Spiritual Autolysis

[Spiritual Warrior]

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #40 - Thu Aug 31st '23 - 1:11 PM

Higher self: What is true? 

Lower self: Nothing. Everything in this world is a God damn lie. Everything. My cat is a fiction. My thoughts are a fiction. My body is a fiction. My friends and family are a fiction. My house is a fiction. My entire makeup is a fiction. My self identity, my personality, my physique, my height, my ethnicity, it's all not real, not true. None of it is true. If we're talking truth here.. none of it is fucking true. None of it. What else would we be talking about? What else is important? I'm sick of living in this fantasy world. I want the truth. At any and all costs. I want the truth. Success.... What even is success? It's just some lofty imaginary thing in my mind. What is looking good? Just some lofty fantasy in my mind. Some days I think I look good, other days I don't. What's the point? What is sex? It's a penis going inside of a vagina and you feel pleasurable sensations from it, probably while thinking about the clutz that you just scrolled by on Instagram. None of it is truth. My entire life is a lie. All of it. A lie. But how do I find the truth? How? I tried asking God but he is a lie too. What the fuck is going on? How does this even work? It is like decapitating myself over and over and over again. And if it is all a lie, what is it that I am pursuing? Why am I doing anything? Why don't I just crawl in a hole and die? Or maybe just because it is all a lie, that's what gives life it's dream like element. That is why you can have fun within the dream, because everything is a lie and you can do whatever you want with it. Ahhhh.. okay that makes sense... But it still doesn't give me the truth. No... Wait a minute .. everything is a lie... That is the truth.. that is what's true.

Higher self: not everything is a lie...

Lower self: How the fuck do you know? Sitting up there on your high horse. You don't know if anything is true. Admit it. What is truth anyway? Riddle me that? 

Higher self: Truth is everything, truth is all, truth is love. 

Lower self: That literally means nothing to me. Your just spewing shit out of your ass. 

I don't want to talk to you for a little while. I need to be alone to think about things. 

Higher self: You're wallowing

Lower self: Stop judging me. I'm in a bad mood. Can't I be in a bad mood? 

Higher self: Why are you in a bad mood? 

Lower self: Because my room is a mess and my finances suck. And I'm disorganized. 

Higher self: Okay... Then go and fix those things. Just because everything is a lie doesn't mean that you shouldn't be taking care of your dream self in this dream universe. If you continue down this path without taking care of yourself and giving your dream self the satisfaction of fulfilling on his cravings then you are going to be deeply unhappy. You have to play both sides of the same coin. You've got truth work and then you've got dream work. Attain all that you want within this dream, the money, the sex, the big house. Attain it all, while at the same time understanding that there is no truth to any of the accomplishments that you achieve. Truth work goes much much deeper than the material, and I hate to break it to you, but you are only scratching the surface. 

Edited September 2, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #41 - Fri Sep 1st '23 - 3:08 PM

Lower self: How do you know that anything is true? Is truth even attainable? 

Higher self: Truth? Well what is it? What does it mean when something is true? 

Lower self: When something is true, it means that without a doubt it is a fact, it is real and foundational and cannot be disputed, like God exists or the universe exists, something like that, something that has no bounds, no contingencies, no ifs ands or buts, it's just there, it's real.

Higher self: Okay.. let's dissect that statement one by one... "It means that without a doubt it is a fact" what is a fact? What does without a doubt mean? 

Lower self: A fact is something that has been proven by science, i.e. a trial and error process in which a scientist finds patterns within the trial and error process (experiment) and then forms conclusions. However, I know that the science based approach does not uncover truth, it may uncover relative truths but not absolute truth so I am going to stay away from the word fact from now on... "Without a doubt" is what we are looking for here in truth work, we're looking for something that cannot be disputed, this is what I will uncover, believe it. 

Higher self: Okay next up: "it is real and foundational" what does it mean to be real? What does it mean to be foundational? 

Lower self: To be real is to exist, exist here in this present moment, anything that does not exist in this present moment is not real. That is why our thoughts of the past are not real. 

Higher self interjects... But the thought in the present moment is real, isn't it? 

Lower self: Yes... But not the meaning that we attach to the thought, that is not real but yes the thought in the present moment is real, it's a real sensation that occurs in the body.

Higher self: Does that mean that thoughts are truth? 

Lower self: If they are happening in the moment yes I guess... Unless my definition of being real has nothing to do with truth at all and they should not be used in the same sentence...

Higher self: A thought is not truth, a thought is relative... We need to go deeper... Which leads me to the other part of your statement, what does it mean to be foundational? 

Lower self: Foundational means that it is grounded, it is grounded within truth.

Higher self: Truth is grounded within truth? 

Lower self: Sure... Yeah.. truth is grounded within truth.

Higher self: How can one thing ground itself? 

Lower self: I don't know... Can't infinity ground itself in infinity? If it's infinite then it must be able to do that... 

Higher self: That's a cop out. Again, what does it mean to be foundational? And take truth out of the definition.

Lower self: To be foundational is to be grounded, grounded on something solid, something that without a doubt exists

Higher self: Okay... And what does it mean to exist? 

Lower self: To exist... To exist is to be 

Higher self: What does it mean to be? 

Lower self: To be... To be is to just be.. you are just there.. you don't have to do anything... You just exist... To be is to exist... And existence is in everything... Everywhere... There is existence all around us.. we cannot escape existence.

Higher self: : Can't something not exist? 

Lower self: Nope. 

Higher self: Why not? 

Lower self: I just know. 

Higher self: Not good enough.

Lower self: I just know because it's all I know. From my first memory, I existed, that's all i know, therefore it must be the case that existence is all there is. 

Higher self: But didn't you not exist before your first memory. 

Lower self: I don't know, I don't remember it!

Higher self: Then how would you know if you existed or not?!

Lower self: I don't know because I don't remember it. Honestly I feel like I Intuit that existence is all there is and that I have always existed. I am going off of nothing more than intuition, that is the truth, I cannot explain it to you.

Higher self:That's a fair answer, let's move onto the next part of the statement, we'll come back to this another day. Next part... Oooh here we go with more existence talk, I believe that you are using these statements as hypothetical examples of what truth is. Regardless, let's dive into it: "God exists or the universe exists, something like that, something that has no bounds" does God exist? Does the universe exist?

Lower self: I don't know if God exists. Like you said, it was a hypothetical statement. I also don't know if the universe exists.

Higher self: Doesn't it? Aren't you living within the universe?

Lower self: I'm living within something. Is it the universe? Is it God? I don't know, these are all labels. 

Higher self: All words are labels, we've gone over this. In order for us to communicate, we use labels, don't allow yourself to make excuses, try to answer the question. Does God exist? Or what is God? 

Lower self: God is in everything, everywhere God is the universe, but it is a sentient being. It feels everything that I and every living or non living creature feels. It experiences everything because it is the entire universe, they are one and the same. 

Higher self: "God is in everything, everywhere" let's dive into that. Why is God in everything, why is he/she everywhere? 

Lower self: Because it's everything, you can't get any bigger than God or the universe, this is as big as it gets, these words are synonymous with infinity.. and nothing can be outside of infinity... It is boundless.

Higher self: Ahhhh... There's that word again... Boundless.. what does that mean to you... The word boundless. 

Lower self: Boundless means that it cannot be held down, it is too massive, too infinite, too free flowing, it cannot be held down by anything..

Higher self: It cannot be held down by even truth? 

Lower self: No .. for something to be true, it must be free... Detached from its shackles, there fore, not foundational. Truth is not foundation, it is without a foundation. It has no bottom. There is no end. That is truth. 

Higher self: Okay.. there's a lot to unpack here and you need to go to work. Let's come back to this later... 

Edited September 2, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #42 - Sun Sep 3rd '23 - 11:32 PM

Alright, let's get back to what we were talking about the other day. To summarize, we concluded that we are no longer going to use the word "fact" anymore in our discussions, the reason being that this is a science-y word and science, at least the science that we do here on earth is done to uncover relative truths. What is a relative truth you might ask? A relative truth is something that can be disputed, it is not a truth that can be proven 'without a doubt' because it can be disproven. The very notion that if certain variables change within an experiment then you will get a different outcome is evidence of this. An absolute truth is something that cannot be disputed, it is without a doubt true, this is what we're after, and the word "fact" does not belong. 

Alright, next we have also discovered that truth is in fact not foundational, meaning grounded and rooted in something, it is actually boundless. Although it could be both foundational and boundless in the sense that it can be rooted in itself but at the same time boundless, although how does that make any sense? This is a paradox. Can truth be foundational? Is truth foundational? We'll have to come back to this. 

We also concluded that a thought is relative, but why? Why would a thought be relative and not absolute? Because it is always changing, there is nothing concrete in it. And put myself in a different situation and those thoughts would be different, correct? Yeah I guess that makes sense. Alright moving on...

"There is existence in everything, everywhere. We cannot escape existence." This is a bold claim right here, we said that we Intuit that this is true, which I suppose is a fair answer. Is existence all that there is? Is existence truth? That doesn't seem to quite make sense, it seems like we're missing something there. 

We also claimed that God is synonymous with the universe which are both synonymous with infinity. And all three of these things are in everything, everywhere, all at once. And also God/ universe/ infinity is a sentient being, it feels things. Everything that we feel as humans, the universe / God feels as well. This must be the case because if this human body that I am living in is part of the universe or part of God and God is everything, God is infinity, then of course God feels whatever I feel. Now how can God be everywhere at once? I have no idea. This is unfathomable to the human mind without a mystical experience I assume. 

Alright that is a good summary, let's continue our conversation from where we left off because it feels like we need to dive into the paradox of boundlessness vs foundational. 

 

From the previous entry: 

Higher self: Ahhhh... There's that word again... Boundless.. what does that mean to you... The word boundless. 

Lower self: Boundless means that it cannot be held down, it is too massive, too infinite, too free flowing, it cannot be held down by anything..

Higher self: It cannot be held down by even truth? 

Lower self: No .. for something to be true, it must be free... Detached from its shackles, there fore, not foundational. Truth is not foundation, it is without a foundation. It has no bottom. There is no end. That is truth. 

Higher self: Okay.. there's a lot to unpack here and you need to go to work. Let's come back to this later... 

------------------------------------------------------------------

Higher self: Alright, so truth is not foundational? Why can't truth be both foundational and boundless? Are these two things really opposites? 

Lower self: They certainly sound like opposites to me..

Higher self: What makes two things opposite of each other. 

Lower self: Two things are opposites when they are acting against each other, for example you have positive and negative batteries, love and hate, courageousness and timidness, fearfulness and fearlessness, existence and nonexistence.. 

Higher self: Yes but let's take the batteries example, don't you need both halves of the positive and negative circuit in order to create the power to charge the controller.. you need both halves in order to create the whole, and maybe you could say that about all of your other examples... You need love for there to be hate.. you need courageousness for there to be timidness, fearfulness for there to be fearlessness, existence for there to be nonexistence. 

Lower self: Yes that's true. In order for you to hate something, you have to love the other thing. For example, I hate the guy that is dating the girl I like because I love her or I love myself and think that I deserve the girl, I want the girl. In order for me to be courageous in a situation, I have to understand what it means to be timid, and shy away from that kind of behavior. In order for me to take a fearless action, I have to understand what is a fearful action. In order for there to be existence in the universe, the universe must understand what nonexistence is. 

Higher self: But I thought that we said existence is all there is, can non existence really exist? How the hell does that make any sense? If non existence exists then that means that it does exist... And it doesn't not exist... 

Oooh the power of a good old fashioned paradox... Here we go folks. Strap yourself in. I continually get my mind fucked by these statements and I really do not know how to handle them. Let's take a look at the two that we have come across. 

1. Truth is both foundational and boundless. It is foundational because it is set in stone and cannot be disputed. It is boundless because it is endless, it is infinite, it has no shackles, it is free flowing and ever changing. Now how can something be both grounded, set in stone, cannot be disputed and also free flowing and ever changing? Hmmm... Not sure.

2. This is a good one: non-existence exists. The existence of non-existence would mean that non-existence does exist even though the definition of the word non-existence is that it doesn't existence. Jesus.. talk about mind bending. 

Higher self: alright, so how are we going to grapple with these things. 

Lower self: I'm really not sure. How can we grapple when the human brain cannot comprehend it? 

Higher self: I think you're just being lazy. You don't want to deal with it... When in reality some magical insights lie just beyond the emotional labor. 

Lower self: Okay... But I don't even know where to start. 

Higher self: What is a paradox? 

Lower self: A paradox is something that doesn't make sense to the human brain but at the same time it does make sense. It's like it's right and wrong at the same time. This is the duality of it. And that is what I hear about all of the time. That the duality is all an illusion. That is what these paradoxes are trying to tell us... That there is no such thing as opposites! It is all an illusion. But if they're not opposites then what are they? 

Higher self: They are one and the same. Existence is the same as non existence. Love is the same as hate. Courage is the same as timidness. Beautiful is the same as ugly. They are all the same! But why do we humans think that they are opposites? 

Lower self: Because we judge things... But here's the thing though. Ugly is the opposite of beautiful because you are looking at one thing and comparing it to another. Ugly is on one end of the spectrum and beautiful as at the other... So yeah they are opposites. Don't tell me that they're not.. they are.. 

Higher self: Yes they are opposites from the human perspective.. but we are going deeper than that, this is a relative truth, something that one person thinks is ugly can be seen as beautiful by another person. These are not objective truths, therefore relative. This work is moving past the relative. Ugly and beautiful are not opposites from the absolute perspective. 

Lower self: And why not? 

Higher self: Because everything is the same, there is no difference between beautiful and ugly. This is the thing, you need to start tapping into this second tier thinking, in which you move beyond how a human being sees the world and look at it from a higher, much more broad perspective. That is what this work will help you with, it will help you find the truth of the universe, and it will also help you to move up the spiral dynamics ladder. 

Lower self: That's pretty cool. Okay, so in this second tier thinking approach, we've realized that all dualities are really an illusion that the human brain has made up in order to categorize things and to move towards certain things in order fo fit its own agenda, or maybe more specifically its survival agenda.. 

Higher self: Yes that's correct.

Lower self: Alright cool. Now where do we go from here..

Higher self: I'd recommend going out into the world and start trying to see the world from this new heightened perspective. Don't force it, just play around with it. You can put on the 1st tier human lenses for a little while, then try putting on your new and improved 2nd tier spectacles. 

Lower self: Alright sweet, thanks. I'll talk to you later. 

[Spiritual Warrior]

Don't tell me that I am free

Don't tell me that I am free

'Cause I have not been well

Lately...

[Spiritual Warrior]

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #43 - Mon Sep 4th '23 - 9:39 AM

Higher self: Okay so we have realized that nonduality is closer to truth than duality. But why? Why is that? 

Lower self: Well the other day we were dissecting these paradoxes, in which a statement can be right and wrong at the same time, which got us thinking about all of the dualities in the world, ie all of the seemingly opposite things.. such as boy vs girl, positive vs negative, right vs wrong, right vs left, good vs evil. What we discovered is that it is really all one thing, everything is enveloped into one thing. Now what is that thing that everything is enveloped into... That is what we are here to find out.. to summarize, all dualities are an illusion that the human mind has made up in order to categorize things for its own survival needs. 

Okay now what is next after finding out about nonduality. I feel as though I am missing something there, I don't feel true clarity on the subject. 

Higher self: Why don't you feel clarity? 

Lower self: I don't know.. I feel as though I still don't understand what a paradox is..

Higher self: Okay.. then let's go through one.. non-existence exists. Two seemingly opposite statements yet somehow the statement is true, it's true and false at the same time (seemingly)

Lower self: This is a paradox. It doesn't make sense to the human brain because we live in a world where we think dualities exist when they really do not. Dualities are not real, the world is non dual. These sorts of statements prove this. 

Higher self: How and why do these paradoxical statements prove that nonduality is more true than duality? 

Lower self: Because for a statement to have two polar opposites elements within it and also make sense or be accurate, that means that there must be an issue with the duality of the two opposite elements. If non existence and existence are actually the same thing at its core, then the statement "non-existence exists" would make sense because they do not contradict each other. Us humans have defined these two things as opposites, but in reality they are not.

Higher self: Existence does not exist. Is this statement true? 

Lower self: Not true. Existence does exist. Existence is the existing of something, it is there, it is present, therefore "Existence does not exist" is a false statement. 

Higher self: What about true and false, isn't that a duality that, according to you, is "just an illusion?"

Here lies the problem, you are saying that nonduality is true or at least more true than duality, but at the same time you are using the duality of true and false in the work that you are doing right now. Isn't that contradictory? If duality is made up or false then what is the difference between true and false? There shouldn't be any difference if there are no opposites, which means that there shouldn't be any difference between what is true and what is false, correct? Yet you are sitting over there saying this statement is true and that statement is false. 

Lower self: Hmmm... 

[Spiritual Warrior]

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #44 - Mon Sep 4th '23 - 1:56 PM

Lower self: The statement nonduality is true is in itself a paradox. It's a paradox because for nonduality to be true, the duality of true and false must not be true.How about the statement duality is false? 

Higher self: How about this, what does it mean to be false?

Lower self: To be false is to be not true. Something that is false... Well actually for something to be false. Someone must have thought that it was true at one point and then realized that it was false afterwards. For example, the earth is flat, this is a false statement. We know that the earth is round, but humans used to think that the earth was flat, then we realized that this is false. Then maybe one day we will realize that the earth isn't round and it's actually square shaped (idk). The point I'm trying to make is that these things are relative. In truth work, we are not looking for relative truths, we are looking for absolute truths. What is the difference between relative and absolute truths?

Higher self: An absolute truth is something that without a doubt, cannot be questioned, it knows itself is true, it doesn't need anything else to validate that it is true. That is what we are after here, so let's not get stuck on all of these relative truths, such as the nature of the duality of truth vs falsehood. 

Lower self: But isn't this an important distinction to make? Why does absolute truth fall outside of the realm of duality?? 

Higher self: Because there is no absolute falsehood. For there to be falsehood, there must be truth, and that's just not what we're after here. We could find falsehood if we wanted to, absolute falsehood. Is that what you want to find? 

Lower self: Not particularly. But while we're in the subject, what does absolute falsehood look like? 

Higher self: Why does it matter? True and false are not opposites. Haven't we established this? That is what we mean by the statement dualities are an illusion. Falsehood still exists and absolute truth still exists, so what are we even talking about here? 

You are not using the duality of truth and falsehood in the work that you are doing. The duality between the two is the illusion, or the relationship between the two is the illusion. You are simply finding out what's true. That is it. Something being false has nothing to do with it. 

Lower self: Okay but if something is false, then it is not true, correct? 

Higher self: No! They're not opposites! That's the problem that you keep running into! 

Lower self: But can something be true and false at the same time? Nuh uh... I don't think so... 

Higher self: On the relative scale, something can be true to one person and false to another person. For example, one person thinks that God is real, that is his truth, another thinks God is not real, that is his truth. Who's right? Who's truth is correct? Neither! Neither is, they are just opinions. 

Lower self: Yes but if there is an absolute truth and an absolute falsehood and in this perfect example, we are speaking about God, one of these people is absolutely true and the other is absolutely false. 

Higher self: No! You are still using the duality! 

Lower self: What do you mean? 

Higher self: The duality of truth and false does not exist, correct? 

Lower self: Yes..

Higher self: That means that there is no difference between truth and false in the absolute sense, they are one and the same... 

Lower self: Then what the fuck are we doing?? What is the point of this work? 

Higher self: It's to get you to that point, where you actually understand what we're talking about here! You don't understand it, do you? 

Lower self: No! How could I?! It makes no sense! 

Higher self: Okay, let's back up here for a moment, do you understand what I am saying when I say that the duality of truth and false is not real? Do you understand how significant this is. Every time truth pops into your head, you are thinking of its opposite, falsehood. I am trying to get you to stop doing that. The reason for this is because we have already established the duality between truth and falsehood is imaginary, it is not real. That means that there is NO RELATIONSHIP between the two. Are you starting to understand that? 

Lower self: Yes.. yes.. I understand now..

Higher self: And that means that the word false does not belong here, there is no point in using it. We are looking for TRUTH. That is it, no attachments, no return engagements, no encore. TRUTH.

Lower self: Yes, I understand..

Edited September 4, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

 

Today, you were far away

And I didn't ask you why

What could I say?

I was far away

You just walked away

And I just watched you

What could I say?

How close am I 

To losing you

Tonight

You just closed your eyes

And I just watch you

Slip away

How close am I

To losing you

Hey, are you awake?

Yeah I'm right here

Can I ask you

About today

How close am I?

To losing you

How close am I?

To losing...

[Spiritual Warrior]

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #45 - Wed Sep 6th '23 - 8:50 AM

13.*Look around and say to yourself* A meaningless world engenders fear. *Close your eyes.* A meaningless world engenders fear because I think I am in competition with God.

"To move forward, you must figure out exactly what is obstructing you. Whatever it is, it isn’t really there; it has no reality, no substance. It’s your own creation, a phantom lurking in the shadows of your mind, a shadow demon. Your obstructions are your demons, and your demons are shadow dwellers. They live and thrive in the half-light of ignorance, so the way to slay a demon is by illuminating it with the full force and power of your focused attention; by looking at it, hard. Banish shadow with light and see for yourself that no obstruction exists, nor ever did. We create our demons and we feed them. To awaken we must slay them. That’s really the whole process: Slay one demon, take one step. Repeat."

~ from Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment by Jed McKenna

 

Higher self: Lets take this duality conversation one step further. 

If duality does not exist, what else does that mean? We established that the thought of two things being opposites is an illusion, according to this insight, what else is an illusion? 

Lower self: Everything. Everything is an illusion. 

Higher self: Okay... Give me an example.

Lower self: My entire life story is an illusion. Everything about it. My past is an illusion. My friends are an illusion. My cat .. an illusion. The people that I love... Illusion. 

Higher self: How do you know they are an illusion? I feel like you're just saying these things with no way of backing it up or proving it. You don't truly understand the magnitude of these statements. And what does this have to do with nonduality?

Lower self: Nonduality is "all is one." That's literally what it means to be nondual. That means that there is nothing outside of it, which means that anything that is finite or separate, such as my puny little body and my memories and thoughts and family and circle of friends, they are all nondual. Everything is nondual. 

Higher self: Hmmm. Okay that's interesting, but there are still finite things, you must admit. The chair has a different makeup than the table and than a physical human body. 

Lower self: Not in the absolute sense, there is no difference between the two, not really. The difference between the two has been constructed in our own minds. The chair and the human are one and the same. 

Higher self: Hmmm... Interesting.. but you care about the survival of the human body more than the chair that you are sitting on.

Lower self: Yes of course because I want to live. I don't want to die. I don't care about that chair because I don't live through the chair, I live through this physical body. I am selfish, we all must be in order to survive. 

Higher self: Can you transcend survival? 

Lower self: Yeah probably, but I think that we are all scared to because then we will literally be okay with dieing. 

Higher self: Well that's where you're headed if you continue down this path... Is that a demon that you are willing to face...

Lower self: Errrrrr... Yes, I think so. 

Edited September 6, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

God Interlude: Fantasy Football

Ben: What's up God or higher self, whoever the fuck you are. What's good dawg, how are you doing? 

God: What up homie. I'm good, my fantasy football team is looking pretty good this year ngl, I was afraid that Travis Kelce tore his ACL, but I think that he'll be alright. I drafted him 1st round because that dude's a freakin' beast.

Ben: What?! God... you have a fantasy football team? 

God: Of course. What, is God not allowed to have a little bit of fun.

Ben: But... but... who else is in the league... the Easter bunny, Santa Clause...? 

God: Hahahaha very funny... no.. I'm in every fantasy football league that there is on Earth. I drafted every single player and by every single team that there is. 

Ben: That's a lot of drafting...

God: Yes it is, but I have the help of you tiny humans to help me out. We are capable of having a lot of fun together. Don't you think? 

Ben: Wait so you drafted my fantasy football team for me? 

God: Not for you, but with you. I am inside of you and I am you. We are one and the same, remember?

Ben: Yeah I remember, this is just going to take some getting used to... I mean, how can you be everywhere at once? 

God: I am the infinite shape shifter. I am everywhere at once because I am literally everything that there is. Don't you understand that? There is no universe without me. The universe and God are the same size, we are both so massive and extravagant, as a matter of fact God and universe are the exact same. But I like to use the word God because it entails a sentient being, capable of having emotions and as we are discussing right now, having fun... anything that you are capable of experiencing, I also am capable of experiencing because I am all. 

Ben: But if you are all and you are God.... then I am also God because God is all and I am a singular part of "all"

God: Yes, that's correct. 

[Spiritual Warrior]

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #46 - Fri Sep 8th '23 - 9:02 AM

Higher self: What is true?

Lower self: Nothing. Nothing is true. I've got nothing for you.

Higher self: Nope... Something is true. 

Lower self: Yes ... something is true, but I can't use words to explain it, so whats the point. 

Higher self: The point is to get you there. How else are you going to get there? By watching more Leo videos or reading more books or meditating more? You don't even like meditating...

Lower self: Okay fine.... Everything is one. 

Higher self: Everything is one, aye? What does that mean. What is everything and what is one? Sounds like a duality to me. 

Lower self: Yes, it is a duality. But dualities do not exist. Thats what this paradox thing is telling us, that there is a fault in the way that we are looking at things. We want to start looking past it. Everything is literally all there is in the entire universe. Everything, by my definition is the entire universe, God, every emotion that you can think of, every event that you can think of, every single thought stream coming out of a sentient being, every plant on this planet or any other, every star in the entire galaxy and beyond, every grain of sand on the beach, every molecule in the human body, all of the water in the sea and ocean on Earth and on every other planet, every video game, every human being that ever existed, every dinosaur that ever existed, every animal, current and past and future, every rock, every boulder, every eye ball, every disease, every infection, every fight, every bar, every insult, every dream, all energy fields, every color, every piece of music, every event that has ever transpired and will ever transpire, every book, every piece of clothing, every neck tie, every job application, every beating heart, every brain, every tornado, every comet crashing into something, every movie and TV show, every Instagram account, every Twitter account, every sentient being on the Earth and outside of it, every hallucination, every acid trip, every picture that you think is in your head, every airplane, every shoe, every shoe lace, every window, every flower, every tree, every forest, every sunset, ever lake, every river, every ocean, every road, every state, every country, every continent, every boat, Magellan, Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin, my best friends, my family, every ego, every shin guard, every shin, every soccer ball, football, baseball, cricket, every sporting event, every school, every water fountain, every slice of pizza, every building, every sky scraper, every train ride, every train ticket, every pen, every pencil, every factory, every yoga class, every whole foods, every psychological model, every guru, every alien, every UFO, every Youtube video, every idea, every conspiracy theory, Jed McKenna, every awakening, every spiritual pursuit, every church, every religion, every football team, every high school clique, every sexual encounter, every kiss, every crush... shall I go on? And that is only scratching the surface because I have a limited perspective here on Earth, in this puny human body. Get me out into the stars like you God and I'll be able to see the whole god damn universe. 

Higher self: Okay... we understand what everything is.. Now what is one?

Lower self: One. well, one is the first number in the numerical language..

Higher self: Thats not what you mean by one... you said that everything is one... what does that mean to you?

Lower self: It means that everything can be encapsulated in one thing. That is truth. I know that its true because it must be true. Everything has to be encapsulated in something. I guess I'm really just putting everything in a box. I'm categorizing everything, but theres really only one category and it is one... I could add more categories, but that just doesn't feel right. 

Higher self: I don't get it. 

Lower self: Yeah me neither... Aright just let me think out loud for a little bit... Well we know that these paradoxes are always true, right? If a statement is a paradox, that means that we are onto something... thats what I am going to conclude from some of our previous discussions.. and "everything is one" is certainly a paradox... 

Higher self: Can you explain why its a paradox please.

Lower self: Because everything is everything, take all of the examples that I listed above and multiply it by infinity... and one is just one thing, it is singular, I mean truthfully when I think of one, I think of one person, one lamp, one desk, one plant. Singular. So that is not everything, that seems like the complete opposite... Which is what makes the statement a paradox... Yet it is such a common term "Oh yeah... everythings one, we are all one, lets all love each other." Yet no body stopped and questioned that this is the most obvious paradox that there is?! Jesus christ we are missing this shit. Of course I never realized it either until I sat down and thought about it so I'm not above it either.. I'm sorry for judging all of you people.

Anyways, this is a massive paradox, we know this now, which means that there is truth to it? Can we conclude that truth lies within every paradoxical statement? 

Higher self: I don't know... I think thats a stretch... what are the paradoxical statements that we've come up with so far?

Lower self: "Everything is one" "Nonduality is true" "Non-existence exists" 

Higher self: No. we cannot conclude that, we need to look into each statement in further depth.

Lower self: Okay, yeah I can tell that I was being lazy with that claim. A big problem with this work is that its mentally draining. I feel like I just ran 30 laps but only gained an inch.

Higher self: Yes, thats the nature of the work... 

Lower self: Alright... thanks for that... *Long pause*

Now lets gain a little more understanding on the statement "Everything is one," So everything is infinite things, and one is just one thing... how can everything be one... is infinity packed into a single molecule... or a single body... I don't think so... so that means that they are opposites... but no they are not opposites because opposites do not exist, opposites are human mind constructions... But everything can't be one. It just can't be. 

Higher self: Alright... I'm going to help you out a little bit. I think that what the statement is alluding to is that God is in everything. We humans are all one in the sense that we are all God.

Lower self: Okay but even a statement like God is in everything doesn't make any sense to me because I don't know what God is, I just talk to him sometimes but don't even know if its real. You know what... everything cannot be one, thats my answer to this. The shirt that is laying out on the chair in front of me is a singular object. It is NOT infinite. not infinite at all. If it were infinite, it would look infinite and it doesn't, its just a shirt, a single fucking shirt. 

Higher self: What about all of the cotton threads within the shirt, there must be thousands that make up the singular shirt, does that make the shirt a thousand cotton threads or just one thread.

Lower self: I don't know, it depends how you look at it, yeah sure.. you could say "Hey, that person is wearing a thousand cotton threads"... but you'd sound pretty silly. 

Higher self: Okay... so your definition of one depends upon the persons perspective, which means that it is a relative truth.

Lower self: Yeah... sure. Whats your point?

Higher self: My point is that we are looking for absolute truths, not relative truths... Therefore, your definition of what one is is relative, it is not absolute.

Lower self: Fine then, lets just scrap the "everything is one" statement, its fine by me, not true, get it out of here...

Higher self: Okay.. I can tell you are getting aggravated, I think its time for a break. Just to clarify, I think that I have been harping on "Everything is one" as something to look into because I intuit that there is some truth to it. And I think that we should trust my intuition when it comes to where we want our conversations to be steered. 

Lower self: Yes, I'm on board with that. I need some food, I'll talk to you later. 

Edited September 8, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Jed McKenna Interlude: No Belief is True

 

"Self-realization, truth realization isn't a state of consciousness. You want to bring this whole thing down to a level that you can deal with it. But that's not possible.. truth isn't an idea or a concept. It's not in libraries or in the words of sages. It doesn't come in a flash of insight or a peak experience. Its not a feeling of bliss or ecstacy. It's not a concept to be understood or a feeling to be experienced. It's not in your heart or your mind.

It's further. 

We're talking about lies, important lies. Lies right at the heart of who and what we are. We're making serious accusations. We're committing heresy because that's what heresy is, truth talk in the dream state. 

Spiritual awakening is about discovering what's true. Anything that's not about getting to the truth must be discarded. Truth isn't about knowing things. You already know too much. It's about unknowing. It's not about becoming true, it's about unbecoming false, so that all that's left is truth. 

If you want to become a priest or a lama or a rabbi or a theologian then there's a lot to learn, tons and tons. But if you want to figure out what's true, then it's a whole different process, and the last thing you need is more knowledge. Beliefs are candles that man uses to ward off the surrounding darkness. They are the charms that we use to hold infinity at bay, to dispell the black cloud that hovers over every head. Your moments of blackest despair are really your most honest moments, your most lucid moments. That's what you're seeing without your protective lenses. That's when you pull back the curtain and see things as they are. 

No belief is true.

No. Belief. Is. True.

All beliefs, all concepts, all thoughts, yes, they're all false. All bullshit. Of course they are. Not just religions and spiritual teachings but all philosophies, all ideas, all opinions.

If you're going for the truth, you're not taking any of them with you. Nothing that says two, not one.. survives. 

That's what I say. It rings true because it is true."

~ From one of Jed McKenna's books

[Spiritual Warrior]

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #47 - Thu Sep 14th '23 - 10:54 PM

* This one might be difficult to follow, I didn't edit it at all or try to write something concise that flows. I had some good insights though so I'm just going to post it. Keep going further.

What is the ego?

The ego is what I identify with. Any time I think of a memory in which I am in it, that is my ego. The picture of myself is the ego. My beliefs are part of my ego. My personality is part of my ego. How I view myself. Wether I'm attractive or not, tall or short, angry or sad, 

Can an ego be sad? 

Yes. For sure. My ego is sad all the time. It gets angry as well. It is the ego that feels things. 

As opposed to what else? 

The true self. 

And what is that? 

The true self is nothing, it is past the ego. The ego is false, it is not true. There's nothing true about it. It is made up. Completely. No inherent truth in the ego. It certainly feels like the ego is true though, it pulls me to do certain things, take certain actions, it controls everything that Ido. 

Does it? Does it really have control? 

Yes. It does. It makes decisions for me. I don't want to feel sad when I wake up in the morning. My ego is responsible for that. I don't want to feel angry or embarrassed or helpless, this is all egos doing. He's such a pest. Get him out of here. 

He's not a pest, he's trying to survive. And you're trying to kill him by seeing through his bullshit. He's not full of shit either. The world has told him that he is a separate entity. That he is whatever. Whatever beliefs that you have about yourself, that is what the ego thinks of itself. Everything that is possible or not possible, that is what the ego is. 

I just don't want to suffer anymore. I want to end suffering. And I also want a mature ego. I want to have high integrity. I want to have an ego that other egos can look up to. "Hey, that's a mature ego, one that is stable, solid, in control of itself." The ego needs to mature before it can be transcended. 

Why can't it mature and transcend simultaneously? These are not opposite things, there are no opposites in this world. I can do both at the same time.

Yeah, that makes sense... but how are you going to mature the ego? 

By being mature about things. By not getting too wrapped up in my emotions about a situation. By doing what I feel is right in every situation, by having high integrity, being whole, living by solid principles, such as always being on time, treating everyone the way that you would like to be treated, respecting myself, respecting my own ego, respecting my egos desires as well, not dismissing my emotions, wants, desires as stupid, by having a confident ego, one that tackles objectives, one that doesn't step on anyone's toes. I want to develop my ego while still doing truth work. As a matter of fact, truth work is inherently required in order to help the ego mature. If I wasn't journaling then I wouldn't have realized this thing about the importance of my own ego. I now have a spotlight on him, a new realization of what he's all about and how I should handle him. 

Is the ego not you? 

No. Not at all. 

Who am I talking to right now?

it feels like the higher self. Or my true nature, or maybe it's the ego, talking to itself. The ego knows that it can be irrational, but it is now aware of it. No, I like the idea that the me talking right now is about the ego. Im looking at the ego as a separate entity. This is going to give me clarity as to what it is. 

What about the voice? What is the voice? Is the voice ego?

The voice... the voice is coming out right now. It is what's responsible for what's is being written in this page. This is the voice. These words are the voice, right now. Is this ego? Is this higher self? Who the fuck is talking right now? I am talking. I'm talking right now. I am. Where are you? 

I'm right here. That's all I know. I exist. I am here. That is truth. This is all I know. Is existence. Existence. Is. All. There. Is. I exist. I am speaking words onto a screen.

Is that true?

There's nothing true about the words or about my thoughts.

Why not? Don't they exist?

No, because they are fleeting. Words are fleeting. And they are just symbols on a screen. There's nothing foundational about them. Thoughts are always fleeting, nothing without a doubt true about that. 

But my very existence here on earth in this body is what truth is...well actually it's not the body or being on earth, those are stories. It is the awareness, the awareness that I have right now. The "i am" ness. That is all I know. That is all that there is. That's all that's true. The I am ness. The me ness. The existence. The present awareness of whatever's going on. It's not the thoughts or the body or the ego. As a matter of fact, the ego is made up of thoughts. That's all the ego is. Thoughts. Compounding thoughts. 

What is real is the awareness of the thoughts or the awareness of the body. Pure awareness. It's like the middleman between the perceiver and what is being perceived. So if I'm looking at a tree. I am the perceiver. The tree is the thing being perceived. What's real, what's true is that there is perception of the tree going on, there is an awareness, an ever presence going on in between the tree and myself. That's what is real, that's what is true. The tree is not what's real, the body is not what's real, it's the awareness going on between the two things. 

Edited September 15, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Alright, after my last post, I've realized that having to make these posts make sense and be enjoyable to read to a potential reader forces me to make sense of it in my own head, so I am not going to be sloppy with these anymore like entry #47. 

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #48 - Sun Sep 17th '23 - 9:53 PM

Lower self: I am the creator of the ego. I have constructed myself completely. All of my beliefs, my strengths, my weaknesses, I have constructed everything about myself. I choose my own actions, I choose my own destiny, I choose my own thoughts. I choose my friends, I choose how much time I spend with my family, I choose my job and my livelihood, I choose my hobbies. I am this one that creates a life for itself. 

Higher self: But where is he? Where is this creator located? 

Lower self: I don't know.. In the brain I guess... or no where... he's just here... Out in thin air... He has no location. I mean, does he really need one? The voice doesn't have a location. The ego doesn't have a location. Thoughts, emotions, theres no location to anything actually, location is an illusion, it's a relative term. To measure where something is located, it's position within the universe needs to be compared to something else, therefore there is no absolute truth in the location of something.

What is absolutely true is that I am a creator. I am creating my life right now as we speak, with my words and with my actions. I am on a train, a train called life, and I can't get off. Even if I kill myself, the train continues moving down the tracks. This is true.

Higher self: How do you know that life will continue for you after you die?

Lower self: I don't. No one knows that.

Higher self: Then why did you say it with such certainty?

Lower self: It's like this, if existence is all that I know in my current experience, then existence must be all that there is. Therefore once this body dies, existence will continue because it is all that I know. It's the only thing that I can really count on as absolute truth. Does that make sense?

Higher self: No.. that doesn't make sense because isn't it possible for non existence to exist, i.e. once you die and before you were born, you did not experience any existence at all, it was just a black slate, or not even a blank slate, it was just nothing, we can't even fathom or explain what it was because it didn't exist.

Lower self: Can you not explain or fathom something that doesn't exist? 

Higher self: No... if it doesn't exist then it wouldn't be explainable. Something needs to exist in order for it to be able to be communicated. Existence is all there is. Anything that doesn't exist is obsolete, not real, not truth. 

Lower self: But don't some things exist as an illusion. For example, the TV in front of me exists as a TV, but that is a relative truth. In the absolute sense, it doesn't exist as a TV at all...

Higher self: Yes, but it still exists. It exists as an entity. 

Lower self: ... Does it?? Maybe it doesn't exist at all?

Higher self: What are you talking about? Why wouldn't it exist? What, now are you going to tell me that I don't exist either??

Lower self: Maybe you don't .. what if our existence is a simulation. 

Higher self: So what??? I'd still exist. Even if life is a simulation, the I am-ness would still be there. I would still experience the awareness, the consciousness.

Lower self: Ahhh. There we go again, the awareness, the consciousness...what does having awareness and consciousness have to do with existence? 

Higher self: Well.. anything that exists must have awareness... wait I don't think that's true. Also, there can be awareness everywhere, awareness can be present without it being enveloped into a physical object.. For example, if I am perceiving a tree, I am aware of everything in that field of perception.. I am aware of the distance between myself and the tree, I am aware of the birds chirping, I am aware of the feeling on my toucas. Of course I can shift my awareness from one thing to the other, which is pretty cool, but it's almost as if the awareness is somewhere out there.. if I exist and I am aware... does that mean that existence is required for there to be awareness.. I don't know... maybe..

Lower self: I don't think existence should be talked about in truth work, I cannot trust my own existence. The only thing that I can trust as truth is my own awareness, my current awareness, which makes it so that I have the ability to think, perceive things, write, go to work, dance, talk to people, make love.. this is all possible because I am aware, I am here, I am conscious. Existence is not absolute truth because I do not experience existence. As a matter of fact, existence is a label. I am labeling that I exist.. but I don't know if this physical body actually exists because what the hell is existence anyway? Really, what does it mean for something to exist?

Higher self: Existence... for something to exist, it must be here, present within the universe. If it is not present in the universe right now, in this very moment, then it doesn't exist. It's that simple. 

Lower self: Okay, so... That means that my body did not exist before I was born and it won't exist when I die.. then again the bodies existence is a relative truth. This is what I think the issue is with existence as being truth... the definition of existence... or at least our definition of existence is being used in regard to physical objects, tangible things. When I say that I exist, I'm really talking about the physical body.. the more truthful statement would be to say that I am aware. That is all that I know, that I am alive, conscious, aware. Awareness is everything, not existence.

Until next time. 

Edited September 18, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

This felt more like a therapy session, but this is what the mind wanted to talk about today.

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #49 - Thu Sep 21st '23 - 1:02 PM

Lower self: Alright, back to truth work. What's up dude, how are you? 

Higher self: I am good. You gave me quite a bit of rest this morning, which I greatly appreciate... What would you like to talk about today?

Lower self: I feel like I am starting to develop some distance between myself ( whatever I truly am) and my ego, which I know is separate from myself. I am able to look at my ego as it's being triggered by situations which invoke negative emotions and just take a look a what he looks like. I picture him as this little blob, when he is angry, hell get red in the face and he'll be hoottin' and holerin' "But if he did that... if he doesn't do this... well you did this to me... hes such a prick"... when the ego gets embarrassed, I look at him and he just gets sad, his bottom lip curls up a bit and his eyes swell up and get moist. I feel bad for the ego in these situations, he doesn't deserve to feel embarrassed, he is perfect exactly as he is, I just want to give him a hug and tell him that everything will be okay, you are a perfect being. 

Higher self: What about when the ego is feeling positive emotions, do you give him distance then as well or no? 

Lower self: Damn higher self... that is quite the question.. Id really like to give this some more thought before answering, but I will try my best to answer it now.. no I don't think that I detach myself from the ego when I am experiencing positive emotions. Why would I? Positive emotions feel great. I want to feel like I am the one that is responsible for feeling icy and confident and happy and like I'm on top of the world. Why would I want separation from the ego then? 

Higher self: If you are giving the ego separation during hard times, why can't you give him room to breathe during good times as well? No one wants to feel suffocated. That's how the ego feels when you try to control him and are needy for him to feel good. Let him breathe. You now know how to create some distance between yourself and ego, now try to do it in more situations.

Lower self: Yes sir, I can do that for you. I'll let you know how it goes. 

Edited September 22, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #50 - Thu Sep 21st '23 - 1:26 PM

Higher self: What is true?

Lower self: It is true that the ego is a mind construction. He is not truth.

Higher self: Yes, we've established this, let's go deeper..

Lower self: The ego is not truth, the body is not truth, my thoughts are not truth, my brain is not truth...

Higher self: But what about your intuition?

Lower self: My intuition feels truth like... because when I am out and about, sometimes I feel as though I am tapping into exactly what I need to do or say in a given situation. It's as if I can feel the energy pulling me towards or against something...

Higher self: What does this have to do with truth?

Lower self: It has to do with truth because there is just something to this energy field of life. Some of the most amazing moments are when I can surrender my mind to this energy field and am able to let it decide what I do. The antithesis of this is when I overanalyze everything inside of my own head.. "Should I do this..? Should I do that?... Will this person view me negatively if I do that?... Will I offend?... Is this the most efficient use of my time...?" The mind is a God damn menace sometimes I'm not going to lie... a very useful tool but can be very annoying.

Higher self: So you have decided that truth can be attained through surrendering your mind to the energy fields of life.. how are you going to work on this?

Lower self: As soon as I wake up, I would like to try and tap into this energy field through meditation, it doesn't have to take long, just 20 minutes. Surrender the mind to the energy fields of life. 

Higher self: Yes, let the universe guide you. Decisions should not be difficult to make. Your mind likes to make them difficult because it enjoys the drama of it all, "Should I do this, should I do that... what if I make the wrong decision..." ... no, your true self knows exactly what to do in all situations in life. Let it do it's thing, stop resisting. 

Edited September 22, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #51 - Mon Oct 2nd '23 - 6:04 AM

Authors Note: From now on, I am going to focus on what I can experience, not the out of this world mumbo jumbo that I hear from all of these spiritual teachers. For example, I have no insight into what infinity is, therefore it doesn't belong in truth work. What I can experience is my own direct experience, my own awareness... that is where I will put my attention.

 

I AM Sitting Here on a Chair

Lower self: It is true that I AM sitting here on a chair.

Higher self: Nope... sitting and chair are relative truths, fix those, but "It is true" is a fine way to start the statement because something must be true within this universe, thats what the work is about.

Lower self: "I AM" is the only thing that I can trust as truth right now, the fact that I AM aware of things in my direct experience, that I AM ness is truth. What if I just take out the sitting here on a chair part... and I go with "It is true that I AM." 

Higher self: Yes, that makes sense to me, I AM is truth. But I am what? Nothingness? God? The Universe? The present experience? 

Lower self: It is true that I AM the present experience. Whatever the present experience is, I am it. I am... but does that mean that I am the thought? That I am the tree in front of me? That I am the wind?

Higher self: No... you are not the actual wind... you are the sensation that the wind gives you...

Lower self: So I am the feeling that the wind gives me but not the wind itself? The wind is seperate from myself?

Higher self: Yes... The wind is separate.

Lower self: But if I AM is all that there is, then I would be the wind... But I dont know what its like to be wind. I dont know what its like to be a tree. But if I AM is truth, then doesn't that mean that I AM the tree? It means that I am everything. No... it just means that I am I exist... I am here... But youre not here. There is no here, location is a relative truth, it doesn't belong here. Okay... I am. I am is truth. 

Higher self: Does that mean that you are your friend? Your dog? Your cat? That spoon?

Lower self: I never said that I was everything. I just said that I am. 

High self: But I AM should include everything. If there is just one thing and it is I AM then it must include everything. 

Lower self: No..... Who said anything about there being one thing??

Higher self: Truth. Truth must be one thing... because truth encapsulates everything in itself. For something to be absolutely true, it must explain the entire universe, it must explain all of reality. Thats what we're after here, the theory of everything. The truth of all that there is. And Im sorry but I AM is just not cutting it. 

Lower self: I AM does not encapsulate all of reality. It only encapsulates my own experience within this human body. But that is all that I know. I can only EXPERIENCE WHAT I AM EXPERIENCING. I have no body elses experience, so all this crap about encapsulating the truth as one thing... How on earth could I possibly fathom this when I can only experience what its like in this current body. I am not God... Or I at least have no awareness of it. How can something be true if I have no awareness of it?

Higher self: Just because you're not aware of it doesn't mean that its not true. 

Lower self: Why? Why not? If I AM and I AM not aware of God or infinity or whatever the fuck... then it cant be true. Because I am my own authority. I AM TRUTH. I AM TRUTH. Therefore, what I think is true is true. 

Higher self: Someone could think that an evil space turtle is controlling your every move, that doesn't mean that its true. These are just thoughts. 

Lower self: Everything on this page is thought... so what the hell are we talking about?

Higher self: We're talking about truth. 

Lower self: Truth huh? But my truth is different than your truth.

Higher self: Yeah... so they're relative truths. We want absolute. 

Lower self: I AM. I AM is an absolute truth. 

Higher self: But what does that even mean?

Lower self: It means that I am is all that there is. I am ... its the awareness... its the present experience... thats whats real. Not the present experience itself like the sensation. The sensation of an emotion is not what truth is. Its the fact that I AM able to experience the emotion. I AM ABLE TO experience things. That is whats true. What I'm seeing is not truth, what I'm smelling is not truth, what I'm hearing is not truth, what I'm feeling is not truth. Truth lies within the perception of all of these things, its the fact that I AM able to feel, smell, hear, think. I am, I don't exist necessarily, I just am. 

Higher self: But what is the difference between the smell, the feelings, the hearing, the thinking and the awareness of it... Isn't it the same thing? 

Lower self: No... It is not the same thing at all... The feeling, the smell, the sound, the thought... These are all fleeting. But the I AM ness stays.. The perception of these things stays... it is permanent... And therefore we can assume that it is forever permanent. 

Higher self: But before you were born... There was no I AM ness

Lower self: But... If I AM is truth... then that means that I AM is immortal, 

Edited October 5, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Interlude: Self Love

Dear all of the women that I have had relations with,

I am sorry for the way that I have handled you. I have been unable to love who I am, and if I can't do that, how could I expect myself to love you. This has caused both you and I pain. I will continue to work on this for the both of us. Thank you for understanding. 

I release my hold on you, you are free. 

 

 

[Spiritual Warrior]

"There are two energies inside you: Architect (he) and Mystic (she). He needs to plan; he needs how and why of everything. She just watches things unfold; the universe shows her it's most mysterious and magical depths. She can accept him because human planning is just a small part of universal magic. But he feels threatened by her. So, she is asleep inside you." - Shunya 

[Spiritual Warrior]

I am posting in here to address that I will be taking a break from spiritual enlightenment work. The truth is that I am having a lot of fun in the dream that I am in right now. I am having fun with my job as a dance instructor, I am having fun chasing women around and trying to get them on dates, I am having fun pursuing money and a better life, I am having fun connecting with people, all of this is a trip, I want to continue dreaming. 

I have a baseline understanding of what this spiritual work entails and what it is all about. I understand it conceptually. These things are important and I think that they will help me immensely in the long run as I will get sick of pursuing material desires at some point. That is when I'll dive back into the spiritual work, when I'm 35 or 40. Right now, I'm young and trying to make a name for myself, let this shit ride. This dream is fun, have fun in it. I don't want to wake up just yet. 

 

Dear future Ben,

I will do whatever it takes to master the skills that I need to master early on so that you can focus on higher, lofty ideals when you are ready. I will work hard for you, with integrity and nobility and honesty. Good luck to you and everybody in this life. We all deserve to be happy and to have our dreams actualized. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. 

[Spiritual Warrior]

The warrior trudges on, not knowing which demon he will face next. 

The counterintuitive nature of this work is that it is all the same thing. There is no difference between pursuing material desires and pursuing lofty spiritual ones, they are one and the same, and both paths are leading to the exact same place. 

From God: Have fun in the dream state, that is why I have put you here... you can dream up anything that you like... and if you don't like the current dream that you are in, dream up another one... the possibilities are endless. You will realize that you are God when you are good and ready. You never want to say "I should do this" or "I should do that" there are no obligations in this world. You are free to do as you please. Let your spirit guide you down the path.