Help!! How to stop making grils feel bad?

[EdgeGod900]

As a man goes about his life, he will encounter beautiful grills(a feeling like we've met in a previous life type of attraction), but the logistics/circumstances make it impossible to approach her. But, he still wants her to feel good about herself even if he can't have her.

So another victim of my tendency is this cashier at my local neighbourhood. She knows that I like her, because she starting to show signs that she likes me when she starts to notice my "behaviour" around her. Its at a point where she's noticing that I'm starting to show mixed signals(smiling at her one day and then completely ignoring her in another) that could imply that im playing hard to get or that i'm uncertain about her. Though, I am infact certain that I won't be able to date her.

My question is how would I go about interacting and behaving around her if my goal is to "show my appreciation of her beauty, but that it's impossible to create something out of it". I don't think saying that to her is appropriate and might make her feel uncomfortable. Also, would you maybe agree that this is an impossible goal? Thoughts?

 

Side note:

• Can't ask her on a date because she's working
• Don't want to date someone in my neighbourhood(ie. seeing your ex all the time)
• Another objection is that, her eyes and hair look beautiful, but that MAYBE after work(after removing her mask) she actually looks ugly. 

 

Edited April 1, 2023 by EdgeGod900

[Roy]

45 minutes ago, EdgeGod900 said:

Can't ask her on a date because she's working

lol it's not a funeral. If anything being asked out during a boring work day would probably be the highlight of her day and something out of the blue. She'd be more inclined to say yes.

46 minutes ago, EdgeGod900 said:

Don't want to date someone in my neighbourhood(ie. seeing your ex all the time)

Who cares? Neither of you are going to live there forever I hope. You haven't even asked her out and are fantasizing a reality where you're broken up already. You are too in your head about this.

47 minutes ago, EdgeGod900 said:

Another objection is that, her eyes and hair look beautiful, but that MAYBE after work(after removing her mask) she actually looks ugly. 

Looks is just a surface thing. How does her voice sound? Do you like her mannerisms? What energy does she give off?

Stop feeling guilty about being attracted to her and that you can't have her. Of course you can, fucking go for it. Ask her out and don't give a shit how she feels about it.

49 minutes ago, EdgeGod900 said:

Though, I am infact certain that I won't be able to date her.

See this ^^^? That's the little voice in your head that is stopping you from living life while it is passing every second.

[SonataAllegro]

1 hour ago, EdgeGod900 said:

She knows that I like her, because she starting to show signs that she likes me when she starts to notice my "behaviour" around her. Its at a point where she's noticing that I'm starting to show mixed signals(smiling at her one day and then completely ignoring her in another) that could imply that im playing hard to get or that i'm uncertain about her.

From this I can tell you are stuck in a limerence fantasy. I've been there myself. Smiling at each other is absolutely NO indication that she's attracted to you. The reality is she may not even remember who you are. Girls are not attracted to a guy just for smiling at her. You have to talk to her, get her number, ask to get coffee. I want to save you from weeks more of fantasy and pain and tell you to act now or move on.

Don't be afraid that making your desires known would scare her off before you even introduce yourself.

[Leo Gura]

Go all or nothing.

Either just don't bring it up at all. Honestly, why are you thinking about her beauty unless you want to date her? Or just be very free and frank without over-thinking it. Just give her a compliment and move on without hovering over her in an awkward manner.

You can give people as many compliments as you want as long as you don't linger and make them feel awkward. Say your compliment and go about your work.

"You are so beautiful" is the only compliment you really need to give a girl. Say it and move the fuck on. Don't make it a big deal in your own mind.

Edited April 1, 2023 by Leo Gura

[EdgeGod900]

@Roy   @SonataAllegro It might have been a mistake to add the reasons why i'm not pursuing her. I just want a to know if its even possible to act in a way as to not egg her on.

1 hour ago, Roy said:

lol it's not a funeral. If anything being asked out during a boring work day would probably be the highlight of her day and something out of the blue. She'd be more inclined to say yes.

Looks is just a surface thing. How does her voice sound? Do you like her mannerisms? What energy does she give off?

  She has coworkers/managers there, I'm 90% sure she'll get in trouble if she did. At the very least, she'll look easy/slut for hitting on her infront of coworkers and customers.

And yeah. She has very feminine mannerisms and a sexy ass voice. 

@SonataAllegro Haha, maybe i'm not clear. Ok to be more detailed. (I often catch her glancing at me from a far, she copies my mannerisms, we would sometimes make prolonged/ intense eye contact) So I know god damn well she's into me. I'm very good at noticing body language as I grew in a extremely dangerous country. 

 

Again, I fucked up adding details as it seems like my question is not being answered. To anyone reading, how can I make my question the priority when people are reading my posts?

[Bando]

On 4/1/2023 at 2:13 AM, EdgeGod900 said:

To anyone reading, how can I make my question the priority when people are reading my posts?

Ask clear questions what do you mean by "how do i stop making girls feel bad?" 
 

On 4/1/2023 at 2:13 AM, EdgeGod900 said:

At the very least, she'll look easy/slut for hitting on her infront of coworkers and customers.

No, she won't, who says people from her work has to know who she's romantically involved with? If she wants to tell them she call tell them. Women care about slut shamed but not in the way you think...
 

On 3/31/2023 at 11:38 PM, EdgeGod900 said:

• Can't ask her on a date because she's working

A good way ive found about asking out working women or any social circle scenerio is to make an offer that seems platonic and then switch it to a regular date over text.

There was a librarian I would see semi regularly we would have small talks about books and found out she likes edm music, I casually told her there are some edm events in our local area that I go to and how she should bring her friends and come with us some time, then I told her to give me her number and I could send her some info about the events.  Got her number and pitched a regular coffee date and things went well
 

[John Paul]

Just make little, low-pressure conversation with her when you see her. Then maybe it will naturally come up that there is something you can invite her to- or a reason to connect with her in social media or email etc.

[The0Self]

On 3/31/2023 at 11:38 PM, EdgeGod900 said:

My question is how would I go about interacting and behaving around her if my goal is to "show my appreciation of her beauty, but that it's impossible to create something out of it". I don't think saying that to her is appropriate and might make her feel uncomfortable. Also, would you maybe agree that this is an impossible goal? Thoughts?

Don’t even bother doing such a thing unless you’re thinking of some relationship with her, though even if not it’d be best to just tell her rather than show her covertly somehow. Even if it’s as friends, which can always go further if you actually are a good man / have boundaries that you assert that others respect / etc. So get it out of your head that there are some girls that are off limits for you, whether it’s because it’s bad logistics like your situation, or because one thinks they aren’t good enough for a particular girl. Women don’t think that a good man isn’t well within his rights to pursue a girl (as long as the pursuit doesn’t literally cause harm), or good enough for girl x, so why would you? The bad logistics can easily be overcome as long as they aren’t literally physical limitations like the goal being sex and there being no place to do so at the moment.

And if she’s already giving you indicators that she likes you? The relationship between the two of you will irreversibly sour once the window closes for you to act.

But if you really want a direct answer to what you should do for your goal, which to be clear I do not agree with: just tell her you’d ask her out if the situation didn't make it so impossible. Yeah, that will do it. What’ll happen next? She’ll either think 1. it’s an excuse, and that you’re pathetic, 2. you’re a very analytical guy who doesn’t understand certain social things but she’s willing to overlook that flaw and then exuberantly let’s you know that it’s totally fine, y’all can get together (if she likes you a lot), 3. agree with you that it’s not possible (if it truly is impossible, which I find hard to believe) and continue as friends, 4. something else. Not the end of the world. So you might as well do that if you’re dead set on not asking her to get a drink or something, otherwise her opinion of you will fall off the map (ego protection mechanism, not your fault) after you miss the window that she seems to be temporarily leaving open right now.

Edited April 3, 2023 by The0Self

[flowboy]

Codependency is making other's feelings your responsibility.

So I think what people trying to say, is that, from a healthy frame of mind, this is a non-issue.

Only from a codependent frame of mind is this a problem.

Solving it from that perspective is a waste of energy and goes directly in the opposite direction of authenticity.

E.g. she may or may not be feeling bad, that's a bit of a narcissistic projection, but even if she is, she'll be fine and you shouldn't change your behavior on the off chance she'll have mental breakdown because she can't date you.

Edited April 3, 2023 by flowboy