What is my body doing when I'm in a state of expanded consciousness?

[Federico del pueblo]

In the last weeks I had a few insightful trips on 1V-LSD ranging from 120 - 150 ug.

In each trip it was about childhood trauma and regression, because I had realised that I was neglected as a child, which has a lot to do with the emotional and health problems, that I still have as an adult 30+ years later.

I also meditate daily and I recently made a post in which I talked about how in deepened meditative states (which are not as deep as the psychedelic states but still considerably deeper than normal waking states) I get tensions in my jaw and neck.

Once I really start digging into my past during these expanded states of consciousness interesting things start to happen. 

The tensions like they appear in meditative states arise again, but become much more extreme.

When I really remember the past events my neck tenses up so much that it does almost a 180° backwards bend, like the back of the head is touching the spine (literally).

My mouth starts to open all by itself, in fact it gets ripped open, making me look like somebody in tremendous pain. My mouth will open and close and my jaw wiggles left and  right and up and down.

Then my head starts moving and my upper body starts shaking. It gets extreme. 

In the most intense moments I look like I'm possessed by a demon, with my head violently shaking, tilting left and right, nodding, rotating and so on.

Any movement you could imagine a head doing, my head will do it.

Sometimes my body almost jumps up from the bed a few inches, so heavy is the abrupt movement of my entire upper body. I'm twitching around like a maniac.

During these times intense past emotional pain gets activated. It feels like there's an endless pit of emotional pain inside of me. I cry the most bitter tears you could imagine. It feels painful and yet healing.

What is this phenomenon? 

[Yimpa]

7 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

What is this phenomenon? 

Consciousness expressing itself in its infinite beauty.

[Hojo]

a demon is leaving. Negative thoughtform attached to your identity. Crying is pulling apart neurons I think. We focus our minds on those specific neurons and cry so hard they rip apart but at the same time killing our identity which is like dying so we have to greive. Shadow work is destruction of negativity related to identity to become your true self always positive. Instead of feeling pain change your mindset into remembering these things is healing you and you are crying tears of love cause god is healing you. You attached to illusions of the past and have been a long time without releasing them. God is giving you a chance to let go of these and purify your soul. If you keep on this track this is the way to becoming a null identity and you will be able to mold your life into what you want it to be.

Edited April 13, 2023 by Hojo

[Federico del pueblo]

5 hours ago, Hojo said:

a demon is leaving. Negative thoughtform attached to your identity. Crying is pulling apart neurons I think. We focus our minds on those specific neurons and cry so hard they rip apart but at the same time killing our identity which is like dying so we have to greive. Shadow work is destruction of negativity related to identity to become your true self always positive. Instead of feeling pain change your mindset into remembering these things is healing you and you are crying tears of love cause god is healing you. You attached to illusions of the past and have been a long time without releasing them. God is giving you a chance to let go of these and purify your soul. If you keep on this track this is the way to becoming a null identity and you will be able to mold your life into what you want it to be.

Sounds good.

And yes, it definitely feels like I'm healing in these moments of crying and when the body shakes like crazy.

I'm already experiencing less negative emotional states in my day to day life.

[Breakingthewall]

it is your subconscious rising to the surface. It is hidden for a reason, since at the time you could not handle it, and to hide it has created energy blockages. letting go of all that is the first part of the spiritual work. There comes a point where you do psychedelics and there's none of that. you begin to notice the effect and suddenly... infinity. you do not go through the trauma phase since it is integrated into the conscious and the mistic happens directly. This does not mean that the trauma is not traumatic, only that it is integrated into the conscious. You will receive waves of sadness in this process, but it is either that or the blockage

[Buck Edwards]

This could be similar to a shadow work experience. Your mind could be experiencing past suffering which is translating as tension. 

I'd recommend emotional freedom techniquw EFT. It releases tense emotions. 

Meditation is definitely for you. Do not be too hard on yourself. There are signs that your body is Emptying itself. 

Spirituality and emotionality do not mix very well. There's a phenomenon called spiritual bypassing where people often use spiritual practices to feel good in the moment and escape real emotional work that can provide long term relief. 

If you constantly suffer emotionally, spirituality will merely act like a bandage. You have to look for other therapeutic treatments to release past trauma and stress relief in general. 

Use spiritual methods whenever you need but don't let it be a cover for deeper problems. Just a hint. 

[Federico del pueblo]

58 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

it is your subconscious rising to the surface. It is hidden for a reason, since at the time you could not handle it, and to hide it has created energy blockages

This makes sense, yep.

59 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

letting go of all that is the first part of the spiritual work. There comes a point where you do psychedelics and there's none of that. you begin to notice the effect and suddenly... infinity.

Good to know

 

53 minutes ago, Enlightement said:

This could be similar to a shadow work experience. Your mind could be experiencing past suffering which is translating as tension. 

Yep, that's probably it.

54 minutes ago, Enlightement said:

I'd recommend emotional freedom techniquw EFT. It releases tense emotions. 

I'm already working with EFT. From all the modalities you can do in a sober state, this is one of the best for me.

It's interesting though that when I try to work on these childhood things with EFT (or within a regression process) that I can barely even bring up the emotions. There seems to be a lot of repression.

It's much easier for me to bring up negative emotions related to things/situations of the present, but then even though EFT is the most effective technique for me to release them it still takes quite long.

My suspicion was that these childhood realities (trauma, fear, neglect, perceptions of not being adequate or good enough) must be more fundamental and kind of provide the fertile ground for negative emotions in the present to grow on.

The fact that after each of my last three trips focused on childhood regression led to an improvement of my emotions in the present seems to confirm this.

Maybe the wild body movements that happen in the trips when I feel back into these childhood realities are the body's way of discharging the negative emotions.

[Hojo]

Kundalini yoga will release these but apparently it can be dangerous if you aren't ready. But if you want more emotional released it works. It will make you feel like a baby.