4.5 Enigma Trip

[Vlad_]

I know it’s impossible to explain what happened but I’ll try my best. 

I made a mushroom tea (Enigma 4.5 grams). After 10 minutes I realized that something huge is on the way. I was very fucking right. 

I reached a terrific state of euphoria that you can’t possibly imagine. It was so bad I didn’t know what to do. 

Of course I realized that I’m god and nobody has consciousness. I became “body-less” and it made the entire situation more fucking bad. I just couldn’t help myself. The euphoria was so limitless and absolute it was extremely painful. I didn’t know what to do becase I knew that whatever I do it won’t change the situation. I was terrified by idea that I won’t ever get back to sleep. It scared the shit out of me. You guys have no clue what awakening actually is. I didn’t know either. I really wanted to die but of course I couldn’t die and i didn’t have my body to limit the experience. It was a complete disaster. Waives of painful and uncontrollable euphoria were killing me. But the most terrible thing was the idea that I lost my ability to sleep. Awakening is not what I’d thought it was. Not even fucking close !!! Also whatever 5MeO DMT awakenings i had were nothing comparing to this awakening.

I’m so happy that I didn’t lose the ability to dream. 
So here we go again 

[Leo Gura]

Mushrooms are intense. Why you taking such high doses? Dial it back. There's no rush.

[Vlad_]

36 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Mushrooms are intense. Why you taking such high doses? Dial it back. There's no rush.

Because I had this inner feeling that was pushing me on high doses. It has nothing to do with ego, it's pure curiosity. I guess I have it in order not to fall asleep forever. On the other hand, I'm also dump :)) I thought that I'm an expert in tripping on shrooms. I was wrong. I also thought I had reached the highest possible states on 5MeO-Mdt. Again, I was wrong. 

10 - 15 minutes after taking shrooms.

I had this gut feeling that something big is about to happen. "I've got God's balls this time" - I was thinking to myself. I was excited to see what happens. 

The rest of the trip (6+ hours).

I was laying on my bed with my eyes closed. I was seeing some colours and shapes and I was trying to zoom into them as much as possible. And then I realized I'm God and I'm good by my nature. I started crying and wimping because I had always thought I'm really bad and not right! And the next moment my realization that I'm God became even deeper. "Oh fuck no-no-no" I was saying opening my eyes. 

I was seeing the same "objects", but this time there was no object. It was something I didn't know exactly what. Paradoxically I knew that I was constructing my experience, but at the same time I didn't have control over it. Then I realized what god actually is and what is awakening. It was happening to me because of me but I didn't know how! This freaked me out so fucking much. I put my earbuds and started listening to music. Next moment I realized that I'm listening to music in order to stop my awakening. At the same time the first waive of an extreme limitless and painful euphoria filled me up. The problem was I didn't have my body!!! So infinite love was filling me in and out erasing more and more of my possible boundaries. l realized I don't have boundaries and whatever I see it's just me. The difference between "inside" me and the "outside" was one - I had self-awareness and self-consciousness. First paradox - everything is consciousness but there's only one conscious being - me. I almost shit myself when I realized it. I was like "Ohhh! Fuck!!!". As I was dressing up, another infinite cycle of painful euphoria was hitting me. I lay down on my bed saying "okay, I'm just gonna accept it". But I couldn't, because I didn't have control over these waves. At that point a new type of wave crushed on me - panic. I was thinking "Oh fucking shit, oh fuck what am I gonna do". I was ready to commit suicide but I knew that I'm already dead.  I guess that's where I entered the hell because I realized that I have a really high chances of not being able to fall myself asleep again. I begun telling myself “It will stop, just go outside!". From time to time I was looking on my watch and experiencing no time and eternity every minute (paradox, huh?) . I also noticed that whatever is happening just seems happening, nothing actually is going on. Everything is static although appears changing. I finished dressing up and went "outside". Again, it didn't change anything because it was the same me everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

So there I was walking under the rain trying to fool myself that I'm not god and I'm about to get to fall asleep, but of fucking course I was conscious of lying to myself. Also infinite waves of infinite love were literally torturing me. I was tortured by infinite love. It didn’t matter how hard I was trying to accept it I just couldn’t.

I entered the bus and took a seat. I realized even deeper that all boundaries are illusion and I’m everywhere in a form of everything. I started praying to myself to fall asleep. “Please I want to sleep, please…!” I couldn’t. “Okay” I told myself “I’m accepting this”. I couldn’t do that either because accepting the possibility of loosing my ability to sleep was too much of an ask for me. I realized that that’s my deepest fear and now it’s fucking reality! Awakening isn’t a pleasant and vanilla like experience. It’s a true fucking hell!

See, I experienced something like that on 5MeO-DMT, but less intensely and only for 10 minutes or so. This time hours were passing by but all was the same. I was absolutely awake for eternity. I wanted to cry or to scream or to ask for help but I was too conscious for having otherness anymore. My game had collapsed. “Fuck, what have I done!!!” – I was thinking to myself. “What am I gonna do?”. Then I realized that doing is just illusion and only being is the truth. Since being means eternity, it scared me even deeper. The question was “Now what?”. I was seeing these things (that used to be other humans for me) knowing that these things are/is myself. I thought that I did something I couldn’t change – I woke up and lost my ability to sleep. Funny enough I was thinking “Maybe I could imagine Leo being more awake than I am” so I texted Leo lol.

I was walking around shopping molls trying to convince myself that I’m going to “sleep soon” but it wasn’t really successful. So, I had to give up. At some point I really and deeply accept it. That’s where I begun to constructing my dream again.

Thanks god (myself) that I have this amazing ability – to sleep .

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Vlad_ said:

"I've got God's balls this time" - I was thinking to myself.

Rookie mistake right there.

Nothing will humble you like a high dose of mushrooms.

Edited April 1, 2023 by Leo Gura

[OBEler]

@Vlad_ your Trip reports are too deep.. Thanks for this so much. High dose Shrooms seeem brutal

You are tripping hardcore outside, doing mundane things. thats an interesting way 

 

[RamPhoenix]

The only time I came close to "ego dissolution/rebirth" is when I did 3.5 grams of mushrooms along with 5meodmt.

Anyone know the correct "protocol" for this?

how many hrs before 5 should one take shrooms?

R

[LSD-Rumi]

@Vlad_ enigma are two to three times stronger than the usual, right? This is a huge fucking dose. I never did mushrooms, but I did LSD, and I would never dare to take something over 200ug.

[Vlad_]

20 hours ago, OBEler said:

@Vlad_ your Trip reports are too deep.. Thanks for this so much. High dose Shrooms seeem brutal

You are tripping hardcore outside, doing mundane things. thats an interesting way 

 

I underestimated these mushrooms. I did 7 grams a few years ago, but that trip was nothing comparing to this one. I believe because my trips on shrooms became better after 5MeO-DMT. Which is why I want to try 1.5 grams of my shrooms and to vape 5Me0, but that's probably next year. 

Outside tripping is childish, but I had to go outside in order not to loose my mind completely.

[Vlad_]

1 hour ago, RamPhoenix said:

The only time I came close to "ego dissolution/rebirth" is when I did 3.5 grams of mushrooms along with 5meodmt.

Anyone know the correct "protocol" for this?

how many hrs before 5 should one take shrooms?

R

On 5MeO dissolution is faster and way more shorter. 5MeO trips on the other hand are more clear 

[Vlad_]

1 hour ago, LSD-Rumi said:

@Vlad_ enigma are two to three times stronger than the usual, right? This is a huge fucking dose. I never did mushrooms, but I did LSD, and I would never dare to take something over 200ug.

Yeah, these shrooms gave me a 5MeO break trough experience  lasting 4+ hours. I though that I finally lost my mind. 

I

[M A J I]

Good now meditate, integrate, exhale ~

[Breakingthewall]

@Vlad_

In my opinion you should go in a more progressive, methodical and thoughtful way. This is a path that requires time, you have to increase your baseline little by little, your understanding of reality and your ability to let go of everything.

Better to do a trip of 2 grams each week, and then increase to 2.5 if you see it as necessary, and so on. after having done 5meo several times, with 2gs a total dissolution can occur. you have to get used to it, understand what it is. I am at that point too. we are at an initiation point pulling towards intermediate. Thinking that you are already at the professional point is a mistake and you will be slapped for your audacity 

Or said in a simpler way: your balls are too far ahead of your understanding. you need years before you can do what you want to do. Don't be so hurry

Edited April 9, 2023 by Breakingthewall