When You Realize Your Faults

[spicy_pickles]

I've done something in the past that has lead me to the mess I'm in now. 

People pleaser, right?  I've been manipulated. I've been taken advantage of. I am not the victim, the person doing this is playing that card. 

Everything I did was wrong. My actions were wrong.  Therefore, I apologized and promised to be better. That made the victim happy. Until the next "misstep" came along. Oh, I was reminded of my actions. Could this person do wrong?  Of course. But if I spoke my mind about how it made me upset, I was wrong.  I didn't understand. That person should be allowed to get away with these things because of all the horrible and terrible events in their life. What is wrong with me?  Where's my sympathetic ear?  Jeez, I'm such a horrid person. 

And just like that a light clicked. I've been used and taken advantage of. Will this person ever see this?  No. I will still be the most horrible person on the face of the earth. 

[Nahm]

@spicy_pickles pretty vague. What did you do to who? Talking about it takes all of it's energy away. It's hard though. 

[SLICKHAWK]

Everything is. imagination can create illusions of true identity. 

You are not a victim your choice. Who plays the card? is it you? 

This game as you see it is played only in your own self being. not that other loser you refer too. 

[spicy_pickles]

I realized my faults now. What I should have seen from day one. 

I should have seen I was being used / treated poorly. 

[jjer94]

41 minutes ago, spicy_pickles said:

I realized my faults now. What I should have seen from day one. 

I should have seen I was being used / treated poorly. 

Sounds like you're stuck in the past.

It's done. You can't change it. No point in thinking those events shouldn't have happened. You know what those thoughts are? Suffering.

This is coming from a fellow people pleaser, by the way.

You know how some people say that your worst moments are your best teachers? Let's say these "faults" of yours happened so that you could learn from them, as you're doing now.

You're dealing with a decades-long neurosis here. Be gentle and patient. Awareness is the first step. You're doing great.

I think it would be a good idea for you to reframe your neuroses as protection mechanisms rather than ailments. I wrote about that here.

Cheers!

Edited March 14, 2017 by jjer94

[spicy_pickles]

1 hour ago, jjer94 said:

Sounds like you're stuck in the past.

It's done. You can't change it. No point in thinking those events shouldn't have happened. You know what those thoughts are? Suffering.

This is coming from a fellow people pleaser, by the way.

You know how some people say that your worst moments are your best teachers? Let's say these "faults" of yours happened so that you could learn from them, as you're doing now.

You're dealing with a decades-long neurosis here. Be gentle and patient. Awareness is the first step. You're doing great.

I think it would be a good idea for you to reframe your neuroses as protection mechanisms rather than ailments. I wrote about that here.

Cheers!

I just read the information on the link you provided. 

I have it saved. It is bookmarked. It is easily accessible for me. 

I am going to re-read it. 

Thank you. Thank you for providing that.