April's 30th.

[Sabth]

.

Edited May 15, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

Precious Taeyeon

 

 

[Sabth]

Sometimes I wish, I would just died away. This is not at all the case when I was younger.  To be burnt into nothing is a scary thought. 

It's not even an option that I believed in. We had very rich hope into the afterlife. 

I remember thinking we would turnt into nothing is the scariest thing ever. And that I hated it. I don't wanna be nothing. Or black. Or nothing. Be losing consciousness forever. It was a scary thought and I hated it. We had a very expensive afterlife. We belief in many things. This is ,as default. It never been not./other. Since forever. So I really despise what I had turned into. I remember thinking that I turned into nothing, it was just an unacceptable thing. The worst thing that could ever happened. But was undeniable. I had to accept my fate. Because somehow, I had falled into it. Maybe it wouldn't have happened if I spent my time with same fellow thinkers.. I don't wanna turned into nothing.. at this point, I had almost forget what it was like..  where's my people? 

You cannot fake a thought. 

Now I really wish to restore my faith. The thing is easy. You won't meet bad people if you yourself is good.. you won't meet bad people. 

 

4:33am 19th May 23

[Sabth]

.

There's nothings much really in my state/city. 7:09PM 051923

Edited May 19, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

Next week and for the rest of May I will be in a different state.. today, I've ordered something online. And hopefully it will arrive next week

 

I wanna go to Taeyeon's concert. 

Maybe not. 

Edited May 20, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

I'm even scared to apply for a job. 

[Sabth]

Why would they cry? The characters in my dream....... 

[Sabth]

I feel like I wanna live in a place where the nature is amazing. There's no such thing in my country. Everything was green....

[Sabth]

:)

 

 

[Sabth]

4 hours ago, Sidra khan said:

❤️ I'd miss your beautiful face

R u gay? 

Hehe.  

I miss the time when I would pack my things last minute to go to the university after a break. I would do it truly in the last minute. Now I would pack my things too... But not to my university..   the destination is not to a university...  So it felt a bit weird..   I'm just going anywhere for nothing.

[Sabth]

I wanna be religious. 1 day 1 (nvm I already did this before .)

...

Something that I used to write in my lost book : 

Ideal man : sado & psychic. 

[Sabth]

On 5/16/2023 at 3:25 PM, Sabth said:

Precious Taeyeon

 

I really wanna go to Taeyeon's concert. In Bangkok or wherever it is.. I wanna go.

 

[Sabth]

I used to

 

Edited May 23, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

5 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

lmao

It's a bit of a loop.

You self-objectivize through a "self-actualization diary" so much that it makes you look cute/weakened "to the point" of sexually biasing attracting people who strongly appreciate this energy, out of attavism.
Khan is a woman, she doesn't even have to be gay because that plays out at deeper karmic levels than those involved, ordinarily, in any hetero-normative relationship.

 ???

I don't understand half of what you're sayin

.

Today, I'm going on a new journey. Hope everything are well.

7:44AM Wed, 24 May 2023

[Sabth]

I'm in the middle of travel and it's really a hard work. I love being home. And it's been a while. So I had a hard time adjusting to travelling again.  The purpose was to 

 

*Plan well...

Edited May 24, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

 

Life Path Number

When I was young, I used to calculate everyone's life path number. My life path number is six. It's accurate. I was also into enneagram & mbti etc.

In fact, when I got enrolled into a university, they make this (personality?) test for everyone and categorize you. So I had this one sheet of personality test paper. I think it was the one who measured your openmindedness/conscientiousness/neuroticism etc

I used to be an intp throughout high school but it then changed. (Look how long I've been taking these tests.) 

But my life path number is 6*. 

*Which is equal to someone I know who is the greatest sage. 

9 3 1989.    9 3 27.      9 3 9.    21.  3

(MBTI) It changes within the years and until one year, I can no longer be classified. Nothing fit me. These tests cannot be applied to me cuz I literally don't have a personality anymore. So I couldn't hv any (MBTI or socionics and the like)

Calculate your number and add it all. 

.

26 May 2023 10:29PM - I wish I can shop for more just now. But I shop only for the book. I wish I can shop for other things too. But didn't. Because my hands is full. So I only shop for the book. 

Anyway, today, I went back reminiscence on old route. Going back. But the difference was, I felt more easily tired now, compared to, back then. Huh? (Am I really getting old?) Or because I'm not used to walking now as compared to back then? 

Anyway, today I went out. My niece got into an accident and injured her chin. Needed a stitch. Such a scary thing to happen. I felt eery about it though it was a little stitch. .... ?

 

Edited May 27, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

5:41PM I am always in a state of missing somewhere. 30May 2023. 

Edited May 30, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

Now I'm done travelling. Now I'm home ☺️☺️☺️

[Sabth]

Maybe, 

going to Coventry UK would be good for me. And my mom. Like we used to be. Or mecca. Or Egypt. And the like. I don't know. I don't know what to do. Or how to get money so I could travel to places (that Ive missed). Or if it would even be good... (Travelling is a lot of hard work so plan wisely.) 

I don't know. Maybe going to the United States, a completely new country would be good. I don't know. I'm not currently doing anything with my life. I don't wanna travel aimlessly.. I'm tired. But I wanna do something of value. Currently, I can't afford to even buy a camera. Just a simple camera. Which makes my lifes worth it. 

So maybe I should think that first before I think of more travelling. 

[Sabth]

I don't know what to do with my life going forward. 

To do something of value. Or to make my life's worth it. I'm twenty now. Idk how to make my life's lost in time. Idk what is the best thing to do now. To make my 27years of living worth it. My first attempt at degree wasn't successful. Somehow. Just somehow. I didn't finish it. While having spent a lot of my time in it. Anyway, it was years ago. The other years next I've spent of self learning. Knowledge seeking. it was most spiritual. But not to it's complete full degree, as I was interrupted. So it was just for four years.. one, interconnected/overlapped with my degree. So I was distracted. 

 

I live only for 26years. Then I died. Everything me was stolen away from me. And I died. I was killed. My diary collections.. my artworks.. my files.. books.. everything.. was stolen. So my 26years of max , things that I've accumulated, my certificate (one and only cute certificate that is in the memory of the 18year-old me), my achievements, was stolen from me. 

 

It's raining now.  Heavily..