God is actively plotting against me.

[UnbornTao]

Keep to the original thread, guys.

To the original poster, be honest with yourself. Whatever happened is what happened, avoid making up stories. If you want to play the victim, enjoy it, otherwise don't act like one.

Edited April 9, 2023 by UnbornTao

[Breakingthewall]

@Holykael anyway, when things like that happen, maybe what happened is that you were very lucky. you have to heed the signs. though not always. it's a subtle thing. Sometimes you have to insist, other times you don't. but in general, when I see something like this happen, I think, it was not the time to take lsd. better forget about it for now. maybe i saved myself hell

[Pudgey]

You need to stop taking psychedelics, find a mental health professional - either a therapist or psychiatrist- and seek emotional support. This forum will not help you recover from your downturn. Seriously, seek support from an expert. 

Edited April 6, 2023 by Pudgey

[Osaid]

7 hours ago, Holykael said:

God is truly a fucking bastard to me.

You're being a bastard to yourself.

You're just assuming things about God that you don't know. And those assumptions cause you pain. 

God gives you imagination, and quite generously, as anything you imagine reality will recontextualize itself to fit that imagination. 
 

I know you'll probably create another similar thread soon after this one and my response here will be disregarded. But maybe someone in a similar position who is slightly more openminded than you can learn something from this thread and actually change their direction. 

Edited April 7, 2023 by Osaid

[Kshantivadin]

 

Letting go is hard. I know. I've been there. The nasty infinities. Can you believe me on this? 

Oneness does not mean things don't exist. Oneness does not mean people don't exist. Simply put, you are me. And some parts of you are in pain to see what you're going through. They're reaching out to you. Hey Holykael, we wish you well! 

Liberation from suffering is possible. 

When is the last time you did something nice for yourself? Can you say with certainty - I, Holykael, want the best for myself? 

In an universe of good and bad, want and don't want, the bad is only half of the equation. Have you forgotten of all the BEAUTY and LOVE you can experience? Beyond your wildest dreams! An infinity of what your heart desires most. Do you not have faith that you would become wise enough to transcend the suffering you're going through if you had an INFINITY of beautiful and loving experiences to embrace and caress your weary soul? 

Here is an actionable step when you feel comfortable with doing what you truly desire - which is to feel good. Dream up what you would love to experience in this universe. A couple of things, for starters, to get the gear going. Letting us know would be cool as well. 

I wish that this song calms your distraught heart. It's truly not going to be as dark as you feel it to be right now. All composite phenomena are impermanent. 

 

Edited April 7, 2023 by Kshantivadin

[Kshantivadin]

Reach out. Keep reaching out. Disregard the haters. Disregard the insensitive people. Disregard every failed attempt at communicating. Disregard all the insecurities and doubts - "nobody is going to understand" "i shouldn't even bother" - and the like. 

Your heart is opening up. And trust me, you want to stick around for what happens after 

[Vibes]

@Holykael

I'm so sorry.

We are connected, you suffer, I suffer. I'm part of you, you are part of me.

Just hold on a bit longer.

I love you.

[Loveeee]

 

[M A J I]

You are doing this to yourself, there is no magical god doing it to you, you have solidified your belief and they have become knowings. Its time to uproot those beliefs and take responsibility for your reality/creation and redefine/redesign them. You sure your father doesn't have a spyware program tracking what you type on your computer or laptop? You know they exist right, many parents use them to track children's internet use.

[Zedman]

@Holykael I see that you have receied a gift of knowing. This will give you everything you want. Just go along with it. But you want to rebel. You want to refuse the gift. So God will take it back. What is wrong with that?