Lsd: Staring Into The Abyss

[Flow With Life]

During the trip, I saw "it", but I didn't know what I was looking at. After the trip, thinking back, I now know. Upon knowing, I laugh at how absurd it is, and yet it is true.

What did I see? First some context:

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One salient feature of the trip was that beliefs and conventions that you take for granted now seemed completely arbitrary. Me and my friend could now hug one another without it feeling awkward. Why should a hug between two male friends feel awkward? There is no true reason, only a convention that says it's awkward, and we now saw how it was arbitrary.

Now, apply that to the idea that people exist. I stare into my friend's eyes. How is it that you exist? Sober-Me would merely look at my friend and just assume he is a human being with his own experience of the world, and then think nothing more about it. But that "assumption" was now on trial.

Going into the trip, I believed in the idea of Idealism (nothing exists outside my own consciousness), though I never truly experienced anything that would deny Materialism. But how can my friend not exist? He spoke words, he could move, all of these things he could do independently of my will. Where are his words coming from? Where is the source of this "mind" that is separate from mine?

As far as I knew, the human I was seeing before me was nothing more than a visual image, and the words he spoke, just auditory sensations. What was behind that? It seemed like nothing. But that didn't make sense. (I should mention that Ego Death is occurring as well, so I have no sense of identification with the human organism that used to be me).

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Looking back now, I know what I only briefly glimpsed. And I cry just thinking of it.

The abyss; the unknown; a blank slate--nothing, but holding the infinite potential to be anything--hence, it is also everything; it has no particular form; it is a vast infinite ocean of every possibility; an infinite source of potentiality expressing itself as the human that was my friend. And this abyss was hiding behind everything. It was in the trees, it was behind me, it was on the other side of the wall where I could not see, it was inside my body, it was my friend, it was me.

The abyss was everything outside of the field of awareness. With this knowledge, I realized that there are only two things that exist... at all:

The light of consciousness (everything within the field of awareness--sights, sounds, sensations, thoughts), and the darkness of the abyss (everything outside of one's own awareness). This whole world is a dance between light and dark.