How to stop desiring to win?

[Dodo]

I have been a loser for most of my life. I always seek winning at everything, even my enlightenment pursuit is because I want to win the ultimate game. 

I play video games in order to experience winning, but I only lose my time. I gamble in order to experience winning and end up losing time and money... I write posts on actualised in order to Win at writing something insightful and get my dopamine hit from someone replying - if they agree I win, if they don't, I make sure to argue my point further and get the win. 

J guess its natural to want to win, but how can I stop being this victory seeking junkie? Why can't I just be content being a loser, it's not like any of it matters.

 

I just want to live a content life, to do my job and to not want to be rich. I dont want to want to be with a beautiful girl...  I dont want to want to smoke in order to get my hit. Its all pointless..  I dont want to not be a loser. I dont want to want to be a winner aanymore as it is never enough!!!

 

Please Help Me

 

 

 

[Yimpa]

 

[Breakingthewall]

Well, you have to stop needing to be a winner for the feeling of being a winner, but you have to be a winner to get the things you want, not because of ego but because of the things themselves. freedom, human love, money... they need to be worked and achieved, they will not appear alone. at least for me. you have to fight all day for it, if not, you sink into shit. inertia leads you to swim in a washing machine full of shit, so you have to fight and win, but with humility, not for your character but for your dignity as a human

[Dodo]

3 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

Well, you have to stop needing to be a winner for the feeling of being a winner, but you have to be a winner to get the things you want, not because of ego but because of the things themselves. freedom, human love, money... they need to be worked and achieved, they will not appear alone. at least for me. you have to fight all day for it, if not, you sink into shit. inertia leads you to swim in a washing machine full of shit, so you have to fight and win, but with humility, not for your character but for your dignity as a human

You dont understand my position fully, I keep trying to win and I keep failing, I am a natural loser. 

I have to resign to not being rich and to not having a beautiful and kind girl in my life. And I have to learn somehow to like that, because if I keep trying to win, I just go further and further into the rabbit hole, trying to do something that is apparently impossible for me. It's like I am causing self harm to myself because of desiring too much.
 

Desiring the perfect dream, but this is reality and its ugly and I have to deal with it. I cant win, thats why I am writing this post, no matter how much I try. No matter how good my analysis on crypto, my position always gets stopped out right at the bottom and then the b*stard proceeds to move higher without me. It's like they went back just to take ME out, and now without any money I will have to experience the agony of watching the price rise just as my analysis said without me, for the 10000th time. 

I give up and have to resign to being a wage slave for the rest of my miserable life, if I dont die of cancer soon from all the smoking Im doing because of the constant stress.

 

Anyway, I just need someone to tell me its ok to be a loser and that that's only my ego, while im actually God, (right?) as awareness, but that God me appearantly cant really do God stuff, it can only watch the ego fail for fun I  guess. 

Edited April 27, 2023 by Dodo

[Breakingthewall]

29 minutes ago, Dodo said:

Anyway, I just need someone to tell me its ok to be a loser and that that's only my ego, while im actually God, (right?) as awareness, but that God me appearantly cant really do God stuff, it can only watch the ego fail for fun I  guess

Yeah sure it's like that, and you can fight and fight to improve your position and get hit by a car and become a quadriplegic. but still, what else can you do in the material world than fight to avoid what you don't want and get what you do want? Regardless of the result, I see no other option. if you want to eat, you must look for food, if you do not want to be enslaved, you must find a way to avoid it. but as you say, if you're in a position that you really can't get out of, it's best to adapt to it and take advantage of it. In the end, as you say, it's the same. it's just the dream. Trying for a better dream is an ego thing, so adapting to what is there may be the smartest option.

[Kksd74628]

@Dodo

Again we see this circle jerking here in the forum. Don't play mindgames to validate being a loser. You must win and be a champion. Go win!

[Salvijus]

Person is always in competition, person's worth is always determined by relation to other persons. And it will never be sayisfied with being second. So it is doomed to struggle and suffer the impossible competition.

The more we move into presence, we become less and less defined. When we become totally empty, there's nothing to compare yourself anymore with. You're no longer the greatest, you're no longer the worst, you are simply no longer, you're just Presence and strain of competition are over.

That's the only way

Edited April 27, 2023 by Salvijus

[r0ckyreed]

Ambition is important. Focus on what victories are worth pursuing. Being content with mediocrity isn’t something you want to win at. 

[Salvijus]

One who is in competition is in perpetual state of conflict. Even if you become the number one guy in the universe, it will not give you peace. It's only when the desire to be better then others is completely dropped that you find wholeness that no one can compete with.

Edited April 27, 2023 by Salvijus

[thierry]

By twisting consciousness, you get a twisted Mind. That’s what you deserve. Time to pay for the bad karma to « untwist » that. 
 

(It takes some kind of intelligence to twist consciousness so we might say there’s at least something positive) 

[Kksd74628]

@Salvijus

2 hours ago, Salvijus said:

One who is in competition is in perpetual state of conflict. Even if you become the number one guy in the universe, it will not give you peace. It's only when the desire to be better then others is completely dropped that you find wholeness that no one can compete with.

That's true, but I still say that in this context we just need to build ourself to be better. It's never okay to be loser, period. People tend to use spirituality to be lazy fuckers. I made thread about this thing in the past.

 

[Salvijus]

@Kksd74628 i would agree. Context is impartant and different times require different wisdom. I didn't excpet anyone to actually follow up on it (as if it's that easy to become fully enlightened). It was more like thought provoking lines for self reflection

[Yimpa]

5 hours ago, Dodo said:

Anyway, I just need someone to tell me its ok to be a loser and that that's only my ego, while im actually God, (right?) as awareness, but that God me appearantly cant really do God stuff, it can only watch the ego fail for fun I  guess. 

  We don’t condone hate on this forum… especially self-hated.

[Dodo]

6 hours ago, r0ckyreed said:

Ambition is important. Focus on what victories are worth pursuing. Being content with mediocrity isn’t something you want to win at. 

All I wanted is to catch the damn cryptocurrency bottom, and I did, with my last 20 dollars I was able to get the best entry thanks to fibonacci on very high leverage and if only I didn't add a little more units my trade would still be on.

My trade was in great profit, I was able to focus on other things and not think about crypto anymore. Then the price retraced and my trade ofcourse survived because I had a great entry, so then when it started rising I decided to add a little more units which slightly increased my average, but a lot of time had gone and I thought its the right time...

 Lo and behold the scammers appearantly saw that and 1 hour after I added this happened and my amazing position got reduced to ashes, and just as it did, the damn price reversed and we will never see it lower again. 

There is no going back and my money from work are now tied for a long time, but even if I did get 20 bucks, i would never be able to get such a good low risk trade and they will just take me out while I sleep. 

I cant so this anymore... i know for some of you this would seem like im being overly dramatic but this was my one and only chance to get out of the deep hole I had dug for myself and now I am emotionally and psychologically raped as I will have to watch the most amazing bull run from the sidelines.  Now I know it wont fall any longer because I have been taken out and thats what it was waiting for.

Reality cannot let a loser win. 

 

Just for refeerence jf you dont understand what this chart means, my position was in profit for 18 straight days then the hour I decided to add a little bit more units which increased my average and liquidation price by 0.300$,  it collapsed and liquidated my position and then it started flying with me unable to get back in because my account is overdrawn. 

:))) and it was the easiest long ever.... and now it will never return. There is no time machine. I really want to punch someone and I am not in a good state of mind. I want to just die tonight in my sleep,  thats how much this meant to me. 

 

At least i wanted my analysis to be proven wrong, but it wont.

 

 

Edited April 27, 2023 by Dodo

[Moksha]

8 hours ago, Dodo said:

You dont understand my position fully, I keep trying to win and I keep failing, I am a natural loser. 

?Congratulations, you have just realized what the vast majority of humans spend their entire lives denying. If the realization that you are a loser makes you depressed, let your losership sink even deeper to the point of absolute desperation. 

Rock bottom sincerity is required to surrender the pursuit of meaning outside of yourself. You have no choice but to fall into the inner void.

Don't worry, the absolute love within is patiently waiting. When you realize it, you will be more free than you can currently imagine to thrive for the rest of your dream life.

[Dodo]

1 hour ago, Moksha said:

?Congratulations, you have just realized what the vast majority of humans spend their entire lives denying. If the realization that you are a loser makes you depressed, let your losership sink even deeper to the point of absolute desperation. 

Rock bottom sincerity is required to surrender the pursuit of meaning outside of yourself. You have no choice but to fall into the inner void.

Don't worry, the absolute love within is patiently waiting. When you realize it, you will be more free than you can currently imagine to thrive for the rest of your dream life.

Im at the point of anger at the moment, i found myself screaming out of control in pure rage, almost broke my vocal cords. Truly a sad display but felt a little better. 

Better watch some Eckhart tolle pain body stuff.... and suppress my demons further

[The0Self]

Ask yourself if you’re seeking 1. being content with being a loser, or 2. being content with being a winner. Because it’s not clear which one you’re less content with. 

Edited April 27, 2023 by The0Self

[Dodo]

39 minutes ago, The0Self said:

Ask yourself if you’re seeking 1. being content with being a loser, or 2. being content with being a winner. Because it’s not clear which one you’re less content with. 

Obviously I want to be a winner. When I win, I feel good. I play chess whenever i want to forget my other problems and some meaningless win there makes me feel better for some reason. 

"I crushed this fool" 

"Well i might be a complete failure in life but did you see that epic queen sacrifice and forced checkmate" 

This entire post here is because I suffered a loss in something I really value and my winner bubble burst, revealing again my sad reality. 

I imagine all the guys out there having sex with beautiful women and making big money, but me as a failure in life, I am unable to work a high paying job and I have physical defects that make it hard for me to get the girls (even if its mostly psychological), even though in the past, before my skin problems, I had my fair share of attractive girls.

How do so many people have cars, I cannot even afford a mcdonalds meal and there is a constant stream of people with cars out there. There's always someone at the bars, how do people manage these things?

Have I missed the wealth allocation? Did I get the wrong end of the gene pool to be struggling so much to live a normal life like I see everyone around me lives? 

The only thing I am competent in is trading crypto and I failed even on that because I got a bit greedy at the wrong time. 

But anyway, it could always be worse! Thats what keeps me going sometimes. It is true many have it better than me, but there are also some who have it worse, some even a lot worse.

I just wish this dream would stop being a nightmare for a bit and let me breathe a sigh of relief, let something good happen in my life... i really cant wait for bedtime, sleeping is by far the best part of my existence,  I wish I could just sleep forever.

I am thankful for having a roof over my head and somewhere to sleep, that is for sure. 

Edited April 27, 2023 by Dodo

[Moksha]

56 minutes ago, Dodo said:

.... and suppress my demons further

Demons grow bigger the more you suppress them, but they are wimps to love. It's judo, not karate.

Eckhart Tolle is fine, or whatever else creates space from the egoic mind and allows a little inner light to seep through.

[gettoefl]

this alone counts

heed not outcomes

play with passion

win and lose

don't give fucks

keep on playing

sweating stretching sparring 

give your totality

then head home

fall into bed

tomorrow same again