Overcoming shyness?

[talktomeaboutprog]

Hey y'all  

Would be especially curious to hear Leo's feedback, since he struggled with this. 

Currently on a trip to Vegas for a friend's wedding. 

We're going out to clubs almost every night, which I normally don't do, and I've been feeling quite uncomfortable approaching girls, which reminded me of my problem, that is caring too much what people think. 

And this problem isn't only with women, but I've struggled feeling free to be myself around people I'm not close to. 

I've worked on in the past with some progress, but no significant changes. Mostly by going into the discomfort and fear and trying to surrender to it, but would also get ego backlash from this at times. 

I want to liberate myself from the fear and dependency of others opinions. 

How would you approach solving this issue? 

My goal is to not care what people think about me, at all, regardless of who's standing in front of me. 

I understand this may require a deep transformation, but what are some practical things I integrate on the day to day, that will lead to a social liberation? And, could psychedelics help with this?

Curious to hear suggestions from the community and Leo and any success stories ?

Edited April 3, 2023 by talktomeaboutprog

[talktomeaboutprog]

*accidentally hit post, writing out the rest of the story

[Leo Gura]

Well, it's quite simple. You need massive socialization experience. That's it.

[talktomeaboutprog]

@Leo Gura that is simple, and makes sense.

Talked to a friend who is amazing with girls, but pretty average looking.

Literally girls love him. He said his secret is not giving a fuck. 

The other day a super hot girl who won miss- whatever in a beauty contest asked for HIS number - that is not typical nowadays. 

And you can see, he's super comfortable, confident and relaxed around any girl. 

I asked how he trained this quality, and he said he'd go out with the intention to get rejected. 

"I'll meet up with a friend, and we'll decide 'ok, get rejected 10 times, meet up in half an hour'"

And that's so practical, I love it. Because really, the fear in approaching women or other people is in the rejection. That they won't accept me.

So this is a very good technique to work through the fear, going directly into it, and seeing that there's nothing to be scared of. 

Now, no matter how hot a girl is, even if she's a 10, my friend doesn't care about her opinion or if she wants him or not. 

He said "there's no girl in the whole world that I'm not worthy of. No matter how hot the girl is, she's not better or worse than me"

So he keeps very grounded. 

And it's cool that what worked for him, was going through this "rejection therapy" and with hard work he got a very good, liberating result. 

So yeah, this approach makes sense - I simply need to expose myself to more experience. 

 

 

 

Edited April 4, 2023 by talktomeaboutprog

[Leo Gura]

@talktomeaboutprog Correct

[BuddhistLover]

I don't know is like cold approach a good tactic, or would I want to befriend her first, and then build into it after we get to know eachother? Like, me and her can do hobbies together, we can work together on things. That would give people an excuse to be around eachother.

[Brandon Nankivell]

Really understand why you care what others think of you.

What are you fearful of them finding out about you?

What aren't you accepting?

I wouldn't be concerned too much with the day-to-day, but to sit down and really understand the root of your self-image.

Consider writing down every aspect of what you want others to think of you, and what you don't want others to think of you.

Once you've fleshed it out, ask yourself if you're willing to remain fearful if others find out that something about you. If not, accept it, or change it.

Psychedelics could help with the right intention (+ setting, dosage, type of psychedelic) but its definitely not necessary.