My dopamine

[UnlovingGod]

I had a magnetic resonance imaging about two years ago. I don't have the scientific vocabulary, so I try to somewhat describe it in my own words. I have like an abnormous, absurdly high dopamine production or container and thats why I have a gigantic sex and food drive, sounds funny, but it's fucking not. And as I can recall it, I had a psicosis that is caused, because too much dopamine is blasted at once, because of drugs. It doesn't even feel great. Well how to compensate with this gigantic dopamine production. I smoke cigarettes. I know it's unhealthy, but I don't want to get in another psicosis, I could eat burgers all day, but I don't want to be nicoavokado fat. Sex and relationships are quite complicated for me, not because I lack confidence or feel, that Im not attractive, but because of severe limerence, which I'm constantly working on. I do masturbation, in moderation, because I feel sick, when I masturbate like three times a day. I'm quite good at studying, being the best in my class and it gives a sense of reward, but still cigarettes are like a medicine for my dopamine, because of the potential psicosis and other things, that I have mentioned.

I am a very disciplined person, I'm somewhat good at socializing, I like to dance and party, I don't feel like I have a victim mentality, like why god cant I form relationships because of my limerence, or why do I have such fucking gigantic sex and power drive. I can be socially calibrated with boys and girls, because of being conciouss of my limerence, it's just that, well everyone says that cigarettes are fucking terrible and I know all the consequences of cigarettes, but I think at this stage of my life, it is a coping tool, because I don't have like the social position or intimate relationships yet, to work with my dopamine.

And I don't want to take meds that reduce producing dopamine, because they have like very hard sideffects, like a lack of sleep, panic attacks, depression, it fucks up with your hormones. I mean it causes to produce hormones that are needed for breastmilk and I'm a man.