April's 30th.

[Sabth]

I feel like I'm starting a new journal?.

.

??Things I wanna tell my brother. 

I used to lock everything with a small lock ever since I was a child. In a small luggage (and then big). It was only a few years back when I've loosen my guard and leave it unlock (because I'm home anyway.) So I was with it unlocked. For however long it might be (I felt safe and complacent..) having it all beside me in my room. For the longest time I leave it unlocked. 

I'd never would hv guessed I would leave home. Or that anyone would take it after a long time into my old age. (Those things are old. Things that I've kept as a child.) Diaries.. drawings, and things that I've kept in a files. Now it's gone.

..

I used to keep it all locked in a luggage.  Guess I need to do that even when I'm old.  Things I would missed a lot would be something I've written in 2016..  there are a few books like that. I will miss it a lot. 

Edited April 30, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

Let's create a paradise. 

[Sabth]

I didn't actually went to create paradise yesterday and today..

[Sabth]

18 hours ago, Sabth said:

I didn't actually went to create paradise yesterday and today..

I got a lot of nightmare after writing this maybe its better to not write at all.. 

Writing this actually gives me a lot of nightmare. 

[Sabth]

I got a lot of new vivid dreams...

 

Edited May 5, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

Who I'd wanna be/aspire to be :

. She is just cool in appearance. To be in such age and fitness. I aspire to be like her when I was her age .

Hmm.  

.

Maybe planning a trip to  will work for ... My weight loss journey (there's going to be a lot of walk and 

Worship. 

.

I really, was really just looking into my own self development , I can't be focusing on other (4:20pm 5/5) I am truly just on my low now, though not the lowest. But I can only focus on myself. If that even works.. 

      -im not attending a university

      -ive been touched by many 

 

Look at all the things that I'm not. That is troubling me, I'm not at all on my best mode, so let me be me. I'm not in a good mode now... Im not well.. eh? My life is all over the places. 

I'm not at all together. This song comes to mind : 

7:08PM 5/05 I think there needs to be a change in lifestyle. I need to move from here (hence a u) . I can't live here. But I do wanna.  

Edited May 6, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

I'm so bored with life now. There's definitely a need to start "something", 

I'll write about this something later. Basically , I'm 27.1 now. I haven't started anything. I got a growing nieces and nephews. Idk.. while I don't want to feel like I have them yet. (It's kinda weird having such a gap in age and generation. I'm not ready.) 

2020

2021

2022

and now 2023. What about my lost footage? I remember those days with song releases. And also a phase ,all good memories. I love myself, is what comes to mind . Only my mom and father could not accept my personality and sent me to the hospital. Which really had scratch me from all of my essence and real personality & peak. I was forced , to not be myself. And was disconnected from all of my connections. Spiritually, and every way possible

.

My phone was lost in their hand. Samsung. (I still have yet to make a police report. ) When did I buy it? It was somewhere within/during the covid. I remembered them wanting to buy me an oppo, but I refuse and bought a Samsung. It has already been bought, but I resell if for 50$ cheaper.. and I bought a white Samsung. After I had went out of the hospital, they totally made me lose all my contact and make me rely on them 100% which is unlike my personality. Before. Totally unlike it. But when I went out, (all the crazy things I've went through in there within a month plus) they mad e me become totally dependent on them. So when I went out, I bought oppo. I totally had forgot myself of when /before I went there. Totally forgot my preference. And so I bought oppo. Oppo is somehow a brand that they all "endorsed" . But I was never into it. Since who knows when.. 2018? Or way before that? Idk. But I have always hated it. Because I want only one brand for the rest of my life

.

I don't like changing brand. (But I use Huawei before that) somehow, for a while..  now my phone is totally useless.. 

I don't have a preference, after I went out of the hospital. So I just buy anything. And it turns out to be "oppo". I dislike this phone but anyway, who cares? I wish I had more preference back then. But I've lost my sense of self after that. That I'm following my mom and become dependent on her a lot. That's what they've made me be. I despise it before and we're very... Apart. We don't even talk. I've really , completely , cut myself away from certain people during the 

I remember wanting or having to do everything by myself. But at least nothings went missing. Everything was preserved and well. I love that. Nothing went missing. If everything in my house is like the ancient Egypt..with all it's things.. that's how it felt

. The house felt ancient.. with all the dust. But everything are well preserved. That's what I like. But after they take me, all of my things was touched and a lot was stolen..

Idk what happened to it. But they killed me with my things. I am nothing without my belongings. After having put me in the hospital for over a month, without any contact or internet connection. I was killed.  

[Sabth]

...of what God is.... 

Back then, during my high school years, God would be everyone in it. The government, all the people in the state are close together, so it would be them too. We used to go to each other's houses. all, of those people could def sent me back home. Def. 

But now we had grown apart and there are more people in my "circle". My bubble of reality had grown bigger, somehow, throughout the years, but we aren't close. Or it wasn't the gov. Anymore.  Idk what I've been to. 

If back then, everyone in my school are god.. my life revolves around school. Now everyone that has crossed path with me are god? It's harder to bring everything back together. Recollection of everything or everyone that's ever happened to me. It would be weird too.. 

It's really weird.  I dont seem to keep close together depending on the years , I have had met a lot of people. 

I've joined 3 batch of x when you're supposed to join only one. So I've met a lot of people. But it can't be more. So I stop. I can't make it more. 

 

 

5:01PM 6May 2023. 

God who have , the governance . Back then we def had this. Now idk.

8:10PM 6May 2023

I just saw this and it is unbelievable. 

Gran Saga Chinese version. I can't believe it. 

[Sabth]

I used to be very proud of my writing. Now no longer. 

2:22AM

I just got a dream.  I dream a lot these days. But today's... (/This night's dream..  ) somehow.. people whom are in my past..  they're all in it.. and I was angry. 

[Sabth]

I used to /like my writings a lot. Now no longer. 

2:22AM

I just got a dream.  I dream a lot these days. But today's... (/This night's dream..  ) somehow.. people whom are in my past..  they're all in it.. and I was angry. Because I lost my hair tie. 

 

3:11AMp

New Insight. 

make up can be just for fun. It's not necessarily to cover up your insecurity /your face. In fact, the nicer your face is, the better. So it's good to wear it when you're young. Better than when you're old. 

I always thought make up can ruined your face, but it can actually be done just for fun. 

Edited May 6, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

.

Edited May 7, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

 

1:54PM 

Edited May 7, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

Idk how to look for work in my own country. 9:15PM 8/5/23

 

I'm so tired of design work I want something like math.

Edited May 10, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

I got way too many dreams....    Somehow.... 

There was the hospital , mango beetles , (small) cats and dogs all over the floor, and there was someone who wants to rape me but couldn't. Someone who's much bigger than me. And there are people from another world. Airplane.. etc. There was a big university houses(apartment/condominium) like a few of it, and a creepy lift (because it went to the lowest ground* and it was a university/hospital. Then I went up to the highest level which is the hospital. 

*Going to the lowest level that you're not supposed to. 

Then there are some Chinese people and the mango and the animals thing. 

I dream of someone again we had a fight. 5:47AM 9/5/23

 

I'll be content with just this. For now. 

 

Ice. I love ice. 

 

5:17 PM I wish I'd really be going to X with my mom. 

 

8:02PM idk why is it not everlasting..

It is meant to last forever.. 

 

8:09PM Where is my diaries? 

 

2:37AM 11th May , I dreamt of my brother and some home. It was quite a nostalgic dream. With people of the past. Make up? Or a mask, facial mask.. and about carrying something heavy. Like a plant ? or a bottled water (the dreamed transitions so smoothly) at first, it was at a restaurant which was my room/my home I wanna take some water that was then, full of ants. (Just a little in the scoop). So it transitions to a girl or an old aunt with a bottle water. And a tourist, or a traveller came and drink it.. the home was such a different version of this home...  Anyway, such a weird dream.  I wonder why I was still haunted by the past.   . There was also my hostel room from back then. Then , the facial mask. And the people of the past..  2:47AM may 11th. 

Edited May 11, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

I think I am no longer a listener..when I used to be a keen listener when I was younger. But now I could no longer do it. I think.

Or I need to sort things out. 

 

Rando

My mom always threatened to go far away or leave us when i was younger. 

///

I couldn't listen well I'm not well

..

[Sabth]

I looked at it wrongly. I thought it was usd but turns out to be hkd. 1680 usd and 1680 hkd is a lot of different . I thought it was more expensive than I thought. But it's reasonable..

 

I may wanna go to hk. 

 

Edited May 11, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

7:14PM Thu, May 11th 

Before the nights end, 

(This last night I feel good about my life but suddenly it turns bad). 

 

..

I'm gonna be very disappointed if I couldn't go to this concert. ,8:45pm

I'm already tired now. 

 

6:10pm I had turned sick and I don't know what to do. 

6:15pm how do I change my life for the better? 

[Sabth]

Just bought myself a fruit. I don't know ,when, it will recede... Reminds me of this fever ~ 

 

    Na. Nvm> 

9:08PM 

 

Drinking lemon water? 10:24PM

 

This is a song from back then, a long time ago. 10:48

Suddenly got this notification ;

 

Edited May 13, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

2:19pm Been fasting for a day and I'm hungry...  

5:08 I wish for a beautiful world... 

 

Edited May 14, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

Today, I'm gloomy. For not living an active life. Surrendering to my fate. Getting a shot. Idk how to make my life worth living anymore. 

Edited May 15, 2023 by Sabth