Reflections Flow, Expansion&Contraction

[ValiantSalvatore]

I just continue to add some basic stuff etc... fundamentally my nervous system still has way way to much karma in it. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I do have some nice social chill places online and offline dude I am getting back my life I can't believe it, if I now only am able to execute on time, and work on projects oh my lord, I can't belive it. I wonder if you have smaller feet if you body needs less energy if we have the same size exacty ?

Most intelligent question on the planet. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I forgot how important it is to play & be a fool to a certain extend. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

This is the first time I am ever drinking alcohol and coding I believe. I will do this a bit more often and just relax my mind a bit, and do a tiny bit of a different cheesy wine stuff for myself and not engage with greedy tabernacle vultures. 

I forgot for some I was legit an inspiration for whatever reason my energy as inspiring to others. Finishing le google, then just hammering home some more disciplinary stuff and enjoying some red wine tastings in moderation fuck I can't stand white wine, this get's me into drunk dog mode, and animal creature expulsions at an internal of paraoxysms without any freudian slip. 

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I somehow do have to do things in a different manner, and I need some other business types that I can work with, there should be a business types test.

https://www.shopify.com/blog/trailblazer?utm_campaign=zodiacquiz&utm_medium=link&utm_source=riddle

Apparently I am this, I liked this site the most and it was so fking obvious that I get this. It's almost cringe. I am drinking a Merlot from italy apparently Merlot means Amsel in German which means merl, in english. 

Wish I could give full energy, yet it's all moving more into the wisdom to digest pain... how fk*ed ilness is I should not miss this signs twice.... I dunno how Leo's health condition is at times, I could not bother mentally I am just glad to see he's fine at times, I am myself to weak and volatile and I know this. 

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Thank stage red deconstructive drive. 

I wish I had 4 eyes, so I could look at my phone while reading. Guess, I have two brains. With two moniors and proper use of fourier series, omg I scared people and myself no... amazing... 

Yeah let I could definitely let loose a little, and build simply muscle. Post stuff and do challenges the social accountabillity is what worked best, well... I wish I could be a better inhouse doc for some stuff possible. Guess it has to be medicine. 

Edited May 7, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

I briefly contemplated stuff and I already coded the codelabs once, yet nothing is yet that ordered fully. What I notice is the following the point of beign alpha male and having ressources etc. Is something that hitted more home, as I did enjoy this organically as a natural quality, although I yearned to accquire way way more ressourcse, and my fundamental mistake was not having the mental health to pursue it somehow. 

I fundamentally completely forgot this, as I had no one to share  that is the joke, nobody really wanted anything humans became so lazy, they just care about their own circle and family that they can emotionally bond with that is somehow good.

I might have been to global for this... yet I just have to see read some of this stuff and focus on discipline more apparently this is the biggest crutch, I am a trailblazer and I might can create some call and small stuff, yet from here on out. To much procrastination will kill me. 

The point is also all this talk about masculinity etc. I do enjoy accquiring ressources, I just never have some wounds apparently with fixing and brokeness and step-wise taking things and stage blue type of macho-masculinity and crafting and building to some extend, because of shame, yet I still enjoy it internally. It's like this sigma male and alpha male thing I just read, and I prefered more sigma, now I notice I enjoy also the alpha idea. 

The point is this drive and disciplines have been two core strengths, I've been often way to confused and did not engage in courage and I never see meritocracy in a positive light.

I did not code much, as I already coded this practical, I just can't find it and they updated stuff so I do it again and upload it this time for my portfolio. 
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Overall I did not see power as a good thing and I have to get rid of the hogwash ideas my mother implanted herself with and I was partially hurt with, especially the idea of meritocracy, she simply set the bar to low. I have to see what I'll do and can do 

I'll create more power & rank in that sense, I legit looked up what type of personality the state of texas has and it has the same personality as Andrew Tate as 8w7, yet as ESTJ and not ESTP, so odd totally different humans. The first one legit has empathy. 
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Also kindness with ressources was one of the most enjoyable traits I've had, I'll simply see how I'll provide value etc. Vision apparently and something else I liked are not masculine traits. Although higher altitutes do change stuff, a lot is at this rational level. 

The point is also to not waste time, and also create this high-value life I never thought meritocracy is so positive, I've never received credit, my mother legit took this for so granted, you would not believe it, she then always considers if she can do it, and that is already wrong in a one-to-one relationship, as this did create doubt till stuff became so complicated she stopped asking, and I did not get any validation practically. 

I find it odd. All I can say is I have to trailblaize a bit better and create the stuff, I might can do something in my thesis, than instead of beign lost as many others... 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Let's see how much this helps, I've been down & out and should have done this before I trusted Leo to much which did not help my normal natural cynecism. Giving him authority is against what he teaches. 

Sleeping ???.

[ValiantSalvatore]

Quick post during the 20-30 min meditation. I just purchased a course for 20€ and this has more value than the entire google certificate, it's fundamnetally only for the name, yet let's see I need some more proof, that I can do stuff. I am just going to be more engaging, and finish stuff and docmuent my journey. 

I do also have to contact the career service and schedule a meeting etc. I should definitely code a website with a portfolio to some extend etc. I just was distracted by big names and feelings. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

1h approx min meditation. I am for sure seeing the larger benefit of doing what I am doing, and to include some stuff. It was stupid of me to not take care of things I fundamentally enjoy as well as how to not waste time and fomo, also to forgive others as they know not what they're doing.

The point is beign disciplined chaotic & non-chaotic taking chances and trailblaize the vision I've had, I'll post some stuff on insta, to show them a bit the freaky side of me. Let's see if I can do it. Meritocracy apprecation here I come. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I am grateful for hot chicka feminina liking me
I am grateful for sex and having sex 
I am grateful for masturbation and lust
I am grateful for deeper purpose and continuation
I am grateful for all of it!

Let's get it and embrace meriotocracy some never had the chance etc. etc. etc. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

In the first time of history let's be a human in the 21st century... I made myself a promise during meditation which I have forgotten, yet I am cherishing the intent. I am addicted to journaling to get some of these merit cravings out, I am just going all with all no rules, no morals. Pure reality. Pure truth. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

One thing I see more clearly now than ever sciene is different from business, before it was so intertangled for me, they made science a practical business helping students building their own company and directly hiring them, that is legit a better system that a university that relies of family ressources in a sense, you build more healthy tribes. Imo.
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I am going to do yoga for the first time ever in a group for 90 minutes... 

[ValiantSalvatore]

All accountability checks for now are on. I feel way more happy that I feel seen by others for just posting stuff of truely the people I loved to connect to somewhat 3 people even reached out to me I was surprised. Let's continue this flow of work...

[ValiantSalvatore]

Mabye I do have a freedom ticket, yet the point is also this how do you make money following a meritocracy? That just pushes you higher towers & pyramids I wish I could fully advance a.i, yet I am no way able to get that deep into the topics, although... I'd love to stay uptodate with the latest research and read about it...

I ate 100g of sugar today, saw two sexy girls at the bar, I am not using the word ladies, as it could imply worse stuff than I thought. Way way worse. 
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Redifining everything unfortunately shit is what it is. 

This song amazed me when I heard it. I will drink one protein shake also.... fuck I bought sugar .

Seeing more patterns overall.  The group is amazing, I asked a friend he told me not toxic, but no no as soon as they see someone who loved and they  never even had a taste, the bitterness shines forth. It's amazingly tragic.

I hope I just display into paraxoysms of god, while sycophantic idiots finally realize it. 

I barely eat sugar, doing all of this "healthy" definitely is "normal"   .

Edited May 8, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

I never realized how far my applications could go, just via the internet and that I legit did not choose a topic I could enjoy coding, because I yearned for more competency.... well.... 

Somewhat of a cheat.... anyway....  

[ValiantSalvatore]

Post got lost, I certainly notice why I don't woreship nature, yet I longed to be attuned to nature, as well as I will most likely continue to do yoga, and if not possible otherwise I am going to post all the challenges etc. That I setup weekly on instagram, and just enjoy scaling. I generally enjoy scaling stuff I just notice I why I don't enjoy 2's at times and my stressful 2 it's my arrogance and pride. Clearly because of elitist selection and evolution, even if it does do well, it simply is different consciouness is making better disctinctions than evolution and nature, and the irony! Nature is consciouness.... yet who will ever work to even get a taste? 
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My alarm did not go off, I will just create a digital persona I was unable to walk into the moral territory as deeply as I yearned, yet I still can be a creative. The point is I enjoy some stage blue power ideas, out of control and purple, the point is none of this is holonic, and there is no turqouise group that is well-off, eventualy. 
 

The point is I never and I still do not fundamentally care about repute, I would care more about the quality of my work, than my repute. Right now I just have to say, waking up early and discipline. Post here once, if I can't otherwise sip a stupid coffee even if it's unhealthy there is to much subcurrent trauma that without medication I can't fully digest, these health routines are taxing, and nasty evolutionary oriented health wanna be's should be sent to prison. Take care of it, yet I bet you already have issues and might not know it. 

With a bit more social skill I am gone from this place mostly. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Did this for 30 minutes I thought about the healthy blue & green German side and not the delusional purpleish one that is better for "elite" intimacy.

The point simply is this, I will focus my disciplin into that area, I love stage green I messed up today. Create more discipline and work from those two ends, focusing on communities and communities that inspire discipline. My sex drive is also pretty, high and I'd love to post only max 2-1 once per day. 
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This is a promise I am making to myself I will post only once or twice on actualized.org and do that until I don't have any other questions, if I have a question I will ask it away. 

Journal post limited to once/twice per day until I actualized my life purpose more.

I am grateful for making promises to myself that I can and will keep.
I am thankful that I will embrace sexuality more and also cleanliness and orderliness
I am thankful for healthy blue & green
I am thankful for a healthy sex drive
I am thankful I found a way to create challenges and clear headspaces with multiple social media plattforms. 

I see how far I can get into efficiency, I feel the combination of efficiency and effectivness is underemphazied. I hope I can get all in etc. Be more efficient and effective. I will do some shadow work on this merit task idea and step memory stuff, as I've been subtle guilt tripped I forgot that accessing shame in that sense is a superpower, also some women like the idea of having power of powerful men, I keep also having spiders. Odd stuff odd contemplations odd reflections. Then I see my aunt in a different body, and she basically acts like a true angel, and agent. Odd life, odd pain. 

I'll take care more of this now. This will also get me popular as this is more 7'ish type of living, I am not good at preparing and doing things very slow etc. 

Also under people brief reflections are very good. 

Edited May 9, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

This is more of the flow I was searching for and was able to breakthrough sloth & stuff, I had some imprints of how I felt gaslit by Leo about making fun of buddhist, instead of actual explanations and criticism, yet I see also why so it's just pain in a sense. I did have the notion because of guilt.

I contemplated guilt briefly, I can only say the following after this meditation session.
 

• I am grateful for transmuting guilt into whatever positive resiude is beneath it as it's fear, anger, self-doubt, hatred
• I am thankful I have more positive emotions and feel internally more grounded
• I am grateful I feel more love and that another absolute stunner matched me this time I feel more love
• I am grateful for pursuing my goals and dreams as well as erasing negative emotions
• I am grateful for feeling more optimistic and using this meditation technique to get started and not visualizing 

I feel a little guilty about not visualizing, as it did help, yet this fundamentally paired with insightful action creates more abundance, abundance is internal wealth a feeling of this. ~ Deepak Chopra

If this continues I will overcome all obstacles. 2 -posts a day etc. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Briefly contemplated power & how meditation helps with power situations in multiple areas and levels in my life, I have also the first like from two techno-goth matrix girls, who'd definitely enjoy some red edginess. I love Robert Greene somehow, I am also finding more and more stability and ironically strength by sitting for one hour.

I also noticed people who are anger prone are prone to shaming others and this is the wound I received as inner child wound sort of. Also some of the game stuff involves trauma that is cool etc. 

Making a chessy edit, somehow the promise to myself worked, I am making grist for the mill here, by contemplating how I can be non-toxic I matched two hotties and one girl who puts this stage blue frame on, where I notice Germany can be very rigid like way way to rigid. The vibe is already off by typing I dunno. 

I am thinking about multiple things, yet I just should take action... the point is this PUA "tactics" and the gaslighting I received are similar it's so interesting how also others who are unintentionally used to this go into this shame dynamic at least one girl, as I gave myself an attempt to "neg" a girl. 

In Germany we have a saying. "Was sich liebt das neckt sich", in that sense a good tease, which is just a pain point currently I dunno. 

Edited May 10, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

45 minutes what do I notice what do I feel?

I notice and feel pain mostly and digesting pain and how old conditioning drops because of this. I was growing fast, I am safer now and still planning I notice pain points in work etc. While meditating that are inevitable.

I am grateful for meditating myself more into pain again.
I am thankful I notice becoming more deeper because I can transform and transmute pain better
I am thankful I can feel my heart space more
I am thankful I feel I am getting rid of bitter and toxic energy 
I am thankful for this plattform and generally feeling a slight positive upswelling of emotions that feel simply good

[ValiantSalvatore]

Nice I do have one post free today, the irony of keeping promises to myself, and how writting them down in public helped. I wrote two applications instead of doing a course, for pushing my career, I certainly notice how much growth I've missed from not approaching as I had an extremely strong urge to push courage and take high risks, and I did enjoy this edgy line, I was never able to fully close that edge, so to speak and I can still slighty push myself in that area. 
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What I mostly notice is how much time I was socializing, by not having pre-built mechanism, that work like a castle... fundamentally good online portfolio deleted mine, had good intuition, not opening up my bitcoin information buisness enter scence boomed with nfts etc. All could have been tiny projects I work and scale and and get contacts, as well as not approaching women, even reading certain books to late to join students council to get to know women, as well as not having the idea to move one ladder up, yet I was really focused on just getting the degree. I see so many possible openings I did not apply to, yet in the marketing scence, I fundamentally need someone to give me a chance and feedback, the last professor I did not notice he was so approachable, as he was such an ass, yet a caring asshole, which is not that good! I'd rathe be indifferent at this point and compassionate. 

The other thing is also this, creating all of these stuff was a longer held merit idea, yet I had somewhat of internal value and gaslighting clashes, as I associated this with girls thanks to bias simply from a lot of men, and people not interested in academia fundamentally not having a performance point driven drive, and gaslighting people who have this drive, as they triump their triumphes and tropheys more than performance and medals in that sense, and I see also why, the point is I do have a strong merit drive, I somehow turned into exellency and performance simply by the nature of academia and also parts of Leo's episodes, I feel like I don't know where and how, the pick-up community got to him, I also see why he enjoys owen cook, and with that I mean "pick-up community" mostly bitter men who don't work on themselves. 

It feels absolutely fked to have potential ripped from you without you having any say in it. What they guy also revealed about himself and the overall issues with arrogance of liberals and the irony of how I switched any organisation into a different undercurrent, just shows me? That my existence definitely alone is more original than many others. 

Lord, I wish I had +10 iq points and +30 achievment. Gaming one round then 100% focus on all projects and Linkedin, I got so sidetracked as I could have gotten laid today with a +8, they point is I think the more I will ever read about a women anatomy and evolution the more I would not want to be a girl ever, maybe for 2 years or so, yet I don't think I would enjoy it. 

I bought a course and applied like I've said and also contacted the other dude, and girl and while I was out gaming once with guys (they all chicken dinnered to girlfriends with a fat belly and steak .... pinnacle of health deconstruction mode omfg need cigarette) the guy pointed out to message recurites after days and that it's fine as he does marketing campaigns and did not make his engineering studies. 

I hope I can get more into the proper grove for solving tasks, I still feel guilt in gut & heart at times, yet there is only so much I can do given my bodies condition I could give let alone of my scar 25%-60%.... more effort into phyiscal exercise I can't legit feel this part as not much blood is running through this, I need a very deep felt experience, and my breath is cut short a bit, even when I breath deeply and all contractions let loose. 

I still miss the first girl and proper beign more "elite" just by pure effort of what is possible and character in merit & decency. Contemplated some semi-deep stuff today... I miss it that I was never really allowed to properly express stage red, as my mother was so focused on orange&blue, she was to dumb to realize that she was working in red&blue most of the time, as she could not uphold orange. At times overall our society and family is quiet green, just her attitude works fundamentally in this red&blue type feeling and energy of frustration&anger work and Schadenhuren. 

Lord I wish to not pushed to this edge, yet it does not matter my body is to battered for me to fully care anymore about this. Messed up a lay with a solid 8 and matched a 10 fundamentally. Leo is also quiet the magican and then dissuades from the mystery method, I wonder how far the line is between teasing and toxic negging, gaslighting, and again Ta-da! Envy. Psychological dominance. Soul dominance? Is there soul dominance? Seelische Dominanz? Maybe a concept like this should exist for gaming. I dunno co-creation ideas, are out of the window with all possible material I find I don't know maybe by fluke luck. Most started to late, and are not consistent enough, the pressure for a girls to procede and how much time that can take is also insane, just by sheer beauty pressure. I dunno I am not an evolutionary biologist with social skills to the n'th degree. 

It was a mistake to not upload tutorials etc. All of this stuff is relevant. I did not think how far a tiny pebble could skip in that sense... also had another russian today... was nice to trust... yet did not verify reminded me of more positive drives for co-creation... 

Calling this a cheesy edit. Accidently posted twice, yet I post for transparency. Might get another lay with a cute & hot black girl. Also more info from good casual talk. The stuff worth contemplating existence and reality about. 

God this cat girl was so hot, I write this to the liberal degenerate side of me , yet she skipped me. She was legit exactly the type of red&blue chick I would appreciate as she can play the dynamic and we legit work on higher creation. Man - ~ Pray to existence, I dunno at one point when I am built again I just pray to existence. Let it take me and or not fuck death legit, I don't care as much anymore. 

I never went that "naturally deep" in meditation, without going out of control for a while, unsure what words to choose, yet I notice the thantatos drive daily because of survival pressures, and girls especially older women at green priming blue pill alphas to maximize their survival, that is how it feels higher stages want. HIGHER LIBERATION.

This is evident for me. 

Edited May 11, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore