Lying to get someone to like you

[Average Investor]

When I was younger, I recall a time where I would lie about some stuff at the start of a relationship. It defiantly hurt my chances if I got caught. I would even become a "better version of myself" like trying more in school etc. 

I notice even in myself there is a bit of a push to be a bit more agreeable to other peoples desires at the start. However, I am radically honest and probably say more than I should at the start now. 

 

What kind of standards do you have when it comes to others lying to you at the start of a relationship? 

How much lying is tolerable? Or what is the severity of lying that you would tolerate? 

What if someone told you they didn't have a tattoo because they knew you didn't like them, but really has one? What if you called them out on it, but then they minimized about how big it was or didn't want to share. 

What topics or things would be a red flag for you? 

I would expect some lying as there would be a fear someone might not like you. However, I would be concerned there would be a lot more stuff someone could by hiding or lying about.  

 

Edit: Made the post a bit more clear. 

Edited April 28, 2023 by Average Investor

[NoSelfSelf]

None,no need to be liked or prove your worth to anyone,lying is just wasting time on people that are not for you...

[Average Investor]

@NoSelfSelf I agree with that. Personally, I have no need to lie. I actually prefer someone know exactly how I am. 

I looked into it a bit and it seems that lying at the start and giving into others values is pretty common. So I am curious what others would tolerate. 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Average Investor If you look it for a minute,giving into other values is admitting to yourself you aint nobody worth giving into, nothing good about you ,you are there to chase behind the woman or someone where they will choose if you worth something and not other way around....

Also i have no need to lie is a lie itself, because you wouldnt look for validation for trying to cover up you thinking you are not good enough because you actually dont know yourself...

Dont hate me im keeping it real

[UnbornTao]

At the beginning of a relationship, a show might be put on by both parties in order to feel mutually liked. In any case, be honest primarily with yourself and deal with others intelligently. Question what that would look like for you.

What if you give up the need to please others? What's behind that drive? Why is it there?

Recognize it as founded on certain self-assumptions in order to get free from them. Experientially grasp why this behavior is neither necessary nor useful. 

I know that this doesn't say much but maybe take a look into it.

Edited May 1, 2023 by UnbornTao

[Average Investor]

@NoSelfSelf I am pretty good on all of this for the most part I feel. I am quite confident in myself as a person. I just notice things like having kids I might be more agreeable on, when I am not really sure exactly what I want. 

I would say with that in general a good amount of that is just from not actually be sure on that value there. Rather than trying to actually get someone to like me. I would express that I am really not sure. 

[Average Investor]

15 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

Pinocchio!

Better be straightforward, primarily with yourself.

At the start of a relationship, I'd imagine that a show is put on by both parties in order to feel mutually liked. In any case, be honest and deal with others intelligently. What happens if you give up the behavior to please someone you barely know?

Not saying be a dick. Just what is behind that need to please? Why is it there? Recognize it as related to a fundamental self-assumption and work on dropping it, and see whether it was necessary. 

I know this doesn't say much, but take a look into it.

I am really upfront. Probably more upfront than most people these days. It's something I am working on for sure. I still notice some subtle things if I like someone though like not being as picky on certain things if I already like them. Things that I would have been more picky about otherwise. 

I probably should have highlighted this more in my post, but I am more interested in screening others for these lies and things at the start. Less on what I could do to improve on think about why I might do it. The example I gave is something that I experienced with a girl recently and I am not really sure what to make of that. 

Even in this case I am kind of unsure how think about this exact issue. I like this girl and I did actually confront here over the tattoo, because I figured she had one. I showed up to a class she was at and her tattoo is pretty massive compared to how she played it off. 

I am probably way over thinking it at this point. I didn't even approach her again. I just had seen the tattoo and didn't do anything after that. Just did the class and left. 

Edited April 28, 2023 by Average Investor

[NoSelfSelf]

@Average Investor Again you say you are confident and then that you are not sure,first check lies in yourself before looking for others,if you can notice in yourself you can then notice in others and move accordingly...

Im bit confused what we discussing at this point ?

[Average Investor]

@NoSelfSelf You're good. I think saying the bits about myself in the post made this more confusing. 

Mostly just wanted to see how much initial deception should be tolerated from a romantic partner. 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Average Investor You tolerate based upon your standard for relationship and how much you respect yourself, your end mission with her etc. Nobody can answer you that but yourself,there is beauty in that....

[integral]

There is information that is worth withholding at the beginning of the relationship, once things get started and trust/comfort built then you can unload some heaver stuff.

Women bound about the image they create about you, you don't want to disclose that you broke and living with your mother.  Do that after they bound not before. 

[Average Investor]

@integral It's fair. I think I have just reached a point where most of those things are gone for me. I am not wealthy, but I have my own business and my own place. So it makes it easier for me to put all the cards out. For me I realize I am probably in the top % of men in my age group. Not that I have anything super special about me, but I have put a ton of efforts into making myself a high quality man. 

If I had other limitations, which I have had then I probably would put that stuff off more. 

[Eyowey]

The best way to lie is by telling the truth in such a way that it sounds better than it actually is. Instead of saying you're unemployed you can say that you're not a wage slave. For example. 

[Buck Edwards]

Lying is only possible within the context of a relationship, not at the beginning. Once the bond is getting stronger, the lying habit dies down. 

Transparency in any meaningful relationship is the thumb rule. 

[hyruga]

Lying isn't good and is usually detrimental to the relationship. It's always good to be truthful. Even the omission of truth is lying.

The only time lying may be allowed is when you say white lies (things that are harmless and probably save time).
Example of white lies: You tell the bank teller that you don't have a pen so she'll send one over and you don't have to rummage through your bag.

Edited April 30, 2023 by hyruga

[M A J I]

If you base your relationship with someone from a lie, it will never be fruitful because its based on something that is false so the relationship will be false, they will cheat on you, you will cheat on them, betrays, lies, fights ect.. Truth is what you want and what you need.

If you tell a lie the Karma will be your future, but if you speak the truth the karma will be your past.

[gettoefl]

have to contemplate what is lying

it is maintaining two versions of reality, the real me and the manicured me

we all do this, we wear sweats when no-one is looking, we put on our glad rags to go on a date

lying is saying i deny you access to the real me

and i shall keep you in this realm until i say otherwise or until you wise up

we all do this but most will lie they do so as they don't know what lying means

i mean who in their life has worn their sweats and not showered before a first date ... rhetorical question

so now you understand this, learn to use lying judiciously, you have one shot in this god given bod

final point, never admit that you are liar

some truths are too painful for even the most self aware

 

 

[UnbornTao]

A profound level of honesty should be a key element in any intimate relationship. The tolerance I have for lying is very low. I wouldn't even think about starting or keeping a relationship with a liar and/or manipulative woman. That's why people like some of us are perpetual hermits lol

Edited May 1, 2023 by UnbornTao

[Roy]

The entire mating game is a subtle back and forth game of lies and manipulations to attract and lure the other person in. As you get more comfortable and get to know someone each person peels back the curtains of mystery bit by bit until the authentic version of themselves is revealed. Nobody is straight p brutally honest about their intentions and desires, I've never seen it. It also doesn't work, if you were unhinged levels of honest people would think you're autistic or you'd get reported to the police because pure honesty is like sunlight to the vampire of Ego.

Since this is how the game works, lying isn't really so bad. The problem is when the lie is too egregious or harmful. How it makes you or the other person feel gives you a pretty good idea of where the lines are of what is ok and what isn't.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Roy ?‍♂️