Ego Death Experiences?

[Vintus]

Sometime in the future, I'll be taking Psilocybin Truffles. I've heard and done research on experiences with ego death and wondered what other actualisers experiences are if taken psychedelics?

[Arman]

First time taking any psychedelic. A few grams of a particularly potent Australasian strain of psilocybin. 

It was all very beautiful at first, lots of fun, joy, light. Then I watched a video... this video by the Madman himself.. Can't remember how I stumbled upon it. God, in retrospect I think this video is actually meant to have been watched under the influence of psychedelics for the very purpose that it lived out that humble evening. 

Something, at some point, split open in me. I felt a series on unstoppable emotions emerging and expressing themselves. Happiness, fear, anger, confusion, surprise, exhaustion, hilarity, in an endless cycle flashes and expressed themselves in my face many times a second in their exaggerated form. This went on for a minute or two, it was extremely bizarre. After this show all this energy had somehow exhausted itself and suddenly there was some kind of realization. The realization that just like certain beliefs or ideas are adopted, so too was even my most basic assumptions about reality. My interpretation, my experience and complete sense of self were seen as "programs" and as this realization was had, they dissolved. 

It was like the operating system of my mind had been reformatted. The OS was wiped clean. What happened after that is less englishable. A bit like a new-born baby without the trauma of birth, there were no conceptions. No thoughts, memories, or anything else. I shlepped down off my chair onto the floor and unless memory fails me, I think I may have gently assumed the fetal position. 

Soon after some level of meta awareness returned. I remember standing and reaching my hand for the lightbulb, I suppose it was symbolic to me, and witnessing my outstretched arm I was saying "I've got it! I've got it!" and some kind of realization was had. I had it. I'd figured it out... whatever it was. 

Maybe an hour later I remember sitting on my bed and suddenly having the remarkable breakthrough that I was human. It was a comforting rememberance that made sense of the rest of my experience. The seeing, the feeling, the doing, it made sense. That's what humans do. One more mystery solved. I'm on a roll. Still I felt that I had wiped clean so much of the programming. I felt liberated, and in control. I felt that I would never again be a victim, a slave to the programming. I had figured it out. I had got it. 

Then a little bit later, what it was that I figured out was less tangible. "What was it again? I have to remember it. Oh well. At least I'm a free agent now..."

Then disappointingly I had to bare witness to all of that yet again returning. The programming that I was liberated from forever came rushing back to shore. Something in me had changed forever and I'd never be the same, but it solved none of my problems. The programming was still there. Life was no easier.

Now... what was the answer? Something about... nowness? hmmm... 

 

Edited March 13, 2017 by Arman