The problem of porn addiction and of pissing away my time.

[Paul Boldyrev]

Hey there!
 

So, I've been struggling with porn for almost a decade now and can't seem to get rid of it. I don't enjoy watching it, but the addiction inside of me keeps tricking me into going back, even if that is for one session or a couple, every once in a while.

 

I also try practicing sexual kung fu (basically semen retention), but it's often when the build-up of sexual tension within me gets too tense that I release it. I can't deal with the overwhelm of it.

 

At the same time, I want to improve my dating skills... and use my energy for that and to improve my life. But most of this year so far I feel like I've been pissing away my time, or that I haven't fulfilled much of the potential of what I could have achieved. 

 

If any of you have advice on strategically changing one's life and habits - without getting too much ego backlash - I'd be grateful.

 

Have a blessed day!

 

 

 

[Paul Boldyrev]

And another thing: I lack any motivation to improve my life right now. I'm not depressed, but I just don't see the point in being "above average" currently....

[meta_male]

Go about discovering your life's mission and make it as fun as possible. Until then don't beat yourself up for slip ups, they will only keep you distracted. Allow yourself to be human.

 

[integral]

There is nothing better to replace it with. When your 100% focused and passionate about what your doing your less likely to be distracted. 

[Paul Boldyrev]

@Lila9 Honestly, I don't feel like I'm suffering much. There just is no urge to change much. 

 

@meta_male Thanks man! That's a meta-insight =) 

How did you go about making your discovery as fun as possible?

[meta_male]

1 hour ago, Paul Boldyrev said:

There just is no urge to change much.

Are you open to the possibility that there's an urge you're not yet conscious of? Something made you post here after all  You want to improve your dating skills (and get some).

1 hour ago, Paul Boldyrev said:

How did you go about making your discovery as fun as possible?

I cut myself a lot of slack.

[StarStruck]

No fap doesn’t work for me but sexual transmutation does. You could try to do Wim Hof method breathing as an extra way to relax and get rid of stress. 

In my view getting rid of addiction is twofold. Be a master of your mind and your body. You need to find a formula that works for you. 

[Hero in progress]

@Paul Boldyrev

You can control the porn, stop touching your dick and get busy doing productive shit,  its that simple mate why would you want to think any other way? 

Addiction really? or are you just letting yourself off too much for these little "slip ups" you keep doing. Be a man and grow up. We all run out off time eventually. Use your sexuality more intelligently, use it as a power force to help elevate you to a higher plane of living. 

I think deep down you have a fear of not being more, fulfilling more of your potential, expanding your life. That's a natural feeling that a lot of people have but never take action on. 

And that is the way you should feel, your life is too important to you to be giving your self any more excuses. Do the basics well and start heading the momentum in the right direction

 MAKE MONEY

GET UP EARLIER  

PHYSICAL ACTIVITY/ TRAINING  

SPARTAN LIKE DISCIPLINE

STUDY/ LEARNING/ DEVELOPING SKILLS

You could be doing those things instead and pushing into a new direction of a life unimaginable right now thats way better down the line, its not what you do once but what is done consistently. 

Wish you all the best my friend 

 

 

 

[Spiritual Warrior]

I am in the exact same hole my friend. I've recently realized the scope of issues that porn has caused me. I do not get aroused by anything other than pixels on a screen. This has caused for my sexual experiences with women to be next to nothing throughout my life. I am angry towards the porn industry for getting kids hooked on its contents. 

I know that this really isn't advice, but just know that you are not alone. Porn addiction is a real thing, but we will both get out of its clutches one day. Just keep working at it. 

I'm on nofap right now, and I find it helpful to keep myself honest and accountable for my actions. Every time I relapse and watch porn, I have to reset my counter, and admit that I caved on the forum. The people on there are also very supportive and nice. 

Best of luck to you

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oFVOJf0TzY

Whenever you feel an urge take a cold shower, you can start it hot and then slowly make it cold, cooling down the body should make it go away

https://easypeasymethod.org/

Try learning meditation. For a free online meditation training try unified mindfulness or the brightmind app.

Meditation has been shown to strengthen the part of the brain associated with willpower and quiet the part associated with impulsive urges over time. It also regrows the concentration and grey matter porn kills.
It can also be used to directly handle urges.

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/art_urges.pdf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBOSqgPg8jc

[caesar13]

22 hours ago, Hero in progress said:

@Paul Boldyrev

You can control the porn, stop touching your dick and get busy doing productive shit,  its that simple mate why would you want to think any other way? 

Addiction really? or are you just letting yourself off too much for these little "slip ups" you keep doing. Be a man and grow up. We all run out off time eventually. Use your sexuality more intelligently, use it as a power force to help elevate you to a higher plane of living. 

I think deep down you have a fear of not being more, fulfilling more of your potential, expanding your life. That's a natural feeling that a lot of people have but never take action on. 

And that is the way you should feel, your life is too important to you to be giving your self any more excuses. Do the basics well and start heading the momentum in the right direction

 MAKE MONEY

GET UP EARLIER  

PHYSICAL ACTIVITY/ TRAINING  

SPARTAN LIKE DISCIPLINE

STUDY/ LEARNING/ DEVELOPING SKILLS

You could be doing those things instead and pushing into a new direction of a life unimaginable right now thats way better down the line, its not what you do once but what is done consistently. 

Wish you all the best my friend 

 

 

 

Very motivational!

I love this line "SPARTAN LIKE DISCIPLINE"

[caesar13]

On 5/8/2023 at 5:16 PM, Paul Boldyrev said:

Hey there!
 

So, I've been struggling with porn for almost a decade now and can't seem to get rid of it. I don't enjoy watching it, but the addiction inside of me keeps tricking me into going back, even if that is for one session or a couple, every once in a while.

 

I also try practicing sexual kung fu (basically semen retention), but it's often when the build-up of sexual tension within me gets too tense that I release it. I can't deal with the overwhelm of it.

 

At the same time, I want to improve my dating skills... and use my energy for that and to improve my life. But most of this year so far I feel like I've been pissing away my time, or that I haven't fulfilled much of the potential of what I could have achieved. 

 

If any of you have advice on strategically changing one's life and habits - without getting too much ego backlash - I'd be grateful.

 

Have a blessed day!

 

 

 

And most importantly you've to remember that you're not losing any thing by giving up porn. You're not sacrificing anything.

[Eyowey]

Stop looking at females entirely. Including clothed depictions and real women. Only look at them when they talk to you or when you're making love to them. It's the softcore stuff that makes you want to look at the hardcore stuff.

[WalterM]

What helps to get rid of porn is getting real sex from time to time, let's say every 2 or 3 weeks. I find it difficult not masturbating nor having sex for many weeks or months. At a certain point, I just feel I really want to have sex. Also, I don't think it's very natural to abstain for long, we are sexual creatures at least to some extent.

[Yimpa]

I used to struggle with porn addiction. 

This is going to sound cliche as f***, but the way towards healing is love. 

Love literally transforms your entire life if you allow it to. Not just love towards others, but towards yourself. Which is, by the way, identical.

How do you know you discovered love? It’s the most profound, deepest connection… more profound than all the porn you’ve ever seen in your lifetime combined. 

[Say10]

Start doing fasting, your life is gonna improve in so many ways and you gonna be thinking about food more than porn ?.

 

[Rafael Thundercat]

Just forget about Leah Gotti and Focus on your Inner Work and Contemplation. Interact maximum with real women instead than with pixels.

[caspex]

Try abstaining from all forms of orgasm for a good while maybe 30 days and see what insights that gives you into the nature of porn and addiction. During the process remember that when you feel the peak sexual tension urging you to relapse, that state is temporary, it won't be like that for the rest of your life until your masturbate. It will go down if you don't feed it. Do not think of sexual thoughts nor watch anything sexual. Even the smallest of stuff, all builds up. Try not to talk to females who you find attractive in the mean time, and do not seek out anything sexual. This is important, be religious about it for the 30 days. You either need a strong sense of self or a strong incentive to go through the whole 30 days.

Saying no to sexual stimulus is very easy if you think about it. Have you ever had a thought while holding a knife, what if I just stab someone with it? What will happen? Or maybe had thoughts of just jumping off when you are near a cliff. Or what will happen if I just smash my car into that building while driving? These are intrusive thoughts. Do you act on them? No. You say "No, I won't do that in any circumstance." and you move on. Do you think about that for the rest of the day? No. Treat sexual urges the same way. You get them a lot early on but it drops down by a lot as you abstain longer and longer. I understand that sexual urge is an impulse and not an intrusive thought, but rarely it ever arises in the form of raw impulse at a level you can't control. Usually it's the intrusive thoughts that come with it, which cause you to say fuck it(both metaphorically and figuratively).

Edited May 11, 2023 by Swarnim

[Basman]

 To get out of a rut you have to do something that is different. 

If you are feeling depressed, I'd recommend some physical activity. It could be starting to go for runs, swim or join a martial arts club. A physical activity that involves others like a martial art has the added benefit of stimulating you socially. I joined a Wing Tsun club during a depressive/suicidal phase in my life and it was the best decision I could've made at the time. I got more out of that than any self-help gimmicks.

If you don't know what to do with yourself, I'd recommend you talk with a safe person about your goals and aspiration and your current situation. Talking to someone is in my experience a requirement to really get over a slump in one's life.

It doesn't take more than a couple of things to make an impact on your life but it does require taking action.

Avoid setting a high bar for yourself, or you risk demotivating yourself. Instead, you want to have a low-to-moderate high bar in terms of results. A Low standard for building momentum and a moderate standard for building on that momentum. A high standard with no momentum increases the risk for failure and remember, action taken with a low standard is more action than no action. A standard less than perfection allows you stay concistent, which is way more important than trying to be sexy. This is all to say to not be too hard on yourself.

Lastly, on the topic of porn-consumption, I find it to be overstated in most cases personally. I also think it is a gimmick. People who care about their masterbation habits tend to be "losers" in the conventional sense. They tend to be poor financially and have little to no dating life. Most people I'd wager, given the success they want would rather spend time doing their hobbies or being with their families than watch excessive amounts of porn. People who still compulsively watch porn to the point where it damages their relationships even when they are succesfull you could say have a genuine problem. Most "no-fapers" are just bored in my opinion. No-fap is also a gimmick and therefore a waste of your time to focus on.

Avoid gimmicks. Focus on actionable steps.

[hyruga]

There is nothing wrong with watching porn. It's a basic human desire. But don't worry. You will not be addicted forever.