Gore , Hellish Ego Death Experience

[Lifecapsule]

Hi , my native language is not English so I apologize before getting started on what I experienced.... 

I've tripped 100+ trips or more by now

 

most of them were under 4g

But I decided to try a huge dose like 15g potent albino a+ mushrooms lemon Tekked ... The thing I saw and experienced was very much hellish like ...lemme explain what it was , at first I felt I was hit by a train or being shot into space by a catapult or smt ... Anyways the trip started with a heavy body load the I that I thought I am started to become multiple people, I heard some voice insulting me ... Than I saw myself in a cosmic sex reaching orgasms which will never end ..things  became more and more aggressive , people in the orgy started to hurt one another ripping the others body eating them , I heard a dog bark outside , some man ate the dog , bite it's head off , I heard people getting tortured , beheaded , burnt to death , crucified etc ... , I felt that time stretched , it was infinity hell infinity , I had sex with my mother wtf I fucked my both sisters , tortured my family, I was  in my dad's body , after I was done with them I killed them eating their flash and organs ... I smelt shit and blood everywhere like I was an out of control animal , I yelled , laughed like a Maniac. It was pure evil laugher... I felt it ! I didn't resist the urges and it became my downfall , after gaining some sense back realizing wtf I've done, I have seen the severed body parts of my family , I tasted human flesh in my teeth, but I wasn't a human anymore and mostly didn't care but when I remembered  , I felt extreme guilt , the world was destroyed because of what I've done , I had insanity loops ... Trapped for eternity , I had no memory of taking any drug ... Being dark and evil was delicious... At the end of the trip I yelled screamed about what I've done I yelled god please stop it , this is hell this is what I done to myself ... After like it seemed an eternity of hellish loops ... I felt a warm loving forgiving energy , and I pissed myself twice , my body was dead meat , not being able to move one muscle , I watched my family members became alive again , forgetting anything that happened to them , I saw my father as the devil's tool and after killing my I became my dad .. before that I became every human every idea no matter how dark it was ..., what a twisted fucked up thing ...

I cannot describe WTF was that I had no morality whatsoever , the sad part was that I'd done all of those awful things to my family I believed that I gone insane ruined my life for good , and there's no coming back I deserve hell ...

I had the same experience another year on another high dose 6 g ... One thing added I heard a voice saying you humans don't learn even after being punished by your own actions .

 

Btw lemme add this , I saw something like Fibonacci spiral thingy which memories and other light stuff was shining through it , my whole life flashed before my eyes... I felt great hunger , being alone in nothingness sad and broken for eternity.... I cried , yelled .. none stop the whole trip 

I wonder if Leo or others who took high doses of psychedelics experienced this or am I the only one ? 

Dear Leo please respond to this I don't know what's going on , what's this , I'm confused, you surely gone into insane mind loops before... please if you can explain what to do when I face these situations in my ego death experiences 

@Leo Gura

Edited April 10, 2023 by Lifecapsule

[Jowblob]

has nothing to do with ego death, people need to stop calling things ego death. The only time you get ego death, is when you get a choice to pierce/stop your heart to get to know the truth, all other things that you experience on 5 meo/mushrooms/salvia or whatever isn't ego death.

Edited April 8, 2023 by Jowblob

[RamPhoenix]

  Curious to see what others will say.  I have been reading more & more negative reports on high dose (+5grams) shrooms.

Biologically speaking:  

https://www.inverse.com/mind-body/your-brain-on-drugs

"Like LSD, psilocybin also stimulates the 5-HT2A serotonin receptors in the brain. Specifically, it decreases activity in the amygdala — and we know high activity in the amygdala is associated with fear. It also reduces activity in the anterior cingulate cortex an area of the brain associated with negative emotion, pain, and depression".              This seems to set up an environment for joy & peace not terror???

"But psilocybin affects more than just serotonin. A 2020 study looked at how the drug affected glutamate levels in the brain. The study, published in Scientific Reports, found psilocybin affected the levels of the neurotransmitter glutamate in certain areas of the brain. The authors concluded that the increased levels of glutamate in the medial prefrontal cortex was associated with ego dissolution – -a reduction in focus on the self and an increase in that zen feeling that we’re all just part of a whole"

Another thing to consider, I read recently low dose mushrooms have minimal effect have on GABA & "glutamate"....but high dose mushrooms DO effect gaba & glutamate.

Glutamate seems to trigger nightmares.

https://detoxandprosper.com/toxin-list/dangers-of-artificial-flavors/msg-nightmares/

"One of these sites, the NMDA receptor, is thought to stimulate unpleasant dreams when activated. Because glutamate is an NMDA receptor agonist, it can have similar subconscious effects to those of hallucinogenic drugs that fall into the same classification.

Essentially, glutamate activates receptors in your brain that promote nightmares, while GABA stimulates lengthened periods of lucid dreaming.

Together, they can trigger some very disturbing subconscious visuals"

 

[Lifecapsule]

@RamPhoenix it was a high dose so ego loss will happen, what you experience on these substances are closes things to what you experience after the idea of you dies but I think the gore part is gone when you get there , cuz there is no fear when there is nothing to protect .... What you mean is the real death(we know it's another idea ) , you don't have memories when you die ... This world is a game as I experienced it , but for some reason in high dose shroom trips , I have those gore visions repeated for eternity which are insane , and when I see them I become judgemental saying omg WTF I've done ... Maybe I'll try tripping in the nature next time ... Home isn't a nice place to surrender all control, specially when the family is home making noises which make you paranoid & hallucinate dark stuff on high doses 

[Lifecapsule]

3 hours ago, RamPhoenix said:

  Curious to see what others will say.  I have been reading more & more negative reports on high dose (+5grams) shrooms.

Biologically speaking:  

https://www.inverse.com/mind-body/your-brain-on-drugs

"Like LSD, psilocybin also stimulates the 5-HT2A serotonin receptors in the brain. Specifically, it decreases activity in the amygdala — and we know high activity in the amygdala is associated with fear. It also reduces activity in the anterior cingulate cortex an area of the brain associated with negative emotion, pain, and depression".              This seems to set up an environment for joy & peace not terror???

"But psilocybin affects more than just serotonin. A 2020 study looked at how the drug affected glutamate levels in the brain. The study, published in Scientific Reports, found psilocybin affected the levels of the neurotransmitter glutamate in certain areas of the brain. The authors concluded that the increased levels of glutamate in the medial prefrontal cortex was associated with ego dissolution – -a reduction in focus on the self and an increase in that zen feeling that we’re all just part of a whole"

Another thing to consider, I read recently low dose mushrooms have minimal effect have on GABA & "glutamate"....but high dose mushrooms DO effect gaba & glutamate.

Glutamate seems to trigger nightmares.

https://detoxandprosper.com/toxin-list/dangers-of-artificial-flavors/msg-nightmares/

"One of these sites, the NMDA receptor, is thought to stimulate unpleasant dreams when activated. Because glutamate is an NMDA receptor agonist, it can have similar subconscious effects to those of hallucinogenic drugs that fall into the same classification.

Essentially, glutamate activates receptors in your brain that promote nightmares, while GABA stimulates lengthened periods of lucid dreaming.

Together, they can trigger some very disturbing subconscious visuals"

 

This is science stuff about ((interestingly science is an idea just like we are )) nothing can describe conciseness.....what happens when we take drugs? Who knows ... I do know this we choose to forget everything  , it seems okey when you didn't do the drug (idea again!) but when you are in it , you don't think it's a trip , or remembering that you have taken like shrooms or dmt , it literally becomes the reality. A reality which stretches to eons... It could be frightening or loveable , I think it's random but from what I remember it was 50 50 , if it was total terror trip I would lost it forever , laying down in a insane asylum with my scared psyche . waiting for my death 

The problem is in the trip when I killed myself , it didn't work I was alive again feeling torture and agony , feeling hunger for darkness, never being able to feel complete , like it was a black hole in my heart ... It is frightening to me