What Makes A Woman Sexy/attractive?

[Peace and Love]

Hi actualized.org family,

I figured since we had a post like this for men, I think we should have one for women as well.

I just recently did a ton of studying on dating and what makes a woman (and her femininity) attractive to a man.  Maybe you have some great info and details to share as well!  I want to hear it!   I'm most particularly interested in sharing information beyond the physical aspect.  I think women have enough issues with self esteem and body image already.


 I'm pulling this information from one of my favorite dating gurus, Brandon Martin, from Yintegrity.com   I like his perspective in the products he's created for women because it's from a higher consciousness perspective. He talks about using meditation as a daily practice, balancing the chakras, enlightenment, letting go of the ego, etc.   

He talks about what makes a man attractive to a woman and it's most specifically her femininity.  And he goes in depth about masculinity and femininity and how we are polarized opposites and balance each other out.

Most women think that physical beauty is what makes a man attractive to them, but that is not completely true and inaccurate. ...it is only one part of femininity.  Beauty is attractive because it is feminine.  Femininity is the follower, is creative, playful, water like, lighthearted.  Men like a relaxed woman that is non-judgemental.

He says that the most attractive woman to a man is 80% feminine and 20% masculine.  (This is very different from our enlightened souls wanting to be 50/50...relationships are different and are polarized) That is the perfect balance. Just like how Leo talks about in his videos that men need to explore their feminine side, so do women and their masculine side.  And just like the yin and yang symbol there is a little dot of the opposite side in there to balance themselves out.  We can never be completely all feminine or all masculine because it would cause us chaos.

He states that "Too much" feminine energy causes women to have no control over their emotions, becoming overly sensitive, and lose perspective and they get sucked into every little incident that arises.  And for women to balance that out they need a little masculine, and specifically he talks about integrity. ...keeping the games, drama, manipulation and lies out of the picture. ...being honest and upfront. 

And I found this to be really interesting.  ... Brandon talks about how women are worried about the future , and men are masters at planning the future.  While men are worried about NOW and the present moment.  Women...and femininity is very much in the NOW.  They each give each other what they need.  Men want a women that can bring them into the present moment. .....being fun, joy, laughter, adventurous, lighthearted, vulnerability, being open, spontaneous.  She also needs to have high self esteem, and is emotional balanced......and very important...non-possessive and relaxed.  He emphasizes the need for women to meditate, and let go of her past, and  her "childhood vows".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Loreena]

This depends a lot on a man's perspective. I was told by my male friends that they like these qualities 

Honest

Intelligent

Upfront 

Understanding

[Colin]

to me the most attractive thing in the world is a genuine smile

[Guest username]

I won't bother to filter for political correctness since this place is for personal growth:

You're not as interested in physical but I'll make a quick mention anyway.

Get fit and have nice overall body proportions, nice firm chest and butt are ideal for pretty much every man, bonus points for a thigh gap but certainly not a deal breaker if you don't have that. Get fashion, hair, nails, and make up down to a T.  Mastery over presentation and fitness can make plain looking girl hot. 

 

Lesser known but important if you want to really stand out and go the extra mile: Train yourself to have a feminine, submissive,sexy voice. Perhaps consult a vocal coach.

Graceful movement always looks better. Dancing and ballet may be a way to really get that down. Women who can ever so subtly move with elegance and grace, who are able to sub-communicate their sexuality and feminine essence without words are very powerful.

Elite eye contact and the social awareness to know how to optimize different types of eye contact for different situations.

Intimate,dirty sex. Being good a blow jobs, being able to communicate with a man and help him grow as one is big. Many guys are more insecure than you can imagine (probably not your ideal partner, but certainly going to exist on some level with just about everyone). 

 

Honesty, intelligence, high-self esteem.

Someone who has a the lowest-level of neuroticism is a big, big one that doesn't get mentioned a lot. Guys often complain about how crazy women are behind their backs.

A girl who is comfortable with herself and wants to have fun and make the relationship as easy as possible.

Study male psychology and study pick up if you want to deepen your understanding of men.

 

 

[Guest username]

I'd like to think I represent most men pretty well by saying this: but please don't fall for people telling you that looks are only a small part of a woman's attractiveness. The non-physical stuff is a super important, but most men I know would consider it a deal breaker if the girls wasn't physically attractive. The hotter she looks, the better. Even when we say it's not that important for fear of seeming shallow, we usually talk about her looks behind closed doors just as much as we do her personality.

 

Maybe some men really exist out there that don't consider it as important, but I'll promise you that maximizing your appearance will serve you really well. 

 

 

[SLICKHAWK]

Lorena I consider attractive her mind is most intriguing and avatar cute. 

If we met in reality two can turn off. so present being is some on impulse or the 20/80 principle. 

 

[Guest Annetta]

Not a guy, but the women I've met who had the most impact on men were intriguing and genuine.

An ideal example:  An old friend of mine, short, curvy, frizzy curly hair - unconventional - but she connects and communicates to people on a soul level.  Pretty much with everyone, too.  She's genuinely interested in them and loves bringing out the best in people.  Enjoys giving to others.  Good at flirting.
She's the very embodiment of what it means to live with love.  And it touches people.  And she changes people simply by being that love.
She always had a lot of men who were interested in her - the reason being her genuinity.

[Peace and Love]

@username  -  By no means am I completely discarding physical beauty.  I know that is a huge part of it.  The physical beauty in a woman is a significant factor of what brings a man into the present moment and attracts him......but it's certainly not going to be the only thing that is sustaining the relationship for the long term. 

In all relationships...the excitement and newness will fade away...there will always be a prettier and more attractive woman....but why does the man really stay??  The feminine aspects.....There is more to this....And when a woman grows older she loses her beauty....but there are men that are still madly in love with the same women after years and years of commitment of growing old and being together.  The book talks about how there are men that are with women that aren't really that attractive....but they stay, and are happy and madly in love.....because she gives him emotional balance, and femininity. And the book does most certainly talk about taking care of the body, and dressing nice, but the emphasis is on being feminine and having that emotional control.  The emotional control is a lot of the time what causes a lot of these breakups.  Drama that doesn't need to be there.

Oh I forgot to mention...the books says this too...men love dancing and singing...the essence of being feminine. ..it's like literal crack to them! lol.

[Peace and Love]

@Whywolf

1 minute ago, Whywolf said:

Not a guy, but the women I've met who had the most impact on men were intriguing and genuine.

An ideal example:  An old friend of mine, short, curvy, frizzy curly hair - unconventional - but she connects and communicates to people on a soul level.  Pretty much with everyone, too.  She's genuinely interested in them and loves bringing out the best in people.  Enjoys giving to others.  Good at flirting.
She's the very embodiment of what it means to live with love.  And it touches people.  And she changes people simply by being that love.
She always had a lot of men who were interested in her - the reason being her genuinity.

I completely agree! You're friend is a great example of what the author likes to call "Heart Consciousness."  Women are emotional beings, and men are more logic and straight forward.  We are attracted to each other because we have something the other lacks, and it balances us out. Men are attracted to that love (feminine).  And Women are attracted to meditation (masculine). 

Men like how women live from their heart.

 

[Guest username]

@Peace and Love  Men tend to be more likely to stay in relationships than women. This is largely due to scarcity. We have misgivings about finding someone better, and after we've emotionally invested in the woman, we tend to be very loyal and value her. Men have a harder time rebounding or replacing in general, so they tend to enjoy settling with who've they've got if they like her instead of seeking an upgrade.

I think a lot of it has to do with the difference in mating strategies. If men have a good woman that gives them the sex they want, they're less likely to cheat. Women want the best man they can get since sex has much higher potential biological consequences (pregnancy), so they are more tempted when things don't go well and there a perceived better options.

Men cheat for physical reasons most often, so if he's being sexually satisfied, cheating is not likely unless he's just that type of person. Also, we can take care of urges by masturbating.

Women usually cheat for more emotional reasons, so it can be harder to fix their urge to do so whenever it comes up. A man does this by showing that he cares, is attuned to her needs, and is the high quality man she fell for.

As for dancing as singing, maybe if you're really good, but I'd say that's just a nice option. Not all men would like that.

 

My advice is to focus on your fundamentals, the real deal breakers. If you have a good understanding of male psychology, study pick up to deepen you empathy with their struggles,  focus on LOOKING REALLY REALLY HOT, and are really good in bed, emotionally supportive and faithful. You're a high quality woman.

 

The problem with dating advice is often that it will give you lots of fancy band-aid solutions instead of just focusing on the fundamentals. This is because the fundamentals are straight-forward. It's nicer to hear that singing and dancing will do you more good than having a nice ass, but it's just not true.

 

Not saying singing and dancing are at all bad. The book probably has lots of solid advice from the sound of it. I'm not trying to sound overly crass. I just want to talk straight and give you a the brutally honest male perspective that will get you results.

 

Being feminine is great. Do do all those things, but make sure your priorities are on the big points the most.

Edited March 15, 2017 by username

[Guest Annetta]

@Peace and Love Yeah she has a big heart for sure.
 

[Peace and Love]

@username - The logic is if the girl is hot.....and she's a total B*tch the guy isn't going to stay with her....maybe for a piece of ass...but he's not going to put up with her emotional imbalances in the long run.

Of course I'm not saying that if you're some amazing dancer or singer the guy is going to fall head over heals for you...but men like it and are attracted to it...and it's feminine. If the girl is hot...and she does sing and dance, it can enhance the attraction. 

But think about this.......not only is the girl going to get old....the guy is going to get old too....his anaconda isn't going to work anymore at some point....it's going to be limp...there will be a point when the Viagra isn't going to work anymore...there has to be more to this.  And there are women out there that still love their man whether it works or not....And there are men that still love their significant other no different while they're bald and dying of cancer, or got hit by a car, or they are a run way model....they love from the heart....unconditionally...they transcend the ego.  Nothing in life is ever completely black or white.

I've seen couples that are madly in love with each other that are so consciously developed that they transcend this stuff. The physical attraction can be there...but there is so much more.








 

[Guest username]

@Peace and Love I didn't discount anything you said. I account for that with emotional investment, talked about loyalty, emotional bonding etc.

I also said singing and dancing couldn't hurt. All I'm trying to do is emphasize the fundamentals.

[Peace and Love]

I made it a point to take the physical attributes out because there is a HUGE body image issue with women going on caused by society and the media.  Men are lucky because they don't have to face nearly as much criticism as women do.  And it's very nasty and very ugly.  It has caused women a great deal of harm and disservice. It makes them feel that their only value is their BODY.  Which is absolutely not true.

And I made it point in the other post about men...that it's not all about physical when it comes to attraction and it's true...and that is what I'm stating here.  In relationships there is balance....physical, mental and spiritual.

[egoeimai]

Independence&acceptance&understanding&chemistry.

[Bob84]

By nature somone proportional, healthy, semetrical. Or in other words that what is likely to produce good offspring.

[Guest Annetta]

Men do like hot chicks, though.  It's one of the biggest factors in how a man goes about choosing a mate.

[Guest username]

I'd like someone who's really into personal development and really radically open-minded.

[Evilwave Heddy]

Humor, Confidence, Spontaniety, Authenticity and eyes.

Edited March 15, 2017 by Evilwave Heddy

[clytaemnestra]

7 hours ago, Peace and Love said:

He says that the most attractive woman to a man is 80% feminine and 20% masculine.

How do you calculate what is exactly 80%? What does it mean at all to be feminine and which characteristics exactly make something feminine so you can determinate 80% of it?

7 hours ago, Peace and Love said:

Brandon talks about how women are worried about the future , and men are masters at planning the future

Sorry, but this sounds sexistic. Women just worry and do nothing but panic, while men plan and do something progressive. I can't agree.

7 hours ago, Peace and Love said:

They each give each other what they need.

What do we need? Why do we need it? Need for what? 

6 hours ago, username said:

The non-physical stuff is a super important, but most men I know would consider it a deal breaker if the girls wasn't physically attractive. The hotter she looks, the better.

Someone will find a girl who has 100 kilos attractive because she's the only one he can have. Or because she's self-confident comparing to another girl that's fit, but has issues with behavior. Of course decent looks is a standard, but I think it goes sometimes too far.

3 hours ago, I_Like_Thing said:

being educated is a plus

What? It's a "plus"? For you it'd be the same being with a girl that has no education and is dependent on you comparing to some that has PhD and has wide-knowledge and can think critically? Let's say that their looks and mental state are the same, for the sake of comparison.