Question: Do you think it's possible to have a healthy long term relationship when you are - at least approximately - not in the same "stage"? Very often in talks or in conflicts with my gf, I see that she is not able to see or to understand what I am saying, While I believe that this is "normal" to some degree, I feel that it increasingly bothers be that we don't really understand each other. It's not a "I am better than you " but rather a "OK I see where you are right now. I really do like you a lot but I wonder if I am the right person for you right now (and vice versa)" It costs me more and more energy because it automatically puts us in a "teacher - student" or a even a "perpetrator-victim" role setting. For instance, we have a conflict and I say "Ok, I realize I did this and that etc and I am sorry" while she just goes into accusations towards me and refuses to take responsibility for her actions. Sometimes I stay calm, see it for what it is (insecurity, trauma, ego, subconscious protection mechanisms of the psyche). I tell myself that what matters is focusing on me, that she is the way she is (with other great qualities) and as best as I can I refrain from any expectations of how she should behave. Doing my best to accept her just the way she is. But sometimes it really bothers me. I know and I feel she is adding drama where conflict could be avoided easily. And the way we both are, we cannot talk eye to eye because of these roles and patterns. I know people change and I do see a lot of development in her. At the same time, I have been growing as well and the "gap" between stays the same.  I also believe that she is bothered by it as well, but in an opposite way. She once said "how do you think it feels when you have the feeling that the other person (=me) is so much more mature than yourself?" One of my thoughts is that maybe in the past, I "needed" these roles for validation and recognition. That's why I (subconsciously) chose back than her but now I wonder about the fit in the today... PS: I know Spiral Dynamics is just a model and not the reality. But I do find value in it as it helps to cluster believes and values I see in people + people knowing SD will get my question without me doing a lot of explanation