What's Actually Going On With Insulting Women To Make Her Like You?

[h inandout]

I think maybe a confident man who is not afraid to pose interesting questions would make me feel really high, because he would be allowing me insight into alternative realities that I had never thought of before.

But there is a very fine line here!  If you question a woman too much she will begin to become consumed by self-doubt, and resent you for yanking the carpet out from under her (especially if you come across as insulting her on the very ground upon which she is standing).  

I really have to wonder about this whole phenomenon, because I want to find a partner who causes me to be the best me possible, but I have to admit, this might be kind of tricky if you don't know what my best me looks like.  I suppose I would prefer a guy who is not afraid to pose alternative understandings, but also is willing to back the f off, and let me have my space to weave together both of our conceptualizations.

[Loreena]

hard to find

[abgespaced]

Unfortunately this is just the result of inexperience.

What these men are trying to do, though haven't yet developed, is artful, flirtatious teasing. They recognise the attraction created between a man and a woman when the man is able to display an air of outcome independence, of non-neediness, of being the one to be won over by your feminine charm. Teasing is one way to achieve that. Where they fall down is in treating every woman they meet in the same way without sensitivity to each woman's needs, level of confidence and experience.

[ShadowWalker]

^ Agreed. It's the shadow form of teasing, which mostly displays lack of empathy and social calibration. I'd say ironically it often speaks of low confidence. Men who are comfortable with the amount of value they provide, aren't desperate to bring a woman down to their level, and instead rely on attracting, rather than pursuing a girl with desperate means.

When done right however, it can be an artful way to provoke emotions that do create attraction and ultimately the girl enjoys the roller-coaster experience, much more than a reserved and rather flat intellectual conversion.

[Robert66]

What kind of woman are you going to attract who feels the need to be attracted to someone who insults her?  What kind of man insults someone he cares about or loves?  There are ways to become the best possible you (which you are responsible for) than the  'tear them down build them up boot camp' mentality.  Just saying.

[Nahm]

@Robert66 ya. I think if a man insults a woman, and she is attracted to that, he should know she's trouble.

[h inandout]

What about times when he is being outwardly critical of the world and doesn't even realize he is insulting the very hidden qualities she posesses?  Perhaps what I am refering to here is an experience I had where this teasing got mixed up with unknown political and cultural differences and also got mixed up with his frustrations at my growing lack of self-esteem, so much so that he would snap at me for being apologetic.

Edited March 31, 2017 by MissMiki

[jse]

The feeling of being insulted should be seen as an alarm bell:
Either we don't know who/what we are, or we think we are something we are not.

 

This duck never feels insulted.

 

[electroBeam]

I use to question girls who were attracted to me in high school, question their personality on a very existential level, while being very indirect. It use to really fuck them up, it wasn't particularly good for them, so honestly I don't think this is a particularly good trait to look for. There is going to be no man out there who has the ability to question you on a very deep level and make you high with insulting you at least once, because that would require knowing your personality, thoughts and feelings more than you do! 

[Nahm]

@MissMiki why were you being apologetic? 

[Nahm]

@jse right on. you're a desk, and I'm an apple.

[h inandout]

@Nahm I am afraid that if I take that question too seriously, I start thinking of all kinds of reasons to feel apologetic.  Maybe I'd rather approach it from the standpoint of what have you been able to learn from your mistakes, and in what ways are you more aware now? Maybe I can answer this by saying I now know that I now see value in learning more about communication, culture, self-awareness, awareness of other perspectives, cultivating self love, not being afraid to establish and maintain good boundaries, and being self reliant for all my needs.  These were things I was not doing as much of back then as I'm doing now.