Lsd Trip Report: Becoming Consciousness

[aurum]

Today is integration day after having tripped almost all day on LSD yesterday.

This post is half purging, half me talking for the sake of talking. Hopefully someone will find it useful, but please don't take it that seriously.

Set: Excitement. I had been looking forward to this day for awhile and had been actively setting my intention for Truth and guidance for some prior weeks. I've had enlightenment experiences sober.

Setting: Cottage in the woods with 5 friend who are into personal development. 3 of us would trip, the other 3 would be sober as sitters. All have experience with psychedelics.

The Trip:

Around 45 minutes after dropping, the effects start to take place. I can immediately tell that this is going to be a powerful trip as I'm forced to start tightening my grip on reality.

First signs are that I become extremely present to the moment and get that nice sense of "being". Time slows to a crawl and memory becomes less and less important.

I start having a mild panic and can't contribute to interacting with anyone else I'm tripping with. I can tell I'm losing it but refuse to let go.

My concepts of what's true start getting obliterated. Just wiped away, like an eraser on a whiteboard.

Eventually, a break. Control releases and I surrender to the trip, even if it means death or eternity in this state.

There are no words to describe the reality I'm experiencing, I'm simply speechless. In fact, words are exactly what's in the way from understanding it.

Insights start pouring in. I look at how I had been acting in my life and just want to bang my head against a wall.

Trying to accomplish anything? Getting others to view me in a certain way? Taking everything so serious and neurotically conceptualizing the world?

Why?

Utterly meaningless. Nothing could be more pointless in this state.

I look back at my life and see it only as a dream. A delusional fantasy that never happened.

The psychedelics and all this madness wasn't madness at all.

It was sobriety.

Fortunately, I've released resistance so none of this bothers me. It's just pure shock at how ignorant I was.

After just enjoying for awhile, eventually I start come down. This is when it starts to get ugly.

Everything was fine as long as the ego was gone. But now that the ego is coming back, I'm not happy with what was revealed.

I realize just how stupid I've been. All this time, thinking I was a person experiencing life. All this time, pretending like I understood anything or was doing anything important.

But finally I see it. I'd never been so sure in my life.

A joke! Life is just a big joke.

That's what spirituality is. A giant "Tah-Dah! Nothing is real".

I have no more existential questions. Everything has been answered beyond what I could have thought.

I call over my friend who got the drugs for us and call him over for a private chat.

There are no words. He already knows what I'm going to say.

"Sorry man, I had to show you the truth".

I start crying my eyes out. I can't handle this. I can't handle all the lies and my own ignorance.

"Don't be sad man. There's still lots of fun things to do."

"How do you go back?"

"Back?" He laughs. "You don't go back".

"But what now? How can I possibly live my life knowing this?"

"Now, you do what you want and enjoy. Who does this person want to be? Even if you have to pretend".

I continue to come down from the trip. I have nothing really to say to anyone past this point and have little to no desire to communicate with anyone.

Post-Trip

I had trouble sleeping last night. But I've been spending a lot of today just releasing the pain from last night's insights.

I know there's a danger in taking these insights too far. Integration is what's necessary now, and I guess that's why I'm writing this post. Trying to come back to the dream.

Again, I hope someone finds value in this post. If nothing else you'll have an idea of where this work is leading.

Have a great trip

 

 

 

 

[electroBeam]

life truly is meaningless, but we still have an innate desire to make ourselves happy, even if that seems impossible during a crisis like this. 

[Setty]

These kinds of trips are dangerous for people that are at the beginning of the journey. Try to understand that the ego loses control over reality so quickly that you don't even realize there is still a little bit left of it and it still distorts the reality. Any negative feelings you have exist because the ego is desperately trying to make reason out of it all but it can't so it makes you feel like shit. Try to focus on the truth without creating any labels you could attach to it. Without labels there is no suffering.

It comes down to what you want to believe. If you believe life is meaningless it will be. You have the power to choose if you want to live in suffering or eternal bliss but the only problem is that you don't know how to control your believes that is all.

[JustinS]

A perspective from looking outside the ego vs looking out from Reality is a whole world of difference and it can be terrifying and feel really serious. Almost like a life threat. As I'm growing I've weirdly have come to feel attracted to this feeling of gut dropping death. 

[Bodhi123]

1 hour ago, aurum said:

A joke! Life is just a big joke.

 

1 hour ago, aurum said:

Now, you do what you want and enjoy.

You got it man! Lets do it up...

[Leo Gura]

Cool beans.

What was your dose?

Now go make that level of awakeness permanent.

And it still goes deeper.

[aurum]

4 hours ago, electroBeam said:

life truly is meaningless, but we still have an innate desire to make ourselves happy, even if that seems impossible during a crisis like this. 

Agreed. Lots of emotions going around but you come back

[aurum]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Cool beans.

What was your dose?

Now go make that level of awakeness permanent.

And it still goes deeper.

1 stamp, so ~150 mics.

Seems unreal that you can go deeper than that. The LSD will tell you that you figured it all out when you're in it, but coming out I can see there's definitely a lot more.

[aurum]

1 hour ago, I_Like_Thing said:

From my experience, having had both psychedelic "enlightenment", and an actual awakening with no ego, the psychedelic experience was pseudo-enlightenment (it's like what one might think enlightenment is if they haven't actually experienced it). At the time I was like, "Oh, damn! This is the shiiiiit! I went deeeeep!", but after actually awakening, I saw all this was (mostly) delusion; I hallucinated and my ego wanted to make it into something it wasn't. Rainbow tesseracts, visions, talking to aliens/God/Jim Morrison etc. isn't enlightenment, and it can be a distraction that can lead one astray from the true goal. When I was there, however, I would have totally been like some in this forum, "Man, you don't know! I was there, man. I talked to God! For real yo!"

I agree, there's huge potential for delusion with psychedelics. But the whole path is filled with traps, so at a certain point you might as well just pick your weapon and go for it.

Sober enlightenment experiences help for sure. Lets you know it's not just the drugs.

 

[pluto]

Amazing story thanks for sharing! I had Pure MDMA in the woods a while ago with a close friend and it was very similar to yours without the dark side, it was the cleanest most meaningful MDMA experience i ever had and something about the fresh air of the forests and mountains made then trip easier and less intense and smoother yet more profound and deeply touched my nature around us. It was like nature was talking to us and keeping us calm from the high energy, jittery buzz i usually get of pure MDMA at high doses when i take it in more city areas or home/friends place.

Very often we get the the "This is how we used to be all the time as children" feeling on Psychedelics, "How did we lose this person"? Free and full of life, joy, compassion, happiness and wonder! I've had even more enlightening experiences with LSD but your experience was more closer to my MDMA one a several weeks ago when i went into the woods myself.

My natural Enlightenment experience was much more powerful than any Psychedelic i have ever taken but much less intense and gradual day to day more and more unlocking and activating(if you will), this went on for few months(very intense) then several months or few years of (after-glow) coming down as they would say for psychedelics but the afterglow and state can remain if you are well prepared for it but as usual most are not prepared and not educated for these phenomenons so they slowly lose themselves back into the ego.

I still get downloads and insights many mornings i awaken but they are normal and not WOW anymore or as intense although as i start to reconnect myself again they sometimes the WOW starts to feel like its coming back.

To truly know, is to know how much you don't.

The knowledge remains indefinitely, but the wisdom and purity of the state of being itself starts to fade away slowly, or as i would call it the god-mode starts to fade if you don't take care of self.

I was told by a Reiki master channel that we usually have 2-3 major ones that become more powerful with time and the harder it will become to lose oneself again because you will be well prepared next time around. Embrace it to the fullest because the deeper you immerse yourself in infinity the harder it will become to ever lose yourself again.

Peace

 

 

Edited March 13, 2017 by pluto