How to stop desiring to win?

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, Squeekytoy said:

Better let those demons out and put them to good use. 

Yeah, and give them some warm cookies straight out of the oven while you’re at it..

[Ulax]

I’d say spirituality, ie meditation, and/or shadow work, ie deep psychotherapy.

[Yimpa]

8 hours ago, Ulax said:

I’d say spirituality, ie meditation, and/or shadow work, ie deep psychotherapy.

I agree. Working with a top tier therapist expands your mind, rather than just correcting you. They are committed to understanding you, rather than forcing you to fit into their idea of what is right. 

Good luck finding one like that, though. They’re exceptionally rare. 

[Ulax]

5 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

I agree. Working with a top tier therapist expands your mind, rather than just correcting you. They are committed to understanding you, rather than forcing you to fit into their idea of what is right. 

Good luck finding one like that, though. They’re exceptionally rare. 

@Yimpa I think they’re pretty hard to come by too. However I think you get much better odds if one goes to a high consciousness therapy modality like gestalt or ifs. Tho still important to vet imo

[Yimpa]

@Ulax I didn’t start working with a top tier therapist until I started using psychedelics seriously. 

And just to clarify, when I say top tier, I don’t mean that you judge them solely by their academic achievements or years of experience. It’s more about working with someone who genuinely connects with you.

Psychedelics can help you understand yourself better, so that’s why I don’t think it was an accident that I’m finally working with one that gets me. 

[ryandesreu]

Be in the now. Loss is past. Sulking about outcome is like sulking about aging or the weather. It's pointless. Instead, focus on attitude, effort and doing what's best.

May we have the serenity to accept what is, the courage to change what we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, ryandesreu said:

Be in the now. Loss is past.

Loss is not just in the past. You could have someone pass away 50 years ago and still feel that loss in this present moment.

[X_X]

I've been there.. wanting to give up all my dreams in hopes of relief, but being unable despite all my efforts and agony.

The only way anyone can give up their dreams and be content in face of ultimate failure is if they have the only thing that truly matters. 

Themselves. Their power of equanimity. Self-confidence. Self-trust. Integrity. Detachment. Clarity. 

Connect with your authentic self, be assertive, and you will not need anything. You will enjoy all aspects and challenges of life ...victory or defeat.

That's not an easy change, so start small. Take small steps towards reclaiming responsibility over the quality of your life. 
I think you concentrate too much on your external circumstances. Meditate daily. Learn to see that your judgements are the only cause of disturbances that exist. Change your judgement and you will change the quality of your life. This takes power, so meditate, exercise (physically) and practice responsibility. Remember life is short, and it's a foolish to waste it by suffering and worrying needlessly 

Edited May 1, 2023 by X_X

[Breakingthewall]

On 27/4/2023 at 7:55 PM, Dodo said:

All I wanted is to catch the damn cryptocurrency bottom, and I did, with my last 20 dollars I was able to get the best entry thanks to fibonacci on very high leverage and if only I didn't add a little more units my trade would still be on.

That's speculation and it is something empty and meaningless. If you want to be successful, you don't have to focus on winning over anyone, but on giving your best to contribute in the most positive way possible. As long as you don't have this focus, work will be a curse.

[UnbornTao]

Do you want to stop winning, or are you rather asking about how to learn to recognize and enjoy any given process and its result/effect? First recognize there's a process preceding any accomplishment, be it a long or instant one.

[Yimpa]

You stop desiring to win by understanding Yourself deeply.

You cannot win if Everything is already win.

[Dodo]

8 hours ago, Yimpa said:

You stop desiring to win by understanding Yourself deeply.

You cannot win if Everything is already win.

It's not already win though. But thats partly the thing, i had an "epiphany" that everything everyone does is in order to win (maybe subconsciously if not conscious)

Isn't the reason anyone wants to be "enlightened" is to win? As you say, "Everything is a win" - a very enlightened like statement. There you go, we are all junkies for winning. We had to win the race to even be born. And God knows what races exist in the spirit realm if such a place is real. 

What makes it so desirable? Are there people who relish in losing? But if they relish in losing, that will be a win for them... Tough one.

Edited May 2, 2023 by Dodo

[Breakingthewall]

3 minutes ago, Dodo said:

What makes it so desirable? Are there people who relish in losing? But if they relish in losing, that will be a win for them... Tough one.

having a win/lose mentality is already directly having lost. You are a loser even if you win. what you have to do is look for the greatest beauty in your life possible, go little by little tending towards that as far as you can, without any kind of comparison with anything. as soon as you compare, you have lost

[tuku747]

Just enjoy playing the game more than learn from both your wins and losses. Ideally, you should recognize your opponent as your friend; a sparring partner, if you will

 

[Yimpa]

2 hours ago, Dodo said:

What makes it so desirable?

Another way to frame winning is accomplishing something that you didn’t know you could do. 

If before you were hitting yourself against a wall to figure something out, and now it comes naturally, that’s a win.

2 hours ago, Dodo said:

Are there people who relish in losing? But if they relish in losing, that will be a win for them... Tough one.

When you consciously expose yourself to situations that bring you to your edge or unknown, it doesn’t matter if you do it correctly. You’re in that position to grow and understand yourself. That’s a win.

Feeding into addictions, on the other hand, is a cycle that reinforces you to always be in a losing position. It’s like a bully that keeps coming back and threatening you to do something you really don’t want to be doing; they won’t leave you until you do it.

And that cycle of abuse continues endlessly… that is, until you realize your true potential, and realize that you don’t need that bully running your life.

[Razard86]

On 4/27/2023 at 6:11 AM, Dodo said:

You dont understand my position fully, I keep trying to win and I keep failing, I am a natural loser. 

I have to resign to not being rich and to not having a beautiful and kind girl in my life. And I have to learn somehow to like that, because if I keep trying to win, I just go further and further into the rabbit hole, trying to do something that is apparently impossible for me. It's like I am causing self harm to myself because of desiring too much.
 

Desiring the perfect dream, but this is reality and its ugly and I have to deal with it. I cant win, thats why I am writing this post, no matter how much I try. No matter how good my analysis on crypto, my position always gets stopped out right at the bottom and then the b*stard proceeds to move higher without me. It's like they went back just to take ME out, and now without any money I will have to experience the agony of watching the price rise just as my analysis said without me, for the 10000th time. 

I give up and have to resign to being a wage slave for the rest of my miserable life, if I dont die of cancer soon from all the smoking Im doing because of the constant stress.

 

Anyway, I just need someone to tell me its ok to be a loser and that that's only my ego, while im actually God, (right?) as awareness, but that God me appearantly cant really do God stuff, it can only watch the ego fail for fun I  guess. 

1. The problem is you think you need someone or something outside of yourself for validation. Hence you used the word I need someone to tell me its ok to be a loser. Why do you believe this nonsense story? You don't need ANYONE to tell you its okay to be any which way. The ONLY opinion that matters in life is YOUR OPINION. And you fool yourself into thinking you have never thought this way. When you disagree that is you saying that is my opinion that you are wrong. When you agree with someone you are saying it is my opinion you are right.

So notice you have always been choosing what is right and wrong based on your OPINION!! So if you have been doing that why do you delude yourself into believing the fantasy that you need someone to tell you its okay to be a loser? Notice all that will happen is if they TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR, you will either accept it or reject it. This means you ALWAYS have power over your own view points and you are deluding yourself that you need HELP to figure out if it is okay to be a loser.

Even more loser and winner are co-dependent, they rely on each other. You can't have a winner without a loser and vice versa. This means that a loser and winner ARE THE SAME THING and only appear different! You say I don't agree they can't be the same thing how is it possible. Easy because win and lose is a frame. We can play a game and I can view just playing the game as winning, whereas you can view winning as beating me in competition. Then you can brag to me and say haha I beat you. If I don't accept your definition of winning then I can NEVER lose. I literally have to accept your definition of what winning is, for there to be a loser. So if there is no loser, a winner cannot exist. 

A game is a set of rules that creates winner and loser, but you are not required to accept that definition to play the game. Thus all you need is to take back your authority and stop looking to OTHERS to define YOURSELF. YOU define yourself NOT OTHERS. Why? Because OTHERS are YOU. Being with others is the same as being in your room by yourself. Go in your room, contemplate ONENESS and break through your illusions.