Fearful-Avoidant anyone else dealing with this?

[Consept]

I've been watching a few youtube videos and reading some articles about this and it hits the nail on the head for me. I actually shed a tear because its so sad what little me and little others that have this attachment style go through without even knowing whats going on. Just watching a video now the creator was talking about how you go through these cycles of on and off relationships, you never know if the persons right for you because you feel that you cant trust relationships although you really need them, mainly due to childhood neglect and not feeling safe as a child. 

All this time ive tried to deal with it by just having a mindset of 'i want to be free and independent', for a while I even thought guys in committed relationships were kinda losers because they were trapped. Its weird because i always wanted to be alone but not really a fuckboy and when i am alone for a while i really make an effort to get female company, then once they like me i become avoidant it just keeps going round and round. 

Anyway does anyone else relate and have any tips? It just feels like such an uphill struggle at the moment 

[UnbornTao]

I'm also between avoidant and secure and just bought the secure workbook at the attachment project. Have yet to read it but looks like a useful tool for some of your concerns. Check out its table of contents.

Edited April 22, 2023 by UnbornTao