How will I know I am not just tripping vs real insight?

[Vegan]

                I Closed up mentally when I started seeing leo post the mid-trip enlightenment videos on 5-meo-dmt or whatever it was. His Mushroom trip report of him being in the bathroom and being awestruck with whatever awakening he was having about the hair on his floor. I aim not to make fun of that at all. I very much resonated with that bathroom one and really made it a goal to meditate and structure my direct reality/"self"/mind, or  whatever, to be able to be unconditionally accepting and capable of perceiving/feeling the profound beauty and wonder of ANY experience to view this moment right now being me, I am this bubble of perception, I don't think I am enlightened, but like intellectually I think maybe I get it,

                    The most notable experience I have had from 10 years of half-assed meditation/ enlightenment seeking. (not trying to be a zen devil don't worry I watch for that), Is gradually reaching a point last year where I noticed that I should "See the same way I feel when I am touching something"  Like looking off well past 800 yards and not squinting or struggling to see because I am not trying to see better I just feel the sensations that makeup "that over there" inquiring to alter the perceptual assumptions that space/time exist, That there is no distance between me anything else in my perception.    

                        At the perceptual level. I am very much touching everything I see,  it is all making contact with me, way over there is actually right here, and doing that I could see VERY well, way better and more clearly than I have ever had in my life at a distance. Same with the dark, or anything else when you stop trying to see and just look and feel what you are looking at aware AF.

                        I have had some experiences glimpsing the OX so to speak. But basically, I used to be VERY pro psychedelics and SPENT YEARS wanting to do them obsessing over Terance McKenna, taking some HBWR/morning glory once or twice in a country where that was legal in minecraft, also it was not me that did that.  But yeah I really enjoyed the HBWR trip and wanted more but never really had the courage to try them. AND Christians were telling me and I was dumb enough to buy into it, that this whole "psychedelics are satan, (insert conspiracy theory)".

I mean good, hail satan!!!!

                           I been around 25 years now that is when I think LEO said was a time to do um and I basically waited, I wanted to do this all NATURAL so I would know an insight or "enlightenment" where not just me High on drugs. I am reconsidering because my progress has stalled and frankly I am scared that I am at risk of being set in my ways like all the other lame-ass people that never question shit and have no desire for seeking a reflective understanding of the truth of what the !@#$ ever this thing is that we are living in. Yeah, I do not want to lose being open minded I use to be very open-minded and I don't want to lose that I feel like I am getting set as my current very tangled up self and won't be able to deeply consider other possibilities for who and how I should/could be. Different ways of thinking just being too blinded by mediocrity, to see the F@#$king infinity of fun interesting things I could become, do, and explore mentally and physically. F!@# anyone that would object to getting life extension technology and living forever. That is like my go-to question for dating from now on.

Also, you know, have empathy for the lame people or whatever ever I guess.

I am meming, never lose sight of their vulnerability to suffering so if you ever transcend suffering you'll have the compassion to remember suffering for empathy so you do not turn into a zen devil.
 

Edited March 29, 2023 by Vegan