April's 30th.

[Sabth]

I dreamt of heavy stuff. Heavy2. School

. Etc

[Sabth]

Suddenly I dreamed of someone from the past. Someone who used to be under our care. I miss them. Somehow.. 

[Sabth]

5:44AM I no longer like this forum. I wonder what happened to my lost(stolen) handphone... ? Stolen in January/December. 

 

 

6:42PM 1June, 2023 Am I missing out on something? 

Edited June 1, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

Songs that I've forgotten but was now in my mind : 

Stay

And this, is another song that I've completely forgotten. We had a little synchronicity back then. I thought it reminds me of something. So much so. So much resemblance.  This : 

2020

*Okay I will delete this. 

Look at the thumbnail. It's so similar that I can't look it through. 2017

 

I remember "fever" . 

Edited June 2, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

This might as well be my passion. Golden ratio. Perfect scene . Picture. 

[Sabth]

.

Edited June 2, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

I feel regret.because there was a time in my life when I was asked to go visit some home but didn't. And it was my first time that I didn't . And this person died, the same year. I feel so much regret. Because it is my first time, and only one change, had resulted in death. Of someone close. Idk. It is regretful.. 

And I haven't gone to his house until now.. it would be too late too..  maybe visiting his grave. Would be good... 

Keep him in my prayer. 

Edited June 3, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

3 - is christ like. Always the perfect example. 

4 - the middle ground. You can go to 3 or  5. It's neither. 

9 - is the guardian angel.

6 - is not five. It is 6. 

5 - is not as good as six. It's the mediocre. 

1- is always the first. Pave the way. It's always right. 

8 - is the infinite number..

2 - is my father. Both of my sisters are four. 

[Sabth]

????

Edited June 5, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

This is the music I've been listening to since I was young?

[Sabth]

Idk I'm really currently clueless.. as what to work. I needed to work. I needed to fill my time . With other. Outside. Idk. 

I miss someone rn. 

4:51PM June 4,2023

 

 

 

I am here currently don't know what to do. Neither did I discuss anything with my parents on what to do. I am just here, not knowing what to do. 

.

8:31PM

 

Edited June 4, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

Day 2

 

[Sabth]

I have lived for a lot of years. You could say , back then , I am more suited to marriage than I am now. Because I wasn't disconnected from family life. Like little child etc. More suited than I am now. 

I've been focusing much on my work (studies) that I am now disconnected. 

So let's make a recap ;

1

2

3

4 Egypt

5 Egypt

6 Egypt

7 Egypt

8 Egypt

9 Egypt

10 Kuching

11 Kuching (I went to UK during this year)

12 Kuching UPSR-a national examination. 

13 Kuching Secondary school

14 Kuching

15 Kuching

16 Kuching

17 Kuching

18 Kuching/IIUM

19 IIUM

20 IIUM

21 IIUM

22 IIUM

23 IIUM Casis etc

     (I should have spent more time in IIUM as I have a long way to go but I stop.) 

24 Kuching

25 Kuching

26 Kuching /Mental hospital

27 Mental hospital Kuching

28 non existent year. It will be in 2024. 

I think I've reached my limit. 

Edited June 5, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

I don't know what to do with my life now. Or how to make it right.

Show me what I'm lacking. 

Edited June 7, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

If I were to count the amount of time I've been taking a flight it would really be countless. I'm losing my count now. It's countless. Throughout the years .   I really don't wanna be travelling mindlessly. But now, (back then it was all a necessity) it was up to us. I don't have a set of semesters that I have to attend to . So back then I really did go back and forth a lot. 

But now it's up to us. Where you wanna go. Now this year I have travelled twice. Upcoming plan is one more and the concert, I think it would be another one more. Which makes it four times. Idk. It's all unnecessary. But anyway I think it will be it. Four times in a year? Idk

.

[Sabth]

It was just travelling to the same place so . I wish to travel to a lot of different place. I wish for independence. To buy my own flight ticket

 . If only there was a record. Of all the flights I've taken..  it would be a lot. But there's no record..

[Sabth]

 

[Sabth]

I can't get this off my mind

 

[Sabth]

I'm listening to this to sleep~

https://youtu.be/Df7mcTGUzF0

13:03

Edited June 6, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

I should get back to the old wise me. 

I am constantly feeling dirty to myself idk what to do. Like feel dirty. A dirty feeling. It was very uncomfortable. And idk how to get myself cleaned again. Going to a waterfall? Who knows maybe it will do. But this constant feeling is just hard to erase. No matter how clean/good my room smell I still feel dirty. Idk where it comes from. But this feeling is constant. Idk what to do with it. I've tried, maybe it was the food that I eat. Or idk.. it's a feeling. It's not physical. It's hard to explain. But the feelings comes out physically. Idk why. Maybe it was the people I've spent my time with. Idk. I wonder if I changed my lifestyle 180° would it be different/beneficial? Idk.  Given that my eyesight are no longer that good, idk what to do with my life. Maybe it is part of being old. This dirtiness feeling. Because I'm getting older. And I'm no longer as baby as I am. Usually am

 . I've lost my innocence/baby nature. Idk. I remained in that state for quite a long time.. until I'm twenty two? Idk. But I remained adolescent for long. Longer than what adults do. Then I was abused much then I'm no longer innocent . With a lot of traces of this "abuse". I've been painted that. Written.  So yeah.. I'm no longer pure. And I've closed my mind to a lot of things. Otherwise I'm receptive. Very open and receptive. Now I've closed my mind to a lot of things. And no longer learn. I've been painted ugly. I think so. I wish I would never had to go through that. What if it never happened?.. what if I'm enclosed and keep close to "my" circles? And never have met the outside world? I wonder. But I'm spoilt. So now idk what to do with my life. I wish to be cleaned is not really the right word. I wish to be....  Idk. Idk how to make myself feel like ... Idk but I want to loose this feeling that I've felt now. However that is. 

I'm considering to move out to a different place. But still, I wonder. If it's still would make it different. Or worse? Who knows? Idk.. 

I think it had to do with my eyes. You could say I want to feel fresh. Like you're in paradise (forests) or something. Without this straining or blurry. Just a perfect ,or relaxing eyesight, even if I don't wanna wear a spectacle, things would be pleasing to the eye. non straining..I wish it would be true.. maybe a change in lifestyle would make it. Wardrobe changes and changing how I live now. (I buy things through my mom now.. everything so I wish to change that. And be different.) 8:56PM 7June2023

I should get back to the old wise me. 

Idk what I want. Maybe the last thing I wanted was to go to a waterfall. 

Or a beach. But I no longer want it. It's been too long. 

Amazing life would be...     North pole /south pole? (Living there) not that my place now isn't amazing but I think so. It would be great to explor3 those area. But to a kid like me?; From a green country that never had cold climate. I haven't explored my own country to its entirety. So nvmd those~

 

Edited June 8, 2023 by Sabth