my_conversation_with_Being

[at_anchor]

Me: Hi, are you there? God?

Him: 

Me: Hello! Bro, are you there? Where are you?

Him: 

Me: hello!? Hi!? Are you here? Bro?! Yo, God why can't you say something?

Him: 

Me: Okay, man, what's the problem? Why can't you talk to me?

Him: 

Me: Okay, if you don't want to talk, no problem. I wouldn't get any useful words of advice or anything else from you anyway.

Him: 

Me: . . . I am waiting for you to utter a sentance. Can you say something nice?

Him: 

Me: okay, you don't have to talk to me. I don't care. Are you shy? What is it? You don't want to talk on a public forum?

Him:

Me: okay. I'm fine with that. I'm gonna ask you something now.....  WHY? Why you piece of shit!? I hate you. You monster. You fucking idiot. I hate you. I despize you. I would like to. I really hate you. 

Him:

Me: I can't wait to exit your world. I hate you so much. I can't wait to just exit it. Go somewhere away from your creation. From everyone and everything you created and from you. Bastard! 

Him: 

Me: I don't want to be here anymore. You made me lose. You made me a L O S E R. Not only that, but you made people I want all the best for get nothing good. While you also made all the people I want all the worst for get all the best. You! I don't want to talk to you. You are not my friend. You are my enemy number 1. Enemy I will never get my hands on.

Him: 

Me: What is it? Ha? Not good enough for ya to talk to? Thank you very much. You made me such.

Him:  

Me: No problem. You know, I will never worship you. Even if you exist, I will never, ever worship you. I wish you let me go, let me out of your hold. Let me go.

[at_anchor]

Me: Why did you give them all the power to destroy my life and rob me of everything? To make it impossible for me to survive?

Him: 

Me: No response again. Okay. What happens when I finally do succumb to one of their wishes for how they want my life to end up? What happens when I actually do hang myself?

Him: 

[at_anchor]

Me: So Beasty, I guess you're gonna sink my ship very soon, and it's me alone standing on it somewhat like captain Jack, but I'm not that good. He's really funny and smart. I could have been that, you know, but you didn't allow it.  So anyway, you allowed for me to be poisoned, traumatized, framed and condemned. You took away every chance for me to heal and survive. You locked me away with all of them. Was that even you?

Him:

Me: Yeah. Anyway, prepare to open that portal for me, cause I'm gonna jump through it and get out of here. Hopefully someone is waiting on the other side.

Him: 

Me: Are you like dumb or what? I begged you all my life, I prayed to you and what prayer did you listen to? None. You didn't protect me. You didn't care about me. That's what it is. I remember very well one night of imagining your son Jesus, praying, crying and all. No problem. I get it, you have biases and you probably loved my mom and my dad more. 

Him: 

Me: When I die and you decide to send me to hell, which you surelly won't be able to cause your trial cannot be but fair (and I long for such a thing), but anyway even though I know that on your trial i will be proclaimed innocent and rewarded with heaven if there is even such a trial, I still want to say if I end up in hell, just keep the people away from me. Give me a cell to sit in for infinity away from anyone and you just get out of my sight and everyone else. I'm gonna be fine all alone if you don't drive me insane. I guess you don't need food as a spirit in the spiritual world. 

Him: 

Me: Can you say anything wise? I mean you coukd technically enlighten my mind and write something here with my thumbs but you don't. I don't care. I am gonna be with you soon and that is enough. Away from all of them. Away from injustice and bad guys and galls. Yeah. And I'll be with my family, drinking pina colada on a beach somewhere, dancing to drums, guitars and songs around fire.

Him: 

Me: Yeah, yeah. Keep on being silent. I don't care. I'll just keep on talking. 

[at_anchor]

Me: So God, I am gonna pretend that I am you and I will put words into your mouth. Okay?

Him: Go on...

Me: So I will pretend that I am you and that you are talking to me. Is that a good idea? Doesn't that sound a bit crazy, like I am talking to myself?

Him: Yes, it is pretty abnormal. 

Me: Yes. So anyway, what are you doing?

Him: I am playing with you, silly!

[at_anchor]

Me: Okay, okay, okay. But this is serious stuff. People want to do bad things to me and they really have the means and opportunity. I don't think this is a game. You should get serious and transport me to reliable people, tell then everything, check my health and heal me. 

Him: I can't.

Me: But you are God, one and only. How can't you do such an easy thing?

Him: 

[at_anchor]

Me: You are a horrible God. What do you have to say for yourself?

Him: I already told you, let me speak. Go find what you are seeking for and I'll do the best I can to help you and guide you to the right people.

Me: I don't believe you. You are lying. I am afraid that you cannot do anything to protect me and you won't do anything actually. Cause you don't exist. You are limited to my body and you cannot control anything outside of that. You have a hard time controlling even my body.

Him: What do you want me to say? I am sorry. If you don't like the world the way it is, the way I made it, you are free to leave any time you wish. Although maybe you might be prevented from leaving in the future if you stay a bit longer by people in order to make you suffer immensly.

Me: Yeah, well, then it is better that I leave, isn't it? I want to give money to this site, I want it to grow and become famous around the world. But me giving my money to it before suicide might just leave it in a worse state. What do you suggest I do with the money?

Him: Ask about charities on the forum. Ask about that. I just have to tell you that if you left your parents other people would come after you to make sure that you have no option but to return home to them and then you will again feel this way. Come to me and everything will be fine.

Me: Yes, I know that. Thank you for reminding me. This world is not mine and I am too sick to fight for my rights. They took the world and everything in it. All the knowledge and wealth is theirs, now all they have to do is take care of their enemies and I am one of their enemies. I wish you avenged me, but you can't if you are gone after I die.

Him: You'll be fine. Don't worry about that. Everything is gonna be fine. They won't go unpunished. Karma has its ways. 

Me: But I don't believe in Karma and this stuff. Reincarnation is a fairytale. 

Him: Where do you want to go in your next life? It doesn't matter if you believe it or not, you'll either be sleeping or going somewhere else.

Me: Hmm... I, I want to go exactly where I am now! Just in such good circumstances that I don't have to leave.

[at_anchor]

Him: Why are you afraid to speak against them?

Me: Because they will say that I lie, gossip, they will manipulate me more, it will hurt so much. They are so evil and they have it all.

Him: I am sorry for your situation. It will be okay. You will basically be going together with many others dying around the world from similar reasons. People die. People die in war as well as when there is apparently no war. People commit suicide and no one knows why except those who made them do so. They just do and they can't explain it.

[at_anchor]

Me: Where should I donate my money? Where?

Him: To some environmental organization that is trying to save whales or other animals from extinction.

Me:  Where am I gonna find that?

Him: Try googling...

[at_anchor]

Me: You know what? I'm just gonna leave it all behind. If they robbed me of tens of thousands and even maybe millions of dollars, why would a few thosand be a problem? 

Him: Right to the point.

[at_anchor]

Me: a petty thousand and a half dollars maybe at most means nothing whatsoever. 

 

[at_anchor]

Me: so a nice beach you say, a nice island in the pacific, some nice singer and guitarist on the island with a flower in his hair, a nice black woman to make pina colada, an orange shirt with white flowers, sunshine, air, fresh air, all this stuff, alone with these two people and maybe some others as well, walking around in nature, meeting people that are already dead from time to time if I want to. Okay, I am then going to heaven and out of this hell they created for me. I am gonna get my freedom and happiness in the afterlife.

Him: Good luck. 

[at_anchor]

Me: Good luck to those who are alive and in danger from my enemies. Good luck to them I say, not me. I am gonna be fine there. It is gonna be happiness all the time. You can visit me if you want to.

Him: Yeah, yeah. If you want, I'll be there too.

[at_anchor]

Me: Get those disgusting monsters away from me. Give me back my dignity, my rights and punish them, you! That is what I want dear God. Can you fulfill that small wish for me? No? Thank you very much. You are so omnipotent, apparently not.

Him: How do you feel?

Me: It doesn't matter. You know very well that organic persley helped me a lot. It makes you feel so much better. It doesn't change the fact that people are going to rob me of everything, disgusting monsters. I'd rather be eaten by sharks than by them in these ways. And you leave me no choice but to basically either die or be locked up and destroyed over time, with a slow and painful death. But yes, my veins are Much Bigger from this herb. It does wonders. It is a real medicine. And you never give me this kind of medicine to keep me somewhat healthy. You just give me junk food and pesticides, not to mention other toxins.

Him: I give you, but they take it away. 

[at_anchor]

Me:  You should have told me that they were fooling me this entire time earlier, you should have made me wiser while they still didn't have such a big hold on me so that I can fight back. Now it is too late. 

Him: You can either live like this or die. There is no other option. Suffer or die. Bear the burden your entire life, burden of injustice loaded onto you from birth, bear the burden of not being able to bring justice to others as well. Bear the burden of not being able to help anyone. Bear the burden or die.

Me: There must be a third option? Is there a way to put the burden on their backs? 

Him: Is there a way for a slave to stop working when there is a guard with a whip next to him? No. He can either work or die. So it is with you.

Me:  But why? Why can't I just die if this is all life is about for me? What is the use when there is no afterlife anyways? It is just eternal sleep.

Him: There will be no afterlife for you. But there will be life after you too. If you die, that is the burden you had to endure. It is just as hard as living with the other burdens. There is no difference. Dying is just as hard 

[at_anchor]

Him: If you don't want to carry the burden of injustice in this world, then die. The result is that you will lose life. You will never have freedom, but life you can have. Even if they put you in a torture chamber and start pulling your nails out, chopping your fingers, putting rats and spiders into your bed, feeding you with nothing good, beating you. You have already went through all of that. You experienced similar stuff. I know, you think you shouldn't. But learn to cope with the fact that you were given a life of fairly high levely of injustice where in order to survive you need to give up your desires for freedom, for money , for healthy food, for sex, for travel, even for a job now. Everything. The only thing you will have for a very, very long time is your breath if you decide to keep on moving through time. Your breath and your heart. Everything else you will lose sooner or later. 

[at_anchor]

Me: Why did the closest person to me tgat was supposed to love me, hate me and destroy my health and well being? Why so evil to me?

[at_anchor]

Me:  Am I gonna be like this till I die or is it gonna get even worse?

Him:  It will sooner get worse than better.

Me:  I'd ask in agony "But why!?", but I won't. Do you have any power to change my life for the better?

Him:  I am you, so I am pretty limited in this form. 

Me:  So it is. Okay. Do you understand that the burden I am carrying, the big rock on my back for the construction of the pyramid to put it in this puzzling way,  is so heavy and I only have so little strength to sustain this. How long is my life gonna be? For real, when will I die? Can you tell me when will I die? Exact date and time of possible. I don't care how, just when. I know that my mommy and daddy are awaiting that moment so eagerly. They would love to see me die or worse, live and suffer too much. Answer this question carefully and honestly. When will I die?

 

Him: You shall die when the appel falls on the ground and an earthquake shakes the whole world. Then at that precise time you shall die.

Me:  You've got to be kidding me. Oh your honor, great being, tell me the year in which I will die. It is now 2023. Will I die in 2023 or 2024 or when exactly?

Him:  Do you really want to know the truth and not avoid finding out even if you shall die this year?

Me:  Yes. I want to know when I will die. Even if it is this year. I wish it wasn't, but if you say that it is, then okay. I will await my execution with some tears or fear and I guess yeah. By die I mean lose my body, stop breathing with my body and lose this body. So yeah.

Him: You will die in the year: 2039 when you will be ** years of age. 

Me: No way   I doubt that is possible, but okay. You're lying. I will never make it till that age.

Him:  Are you kidding me? It is so close, just about 15 years till then. 

Me:  Yeah, but will I even be able to die then or will people prevent me and make me suffer so much?

Him:   No one can prevent you from dying but yourself. Your last breath will be at 6AM Eastern time and then you will be deep asleep for an infinite amount of time. Welcome to hell on Earth. Enjoy your stay. 

Me:  How can I enjoy hell! Can't I be healthy, travel and have a decent amount of money and security?

Him:    Where?

Me:    Here! In Europe.

Him:  Ask the boss.

Me:   He already said I can't get anything. They all did.

Him:   Well then you can't.

Me:   Then so it is.

[at_anchor]

Me: Dear God, I have been trying to read George Wilhelm Friedrich's book for the past week on an off. So far I came to Egypts history. Yesterday I  took a shower after eating and stuff and not being able to read, and after that I layed in bed to read. it went well and I read more than usual, but I hardly can recall anything. I want to recall stuff from this book and write about it because i think it is a gold mine. it has wrong ideas of God maybe, or maybe not. Anyway, today I wasn't able to read it but tried at least six times. Any advice?

Him:  Take a shower again and go to bed to read. Don't be cheap. Time is more valuable than money. 

Me: No way! Today no way. Okay, okay, but I doubt I will be able to read after eating and jerking off.

Him:  Shower and try one more time. God loves you darling. God loves you very much. 

[at_anchor]

Me:  You are lying. You don't love me.:)

Him: Yes I do. But I am not the whole of God. I am just a part of God and so also God. So God loves you a lot, but a small part of God.