies were supposed to be for sleeping. They relaxed my entire body. Although I didn't sleep for a while, the gummies accomplished something else.

I was not expecting this at all. I just feel happier as a baseline. This may have helped some of the psychological issues I have been struggling with. It is a long list of things, so I won't go through it here.

So anyway, last night my body started moving in ways it doesn't normally move as tension in my body was released. I'm still doing this a little. I started stretching and tensing parts of my body for a moment. I also started masturbating in ways I wouldn't normally. It felt good. My body was very relaxed.

I also started meditating as I noticed my mind acting in a new way in response to various thoughts and feelings. My brain moved in ways it wasn't normally and I think it healed me. I love you all.

I paid attention to the entity in my trying to control myself as it tried to impose who I should be or how I should act. My brain surrendered this as happiness took over me. I hope you all have a happy life.

Good luck. I love myself in ways that were never possible before. All of this was very unexpected but totally worth it. Have fun with your lives.

[Yimpa]

3 hours ago, 001 said:

make sure to thank your mother and appreciate her love for you 

This, for me, is going to be more difficult than any psychedelic trip I’ve ever had hands down.

We start family therapy soon 

[Yimpa]

@trenton That entire experience is just delusion. It’s just a trip. Get over yourself.

JK, cheers dude! 

[trenton]

There was nothing I ever could have done about my depression.

No amount of books could have saved me. I was suffering constantly. I turned to spirituality in the hopes of relieving my suffering somehow, but nothing could have done this.

People could easily get stuck in any spiritual group or religion for their entire life with false hope that their suffering will end. There is nothing they can do yet they blame themselves anyway. It is incredibly cruel and there was nothing I could have done it not for some kind of trip.

I was suffering for my entire life and blaming myself. I was fighting with myself for my entire life and I could not stop the suffering. I tried therapy and I am just about to go back. None of that therapy could have done this. It didn't do it before.

People cannot be expected to cope with depression like this. How can I ever be expected to find my life purpose and be fulfilled if I am always fundamentally miserable? I tried the life purpose course, but I couldn't do it. I really was too weak and unable cope with depression.

I don't want people with depression to fall for the fiction that it is their fault. I was ready to commit suicide on so many occasions because I refused to live my life like that. I have been fighting with my life situation and dead end job looking for ways out, refusing to surrender my life to this depressing reality. I could have easily failed and ended up stuck in depression forever anyway.

The teachings you get in spirituality and emotional mastery are ridiculously limited. They help a little, but it simply isn't enough and never will be no matter how hard I tried to love myself.

It will never work at all. Psychedelics are necessary to cure depression more effectively. No amount of moralizing about suicide or intellectualizing about your life and spirituality will ever save you. You can't do it without Psychedelics. I want people to feel love but they can't because they think it is their fault and they can't access Psychedelics. 

I know my past self struggled to forgive himself. He felt that he wasted his life and he was responsible for his depression. He wanted to do something significant for the world and uplift mankind, but felt it impossible due to being trapped in life. He was suffering from episodes of suicidal levels of depression with no clear cause and he tried everything he could to love himself. He couldn't do it. He suffered like this ever since he was a child and he never felt happy with his life. There was nothing he could have done, but somehow he kept pushing. He wanted to find some way to live a meaningful life. He refused to surrender and wanted to try whatever he could.

Yet it was only by accident that he experienced a life changing trip. He loves himself only because he is able to now. He didn't have the strength to love himself before no matter how hard he tried. I don't blame people for not having the strength to love when there is nothing they can do about it.

I love you all and I want you to experience the best life possible. You will never deserve to suffer in the way you do. Psychedelics are required for anything like this to be possible.

[Yimpa]

You = Psychedelics

[OBEler]

@trenton was this your first time trying psychedelics?

I ask me if these gums really were weed. Never heard before of weed gums

Sounds amazing for sure

 

[Yimpa]

@OBEler I would not mess with weed edibles if you’re sensitive. I took an edible 3 years ago and it caught me completely off guard, sending me straight to the Godhead.
 

A couple hours later I had 3 family members holding my hands and feet because I literally saw a black abyss of absolute unity and thought I was gonna die any second.

My sister still has a Snapchat clip of me after the peak when I was much calmer, were a said in a quiet tone “It’s everything. I am God!”

[trenton]

@OBEler this was my first time trying psychedelics. We got Weed edibles while on vacation near the church of cannabis. My family was completely closed to psychedelics, but they did not hesitate to take these edibles across state lines in violation of federal laws. They are hypocrites, but it ultimately paid off for me. Most of the edibles are gone, but I managed to eat one of the last ones just in time.

They had variants for sleep, creativity, and other cannabis based gummies. My family was completely against me trying the one for consciousness and awareness. They were afraid of me becoming more creative arguing that i am already too creative.

They insisted on the one for sleep, but it was redundant due to my medication. The edibles for sleep didn't even put me to sleep anyway, but it was worth it. I had one gummy and it was enough to change my life.

 

[Yimpa]

Wow, I’m experiencing almost the same thing that I posted in my previous comment just now. 

I don’t see an infinite abyss, though. I see infinite love through everything as God. My fear is becoming less. Every sensation that I’ve been avoiding my whole life is Love. 

Thank you Reality 

[Recursoinominado]

On 11/05/2023 at 5:02 PM, Yimpa said:

A couple hours later I had 3 family members holding my hands and feet because I literally saw a black abyss of absolute unity and thought I was gonna die any second.

Nice family memory lol

[trenton]

Update:

Um yeah, we are going back.

My mind is going back to OCD tendencies with thinking I might do something horrible. I am calling myself an evil or horrible person. I noticed a suicidal thought emerging again.

My body gradually became more tense until the point that I was numb to my body. Trying to exercise body awareness did not work because of how numb I was.

In any case I know that these thought patterns will not be resolved through willpower which is how I have been trying to manage them. I refuse to live my life trying to manage this. I deserve better and I see psychedelics as a realistic solution.

I understand that all other methods simply are nowhere near as effective. It feels so weird how I know that it isn't my fault yet I feel myself being sucked into lower consciousness anyway as if I cannot help but feel the urge to be selfish. This urge used to terrify me, but I am facing it more openly than I used to.

I used to judge this feeling immediately as if it were a problem. It includes the pleasure in the suffering of others or in the suffering of myself. I understand that criticizing myself and other people will never be effective in bringing about change. I judged myself all the time and it never worked. I do not control consciousness because consciousness happens to me. Nevertheless, consciousness determines my entire attitude toward life.

It is impossible to understand the value of consciousness without trying psychedelics. Spirituality will not make sense through mere intellectual activity of there is no reference point.

[trenton]

For some reason I am starting to have doubts that my experience was even real. I am having doubts as to whether or not it was really that life transforming.

It feels weird because I have a recent memory of all of it and I recorded it above. It is obvious that I experienced something different. My mind is wrong to reject this experience yet I continue to be sucked into low consciousness.

I know it isn't my fault that I feel depressed and suicidal sometimes, but my mind gets sucked into this belief without me trying. My baseline for consciousness might be a little higher than it used to be and if it is then that is progress.

My mind feels strangely mixed as if part of me is denying the obvious yet it is powerful and hard to reconcile.

I am currently trying to embrace this part of me that wants to deny everything that happened. My body felt totally different. Out is obvious that I cannot change through willpower alone. Reasoning does not settle the beast.

I will not deny the feelings of resentment this inner child experiences. This inner child is prone to misplacing its frustration onto itself because of the illusion of control. These judgements are meant to create a sense of being in control of life despite the clear evidence to the contrary. I embrace your feelings, but part of me resists the psychological traps that are set up when sucked into this perspective.

[trenton]

I am getting a better understanding of what causes a person to be unreasonable. They cannot help it because the ego identity is that strong

An analogy might be a flat earther who for one day was convinced the earth was round, but the next day gets emotionally attached to all of the previous falsehoods again anyway. I know the falsehoods my mind is getting sucked into yet they are powerful.

I know I can't change through willpower alone. I know that my experience in this thread was real. I know that my life is not the same anymore because of my first trip. I know that no human being deserved to be blamed for the person they are including myself.

I know what ego backlash feels like. This is it. I embrace the misplaced frustration of this inner child that does not know how to peacefully move through life and enjoy his existence. This child does not act out of malice, but out of a lack of love. The child is trying to make changes but doesn't know how and feels frustrated in a way that ends up hurting itself.

It starts to feel like I am hurting myself on purpose. It starts to feel like I enjoy hurting myself. I do not fear these feelings.

[trenton]

I am constantly trying to push myself. I am trying to be a better person. What ends up happening is that I push myself to the ground and I end up pushing myself through the dirt.

I place high standards on myself and become hyper vigilant. This whole thing is me trying to be good. It comes from love.

It makes me want to cry.

[Breakingthewall]

@trenton  

Welcome to the fascinating world of psychedelics, which will open your being like a watermelon, bring the inside out and grease the rusty gears until everything works like superconductors spinning frictionlessly in the cosmos. they will break the bubble created by constant mental flow and equalize the self with the non-self. you will see when you try the mushrooms, the lsd, the 5meo dmt, the 5meo malt. They will open an infinite hole in the middle of your being and you will flow smoothly through life

[trenton]

@Breakingthewall this is insane how people think their being is their fault. If psychedelics help people to flow through life then this is proof that our level of consciousness is not our fault. I don't want people to live their lives believing that their misery is their fault. If people had access to psychedelics it would help so many people flow through life effortlessly without all the self conflict.

As soon as you try psychedelics, there is an immediate disconnect from the rest of society. It happens because people are afraid of psychedelics and they live on believing that they are the cause of their feelings and thoughts as they are lost in the illusion of control. Psychedelics reveal that it makes no sense to judge people for their particular brain structure and the extent to which it shapes their behavior. These people deserve nothing but love, but they believe they do not. This is the tragedy of so many people who struggle with depression and other mental health issues.

[Razard86]

On 5/11/2023 at 4:02 PM, Yimpa said:

@OBEler I would not mess with weed edibles if you’re sensitive. I took an edible 3 years ago and it caught me completely off guard, sending me straight to the Godhead.
 

A couple hours later I had 3 family members holding my hands and feet because I literally saw a black abyss of absolute unity and thought I was gonna die any second.

My sister still has a Snapchat clip of me after the peak when I was much calmer, were a said in a quiet tone “It’s everything. I am God!”

Weed edibles are amazing!! That black abyss is just the intermission between dreams. When your life as a human ends that's where you end up. So please destroy this I thought I was gonna die tid bit. 

1. You are already dead. Life and death are the same thing.

2. Notice you went there and are quote on quote back. The truth is you never left.

3. That abyss is translucent, you can liken it to a movie screen. All you are doing right now is projecting reality onto that translucent abyss. You are THE LIGHT, to be enlightened is to realize you are lighting up that abyss with what you call reality.

4. Why don't you take another weed edible and revisit that experience?

[Yimpa]

48 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

4. Why don't you take another weed edible and revisit that experience?

Haha, funny you should mention that! My cannabis doctor (yes, I have a specific doctor who prescribes and guides me on how to use it) actually recommended I try using a higher THC formula once a week. 

This doctor is onto something