What doing nothing has done for "me". A biography and journal of Zedd.

[Lord God]

This shall serve to document my journey towards enlightenment, and hopefully contain enough insights to assist other truth seekers in their quest. I do not promise to update this religiously as true insights are few and far between, but I will update it whenever I feel I have something worth sharing or which should be acknowledged. I hope you enjoy the ride as much as I do the actual experience. I warn you this first post will be quite lengthy as I feel it's important for me to recall as much of this journey as I can from the beginning to now, mainly in the hopes of garnering some insights myself from the retelling of it. I actually don't expect anyone to read it in it's entirety, but if you do I appreciate any criticism you provide.

"I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams." - W.B. Yeats

Looking back my journey towards truth started long ago. An excerpt from a depressed 14-year old mes now defunct myspace page yields the following: "I do not believe that human beings remember what it is to be happy anymore. We have lost our sense of purpose and being, and it is my goal in life to find it. I also want to push the limits of this physical body to find out what is actually possible outside the realm of doubt". At that time there were a number of things nagging at me, the proverbial "splinter in the back of your mind" as Morpheus eloquently put it. I was annoyed with societies treatment of each other and the planet, the complete lack of appreciation I saw in others of nature and it's beautiful tapestry. Worse I was very introverted and constantly judging others for seeking external validation, while at the same time being annoyed at how judgmental we have become. Most of all though I was lost. Those days I spent many a nights on MSN with people decades older than me trying to figure out the age old question of who am I? What is the purpose of this existence, and of the many "me's" and opinions waging war in my head over the future, which are actually me?

Back then I had a bad taste in my mouth for religion, I had been forced by parents to attend church for many years. I instantly recognized the tendrils of it's oppressive nature as it enthralled many with it's politician like promises. Always promising to deliver the answer and never truly giving it, one story after another each as obviously false as the last. This entrenched distaste lasted a long time and turned me off of anything related to spirituality at all. Being lost as I was, and seeing no real avenue in 21st century life to pursue these questions I let life takes it's course and fell asleep. Giving into the ego completely I went on a 10 year ego trip, seeking no spiritual help, and "enjoying" many failed relationships and business launches. My young days of being in love with anime such as Dragon Ball Z, and questioning what is possible were replaced by the cold calculations of a computer scientist. Worst of all I had become to an extent intolerant and antisocial. I simply could not abide the company of those who externally validated, and moving into the realm of computer science and martial arts allowed me to dissociate from others near completely. Pursuing studies late in the night, or training the body which required no thought. This granted me a degree of personal freedom I truly enjoyed. I certainly wouldn't say I had done badly for myself, though I never truly pursued my potential. And even as intolerant as I was, I was never rude. Simply judgmental,close minded, and completely rational.

All that being said I could not completely remove the splinter in my mind and moved on to create my own agnostic view of the world. To me everything was alive, and all things were part of some system or another. I recognized that the cells in my body all came together to produce me, just as humans as individual cells gathered together to produce humanity, and all of life comes together to produce what we call "Earth". This could be further seen in Solar systems, or galaxies, one body simply a cell for a larger and larger body. In this manner I noticed that all things were alive, not just those we interpreted to be. I thought of a planet as it's own organism dancing away with it's kin under the surveillance of a star. This recognition of life in the inanimate and the reconciliation that everything is a system based on another system, and all essentially part of one universe was a viewpoint I dubbed "universal perspective". I had thought about writing a book on it, but never running into like minded people I eventually shelved that as nothing more than an idle curiosity. It was replaced with mundane tasks like my dog, my love life, and of course MONEY.

At the end of those 10 years, being about 24 I began to find a boredom in life's repetitious nature. So many around me were completely false and weren't interested in deep subjects like philosophy or existence, preferring to repeat weather patterns, or always retell of the same issues at work day after day. When I wanted money I could obtain it with ease which took the flavor from material goods. There just didn't seem much purpose in living except to experience the next day and fall asleep. I began to be pretty lazy and unmotivated. Becoming disillusioned to my idea of what love was also played a huge part in this. Having had multiple long term relationships only to see each one ultimately fail, left me with the realization that not only was what I perceived to be love temporary, but I could also have that like money on the fly. Falling in love was easy, making it last was the hard part. I spent the better part of the year in that state, putting on close to 60lbs and just not feeling like there was anything new to experience, or any real reason or goal to aim for.

This next part is going to sound like a pretty big hype for psychedelics, please do not take it as such as I do not personally recommend them to anyone. My trip is here because it is an honest part of my journey and to deny it's effects would be false, that being said no one I tripped with has ever had close to the same journey as I had, and I cannot in any real sense say that these things will contribute to your search for truth.

That depression and lack of motivation all ended in one night. The night I tried shrooms. I had always been a bit of a pot smoker, hanging around with techies brought this on, and I recognized from my own studies that certain illegal drugs were actually far more holistic than alcohol or cigarettes. So when a friend offered me to try shrooms, I checked out the ramifications on the body and decided it was worth a shot. I had no idea what I was in for.

The onset was difficult, and most of my first trip took me through emotional hoops whereby I recognized every judgement I had made on people. The emotional weights I was still holding onto from failed relationships and blame I placed on parental figures were laid bare. It was like my self, and my conscious mind were two separate things, and I could study at my own leisure any emotional knot and trace it's roots in my personality. One play through of Pink Floyd's Endless River and I forgave my ex's, removed my judgements of people, and recognized within me how much I had been in the wrong in so many situations. I also found myself recognizing how lucky I was for the circle for friends I was with, and the partner I had. It was no longer a question of what spending time with them added to my life, but appreciating every facet of them as an art piece, not to mention realizing my own greed and how much I had missed out on because of it. I left that trip exhausted, but feeling like there was so much more to life in plain view that I had missed.

This lead to our second trip as a group, which I approached with a much more open mind than the first. I was now seeing a light to the world and realizing there may be a lot more pieces to the puzzle of life that I had missed. Furthermore my recognition of universal perspective could not have been stronger, I felt as though I had denied the one part of me that may have held the key all along. This trip was the most intense, it was the day I recognized the conceptual universe. It all started with the question of what is possible, and how do you define possibility and impossibility? This lead me to realize that every argument I had for something being impossible was only based on second hand knowledge and not actually something I had verified, furthermore I recognized everything as a concept. "Up" was a concept, "Down" was a concept, "Zedd" was a concept, my friends were concepts, language was a matrix of concepts, countries and cultures were concepts, literally everything. This lead to the question, now that I can see these are just concepts, what is a concept made out of? What creates a concept, and how does one control a concept? After all impossibility was just a concept, it was the duality to possibility, neither one really having any true barring on the nature of reality.

Coming down I found a great many likenesses between this conceptual reality and my knowledge of computer science. I don't want to get to technical, but my understanding of object oriented programming really started to beg the question of what is existence? Thus I have to give a quick rundown to be understood:  Object oriented programming is designed in such a way as to be very recyclable with ones code. When you create code you create a Parent class, and all instances of that class are child classes. To give an example linguistically, if I were to write a program for someone who creates vehicles I would first create a Parent class called "vehicles" which would have some properties: Number of passengers, type of engine, and fuel type.  I would then create child classes "land vehicles" and "air vehicles" which would have their own properties like number of wheels and number of doors for land, or number of wings and number of engines for air. The important thing to take from this is both land vehicles and air vehicles would also have all the properties of the vehicles class.

I then took this metaphor and applied it to humans. Are not humans just a child class of humanity? Is not humanity a child class of the earth? Earth the solar system, the solar system the galaxy, and the galaxy the universe? Am I not then a child of the universe? Does that not grant me the same abilities and properties of the universe as well? If I'm a concept or code, does not code which recognize it's code have the same properties as all parent classes behind it. Essentially I was asking the question if I am a child of God, does that not also make me God with all that entails?

I wanted to investigate further into the nature of code, now recognizing myself as nothing more than a concept with properties. I read the book "Code" by Charles Petzold, and came to understand that everything code expresses is a metaphor. Furthermore all things can be reduced to the state of "on/off" and the metaphor is constructed  by trillions of "cells" in these states, lastly he expresses how switches and relays came into existence. This made me question the nature of my brain, from a neuroscience perspective your brain is nothing more than a collection of switches and relays. Which lead me to the question, who is throwing the first switch which is moving through the network?

Feeling loaded with questions I decided to visit "my objective self" again and question these very things, is physical nature just a bunch of metaphors, am I just a metaphor, and if all of existence is just code floating around, what the heck am I while actuality going through it? The answer I found was staggering, I was god, everything was god, and all of these concepts aren't actually what reality is. I was in awe, and my vigor for life was renewed, the trip ended and I found myself hoping to find like minded individuals to pursue this with. That is the day I found Leo's spiritual enlightenment videos, and Part 2 really hit home where he proposes the conceptualized version of reality. I was hooked. I spent the next 20 hours in a meditation, the first of my life. And came to a feeling of being everything and nothing, I also had no idea what any of this meant (though at the time I was sure I did).

Over the next months I spent every waking hour pouring over any bit of literature I could find on enlightenment, from Carlos Castaneda, to Eckhart Tolle, to out there books like Matrixism, and Becoming God by Ford. Everything was new, and I found myself sitting in a mindset of realizing that rationality is only one perspective. This allowed me to open my mind to every possible source of information regardless of how much I previously would have judged it. I found myself firmly in a post rational state and in complete awe. Anything that could give me an insight was worth spending time on, and I felt firmly like I had at least recognized the existence of "The Matrix" even if I had no idea how to extricate myself from it.

I cooled down when I started realizing that all this hyperactivity wasn't getting me anywhere, and as Leo says you have to actually do the work. Which leads me to where I am now. Daily I meditate for 3 hours, an hour and half in the morning, and an hour and a half before bed.

• For the first half hour I observe myself, let the monkey mind work and recognize where all things are coming from. I've found P.D Ouspensky's model of centers very useful for this. When is the emotional center controlling the movement center? When is the intellect center taking control of the movement center? When are emotions masquerading as intellect and vice versa. When am I allowing imagination to extricate me from the actuality of the present moment, and losing consciousness?
• For the second half hour I leave my eyes open and continue to ask the questions What is the truth, what is reality/existence, who am I outside the voice, and what is reality when I erase concepts? During this period odd stuff starts happening with my vision. The world begins to blur and nothing retains it's form, as though the world itself is dissolving before my eyes. I find this perception interesting, but ultimately I use it only as a meter for whether I am trying to control the moment or not. If i let the perceptions flow and am not exerting control it changes drastically, when I do exert control the definition comes back (albeit muted). I do not believe these perceptions are "The Truth" they are a distraction, but they do help me observe my own reactions to them.
• For the last half hour I just sit and watch the perceptions, I dissociate completely from any thoughts that happen to arise and simply stay in the state of "being", whatever happens in this state happens. I don't take any of it seriously I just sit back and enjoy the show and flow on to the next moment staying aware of any reactions I have.

I think it's important to note I do not delve into psychedelics anymore. While I found the original experiences to be quite fruitful, I find that the true conscious traction comes from doing the work stone sober. Psychedelics sent me on a rampage yes, but having that realization outside of them would have been a lot more powerful. Sadly for the first months though I was invigorated I couldn't help but hear a voice in my mind asking "maybe all of this is just crap, and you messed your mind up with drugs". I am no longer in this viewpoint, but then I also no longer even feel the need for weed or psychedelics in general.

These observations done over months have garnered enormous insight into my machine like nature, I no longer feel like I have free will. And generally when I start getting emotional I recognize it's because I've identified with something and can't help but laugh at "my self" for taking it all so seriously. Life is presently an amusement park, and I enjoy everything a lot more. From reading, to creating, to my relationships. Everything is interesting and intriguing, and everything is there just for the moment. Time no longer holds any meaning, time is only a perspective and in my opinion both the past and the future do not even exist. The present moment owes nothing to either, and arguably there is no way to tell if the memory of the last moment is actually real or if the present moment is just providing evidence to justify it's existence.

While I enjoy asking the existential questions I find many of them to be arbitrary, and simply continue with my self observation in hopes that one day the ego will completely dissolve, and I will become the truth, when that happens I can't wait to see what the results will be.

If you made it through this completely then bravo, future posts won't contain nearly this much information. It was just me going back to the foundation and remembering all the moments that pushed me to where I am now, and has allowed me to dive just that much deeper into my knowledge network. I appreciate you spending the time and hope it has garnered you some insight in one way or another. If there is sufficient interest I will share more of the insights I garnered along the way in a more concise manner.

"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell." - Paraphrased from Buddha.

Sincerely
Z

Edited February 6, 2016 by Zotikos

[nbolt]

Really great read along with some obviously profound insights. Looking forward to future installments  : )

[Leo Gura]

"Who's Zedd?"

"Zedd's dead baby. Zedd's dead."

Sorry, couldn't resist

Great journal! Interested to see where this journey will lead you. Sounds like you've got a taste for truth now and there's no going back in the box.

[Ike Carter]

When the blindfold is off, you're not going to want it back on.

Stay hungry, Stay curious. You'll have a rewarding future if you stay on the narrow path. 

[I.Am.Listening]

Man, this was REALLY a delight!
Thanks for taking the time, I feel like I've learned something from your story.

I saw a mental image of you in my head, sitting on a chair,
having these perceptions and feeling absolutely cool about them, when other people would totally freak out.
I felt calm "watching" this, knowing and understanding again that a man who isn't afraid of asking "why",
will not be afraid to take on himself scary experiences like letting go of all his beliefs.

I'm wondering -
1. Can you still relate completely to other people, do you find them boring alot?
2. Are you feeling happy alot?
3. Do you have any set goals for the future?

Thanks again man!
- I Am Listening

 

[Lord God]

I truly appreciate all the attention this journal has received over the past few days. I promise a new installment likely this evening or tomorrow depending on if I can fit the wall of text around my meditation or not.

Leo, as I'm sure you can imagine it's one "I've" heard before haha. That being said taken without the Pulp Fiction reference I daresay it was certainly an applicable quote. Thus bravo on the double entendre.

Neil and Ike, thank you for your comments and I hope you enjoy the next installment :).

I.am.listening you pose some interesting questions.

Firstly as calm and cool as I am about this all now there was certainly some points where I was neither calm nor cool with what was happening. I have a very vivid recollection of becoming one with my entire living room and not really being sure what the heck to do with it. I was the room, the room was me, the books on the shelf were both written by me and read by me. It was a very confusing moment and I certainly felt like I had no control and was being forced to "wake up". It was amusing to say the least because the illusion of control brought comfort and security when it returned, only to also make me completely uncomfortable because I recognized it was just an illusion. I would say the moments of not being calm and cool actually taught me more than the insights I could just see and accept instantly.

To address your actual questions:

1. Relating to people is kind of an interesting thing at the moment, I just get out of the way and allow my impulses to take over. If someone is being monotonous and repetitive I hold nothing against them, I'm a machine too. I just accept my impulse to leave the situation and extricate myself. Sharing has certainly become difficult, those closest to me judge me as a bit crazy or fanatical now. That being said I don't really identify with their reaction so it becomes irrelevant, I simply share when I "feel" there is sufficient interest, and don't when I don't. Though I must say people are hardly boring, they are me, I am them. Looking at people teaches me more about myself, and what my ego is judging or holding onto. In that sense they have become infinitely more interesting and I am actually far more tolerant and social than I was previously.
2. I rarely if ever get sad/depressed/mad. The only aggravating thing for me at the moment is that meditation has really cut into my ability to fall asleep. That being said do we truly need sleep when we become aware? Difficult thing to answer. I suppose the best way to answer your question would be to say at this point I'm eliminating almost all of my negative emotions. When I'm frustrated by something it means I'm identifying, the frustration may stay while the monkey mind works it out, but my relationship to it is completely different. I see it only as an opportunity to learn more about "my" self, and how to let go. In that sense even when "I" am upset, "I" am happy. It's a very odd thing to describe.
3. Certainly, though set isn't a word I would use. Martial arts teaches you to flow like a river and as such any goal I set are really just a guideline, and if it comes to pass I am happy, if it does not, I am happy. But to give you an idea:

• I have been studying MMA since 2009, I would like to compete professionally while I am young. This is my intended source of income to fund the next goal, however should it not work out I always have programming which is lucrative enough.
• I want to take a pilgrimage across the world. This has been a long time goal, and luckily I have a partner who is also interested. Essentially I'd like to backpack across Europe, Peru, India, China, Thailand, and japan. Each hold something unique either the source of some cultural roots in my personality, or places like Mach-pichu or the Taj Mahal, the many temples and cultures between these landmarks. At each I would like to meditate at least a few weeks and see what insights come. Especially Hiroshima, as depressing and hard as that will be, I feel a few weeks of my life to perhaps have a glimpse at the greatest travesty man has committed is a small price to pay. If funding is sufficient I would certainly be willing to dedicate a decade to this.
• I'd certainly like to raise consciousness to a point of becoming aware of and able to interact with the Fourth dimension (time) and the fifth (The multiverse). Though that will be explained in my next entry as I had a unique experience with the fourth this week.

All that being said the most pertinent goal is to stop having my self re-enter the equation and be able to maintain my states of awareness on a constant basis. Obtain that permanent "I" as it were. All of these goals pale in comparison to that and in honesty at times I find a magnetic desire to just drop everything and work solely on awareness. I am unsure which will win out, or if the two can become mutual, but awareness and consciousness are my ultimate goal at the moment.

I would apologize for the lengthiness of this reply, but it seems I can't help but be wordy. Looks like I'll have to remove my promise to be more concise in the future.

Truly

Z

[I.Am.Listening]

Wow man
That was really what I was hoping for - a descriptive reply
I would have read it even if it was ten times long

Really fascinated to hear about your unique experience with the Forth dimension.

You've motivated me to start a journal myself -
I'm really asking deep questions about "myself", happiness and awareness
for the first time in my life.

When no definitive answers are coming,
it challenges me to face uncertainty.
That's why I'm finding your journal so appealing to me,
it speaks directly to "myself" nowadays

(Plus,
knowing there's another dude dealing with uncertainty...
kinda makes me feel more certain :))

Hope to read more from you soon,
thanks for the time you took...

- I Am Listening

P.S
Do you spend time reading\exploring\experiencing other subjects?
For example - Music, Art, History, watching series, stuff like that?

Another P.S
If you want to practice being concise,
you can use the method I've used in my replies to you -
short lines, short paragraphs.
Headlines from time to time.
It's much more readable to people with short-attention spans.

I wouldn't recommend it in your journal though, 
because being more precise is the real value here,
and anyway - I enjoy reading more of you, so...
Don't cut it please

[Lord God]

The fourth dimension - Extending the feelers into time itself.

A question plaguing my enlightenment work which the mind consistently returns to is: how may I validate anything outside of myself, outside of my own area of feeling? Is there an external world sitting beyond the darkness of my closed eyelids, or does my "closing my eyes" in fact remove the external world completely? Are other people real in the sense that they too feel these sensations and have a voice in their head, or like NPC's are they simply acting out the motions of a very complex cinematic (see the Truman Show for an example of what I mean). How large is the present moment?

Early works I'd read such as Fords Becoming God suggest that life is but a dream and you are the dreamer, moreover there exists a multiverse where every possibility that could exist does. With enough work in raising awareness it is proposed one may navigate this allowing one to experience any possibility for their life simply by willing it. I had a hard time getting in touch with the multiverse theory. Not that I didn't believe it was a plausibility, studies in string theory have shown that is most likely the truth of it. If anything my journeys actually made me sense it without knowing how to define it. My biggest issue was that I couldn't visualize it's existence or how such a thing would be shaped. That changed this week, and I present to you my understanding of the true Present moment. The eternal moment of now.

"To infinity, and beyond" - Buzz Lightyear of Star Command

I will be borrowing largely from P.D. Ouspenky's Tertium Organum as this discovery and the simplicity at how one can imagine and experience further dimensions is contained within. In this moment I give thanks for I had seen the door but had no way to open it, he provided the key. Note I have not finished the book, and these insights are based on careful study of only the first five chapters. An understanding of Linear Algebra will certainly assist in visualization.

I will be taking a very scientific approach to this, as it was necessary for me to have a logical string to follow in order to understand the implications. Thus before going further and talking about the sci-fy myth laden 4th dimension let's get in touch with the dimensions that we as a collective are already familiar and can understand each other on.

• 0 Dimension - The nildimension is not one which is clearly defined for most. It is like an infinitely small point so tiny as to say it almost does not exist. The most important thing to understand about Zero-D is that it is so small it does not contain a width, length, or height. This understanding can be lost when looking at a representation of a point on paper. For our purposes we can also define a point or nildimension as a co-ordinate (or infinitely small section) of a line.
• 1st Dimension - 1D is a concept we're all comfortable with, it is a line. But again for our purposes it is important to be clear. Thus it is a line with near infinitely small height and width thus having only a single dimension: a length. A line can be said to contain an infinite number of points, it is what occurs when you stretch a point in a single direction. A direction which is impossible to accomplish in nildimensional space given there are no directions present there. A line can also be considered an infinitely small section of a solid. 
• 2nd Dimension - Now we're into planes which you've likely worked with in high school math. You have an x and y (Width and Length) allowing all sorts of shapes to occur like a triangle or square. It's easiest to picture a square so we'll use that. A plane or shape appears when we take a line and move it in a direction not contained within 1st dimensional space, ie a square is actually just infinitely many lines and is caused by moving an original line into the dimension we interpret as width.
• 3rd Dimension - 3D, well we live here don't we? Now we're talking about width, length, and depth/height. The easiest way to picture how we get from 2D to 3D is once again a movement impossible in 2 dimensional space, which is lifting a shape off the plane. Take a square and rotate it, capturing each infinitely small 2D section as you rotate it until it returns to it's original position and you'll have a cylinder. So this begs the question what is a dimension impossible in 3D which would produce 4D?
• 4th Dimension - "Time" - This is the dimension we experience the surface of, observing constantly some infinitely small 3D sliver of it. But what is time? Few of us if ever question it. Well take a cube and move it from one side of your desk to the other. The cube itself is still the same 3D shape, it has not actually changed, but it has moved. Granted you could say it is a smaller section of some larger 3D space which has assumed a new position within that space. But even then in order to "move" through any 3D space time is required. The earth is a large 3D sphere, but to get to one side of your street to the other you actually access a fourth dimensional space, you use time. Each step you take is actually you moving through a completely different 3D space. Congratulations you're actually a time traveler without knowing it.

For our purposes the intent of going through all of these is to understand that to move from one dimension to the next requires an added level of space. In other words from a point to a line you are adding a dimension, from a line to a square another dimension, etc. Each of these dimensions is completely impossible within the sub level of space they represent. Another way to think of it is we are adding another layer of perception.

Let's get serious at how important that is. Take a cube and look only at one surface, now you see a square. Take a square and look only at the infinitely small edge, now you see a line. Take a small co-ordinate of that line such as the vertex and you have only a point. Why is this important? Because the lower your dimension the less of the story you have, the point is still a point of the square, the square still only a face of the cube, and the cube only one moment of it's existence in time. Ergo each dimension is just a shadow of a higher dimension, and does not actually exist or is not actually the object in question, but an infinitely small section of it. Furthermore the next dimension is only one "impossible" jump from the last, and each jump is one step closer to the actual object being observed.

What are the implications of that? Well now we can actually visualize what we are in 4D. Take an object such as "Zedd" and give it an arbitrary designation to study - From birth to death. Now assemble every infinitely small slice of "me" that has ever existed between those points, combine these into one object and you have my 4 dimensional representation. If you want to get a taste a bit easier create a cube in your mind, move the cube along a horizontal trajectory maintaining the trace of it (Ie each step it takes do not erase the previous image of it from your mind), you'll be left with something which looks like a block, but is not a block. Studying any part of this you are actually taking a cross section of time, say you move the cube for 5 seconds and maintain awareness of it. If you study the points at 1, and 3 seconds you will find the exact cube simply in different positions. This is how our default perceptions work giving us only a narrow slit of 4D space at any given instant. We do not actually live in 4D, but we certainly interact with it.

So how does this all relate to the multiverse and enlightenment? Well knowing that 4D is time we can actually discover what 5D is (or to an extent what it might look like). If we refer to the present 4D me you will see me going through all the life choices "I" have presently "made", producing a sequence of events that we refer to as "my life". Now what is an impossible movement through time? Well what happens if we change one of the choices "I made" previously. Now the repercussions of that choice completely change the 4D model of me, everything from that choice on in life is at least slightly different. From our previous examples of dimensions we also see that each higher dimension requires two things. It requires an infinite number of shadow objects referred to by the previous dimension, each translated through a new dimensional perception. Thus 5D would be an infinite collection of "Times" or "My Lives" each slightly different from the last, exhausting literally every choice I could have made in any direction and the choices those choices produced and so forth. 5D is what I refer to as the multiverse, it still follows the same laws as we presently have such as gravity or the like.

So then can we not also make a distinction about 6D? Would not 6D be an infinite collection of multiverses, now not just considering choices or options available within the 4D universe, but also choices and options completely outside of them. IE no longer requiring gravity, or time, or any of that, each multiverse could literally have completely different rules from the last, and the times within those multiverses also would have completely different outcomes.

Now comes how all of this gave me a real experience of what the actual present moment is.

If you really study this and understand the gravity of it, you can see that not only are higher dimensions only a perception away, but time is also irrelevant, time is only a shadow of some higher dimension. And you within time are only a shadow of a higher self which has actually gone through each and every choice possible.

The implications on free will are staggering, not only do I have no choice as I type these words, but literally there is a me typing these words and there is a me who did not. There is a me who started typing this at 9, at 9:01, at 9:02 etc. There is literally a me for every possible choice. Furthermore the universe was quite literally born in an instant. Since we as observers are only at any given time studying a cross section of existence, or a shadow of it it makes us feel as though time truly is happening to us. This isn't even close to the case, when existence happened the entire thing happened at once. Everything that could happen, happened, and is happening quite literally right now. When we talk about studying the present moment and become aware of it, it isn't just about the present moment of what you feel, touch, and taste, or your sensory organs are telling you. It's literally the moment that is existence.

Furthermore the duality vs monism debate becomes irrelevant. If there is an inner world and an outer world they certainly are couched only one dimension/perception away from each other and while the outer world may continue when my eyes are closed it does not change the implications of the dimensions on it's existence. If we take the monism side and say that I am not the body, but the entire moment of experience then the 4D picture of me is just larger and no longer centered on the body but on an entire 3D space. Again it has no effect on the implications.

Where this line of thinking does have an effect on things is the "I" considered at any moment to be "me". The one writing the last word versus this word. Neither is actually me, but I am a collection of all of these infinitely tiny I's. Becoming aware of that and going meta on it the next level of "I" would be the moments of clarity where "I" see the ego. Each of these is one dimension higher than the "I" writing the words. You can literally go on for infinity applying this step to your awareness and all of a sudden the world looks completely different. Continue to a completely different dimension and you have an "I" where I made completely different choices in life, or an "I" where I was born female, it is irrelevant how far fetched the change as each exists in some dimension or another.

I cannot say that "I" now live in 4D, but I have certainly become aware of it's possible existence as well as the fifth. Furthermore I can no longer study something without taking the implications of 4D and even 5D into consideration, especially "my" self. This understanding that time is but a shadow really does help one wrap one's mind around the fact that we are all literally the same consciousness.

I can't  help but wonder if one can truly become fully conscious of the 4th, and in time the 5th, all the way to infinity. Realizing you are not the body or the mind, I now feel like an observer, I have no choice in the sense that I can affect nothing. I truly cannot make a change to the actual world around me, but is it possible that by recognizing all of existence as a single woven tapestry and yourself only a part of it, that you can then "observe" whatever part of existence you desire. It may not be the free will you expect, but what fundamental difference is there when you can arguably observe anything you desire to? You're not changing the tapestry, but being free to navigate it would certainly give the same impression.

I hope I have communicated this, language does not do it justice. Experiencing it has been the most eye opening insight possible. I can no longer identify with this ego, this body, this mind. I feel like I am space, drifting and simply becoming aware of the next set of shadows. Waiting for the next "impossible" jump in perception to happen.

"And where does the newborn go from here? The net is vast and infinite" - Ghost in the shell (1995)

Truly Z

- For those who'd like a far better explanation of dimensions and the consequences of travel through them I turn to Carl Sagan to explain:

 

 

 

 

[Lord God]

21 hours ago, I.Am.Listening said:

P.S
Do you spend time reading\exploring\experiencing other subjects?
For example - Music, Art, History, watching series, stuff like that?
 

I wished to give this due diligence before answering. In "my" current paradigm all things are interesting, but ultimately non-existential. In that regards all the proposed subject matter is studied, though accepted as art. In this way I will say that art being a subjective term you would have to more clearly define that specific inquiry, as to "me" all other inquiries fall under this category.

Reading\Exploring\Experiencing other subjects - I used to read fantasy novels, though no longer. Most reading is now either on the subject at hand, or relating to philosophy (The works of Plato, Confucius, Aristotle, Kant, Rene Descartes, and Sun Tzu would be the present things on the nightstand) or the exploration of physics and mathematics as together they assist in visualization exercises. Then there are the books on the present subject matter which I deemed outside the scope of the proposed question but may be of interest - The complete works of P.D Ouspensky and George Gurdjieff, Carlos Castonada, Eckhart Tolle, and Miguel Ruiz are thus far what I have invested in. Many have been read, but must be reread for their full meaning to be appreciated.

Music - This would be one's preferred experience when not in meditation. Preferred albums and artists at the moment would be as follows:

• Pink Floyd - Endless River, Darkside of the Moon, Wish you Were Here
• Theophany - Time's end
• Synkro - (Guidance, Transcendence, Knowledge, and Ariel)
• Beardyman - Mountainside

In general "I" enjoy any music having studied guitar previously, however lately things which contain synthesizers and particularly large soundscapes are what draw ones attention.

History - It was of interest for a long period, but at the moment I find it may only passively hold my attention. Now it is more only the periods surrounding the authors above which I tend to read. What influenced them to become as they are? What cultural situation surrounded them and were they made aware of in the world at large? What environment assists in pushing one to the realizations of oneness?

A/V entertainment - In this way I would say there are few series that I can still watch. Meditation is actually far more able to hold one's interest than any series or film anymore. That being said the ones I could recommend should they be able to hold your attention:

• Cosmos - Neil De-grass Tyson
• Ghost in the shell (1995) film - If we become micro-chipped and others can hack us, who are we really and what is reality?
• Ghost in the shell stand alone complex - anime - More of the previous
• PsychoPass 1/2 - About judging others, and the question of can society judge a transparent individual?
• Evangelion - Anime (pay particular attention to the last two episodes as they require multiple re-watches to understand)
• Serial Experiments Lain - Anime (very interesting line drawn from the net to our existence)
• 2001 A Space Odyssey - Reading excerpts from the books will assist in understanding the whole story
• The Matrix - Re-watch it and really ask yourself when in this film does Neo/Thomas actually have a choice? Where is the free will even with all his abilities? And when he's free of the matrix, is he actually free?
• Lucy - Exchange brains capacity with consciousness and this film certainly can be eye opening.
• Final Fantasy VII (a game) - Certainly the relationship between cloud and Sephiroth when studied will yield an understanding of the ego and the fundamental thing.

I hope I have adequately addressed the inquiry, the list is nowhere near exhaustive but there's enough subject matter there to captivate anyone's attention for a few months. If you would like something more specific in a given category feel free to ask.

"And he asked him, What is your name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many." Mark 5:9

Truly

Z

[Lord God]

Into the great nothing

"Stillness is for always" - Sadhguru

Since the Egoic realization of the 4th, the realization has occurred that nothing known can be real. I recognize that "my understanding" of the multiverse was both a trap and an insight at once. It gave "me" the logical string to follow to understand my existence does not exist, but also it is just a metaphor, not real, a shadow of a shadow of a shadow. Chasing shadows does not get results.

I sat in meditation for a long time reconciling the understanding that if we are but 3 dimensional beings interpreting some 4 dimensional object at a co-ordinate we refer to as time, then my life truly is not mine. Not only is it not mine and I have no choices to make in it, but there could be an infinite number of these 3Dimensional planes that the 4 dimensional object passes through. Thus not only is my life not mine, it cannot be personal or private. There are other "me's" experiencing my past feeling as though it is happening for the first time. Which also made me realize there are other "mes" experiencing "my future" and it is only "my" experience of this moment linearly which gives the illusion that I have any ownership whatsoever.

Thus came the conclusion whether 4D actually exists or not, the answer is the same. "My" life is not mine, I am not "me", and furthermore by that very model of higher dimensions what we know is only a shadow of the 4th, the 4th a shadow of the 5th. Regardless of where you exist knowledge is useless, it is only knowledge of some higher shadow which in turn when arrived at will have it's own fictional relational concepts for the next degree.

The greatest achievement this granted was the quieting of the voice, meditation is peaceful now. There is nothing to know, existence cannot be known, only experienced.

The eyes close and all is let go of, who is there to hang on?
The fingers touch and the differentiation between one hand and the other is gone, who is there to differentiate?
Floating in an endless sea of bliss and peace commences, who is floating?
Who is who? A true moment of not knowing happens.
I am no one, and I am nothing. Existence simply is happening, there is no "I" in it.

This understanding happened all at once, it exists completely of it's own volition. The body melted away, and for an eternity there was nothing but bliss. Then the eyes opened again, and one thing which was separate, was separate no longer.

"Welcome my son, welcome to the machine...What did you dream? It's okay, we told you what to dream." - Welcome to the machine - Pink Floyd

Truly
No one
 

[OliverB]

Just wanted to say your writing is poetic and well structured. I'd love to read your future book.

[Soulbass]

Thanks for sharing your experiences, and for inspiring writtings.

On 8/2/2016 at 7:10 PM, Zotikos said:

I'd certainly like to raise consciousness to a point of becoming aware of and able to interact with the Fourth dimension (time) and the fifth (The multiverse). Though that will be explained in my next entry as I had a unique experience with the fourth this week.

I can't wait for that ^^ I'll be definitely following this journal.

I've heard of someone who made the Ayahuasca, and have the capaticty to go into someone else "mind" or spirit (psychological) and unlock things, from negative past experiences. It's a friend of mine in which I trust who told me this story, I got the phone number of this "healer" but I never had the courage to call, to ask him some questions, such like "How to do that ????"

I have fantasmed on time travel through power of conscioussness, but scientists says that it is finally impossible (note : I consider sciences like another opinion). It remains me the story of Ettore Majorana who studied time his whole life though mathematics/physics, and disapeared on a specific date, a date that he chosen years before (people think of a planned suicide).

I also watched videos on youtube of people who have received (often not by choice) the capacity to hear deaths voices and help people communicate with them (I'm aware that youtube is full of fakes, but I saw videos in my native language which seems really convincing and felt "real"). So it seems to be there is conscioussness of death bodies floating somewhere (in a "bardo" as  buddhists says), which I think is kinda cool, plus there is something like "angels" or guides.

I rode "the war of art" by steven pressfield (a book advised by Leo), the author talk about a divine consciousness, or a "muse" that feeds our imagination, when it comes to create something for the good of humanity (a piece of art as exemple in the book, like the 7th symphony existed before Bethoven, but he was just the right guy to "hear" it). I don't know if it's true or not, but in the end it doesn't matter, I find it inspiring and it helps.

That all I have to say, a lot of questions, but I can't figure out until I manage to meditate more seriously.

Edited February 19, 2016 by Soulbass

[Bas]

Thank you for sharing, this was very insightful .

[Lord God]

@Bas & @OliverB Your comments are appreciated. I hope any further entries will be equally satisfying. 

@Soulbass I do not believe someones soul or spirit, are associated with one's mind even a psychological "soul". The soul perhaps contains the mind, but the spirit is everything. Soul can be seen as the trap bounding spirit to the physical, and the mind is the greatest trap stopping the soul from realizing spirit. Just this fundamental understanding can help you ascend to entirely new levels. 

Perhaps a certain seer may have the capabilities of looking into another mind, or they could be extremely intuitive which would also give enough of an influence to help unlock things. I would say there is a certain danger associated with having anyone else unlock you. What you're talking about reminds me an awful lot of DBZ where Guru wakes up Gohan and Krillin only to have them become over confident of their new found abilities and ultimately be defeated.

Sadhguru warns of the issues associated with such an awakening, and from personal experience which I cannot discuss at this juncture (not because I don't want to, but because there are legal entanglements) I must agree.  "What if someone touches you and causes you to progress immediately? Automatically you have gone from the clerk to the CEO of your own existence, but you're not aware of the change, of the functions, how would you handle it? The body must be prepared to handle such an amount of energy, if the body is not sufficiently prepared something will break and you will fall back down. Better to build a staircase and climb it, than jump into ecstasy, fall down lost and feel like you can never get back. This leads only to misery." (Paraphrased and not nearly correctly from Sadhguru).

As far as the muse goes, I believe this entirely correct (though a limited analogy). I believe it is correct because the existence as it is portrayed at the moment is not your fundamental existence. You are experiencing a creation, the entirety of this creation is complete. It is a single complete object, and the creator has made it that way. You may find peace and allow grace to flow through you, but that too is a trap in many ways. There is something far beyond this, which may be transcended only by jumping into nothingness. Realizing ones self, opening the third eye, and ascending intellectually is what most refer to as enlightenment, but true enlightenment is to go even further beyond, to become boundless, to jump into it completely and be boundless. Only once you have no bounds may you truly be your own creator, only then can anything possibly "new" or your "own" be created.

Which brings me to my last point, I have relatively little interest in identifying with any of the powers enlightenment grants. They were lucrative and lured me for a long time, but what purpose would there be to break out of this trap only to be trapped in another which only pretends to be more "powerful"? Time travel is one such trap, it is the desire to change or experience something from the same egoistic mind-frame, this inadvertently traps you to the ego. I'm not saying it's bad to enjoy the thought or even the experience, but you must recognize why the thought is enjoyed and ensure that it does not trap you. The goal is the extricate yourself entirely from being bounded, to stop being a slave to thingness. It cannot be completed as long as their is some desire to be an object. This is why I mentioned that in a lot of ways the experience I had of the fourth dimension is a trap, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that I am reaching a juncture where multiverse travel is possible. That being said exploring a multiverse would just be a multitude of new possibilities designed for one thing, to enslave me further into identification. Identification is the biggest trap, it is the biggest thing holding us back. The mind is the machine, and the self will propagate any fantasy or trauma that could possibly hold your attention long enough to identify. That is what must be broken through.

Edited February 25, 2016 by Zotikos

[Lord God]

The Lullaby of Existence

"Unfortunately nobody can be told what the Matrix is, they must see it for themselves." - Morpheus

I find it delightful that Morpheus is also known as the king of dreams. I'm not speaking directly of The Matrix Morpheus, but also the character he is based on. For it is the King of Dreams which gives Neo the key to leave dreamland, but the King himself can never use the key to leave his emporium. He is forever trapped, and can never see the code. It is so clear to me why this is so now, I hope in time it will be clear for you too.

I write you, but there is no you is there? I've known longer than I care to admit "The supports will be there as long as you need them" - a prophecy that was handed to me by a seer, and one I can no longer doubt. The reason my posts on this forum have become so far and few between is for the simple fact that I no longer identify with this being, or this thing. Or any object in my awareness. I am in a perpetual state of not knowing, and the not knowing only increases by the day. Furthermore this board itself became a trap for me, instead of doing work I was coming here and talking about work. Instead of escaping I was getting attached to all the limiting beliefs I've seen here. I refuse to allow such limiting concepts to take root within me, and should I find myself inadvertently populated by them I'll have no choice but to cut the plant at it's base.

"I got this little voice.... talks to me sometimes. Tells me the truth. It's comforting" - Birdman (2014)

The truth hit harder than ever a few weeks ago. I am nothing, I am nothing, I am....No Thing. I am No Thing in my awareness, I am No Thing that can be thought up or brought into existence in front of my eyes. No Thing is not the same as nothing. Nothing has a taste, has a concept, has a THING attached to it. The truth is not bound by such foolishness, the truth is boundless. The truth is pure, and things do not cloud it they simply populate it. For No Thing, can also be Any Thing it wants to pretend to be. If "you" have learned no other insight from me, understand this: No Thingness exists, nothing is beautiful, and it is boundless, and the negative concepts you've attached to it or the fear of it are not necessary. "Let it all go, fear, doubt, and disbelief, Free Your Mind." - Morpheus.

Since then I hear the call of existence, I hear it's harsh attempts to have me identify. First with pleasure. What if this or that power were possible? What if just by focusing on it you could make this happen? But still I am nothing, still I care not about any gimmicky temptation and I am strong in my indignation. The self didn't like this constant state of being ignored, so it changed from the carrot to the stick. Look at all these unresolved traumas I can make exist, watch them, identify with them! IDENTIFY! These issues are yours! YOU HAVE TO SOLVE THEM!!!! But still I am no thing, it cannot phase me with it's Self-agenda, I am no-thing. I cannot be phased by some thing.

If there is anything left worth sharing to the self should it ever fall back asleep. Remember everything is a lullaby. Thinking about something to be done, is a lullaby. Thinking about a body function is a lullaby. Someone knocking on your door is a lullaby. Absolutely anything that requires any sort of identification is a lullaby. Let it all go, and be boundless, for that is where you are ecstatic, that is where true happiness lay, and you already know this.

The physical and life is a beautiful trap, enjoy it while it is enjoyable, but once it is realized as a trap do not be afraid to pull out of it. There is far more to experience outside of it. Far more to learn, and it is only in leaving that the true Journey may begin.

I am unsure where this journal will or can go from here, but thank you

No thing and No one

 

[abrakamowse]

Very nice journal @Zotikos 

Thanks for sharing it!!!

[Lord God]

It has been a long time since visiting these forums, last attempt there was no access to be granted due to Leo's random forum glitch and it was understood as a sign they have been outgrown. This return is solely to re-capitulate all which was left here and ensure no valuable lessons were lost. That and to say goodbye, this will be the last post on this journal save should our host grant a reply or specific questions are asked which will be answered. 

Why the last post? Because the truth has been realized, I am God experiencing myself. That is the sole function of the ego, to provide all that is a point of reference within itself whereby all that is may pretend that it is not all that is, thus creating a relational universe albeit a illusory one in order to experience itself and to know Who I Am not just conceptually but in an experiential fashion. 

Yes I have just committed the ultimate sacrilege, the worst blasphemy. I have claimed as all great masters have before me and I shall exclaim it in bold now and claim my birthright

I AM GOD!

This is not said in arrogance or condescension, for all is me and therefore all is God too. If you can perceive this of your own accord know that you are God too. Know thyself as such and drink from the unending chalice of Love and Abundance.

To those who are struggling, and suffering. Know there is reason for this, there is reason for everything. Your struggles are not in vein, in fact they are completely necessary. All that is cannot know itself without first pretending it is not all that is, most of this suffering is caused by forcing the Self to fall under the spell and detach from the unending light. For one can not know ones Self as all that is, without first pretending to be only a piece. One cannot know itself as the light, without experiencing the dark and dispelling it. The sum is greater than the parts, and you (I) am the sum.

If you can perceive this know this immutable fact: You cannot fail to achieve enlightenment, it is your destiny to become God because you already are and eventually your true nature will reveal itself. It is not something which can be missed or ignored eternally, and you can do no wrong on your path to Godhood or beyond.

Not only are you God, but even in an egoic state you are equal to God. If it is hard to wrap your head around being All that is, understand that what you refer to as God is the original infinite being. The only thing it could create anything out of was itself, therefore if you cannot believe you are God at least believe you have one tiny drop of God within you. If you have ever witnessed a fractal you have seen the marvel of infinity. What is beautiful about infinity is that even the tiniest section of infinity you can observe is an infinity in and of itself and contains all of infinity within it. Simply put if you don't like the term God understand you are an infinite being and a universe unto yourself, and in time you too will expand to your infinite state and simply continue to grow. Life is nothing but a continuous creation, not some lesson, but an adventure in creating Your Self.

For those coming to my journal now, know that my post on the 4th dimension and summary of the present moment were completely inaccurate. Yes you can be anything, yes you can experience anything, and yes you can create reality out of thin air. It is that simple and requires no fancy terminology or explanations. Creation is the original act of the universe, and it is the power within all consciousness for that is all there is..Creation.

I would like to take this last moment to thank the host @Leo Gura. I will speak egoistically here. When I met you I was already an advanced student, because the knowing was already contained within me and I recognized that. As we've grown together I have often referred to your works as a reference point, many times I have had a breakthrough and came here I have found you to have released a video only a day or two after which summarized that breakthrough and helped set in stone that which was loose and might have been lost. I leave you now because I no longer need the words, I understand intuitively without requiring a summation, or a video, or wall of text or anything which must be conceived, the feeling and experience is enough.

There are some things unique to you that I would like to thank you for:

Firstly the sheer amount of work you have put into your free content is amazing, I cannot express the gratitude enough and even were I to purchase your life purpose course 250$ just wouldn't do justice to what you have given the world. Your works are priceless, and beautiful. Secondly your focus on both assisting those in life, and taking them on the journey beyond makes your works uniquely welcoming to new comers and those with our heads up our rational ass, in that sense I wish I had found your works much earlier as they would have eased my journey significantly and will continually direct the scientific minded here to help them start that crack in their knowledge graphs. You are appreciated always, and I will never forget my first meeting with your explanation of the conceptual universe. Fare thee well on your journey.

For those who want to know where God goes from here? Anywhere and everywhere. I may start a blog and video channel of my own to teach the masses as it has been suggested many a times that this knowledge should be shared to empower the masses, but I rest unconvinced that there are any masses to empower. Regardless if I do I would not disrespect our host by sharing my own content here, you are in good hands with Leo, stay the course and be strong!

See you all on the other side of infinity.
Truly yours with unending Love.

God.

"We're leaving together, but still it's farewell. Maybe we'll come back, to earth who can tell? I guess there is no one to blame. We're leaving ground. Will things ever be the same again? It's the final countdown." - Europe