Personal development made me self - absorbed

[ivankiss]

Ever feel this way?

It's been quite a few years now since I went down this rabbit hole, and it wasn't a walk in a park. There is just so much work to do...

I've been putting myself under a microscope for too long. Dissecting and studying myself, breaking and dissolving things, reverse engineering, etc...

My mind is constantly analysing itself in the background, trying to recognize certain patterns, alter or replace them... I over analyse my surroundings too. It can get quite exhausting.

I won't go into Self - realization here, since it's not the right sub, but combine that with personal development and there is really nothing but The Self left to be interested in.

You are building yourself up but also, simultaneously you're transcending yourself. It's a weird spot to be in. It's fun, scary and everything in between.

Anyways, my concern is, that my head is kind of too far up my own ass. I am so hyper focused on myself and my journey, that I can barely think of anything 'outside of myself' - if you will. It's tricky to talk about it, because, again, Self - realization, and there is nothing but the Self... but I think some of you get what I mean here. 

I don't want to turn into a narcissistic piece of shit lol.

[RickyFitts]

I can certainly relate, self-analysis can be very useful up to a point but it can make you neurotic and self-absorbed if you're not careful. For me personally in my own journey, it became much more about deepening feeling than mental exploration - fuck knows we spend way too much of our time lost in our thoughts as it is, so we really need to bring attention to other aspects of our experience. The mental realm can feel relatively safe and secure compared to the messy world of feelings and sensations, but you can't experience love through your mind. And isn't that what we're all after, really?

Edited April 14, 2023 by RickyFitts

[Applegarden8]

If you can appreciate the paradox, if you can laugh about your blunders and admit things about yourself, do not worry, you are not a narcissist.

[Moksha]

On 4/14/2023 at 7:50 AM, ivankiss said:

My mind is constantly analysing itself in the background, trying to recognize certain patterns, alter or replace them... I over analyse my surroundings too. It can get quite exhausting.

I won't go into Self - realization here, since it's not the right sub, but combine that with personal development and there is really nothing but The Self left to be interested in.

Conceptual analysis tends to reinforce apparent boundaries, while Self-realization dissolves them.

Instead of losing yourself within the labyrinth of the mind, live the dream lucidly. The Self is overflowing with phenomenal wonders, despite the disappearing boundaries.

[Ulax]

@ivankiss you could try and incorporate a non-directive meditation practice. It could help balance you out.

My understanding is that shinzen young recommends having both a directive and non-directive meditation practice

[ivankiss]

Thanks guys.

I see it as a temporary thing. A phase. I know I must go through this, and hopefully things will balance each other out somewhere down the line. I'd say it's just about that. Balance. It's good to have a strong sense of self and be deeply committed to your journey, but it's not good to completely disconnect from the rest of the world, or worse, walk all over everyone to get what you want. 

Some of the highest and purest realizations can get in your head and completely screw you up, if you're not cautious and mature enough.

[M A J I]

Personal Undevelopment is where its at, for the balancing and grounding. Good to see you still around Ivan.

[BlessedLion]

I see this as a phase, but def something to watch out for. Also, when were you not self absorbed? Haha maybe now it's just more conscious. 

 

Sometimes I see women (mostly) get totally lost in this childhood trauma and relationship trigger world. And they just seem to run in circles and go crazy about it. It's all "my inner child needs this!" One chick even states that "there isn't one inner child you need to love, there's a whole orphanage!" What a nightmare. 

 

Keep going. Horizontal and vertical

[Leo Gura]

On 4/14/2023 at 5:50 AM, ivankiss said:

I don't want to turn into a narcissistic piece of shit lol.

But personal dev has already made you aware enough that this approach cannot work. So it is self-correcting in the long-run. In the short-run, yes, you may be more self-focused. But also, how can you help others unless you handle yourself?

You are making an investment in the laying of a foundation for a skyscraper. Big investments require patience to bear fruit. If there was no cost, everyone would live in a skyscraper.

Edited May 4, 2023 by Leo Gura

[NoSelfSelf]

@Leo Gura Why being self absored all the time wouldnt work in the long run ?

[Leo Gura]

21 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Leo Gura Why being self absored all the time wouldnt work in the long run ?

Are you kidding? How could it?

[NoSelfSelf]

@Leo Gura Well ill give an example: if im self absorbed in self help all the time,im benefiting it from it because im not consired about nothing else,my self absorbtion in self help makes me wanna talk about it all the time,so people who are around me benefit from my knowledge,just because its me being selfish for self help.

Why wouldnt this work in the long run?

Benefiting me so much being so selfish that i build my values so much that others then benefit from it because im so involved with myself.

[Leo Gura]

@NoSelfSelf Well... try being self-absorbed in your dealings with others and see how well that works.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Leo GuraI tried i noticed that i quickly can see who is not for me and who isnt, i noticed that mostly they will be self absorbed themselves so i look for someone that has same goals.

I also noticed that people who are not self absorbed are either people pleaseres or manipulating trying to be something or use some tactic to get something out of other person.

[StarStruck]

Be absorbed into the Self instead of the self.

[Leo Gura]

@NoSelfSelf Sounds like you are fooling yourself.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Leo Gura I could be thats why im asking why is it bad?? For now i see that if im not all about me then ill be putting everyone above myself where they will dictate the narrative expecially in dating world where ill be the one to put myself second,make her needs first and then she runs the show, im gonna look what she likes for example so i can give it to her,what i can be for her 

To me this all looks that if women found attractive for men to kiss other men it will be done by men to get women because it produces resaults.

Also why is world and people more important than me? why im second why im here to fit into other peoples wants and they not into mine?

I dont see how im fooling myself...

 

[ivankiss]

You have to be cleaver and courageous enough to take control and lead, but also humble and compassionate enough to submit and serve - when that's what's needed. Life requires you to play both roles. You must be conscious and intelligent enough to know how and when to play which role. 

My two cents @NoSelfSelf

[NoSelfSelf]

@ivankiss Nice add on,you havent specify submitting to what?

What nobody talks about is having courage to submit to yourself,every part of yourself and nothing outside of yourself,like something outside will help you grow,it can only help you where to look better but everything you need you have to find for yourself.

If i submit to something outside of me that makes a room for that person to be an extension of me that allows for that person to influence my thinking my actions so i become their follower instead follower of myself with them showing me how to be best me not copy of them...

I can only serve someone i see showing me how to be better me and thats also being selfish there is no selflessness there ?

Edited May 4, 2023 by NoSelfSelf

[ivankiss]

2 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@ivankiss Nice add on,you havent specify submitting to what?

Submitting to "another's will". Another's lead. Or if you wanna go deeper - God's will. Or even, Your Will (just not lower case "your" will)

You serve The One and nothing but the One. And The One serves you. It might be disguised as "another" or it might not.

Point is, you must know how to serve the Will of God, even though it is all Your Will, ultimately. You will be put in situations where you will have to "put yourself aside". Even though, in actuality, there is no such thing as sacrificing yourself, or putting yourself aside.

Very cleaver game this is.