How to deal with psychological attacks at the moment they are happening?

[at_anchor]

When someone starts pulling me by the tongue, angering me and hurting my ego, pride, criticizing me, nagging me, telling me indecent words that make me feel disgusted and gestures to provocke me, what do I do then? Do I lash back at them, do I stand for myself and talk back to them or what? Especially if it is a woman doing the job and not a man?

Should I get out of there as soon as possible or can I say something  and stay there calm while abuse and manipulation happens? How do I stay calm?

What are good thigs to say? 

What are some red flags? 

Should I allow someone to yell at me and say bad things to me and behave badly to me, play with me and humiliate me? Can I get over the hurt caused in that moment or does it turn into trauma and gets locked inside of my brain like fat cells gets stored in your belly from eating unhealthy and greassy food? And then you have to somehow get it out of your system, but I don't know any exercise for that...

I wish I could stay calm and not fall out of character, but I can't, cause I'm not always ready, especially at home. And they can catch me off guard. So when they do, what should I think or how should I stop it and control it or control my emotions?  I don't want words, guestures, facial expressions and tonality to disturb me and basically hate from someone who doesn't love me who I have to tolerate all the time, otherwise it gets even worse...

Edited April 30, 2023 by at_anchor

[at_anchor]

How to keep yourself from saying something stupid and offensive in the heat of a moment?

[at_anchor]

And how to set boundaries here and enforce them? 

I could decide to never speak to this person in my life, but it will just get used against me and I will continue to be treated with hate and bad intentions. 

[at_anchor]

Fighting back makes me more humiliated and shamed than being recorded fat on a porn video and ostracized for that. How fucked I got psychologically from this over the years and basically also ended up being recorded and ostracized. I'm gonna throw up. I get more tired and bad from interacting with this person sometimes than from physical exercise and stuff that makes me feel better actually. Here comes the person again.

Edited April 30, 2023 by at_anchor

[Roy]

Every situation is different, but generally I would say ignoring it and not giving it any reaction is the best choice. Energy is precious, make them waste theirs and don't give them any of yours.

Show to yourself to them that you are better than them and don't need to stoop to their level. Life is too short to be wasting it on idiots.

The majority of the time it is not personal (even when it seems like it). People are just in low consciousness and looking for a place to spew their toxicity.

Learn to practice letting go and not holding onto these things in your head. You need to have more important things to be focusing on so that such pettiness doesn't take up any time in your life.

[at_anchor]

8 hours ago, Roy said:

Every situation is different, but generally I would say ignoring it and not giving it any reaction is the best choice. Energy is precious, make them waste theirs and don't give them any of yours.

Thanks, that's a good idea. It just hurts sometimes inside and I don't know how to deal with that pain they cause and the misunderstanding they create and just distort reality in everyones eyes. And I can't go on explaining the past. I make mistakes if I try and I get called a liar and they just end up winning, as though they are right. It's just so... I don't kow how to express it. 

9 hours ago, Roy said:

don't (need to) stoop to their level. Life is too short to be wasting it on idiots.

I wish I could do that. 

 

9 hours ago, Roy said:

The majority of the time it is not personal (even when it seems like it). People are just in low consciousness and looking for a place to spew their toxicity.

Sometimes they can just get selfish to the point of trying to destroy you and prevent you from working, simple way of putting it. 

9 hours ago, Roy said:

Learn to practice letting go and not holding onto these things in your head.

I don't know how to do that. I think I'm not a New Yorker with Western problems.

9 hours ago, Roy said:

You need to have more important things to be focusing on so that such pettiness doesn't take up any time in your life.

Yeah, meditation, exercise, nature, education, work, friends and relationships. It's hardly possible to have all of that for me. Kind of a big challenge to get.

[puporing]

You are clearly being abused. I'm sorry you have to go through this and struggling to get away. Look up Stockholm syndrome. Look up Daniel Mackler. Look up the movie Shine. I sincerely wish for your release one day. 

You don't need to stay calm necessarily. Your anger is telling you to get away.

 

Edited May 9, 2023 by puporing

[M A J I]

Always comes back to the Breath. Deep conscious breaths diffuse many situations and change the dynamic of how it is dealt with, thus the outcome. Deep breathing can relax you to the center of your being where nothing can phase you. Of course this will require some practice, but it only gets easier.

 

[Schizophonia]

I click "block", and I go back to playing a video game, fap, wasting my time on actualized, working, or whatever.
Very effective. 

[at_anchor]

12 hours ago, puporing said:

Your anger is telling you to get away.

Yeah, that is what it told me. Sometimes getting away isn't an option,  sometimes it is.