Reflections Flow, Expansion&Contraction

[ValiantSalvatore]

Writting briefly again. Some conversations die down quickly I am not beign very humerous as my humour is so offensive and it's often about identity what others enjoy. I could make a shadow work session about animal identities. I am going to be odd, and masturbate daily for 14 days and then stop for 14 days no idea what this will do, yet I might get some edgey ideas to write while jerking off no clue otherwise. I am emotionally peril? Simply because of how much concrete identity projection I've received so beign playful here and the issue of control... 

I'll re-open in a couple of days with something humerous, unsure what else to do. This is the general thing I'd wanted to do, I could be funny even a clown is better than a nice guy that is a very good indication I often felt guilt tripped here reading parts of heartise was fantastic. For a better non Leonian frame. 

Edited April 23, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

She texted back, I can only analyze as much this is also higher-cogntive order, mostly I write now from what I feel works best, so more from an emotional state, even if it is very lame,bland and boring. 

I am stuck on some tiny mathematics stuff, I ask her tomorrow and continue applied for the data science project. Where I attended the stuff. Let's see what will happen. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I am awake very early for the early gym session. Not all to happy, yet I was looking for some accountabillity structure to get out of bed and do the stuff. 

36 minutes, I could be faster 10 minutes. For efficiency as part of freedom&autonomey value. Just by brushing teeth and water in face and let's go on empty stomach etc. Briefly connecting and writting down somewhere online to connect to purpose etc. 

I feel very alone at times, and I still struggle with some stuff despite all the work etc. 
 

Edited April 24, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

First gym sesh before doctor re-call. Feeling well. Seeing some inevitabilities etc. I might just date via OkCupid generally and maximize and minimize as much as possible, integrate the new mindsets. I listend to the pragmatic programmer audiobook for principles etc. The talk with someone else gave me insight into what I could do, I still have a very great future ahead of me, when I can get into the right position and find the right people. 

I generally find the audacity of many to be critical. Going to meditate and then work on uni stuff, current reflection was this.

• Coding to real life principles -> guesstimates make more of them check how correct they are and see how often you're correct.
  • Attraction of women, instinctiual guesstimates etc. 
• Children and evolutionary perspective issue with orange and below = RSD, stage red rap group stuff
• Black women recently and how the stages below are almost undateable I notice this very often, if you have braids you're fine in that sense it's insane how toxic some are and I say that as a bi-racial person. Simply because of beauty and the value of beauty and past historical events. Other stuff also. It's heavy how non-negotiable stage red is when there is not enough healthy green. 

Wasting time here. Will meditate the best guesttimate to put the new principle to practice is expecting distractions and keeping myself of them. It's also interesting how many "immigrants" I find that are yellow, yet are sucked into lower stages because of projections at turqouise they'd simply see they are stupid and play power games and are very dumb creatures. Let's just see what will happen. 

 

Edited April 24, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Generally on the positive trends despite all obstacles, what I noticed after this session how much karma and negative toxic subtle energy I burnt through even when some of it is ticking inside of me. Overall I reduce a lot of karma with these activites, exercise and meditation. 

I am grateful for meditating to 528 frequencies, I generally feel very well after this
I am grateful for solving more mathematical problems with ease
I am grateful to no get sucked into the youth hype and care more about health and fitness/power and staying strong and beign strong
I am thankful und dankbar für die Fähigkeit mich fähig zu fühlen und Hindernisse zu überwinden und mich nicht auf toxische Frauen einlassen.
Ich bin dankbar nicht den drang zu haben Identitäenpolitk zu spielen und das weiterhin auch nicht toxische asiatische Frauen mich mögen
Ich bin dankbar für mehr harmonie and ruhe. 

Did a 30 minute session. 

Edited April 24, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

One last post, these healthy food choices are fantastic, buying this stuff was the best idea to mix juices etc. Also how internally happy I feel eating healthy. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Briefly reflecting on the stages of development and social interactions bulletpoints:
 

• Coach said I was hot fire, when I went out as I did not have that much anxiety approaching this is mostly from living in China
• Professor is odd and somehow stuck in blue/orange which explains the shitty explanations, I do have to do most of the digging
  • Benefit? Counter-acts some lazyness she still acts somewhat cognitvely obviously from teal+ so she her decisions objectively are good, yet as soon as ego's and morals are there it's questionable. I am learning a lot currently from different ends.
• Efficiency and feedback as well as principles re-opener with one girl did not work, she might be busy. 
• One girl texted back overall issue is to much attention when I feel my body, I don't know how to deal with hypersensetivity, humans are the weirdest creatures it's like they scan my brain for knowledge and create a map from it, this is why I look away often. Eyes are a gateway to the soul. 
• Planning using google calendar more often, so I check my phone more.

Other possible decisions currently the biggest mental barrier is my age and the conditioning from having only a mother as a caretaker, and multiple other social phenomena, women below green are very toxic against this upbringing. I can't do much about it. It's not in my power. It's still a challenge and help can also be very slow and to slow also, so I almost have to take myself out of society that is how it feels at times. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Fundamentally very angry at some level, because of all the stuff I don't enjoy what I used to enjoy I am not as vulnerable anymore, I don't enjoy the status and freeness I used to perceive and have. It's enormously difficult to find someone I can talk to, I can't absolutely drink any coffee late I get to angry, at people who don't deserve it? 

I notice the gaslighting spectrum and the making fun of stuff with identity that just drove me into insanity, because of how abusive and self-serving it is. I am still safe in a sense, yet I don't get proper feedback with all reviews and feedback everyone says something else. Deciding on my own I often do that also. I don't get what I feel I deserve. I don't know if the risk was fine enough, I had so many bad interactions where I proofed others wrong, because my perception almost 99.9% of the time is different even if others also find some truth in it. I will not ever drink any coffee a bit later again. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

It was also nice that many psychologist when I looked for them just said you're young and intelligent why are you here. I still find it massively tricky to find someone I can be with. Many told me I am fine, I don't know at times I've found so many answers. I hope this risk and all other stuff will workout. I am very unhappy at how I managed stuff and how I received help etc.

[ValiantSalvatore]

Beign pro-active is still a huge gift, it's rare when someone consciously helps you very rare. I act on these "synchronicities" often when I share something and or need something in a critical moment I can't reach anyone in my family. I don't know how to break this pattern, it's only broken most of the time, when I finally achieved that exact goal. 

Also I still make some fundamental mistakes when I message girls, when I am open and vulnerable I feel played with at times, and I don't enjoy it. I lost a lot of the abillity to be playful for many it's also to much.... let's hope for the best... I do have 3 dates?????? So.... yeah yet I don't get the type of women I would appreciate more.... I don't know what to say currently. Things are moving forward. 

I made a joke that the cat looks evil and I thought she might rif on it.... lord.... have mercy. I could have taken a more polarity hardstance as a feedback and say no I don't like dogs I prefer cats, I dunno I will see and continue...

Edited April 24, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

I am now officially in some game group, I see why some call it game and why some are PUA till now. I am now officially also the scum of humans on earth. Great. Unsure what to say I at least go further in the coding and mathematics stuff.... I don't have that much time to talk and get girls, also an entrepreneurial lifestyle just seems to get girls for whatever reason, most likely because of the masculine drive of survival. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Did 1h of this. I overslept on purpose to relax as I solved some stuff yesterday and was a bit overwhelmed from a lot of the nice guy conditoning I received from my parents both sides, as well as my aunt and the anti-deconditoning stuff and just the sheer issue of development. 

These guys can help me with the orangeness where I've been bullied and not frame it into a looser mentality I notice. This was the briefest 1h meditation I've ever felt. I do have a date today with a more compatible girl, I notice a lot of this stage red drive which I've got rid of still in my mother because of her justice warrior tendencies and this inner asshole of my family that I inherited with the issue of anger and scorn as well as cynecism. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Gratitude Journal and a couple as well as multiple things:
 

• I am grateful for having a date today, and joining the game group where I see the reality of how dating has turned into a wild festival at times
• I am thankful for having new friends and generating hope and generally more hopeful strategies and content.
• I am thankful that the professors are kind and nice to me as well as do not heavily discriminate as some others are willing to do because of peer pressure
• I am thankful I can learn more about getting better with women and see what I can integrate and learn
• I am thankful I solved a couple of tasks and that I can let go of bitterness more and more everyday and stay clean from to purple pill tendencies and ideas

Thank you for all of this today!

[ValiantSalvatore]

Just had the date, it's odd I got invited to a techno date tomorrow instead of going for the cat stuff, I am also getting quality feedback, yet the amount of stuff that I am doing in that sense really opens my eyes, as well as the application process and other stuff, I certainly have to be chill on dopamine tomorrow. The date today I could have physically escalated, it showed me some other stuff of the more liberal issue and why this techno scene is even existing etc. 

I don't know also. I get quality feedback, it's insane. It's also ironic that the most intelligent guys seem to be good at it. I will do some stuff etc. Then I will see and continue studying harder... the date today should have been a lay? I don't quiet get the feedback it's odd all in all. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I wrote another application to some stuff, after seeing the cebit this year, every company is hot on ChatGPT, as well as beign biased and myopic for sure you can improve it. I dunno what will happen I also just recently got into this field, and can't fully leverage learning more about neuroscience, I can dovetail into data science to some level and NLP? Yet I will see I am out... I apparently have a date tomorrow, dancing with techno....

Ridiculous, it's heavy how many are stuck at orange/blue and create A.I I wonder what will happen in my masters program at least the humans seem yellowish, yet with to much diversity from lower stages the whole stuff entirely breaks appart. 

I dunno what to say currently, stuff is as it is.... Applied to some more stuff, I get rejected, as I dove into a different area and was dissuaded to pursue A.I I loved the dysotopian reality of it when I first saw it with 14-16 in animes etc. Still I hope it can be used to good, when I see how humans evolve there is no other option most likely, I like to keep my humanese as much as possible even when I hate it at times a lot. 

Anyway, I am not a scientist in this area. I am learning a lot currently I hope the perfect dovetailing will happen. I can't bitflip my genetics into correcting my knee injury, yet some level of this shit most likely will happen in the next 70-200 years or so.

I wish I had a somewhat decent background. I dunno I also gained 135 elo in bullet chess for some reason, because of this music. 

Edited April 25, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

I dunno maybe I am immune as long as security is not threatend. I don't like panic it's worse than terror... I ordered ashwaganda and I am testing it now. 

Let's see how far I can build the life that I enjoy, I never thought I would had to integrate power as a masculine principle. I dunno also somehow people like to help me, sometimes even the guys who make fun of me want me to succeed odd world. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Slept very long, I am seeing how far I can get to stuff, I would most likely already be a bit advanced if I would not injured so I most likely shock some people to some extend, yet this vanity narc shit is no joke at times. Till now I am not toxic, I just use a bit of the language, my language often times is already quiet foul. I am meditating today for 1h,  and then report, last day where I sleep long and hard. I do have to do other strategical moves, and reading this heartise book certainly gives me insight on how not to be and what works. I never thought I'd had to read this it's legit learning darth vader moves in a sense, and then not abusing them. Certainly power.... is the next shadow work session also. I don't prefer not having control.... as well as the golden shadow of stopping work when I am joyous and celebrating a bit to much. 

Will report the session and then study the whole day till I go out. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Did this 55 minutes, I notice serveral things, the coffee stuff is great for post day work alertness the first 3h I usually can work in a pretty subtle flow state. The 528 frequency is by far the frequency that creates the best and the most outwards positive changes, I don't know why, it's just what seems to happen, it's like the late summer vibes of abundance are coming to me, despite all obstacles and even during failure. Current biggest obstalce is dropping coffee and directly purifying karma, Friday I have more intel because of health. When I do this I generally work through the emotion of apathy fully, and this frequency absolutely burns this deep for some reason. 

• I am grateful for beautiful and new matches with arabic type and persian type women.
• I am grateful for any possible deep synchronicities and for humans who help me without a gleeful attitude for their own pleasure to create gaslighting effects of type where I doubt my sanity
• I am thankful I am burning through the sanity to insanity, as well as connect deeper internally even if it's very subtle
• I am thankful for great weather and having joined the new group chanelling this power control stuff more heathily embracing both the liberal and the liberterian in me, I embraced the conservative before, and I made gains there. 
• This is also fun! I am embracing the value of freedom&autonomey through marketing and networking and optimization I never noticed.

Let's get the conservative liberal channel -> health buff
Let's get the liberterian & liberal channel -> get laid
Let's channel the liberterian -> get good at coding
Let's channel the conservative liberterian -> get good at finding a job, talking to people.

Let's see, how much scum will turn into gold. Burn it!

[ValiantSalvatore]

Last post again, when I get such top notch girls at times, with such a lame profile it says a lot. Let's see I skipped gym etc. I hope I don't burn out and do the correct things.... let's see let's continue to build momentum. I recalled that I still can go to the gym, and train chest and back. If squats become to much of an issue etc... 

Maybe I do outwit myself at times at the demise of what usually works. Feeling that healthy edge again ?

Edited April 26, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

At least I am posting it here, I am out technoing.... I'll just see stuff etc. Hope I will get the girl and get laid, the liberterian forum/group I am in is hard to swallow at times, hope dumb and "intelligent" you can be. Most stuff is rationalized just for power? I dunno some stuff is good etc. and the feedback possibly, yet I seem to strick them in an odd way. etc. 

This happens generally, which is an issue at times.