April's 30th.

[Sabth]

Now I would have to think about my work. I've never worked before. So I have to think about work. I'll look for work. Work that suits me. And is fun. And pays well. 

[Sabth]

8:27PM Sept 19 2023

 

[Sabth]

I watch this mv/drama when I was 13 years old. This is my youth. This is my teen. My first drama or movie thàt I like. I was young. We are young. 

:

Now he sings this killing voice. He used to be so young. Now we're old. But his voice still remains the same. The voice that I remember. The voice that I grew up with. 

 

This film is my innocence.. ??

 

Edited September 19, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

Idk since I am stuck in inaction now I really feel like I wanna take a loan.

[Sabth]

I can't wait to work in my own country. I have stayed in this state for  18years and have graduated from high school for 9years but never work and never make money. The ones I did is just a group project in university (it's like a trial. Not serious but I did make some money selling something. As a group) so it wasn't truly me. And as a kid, I got a lot of money during Eid. That's the only money that I got. I never work. 

How can I work now? I have a few ideas but I don't know. I want to work with people. Under somebody. Not on my own. But I don't know how. 

I remember a friend during my foundation studies, she says something about making their own money, instead of relying on your parents. And she bought her first shoes with her first money that she got on her own. By working a rando job. Not depending on her parents. Now she had become successful? Idk. But she had graduated . I feel like she is doing well. Mature well. And grow up. While I didn't. That's what I think.. and even back then, she had already being able to make her own online transaction. While I couldn't. I always depended on my mom. And my mom bought me everything. To my phone bills. A handbag from China. Everything is done by/through my mom. When I was young. I wasn't independent .  It was only recently that I made my own online transaction. At 27. 

[Sabth]

My morning 6:23AM

[Sabth]

I want to buy a drone and a camera now. 

 

[Sabth]

I just rewatch an old movie ? and it was so funny. 

I only remember something from 2007 but this movie, is 2003. My parents used to watch it before. (In 2007 my parent watch it too but this one, is older)

I don't remember it anymore. Just so little. 

*I'm rewatching old movies and dramas. 

Edited September 21, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

I wanna get a gym membership it's cheap. And near. I wanna get trained. 

But my mom wouldn't allow me to go to a mixed gender gym. I will. 

Edited September 21, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

I am so bored right now. I didn't look for work. 

It's weird. To wake up in the morning and ask my mom to bring me somewhere to look for work. It's so weird. I just can't do it with my mom. It's just so weird. It needs to be with somebody else. This is not for her . It's so weird. We could go shopping together though. 

So comparing things to the 80s and now, my mom and all her siblings studied overseas. It's common. And she had done the bigger pilgrimage at a young age. With her parents. Which we (me and my siblings) never did. We only do the smaller pilgrimage a few times. So idk who lives a better life. And my grandma had her own house apart from the one that she shares with my grandfather. Had her own work and was pretty successful. Which my mom didn't have. It's so weird. She stop working when having her first newborn. Forever. 

[Sabth]

I have no memories of 90s . 2000 yes. I was in the middle east growing up fine. It was fun. I had a good childhood. But things aren't so good when I came here. It's not totally not good but I have always yearn to return back to my childhood place. That's the memories that I remember. 

[Sabth]

It's 3:17AM now. Now my room is already a mess from the toys of the kids. Full of it everywhere. It's time for the other generations. With little kids coming to my house. They are playing hard last night. Leaving a mess. It used to be just us. Now it's time for the other generations. But I still had no kids. My life aren't fulfilled yet. Right now. My needs aren't met. So how can I , or we, focus on kids? But they are already born in this world. So we got no choice. There's no avoiding it. They are growing. They are already here. The kids. With their voices last night. It reminds me of my childhood. But now I no longer able to play. It's their time now. Sometimes I feel like they are growing too fast. Or they came into this world too fast. I'm already an aunt. I wanna play still. But I couldn't do that. I'm already another generation. I'm "old". But I still am not done with life yet. I still have a lot of needs that aren't met. I should be growing into an adult. I should be focusing on my career and work/studies. I should be an independent adult now. Buy I'm still just an incapable aunt. Right now. I'm still a child. I should be focusing on my career now. And have a lot of freedom. If I graduated back then. Others are even getting married. So now I feel like I'm still a child but these new generation are already here and they are growing. So am I supposed to have a child too? Is that my stage of life now? I refuse to admit. But is that where I'm supposed to be? To have kids? But I don't wanna end my bachelor yet. To be a mother. Entering motherhood. I don't wanna be that just yet. I still wanna do a lot. But I'm stuck. There's a lot I wanna do. 

 

Oh it was totally a mess yesterday. Are we too close (our age gap) that's why I feel like this? I'm twenty seven and the kids are 5years old and below. Am I too young? It feels like.. 

Suddenly our house are full of kids. Suddenly it's their "turn". Suddenly were full. I'm not ready to be an "aunt" just yet. Maybe if I complete my degree back then my life would have been different. I would be a proper adult now. Maybe in 2021 I completed my degree. And then I would have started working. By now I'm already stabilized. But then, 

Huh?

Edited September 22, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

I don't feel like an aunt. 

My career progress...

Edited September 22, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

I can't sleep, it's already 7:21AM

 

[Sabth]

There are some really cheap and small drone. Which I can bring with me everywhere even while hiking. All DJI. DJI Tello or Spark. I'm not a professional so I wouldn't need a massive drone. These two will do. For perspective. I think it will be good. 

[Sabth]

I really feel like I want to work. So that I can be financially independent and can buy gifts for my parents. 

[Sabth]

Another drone that is available in store now is DJI mini 3 Pro. But I kinda think that it's too big for my taste for me to carry around everywhere so I opt for the smaller one. But idk. Yea. 

 

[Sabth]

I feel like I am wasting my time.

I am still not adulting. I still couldn't drive and not learn driving. Even though I have free time. But I am not practicing. Time is running out. There's nobody to teach me driving. 

Because there is no need for me to go anywhere. I will continue be like this till whenever. I think I want my own car. And so I can learn driving by myself. Everyday. If I took a degree I would be a 30year old who have a degree. If I don't then my mind would be empty. Not knowledgeable. I will increase in age. While being empty. 

My time is running out. I also want to spend time with my parents. 

I want to travel. A lot. But now I'm stuck. 

Edited September 26, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

I don't even know where to play my skates. 

I've always imagined , if I have a car I can just pick up my skates and went somewhere skating. Right now, I don't have anyone to bring me to skate. So it was not put to good use. I haven't played it for long. The condition aren't as good as when I first bought it too. So I can't really resell it either. It was actually quite big . Fit me but just heavy. A little heavy. I used to be able to handle it well. Even going down hill. But now I have a lot of fears. I want to wear safety gears. 

Check out powerslidemegacruiser's listings on #Carousell https://carousell.app.link/ipcCsdoRqDb

This link is back then, I wanna sell it because of the size and I want to buy the smaller size. But didn't. It wasn't successful. I even already had someone who wants to buy it. But it just won't do. I can't remember why. Now this skates are no longer available. I remember back then there was a time when they sell it a lot. With different sizes and was even cheaper than what I bought. But I didn't change it. 

So it wasn't successful. I love this skate too much that now I don't want to sell it. Only if there's the same thing in a smaller size available in store. Only then. I will sell this. After I tried the sizes. 

[Sabth]

I just wish I can do my things quietly. And see how much I made doing all those. 

While I'm thinking of all the works that I can do, investment would be a good thing. 

Edited September 27, 2023 by Sabth