What We Think About Others Tell More About Us? Do We Need To Always Think Good About Others?

[Shantanu]

Hi all,

I picked up this line from somewhere: "What we think about others tells more about us than other person"

I first did not believe it, but it disturbed me for a while. When I gave it a good thought, I could see others are nothing but thoughts in our mind,

and yeah, technically, this statement is true.

 

I am interested more in what it says about living life.

 Does this mean, I need to pick up only good stuff about other people, ignore all bad.

I associate them with good feelings and memories and not to focus on their wrongdoing.

This way I could have peace of mind about relationships.  Also, whenever I meet anyone, I'll always have something good to talk about.

If I am talking good about them, they most likely will reciprocate. I.e I become more likable and acceptable in crowds. 

Appears to be a quality of leader.  At the same time it inclines towards people pleasing personality. 

 

My concern is, is it authentic way of living life?

I could be there. Not sure whether I need to follow this approach with all people.  

 

[Niki]

In one of his videos Leo talked about how when a person triggers animosity in us because of a trait he/she has then that's because we ourselves are not ok with the same trait we have. So when you find how other person is behaving irritating then you are not ok with the same thing about yourself and you are missing that. Of course it's normal to notice something when you meet someone that perhaps you don't like or don't consider a good quality. The thing is when you notice that and you are ok with it (emotionally), it has no meaning to you, it is not something you should work.

Secondly that can be perceived like this - if you are developing communication skills when you talk to other people you will notice how they communicate and perhaps compliment them on that. If that is not your interest, if you are occupied with looks or something else, you will examine more how they dressed, makeup and that stuff. Therefore your focus on other people is where your own focus is.

Thirdly if we look at that at a max zoom out mode, then the way we treat other people is a way we treat ourselves. If you are a person who is constantly criticizing others (your thoughts are trapped on their negative sides), you are doing that to yourself as well internally when you do something wrong. If you are a person who is constantly trying to please everyone it's because you want to please your internal parent. Therefore you are externally looking for that.

I got the impression that you want to be in a way popular in a crowd. The good way to do that is being a "star" (check out what behavior that implies in a book called The art of seduction). Basically it has nothing to do with pleasing others, it has everything to do with you giving people attention, being interested in them, interacting with a lot of people, approaching them, being social, talking about stuff YOU find fun and interesting.

[kalter000]

Don't be so cought up by this line. Imagine you have sertain filters of interpetation towards other people's influence, such as your values, prejudices, morality, etc.

This phrase simply means, that I can create judgement about you based on your filters. It doesn't mean, that you have to be people pleaser in order to be seen as good person. If you say, that "all people are awesome" I'll consider you a lunatic. 

3 hours ago, Shantanu said:

If I am talking good about them, they most likely will reciprocate. I.e I become more likable and acceptable in crowds. 

Hahah,
NO.

It's not that easy, better to drop idea of micromanaging other people perceptions of you. Focus on being authentic and in alignment with your values. This way you will attract people with the same way of thinking as yours and they will respect it.

[Dhana Choko]

Yes, your thoughts tell only about your own mind and you can use it to examine your own mind. However, you should never confuse yourself with the mind, cause you are something far more greater than the small thoughts in your head. You cannot always think positive because that is not the default setting of the mind. You will have all sorts of thoughts throughout your life and you need to learn to be fine with that