How Do You Fix Indecisiveness?

[Venus]

My personal development isn't getting anywhere because I never know which thing to do first.

I can't decide which affirmation I should start doing first.

I can't decide which visualization to start doing first.

I can't decide which book to read first.

I can't decide whether I should go after my ex that I still adore.

I can't decide how to answer replies on my forum posts.

I can't decide which habit to start first because I want/need to start them all.

Of course I can't do all of the things at once. And when I do decide what seems the right thing to do, the next day I manage to persuade myself that another way is the best way so don't manage to feel motivated to continue anything set in place the day before.

So as far as it feels, I basically never know what to do in order to move forward in pretty much most areas of life. And whenever I feel like I have a good method of fixing it then it quickly becomes just another thing to add to my list of things that I can't decide which of to do first.

So I need insight and help from others because it's just seeming like a loop I can't get out off when I'm trying to fix it from just inside my head.

I've been in this loop for months now and I've actually only realised recently that this indecisiveness was the problem stopping me from getting anywhere. But yeah I'm just so lost and never know what to do and it's just driving me into depression.

[egoeimai]

So. I get that. You are feeling overwhelmed. But now I will have to decide whether it is really an excuse of yours not to do things or it us just negative emotions flowing all the way and/or some limiting beliefs such as 'we have to be perfect and do things very right'.

You'll have to decide those.

Dont do anything untill you will feel better about the situation. Otherwise it would be all driven by negative motives and the journey would be painful.

[Venus]

@egoeimai there is definitely a lot of perfectionism, yes. I often feel this deeper feeling of "I need to do it exactly right or I'm not good enough". Which inevitably makes me feel bad because that's impossible.

What would you suggest I do when I do feel better about the situation?

[egoeimai]

6 hours ago, Venus said:

 

What would you suggest I do when I do feel better about the situation?

Take a notebook and write down all the things you are doing during the day just fo REALIZE how things are going to your life according to your actions. You will realize that life is fair enough with you,and that your current actions mirror your life. Then,after doing that for a certain time,add 2 easy actions which are convinient to do in your everyday basis. Once you get the hang of it,you will realize that everything is in your hands and decisions arent something that complicates you or scares you. Narrow it down,only a few words and dont push it at first,just observe how your reality is going. You will find out why you are here and want to be there,and why is this happening. But for you to do it,you must realize there is no perfection,you do it just for tge sake of doing it. If it make you feel better in a long run,its okay go on, If not then you were right at first and you didnt have to do this at all. 

[Arman]

Deep physiological rest. Other than meditation, take time to sit and allow tensions to naturally release. If you don't know how to relax, then learn. Relaxation and action are two sides of the same coin. If you can't relax, then you can't act. If you can't act, chances are you cannot relax.

So much of the confusion, indecisiveness and sense of general unease about what to do comes from the overstimulated nervous system. The problem is the mind is flooded with signals that something is wrong and tries to translate and solve it at the level of mind (which is not the root of the problem) and this only exhausts the system further. Deep devoted relaxation ( Preferably not watching TV or being on facebook) If you can't devote the hour to consciously relax  because you are feeling like you are wasting time, then ironically you will waste 10x more hours spent indecisive and ineffective. 

Once you have added the ingredient of deeper relaxation into your life, then you will be more grounded. Stress hormones will ease and because you don't feel like something is constantly wrong, you will find decision making easier. Your intuition will be a bit more clear. Then practice following that intuition by taking action regardless of discomfort. Maybe the sense of indecisiveness isn't something that's going to go away by waiting, or even by a clear answer showing up. It is a perpetual energy that is fed by focus and narrative. When it arises, feel it, choose to let it go and take action regardless of the feeling. Any action. Any affirmation is better than no affirmation. Reading any book is better than not reading at all. By taking action on feelings that aren't yet fully formed, regardless of the resistance, you strengthen your will-muscle and your intuition starts to expand. 

For instance if you don't know what kind of book you want to read, well by reading zero books you compound that resistance and stay confused. By picking up any book at all (whatever is closest!) regardless of the feeling of indecisiveness, you may find that because you have released some of the resistance through taking action, then suddenly after reading for some time, a 'better' choice of reading is clearer. 

Focusing on indecisiveness to solve it is a tragic irony as it only expands it. So learn to relax deeply (While being awake and gently aware, not sleepy), accept that indecisiveness is there, TAKE ACTION regardless of the resistance, allow and follow intuitive flashes that follow actions, and trust in the process that dissolves the resistance and expands upon the flow of movement. 

Edited March 13, 2017 by Arman