Today is integration day after having tripped almost all day on LSD yesterday. This post is half purging, half me talking for the sake of talking. Hopefully someone will find it useful, but please don't take it that seriously. Set: Excitement. I had been looking forward to this day for awhile and had been actively setting my intention for Truth and guidance for some prior weeks. I've had enlightenment experiences sober. Setting: Cottage in the woods with 5 friend who are into personal development. 3 of us would trip, the other 3 would be sober as sitters. All have experience with psychedelics. The Trip: Around 45 minutes after dropping, the effects start to take place. I can immediately tell that this is going to be a powerful trip as I'm forced to start tightening my grip on reality. First signs are that I become extremely present to the moment and get that nice sense of "being". Time slows to a crawl and memory becomes less and less important. I start having a mild panic and can't contribute to interacting with anyone else I'm tripping with. I can tell I'm losing it but refuse to let go. My concepts of what's true start getting obliterated. Just wiped away, like an eraser on a whiteboard. Eventually, a break. Control releases and I surrender to the trip, even if it means death or eternity in this state. There are no words to describe the reality I'm experiencing, I'm simply speechless. In fact, words are exactly what's in the way from understanding it. Insights start pouring in. I look at how I had been acting in my life and just want to bang my head against a wall. Trying to accomplish anything? Getting others to view me in a certain way? Taking everything so serious and neurotically conceptualizing the world? Why? Utterly meaningless. Nothing could be more pointless in this state. I look back at my life and see it only as a dream. A delusional fantasy that never happened. The psychedelics and all this madness wasn't madness at all. It was sobriety. Fortunately, I've released resistance so none of this bothers me. It's just pure shock at how ignorant I was. After just enjoying for awhile, eventually I start come down. This is when it starts to get ugly. Everything was fine as long as the ego was gone. But now that the ego is coming back, I'm not happy with what was revealed. I realize just how stupid I've been. All this time, thinking I was a person experiencing life. All this time, pretending like I understood anything or was doing anything important. But finally I see it. I'd never been so sure in my life. A joke! Life is just a big joke. That's what spirituality is. A giant "Tah-Dah! Nothing is real". I have no more existential questions. Everything has been answered beyond what I could have thought. I call over my friend who got the drugs for us and call him over for a private chat. There are no words. He already knows what I'm going to say. "Sorry man, I had to show you the truth". I start crying my eyes out. I can't handle this. I can't handle all the lies and my own ignorance. "Don't be sad man. There's still lots of fun things to do." "How do you go back?" "Back?" He laughs. "You don't go back". "But what now? How can I possibly live my life knowing this?" "Now, you do what you want and enjoy. Who does this person want to be? Even if you have to pretend". I continue to come down from the trip. I have nothing really to say to anyone past this point and have little to no desire to communicate with anyone. Post-Trip I had trouble sleeping last night. But I've been spending a lot of today just releasing the pain from last night's insights. I know there's a danger in taking these insights too far. Integration is what's necessary now, and I guess that's why I'm writing this post. Trying to come back to the dream. Again, I hope someone finds value in this post. If nothing else you'll have an idea of where this work is leading. Have a great trip