I'm beginning to feel so lost and discouraged

[Adodd]

I don't even know where to start. first of all, I'm 29 years old and only began not wasting my life a couple years ago. I still feel like im wasting it sometimes actually. Man I WISH I DIDNT WASTE MY 20s!!!! Here I am almost 30 with no career or financial stability. Had i taken life more seriously a decade ago i wouldnt be so far behind. I aim to achieve MORE than the average person yet I am so far behind that i feel like i will run out of time before i reach my goals or i wont reach them until im almost dead of old age. Money really is so important and thats something Ive never said but am just starting to realize. Everything takes money, starting a business or wanting to master a skill or even having time to do anything requires you to at least have enough money to be focused on things beyond basic needs. I have all of these dreams and not a penny to put towards it and if I just work my ass off and save money for a decade i will be 40 years old before i have enough to really start chasing dreams. FUCKING 40! Thats half my life gone just by the time I START! And thats just the lack of money part, i havent even mentioned my lack of discipline, motivation, mental health, energy, knowledge etc. I am beginning to really fear that I will spend my chance at life pissing it all away until its gone. I wish I had the know how. i dont think i ever even met a succesful person until the last couple years of my life. I grew up poor with a family who also wasted/wastes there life and im just now starting to really understand the effects of childhood conditioning. There is a damn good reason that financial success runs in the family or doesn't. Its so hard to break out of the cycle.

as  much as i wish "just do it" was enough, its not.

[Adodd]

One thing I will stop doing this: weed

One thing i will start this week: excercising

next week ill pick two other things

[Adodd]

Man, i just want to give my kids the life I should've had and I don't want them to have the same kind of life that i had to grow up with(drugs, violence, mental health problems, growing up in government housing, etc.). I hope i can figure it out so i can teach them also and i can break that generational cycle and give them the knowledge that nobody was able to give me. Im so addicted to chasing dopamine that i dont know what else to do and when i do tell myself what i need to do i dont do it anyway...

Edited May 7, 2023 by Adodd

[Dioxide2533]

just curious do you have kids already?

Just to give another perspective... I'm 30, also an underachiever. No money, I'm lazy, living with parents, etc.
I used to be stressed about all of this.
Now I'm not. I don't see life as a precious opportunity anymore. I see it more like a curse because I'm forced to fill it with stuff. But amassing experiences and possessions in our corner of this rock seems meaningless to me. Instead of that, being chill and having low expectations feels good, which seems meaningful. Idk, just another perspective.

 

[Adodd]

@Dioxide2533 yes I have kids already. Thats actually my biggest motivator. the stress and cocern is actually a good motivator also.  I think life can be either a precious opportunity OR a curse. But i think if it s precious or not depends on us MAKING it that way. otherwise it will be a curse by default. 

Now, as for actually making it precious... that seems to be a lot tougher then what it sounds like or what you would imagine it would be. I do my best to take accountability and not blame genetics but i do think that it plays a part.

 

Edited May 8, 2023 by Adodd

[puporing]

Sounds tough. I'm probably not much help but try thinking outside the box. I mean as in things like how much savings you actually need to do x, and are there other ways you could help fund them? Are there jobs that pay a lot more per hour that I can do/transition into? also you probably already know it, business wise you do not have to cough up all the upfront cost necessarily depending on what it is. 

I'm sure if you just did your best to show love to your kids they would know and it need not be a materialistic thing (beyond basics).

[effortlesslumen]

I really like this book. Maybe it will open up some new possibilities in your mind financial wise and inspires you. The ebook is very affordable on amazon. On the authors website there is also a lot of free information about this topic: http://earlyretirementextreme.com/   (In e.g. The 21 Day Makeover) 

I know it is not easy and not the awnser to everything but it is a start. 

Edited May 8, 2023 by effortlesslumen

[NoSelfSelf]

I mean if you now had it all whats the point? You think somewhere where i have it all it will be just all amazing,you will still have to maintain and work as hard as now...point is as cliche as it sounds,enjoying the journey enjoying the place you are right now, how you gonna crawl out of it,thats gonna make the end resault meaningful not just chasing it and getting it...every moment is whats matters end resault is just to look where you were to where you now...

Edit:read it more in detail how do you know if you give everything to your kids thats gonna be good for them or not?thats just stuff you will never know,you can do best and it will be bad in their eyes...

Journey and next step is what matters worrying and panicking is waste of time and life enjoyment...

Edited May 8, 2023 by NoSelfSelf

[Moksha]

People spend 99% of their time wasting time, regretting that they wasted time, dreaming of the time when they no longer waste time, and wishing that the moment now was different than it actually is.

Why not try something different and experience life lucidly, as it actually is? You can still have goals, but don't define yourself by them. You will never realize love, happiness, and peace in the future, only now. Your kids are here, enjoy them while you can.

[Schizophonia]

Maybe you're not really interested in all this.
There are people with inferiority complexes who procrastinate because they think they have to do x route that they consider "worthy" rather than another that they consider "unworthy" but which would be really good for them, where they would be successful and happy.
Even if it's a random job.

[Schizophonia]

51 minutes ago, Moksha said:

People spend 99% of their time wasting time, regretting that they wasted time, dreaming of the time when they no longer waste time, and wishing that the moment now was different than it actually is.

Why not try something different and experience life lucidly, as it actually is? You can still have goals, but don't define yourself by them. You will never realize love, happiness, and peace in the future, only now. Your kids are here, enjoy them while you can.

How can you waste time? The brain is rational, if you don't want to work for money/love or whatever, you're probably wrong somewhere in your "desires".

Unless you are severely neurotic, you are disciplined for things that you consider important for your enjoyment in the future.

[meta_male]

I feel you, man. I wasted my childhood and youth in a cult until 24, also gave away 10% of my income for this shit, lost my circle of friends, built a new social circle with manipulative and toxic people, got rid of them and wasted another few years. Then smoked pot to distract myself just sitting around feeling sorry for myself, achieving nothing. Another three years gone.

I'm now 30 and living the dream. Doesn't mean life will is now easier though, you just learn to enjoy the process.

15 hours ago, Adodd said:

I aim to achieve MORE than the average person yet I am so far behind that i feel like i will run out of time before i reach my goals or i wont reach them until im almost dead of old age.

The first investment you should make is in yourself. Get rid of your victim mindset. Take responsibility, feel the sting and move on. Realise you didn't know any better – or if you did, simply lacked the motivation you needed – especially when you weren't raised the way you deserved to be. This is your unique life's story. Plus, you never know when things will change around for you, could be a decade or as little as a few weeks until a new perspective opens up for you. But it won't happen as long as you feel sorry for yourself (not saying you can't rant btw).

What is it you need the money for? There's a big chance you can reach your goals without the amount of money you think you need. Money makes it easy, but there's a lot of growth to be missed out on if you can take the easy route through finances.

 

[Moksha]

1 hour ago, Schizophonia said:

How can you waste time?

By pursuing desires that will never fulfill you, and running from fears that aren't real.

[lostingenosmaze]

14 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

How can you waste time? ...

Unless you are severely neurotic

 

[Razard86]

Wasting time is literally impossible. Every single moment your brain is literally taking in information. I spent majority of my life never doing drugs, I took weed for the first time last year and couldn't realize how amazing weed is. Weed helped me contemplate the nature of reality and my entire life. It helped me do deep dives into my subconscious and discover limiting beliefs, it also ultimately helped me awaken. So don't demonize weed.

Video games: I was born premature and had poor fine motor control, through video games I was able to develop my dexterity. I never took a typing class in my entire life, through playing computer games I learned how to type just through having to type repeatedly to the players I played with and against. Through video games I actually was able to learn the meaning of life. Many of my greatest insights came from video games. Why? Because I was constantly analyzing the people I played with and against, and asked questions. So the truth is playing video games is NOT a waste of time.

Everything you do in life has a PRO and a CON. Right now there are people who are PAID to play video games. They have Youtube channels and stream. So when you investigate ANY activity what you can discover it's not the activity that's a waste of time, it's how you look at it. Money does not determine your value, you aren't going to be on your death bed saying I wish I worked more. What you will say is I wish I did more things with my friends and family, and I wish I spent more time investing in myself.

So guess what? Spend more time investing in yourself. Work out, EVERYDAY!!! Working out is NOT just for physical fitness. Working out develops self-discipline, it develops your adversity muscle, and it builds self-love. The mental benefits you get from working out every day far outweigh the physical benefits you gain. If you are ever depressed in life it is because you are not working out PERIOD! Working out consistently CHANGES your relationship with pain and adversity and teaches you how to frame pain and adversity in a positive manner. The ability to see the good in pain and adversity will pay off huge dividends in the future.

Next STUDY, anything!!! Read, read, and read some more!! Knowing a lot of stuff builds your confidence. It helps you be able to express your thoughts more and changes the way you perceive reality. It makes you a more interesting person. This will also increase your self-love for yourself. Appearance: Buy clothes that are form fitting. These clothes will show off your physique and will look more natural on you. If you haven't done this do it, it will change the way you are perceived by others. 

Within your financial means eat healthier, this will boost your energy and help you have more stamina. Make sure you also get enough sleep every day do not neglect sleep. Learn to stretch, stretching prevent injuries and it help you feel refreshed each morning since majority stress is held in the body and loosening up your body can help relieve not just physical tension but psychological tension as well. Learn how to meditate, this can help you clear your mind and stabilize your mental activity it can even ultimately help you spiritually if you are into that.

Re-establish your relationship with music. You said you have trouble studying? Music can help you with that! Learn to find musical playlists that can stimulate you when you have to read something. Think of music like the pepper, the salt, or the sugar put into a meal. Music can make working out or studying more enjoyable so go online and create your own studying playlist!!! Also learn to listen to people who motivate you!! Find some testimonials of people who have lived a hard life and have flipped it around. Take their mindset their energy as your own.

The secret to life is self-deception but it works BOTH ways. You can deceive yourself into success or failure because ultimately everything could be said to be a lie. The kid who believed he could be drafted into the NBA even though the odds say you have a higher chance of winning the LOTTERY than being drafted is delusional!! But guess what? Because he believed in that delusion and worked hard everyday for it, it became his reality. You don't need evidence to achieve something because evidence is PAST information. All you need is desire, consistency, and the ability to analyze and learn from mistakes and courage to make the necessary changes when they arrive.

And lastly...do nice things for your friends and family and ALLOW THEM to do nice things for you as well. This will allow you to create wonderful memories and then you can live the GOOD LIFE!!!

GOOD LUCK!!

Edited May 9, 2023 by Razard86

[Schizophonia]

7 hours ago, lostingenosmaze said:

 

Why did you choose these two sentences in particular?

Why this reaction ?

Edited May 9, 2023 by Schizophonia

[Eyowey]

It literally doesn't matter if you eat sushi off a new girl each day in your 20s or swim in the sewer. Pride is a mind virus that only hurts you. That being said I would still recommend you try to become better than everyone else for fun.

[Princess Arabia]

On 5/9/2023 at 3:47 AM, Razard86 said:

Wasting time is literally impossible. Every single moment your brain is literally taking in information. I spent majority of my life never doing drugs, I took weed for the first time last year and couldn't realize how amazing weed is. Weed helped me contemplate the nature of reality and my entire life. It helped me do deep dives into my subconscious and discover limiting beliefs, it also ultimately helped me awaken. So don't demonize weed.

Video games: I was born premature and had poor fine motor control, through video games I was able to develop my dexterity. I never took a typing class in my entire life, through playing computer games I learned how to type just through having to type repeatedly to the players I played with and against. Through video games I actually was able to learn the meaning of life. Many of my greatest insights came from video games. Why? Because I was constantly analyzing the people I played with and against, and asked questions. So the truth is playing video games is NOT a waste of time.

Everything you do in life has a PRO and a CON. Right now there are people who are PAID to play video games. They have Youtube channels and stream. So when you investigate ANY activity what you can discover it's not the activity that's a waste of time, it's how you look at it. Money does not determine your value, you aren't going to be on your death bed saying I wish I worked more. What you will say is I wish I did more things with my friends and family, and I wish I spent more time investing in myself.

So guess what? Spend more time investing in yourself. Work out, EVERYDAY!!! Working out is NOT just for physical fitness. Working out develops self-discipline, it develops your adversity muscle, and it builds self-love. The mental benefits you get from working out every day far outweigh the physical benefits you gain. If you are ever depressed in life it is because you are not working out PERIOD! Working out consistently CHANGES your relationship with pain and adversity and teaches you how to frame pain and adversity in a positive manner. The ability to see the good in pain and adversity will pay off huge dividends in the future.

Next STUDY, anything!!! Read, read, and read some more!! Knowing a lot of stuff builds your confidence. It helps you be able to express your thoughts more and changes the way you perceive reality. It makes you a more interesting person. This will also increase your self-love for yourself. Appearance: Buy clothes that are form fitting. These clothes will show off your physique and will look more natural on you. If you haven't done this do it, it will change the way you are perceived by others. 

Within your financial means eat healthier, this will boost your energy and help you have more stamina. Make sure you also get enough sleep every day do not neglect sleep. Learn to stretch, stretching prevent injuries and it help you feel refreshed each morning since majority stress is held in the body and loosening up your body can help relieve not just physical tension but psychological tension as well. Learn how to meditate, this can help you clear your mind and stabilize your mental activity it can even ultimately help you spiritually if you are into that.

Re-establish your relationship with music. You said you have trouble studying? Music can help you with that! Learn to find musical playlists that can stimulate you when you have to read something. Think of music like the pepper, the salt, or the sugar put into a meal. Music can make working out or studying more enjoyable so go online and create your own studying playlist!!! Also learn to listen to people who motivate you!! Find some testimonials of people who have lived a hard life and have flipped it around. Take their mindset their energy as your own.

The secret to life is self-deception but it works BOTH ways. You can deceive yourself into success or failure because ultimately everything could be said to be a lie. The kid who believed he could be drafted into the NBA even though the odds say you have a higher chance of winning the LOTTERY than being drafted is delusional!! But guess what? Because he believed in that delusion and worked hard everyday for it, it became his reality. You don't need evidence to achieve something because evidence is PAST information. All you need is desire, consistency, and the ability to analyze and learn from mistakes and courage to make the necessary changes when they arrive.

And lastly...do nice things for your friends and family and ALLOW THEM to do nice things for you as well. This will allow you to create wonderful memories and then you can live the GOOD LIFE!!!

GOOD LUCK!!

You're a true alchemist. Seems like you could turn any adversity into a positive experience. I always enjoy reading your responses because they're usually filled with wisdom and clarity. You're a great asset to this forum.

[Thought Art]

Easy, go about this from a calm and cool place. Forget your age focus on building the habits and taking the courses you need. Go about getting experience and enjoy the process.

[Dauntment]

1. Accept everything that has happened so that you may be less neurotic going forward.

2. Look at what you DO have and visualize/decide where you want to be and what you want to do.

3. The mindest/inner game/psychology is so vastly important that it could not possibly be communicated quickly. You COULD...VERY well be a multi-millionaire in the next 5 to 10 years depending how you behave and invest going forward.

....Its hard to not list a BUNCH of helpful points as there is too much to convey....I'd highly recommend watching Leo's videos on: Life Advice for Young People Part 1 & 2, as well as potentially buying his course. *I know this is super cliche* but bro......29 is still fairly young. lmao. 

 

Be very careful of negative/sabotaging paradigms that the mind may spin such as: "I wasted my 20s so I'm screwed for life" or "I'm such a screw up, I'm going to be stuck forever!" Making excuses, finding rationalizations, and any other "victim" mindset