My girlfriend told me she is non-binary

[integral]

8 hours ago, supremeyingyang said:

4. I don't see any logic bringing you from all the statements of you to the conclusion: Not wanting to be in a Relationship with a non-binary makes some equivalent of being homophob - double lol. Edit: Talking about a intimate Relationship, not friends.

In this case he had no knowledge of any of this and where dating for some time, so now after ONE piece of information he suddenly needs to end it? He has no idea what any of this is. Its strait fear of something he doesn't understand or experienced and has a bunch of preconceived notions about it. Most of the people here also have preconceived notions about it. Non-binary is not a crazy ideological sensitive unstable masculine woman that demands the world to call them by He/Him when they look 100% feminine. 

[integral]

4 hours ago, supremeyingyang said:

I don't get this: Everyone ELSE has to comply (pronouns, validate their Indentity etc.) by their COMMAND, and then they are baffled that other people react stubborn for being forced. It's like if I go to another family to eat and say I'm a vegan, you need to respect that, only vegan food allowed where I am at and I tell you why you are wrong for eating food. Blabla. But then don't act surprised if less and less people want to associate.

These are the extremists. The GF is not making demands. So im thinking its really a over reaction on his part, with misconceptions. 

Edited March 30, 2023 by integral

[supremeyingyang]

16 minutes ago, integral said:

In this case he had no knowledge of any of this and where dating for some time, so now after ONE piece of information he suddenly needs to end it? He has no idea what any of this is. Its strait fear of something he doesn't understand or experienced and has a bunch of preconceived notions about it. Most of the people here also have preconceived notions about it. Non-binary is not a crazy ideological sensitive unstable masculine woman that demands the world to call them by He/Him when they look 100% feminine. 

No, he needs definetely not. But he CAN consider it w/o shame. It's a pretty low bar I argue for.

 

Edited March 30, 2023 by supremeyingyang

[supremeyingyang]

15 minutes ago, integral said:

These are the extremists. 

Then we agree on the assessment of that subgroup. NICE!

[integral]

12 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

No, he needs definetely not. But he CAN consider it w/o shame. It's a pretty low bar I argue for.

Im not sure im shaming, i mean if a homophobe comes into this forum he literally gets banned. where are we drawing the line? 

Edited March 30, 2023 by integral

[zurew]

4 hours ago, supremeyingyang said:

To make my point more concise:

Proclaiming being Non-Binary is the equivalent like voluntaring being drafted in the culture war for one side.

This is not even about what the OP presented here. His girl wasn't even agressive about how she wants him to call her, she even asked him whether it is a problem for him or not, so I don't know from that how you get to the points that you made in this thread.

The problem presented by OP is equivalent to this: Your girl calls you daddy and  then you  tell her that you don't like that and you would rather be referred to as babe. Thats the seriousness of the problem we are talking about right now. 

Without making a 100 different other assumptions about the girl, this problem's seriousness is laughable.

 

[Israfil]

17 hours ago, integral said:

Gender identity is not that important when it comes to relationship.

This ignores completely how polarity is related to attraction. I don't think your commentary integrates well the different nuances that are implied when someone identify with a different gender and how that affects their personal relationships.

[zurew]

1 minute ago, Israfil said:

when someone identify with a different gender and how that affects their personal relationships.

He made a good point when he separated energy (masculine and the feminine) from gender, because regardless of your gender (whether you see yourself as a man or a women), you can be masculine or feminine as well.

[TheSomeBody]

23 hours ago, integral said:

What are you smoking, it will have 0 effect on your relationship. The fact that you would end a relationship based on this is equivalent to being homophobic.

 

i think that its not really true because some people are not into nonbinary people. some women not into me because i am non binary but they wont like my feminine way of expression. 
on the other hand if she just said it and he have been into her and her behavior havent changed it does make him transophobic 

[soos_mite_ah]

I mean, if polarity is something you guys are concerned about, both gender and gender expression exists on a spectrum. You can identify as a woman for example and be a tomboy / more masculine leaning but that doesn't mean that you're any less of a woman as far as your gender identity goes. Same for feminine men, they aren't less of a man because of the way that they express themselves. And it isn't difficult to apply that to non-binary folk, especially non-binary folk. Just because you don't feel like a woman doesn't mean that you can't express the femininity and masculinity in you nor does it mean that you can't lean one way or another. Most non-binary people aren't expressing themselves as stictly androgynous. 

[supremeyingyang]

40 minutes ago, integral said:

Im not sure im shaming, i mean if a homophobe comes into this forum he literally gets banned. where are we drawing the line? 

Good you asked! Being a Homophobe means to hate homosexuals. I'd draw the by hate. Of course that's sometimes hard to say, but in a case where someone seeks advice it's fairly probable that he is respectful.

Edited March 30, 2023 by supremeyingyang

[Israfil]

I don't have any horses in this race. I'm just pointing out that polarity is very important in relationships. I don't know OP's GF. They could be feminine, or don't. I'm just pointing out that shifts in that energy might affect the relationship. The whole "it doesn't change anything" argument is biased and lacks nuance. That's it.

[supremeyingyang]

1 minute ago, Israfil said:

I don't have any horses in this race. I'm just pointing out that polarity is very important in relationships. I don't know OP's GF. They could be feminine, or don't. I'm just pointing out that shifts in that energy might affect the relationship. The whole "it doesn't change anything" argument is biased and lacks nuance. That's it.

That.

[zurew]

6 minutes ago, Israfil said:

I'm just pointing out that polarity is very important in relationships

I'm just pointing out that shifts in that energy might affect the relationship.

I know, thats why I pointed out that polarity won't  necessarily change just because of gender (in this case how his girlfriend views herself). 

Energy/polarity as a variable can be separated from gender.

Edited March 30, 2023 by zurew

[integral]

6 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

Good you asked! Being a Homophobe means to hate homosexuals. I'd draw the by hate. Of course that's sometimes hard to say, but in a case where someone seeks advice it's fairly probable that he is respectful.

I'm viewing it more like a negative gut reaction towards homosexuals and not a ideology against homosexuals (hate). 

[soos_mite_ah]

2 minutes ago, zurew said:

I know, thats why I pointed out that polarity won't  necessarily change just because of gender (in this case how his girlfriend views herself). 

Energy/polarity as a variable can be separated from gender.

100% agree

[integral]

44 minutes ago, TheSomeBody said:

i think that its not really true because some people are not into nonbinary people. some women not into me because i am non binary but they wont like my feminine way of expression. 

Yes thats understandable if your of a man, non-binary and dressing/acting feminine this breaks peoples expectations a bit to strongly and women wont be into it. But if your a woman, non-binary and dressing/acting feminine people cant tell the difference, it blends in and meets people conditioned preferences. 

The answer hes looking for is obvious to intuitive emotional thinkers, he was attracted to her and loves her before this information was presented. That's the answer hes looking for. But now hes stuck in this masculine logical figuring out thinking process that doesn't matter. 

Edited March 30, 2023 by integral

[supremeyingyang]

8 minutes ago, integral said:

I'm viewing it more like a negative gut reaction towards homosexuals and not a ideology against homosexuals (hate). 

Call it ideology or gut reaction, it's almost the same. You can be 100% ok with something and not wanting it. I am ok with macbooks, but it don't want one.

[integral]

10 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

Call it ideology or gut reaction, it's almost the same. You can be 100% ok with something and not wanting it. I am ok with macbooks, but it don't want one.

But what if you used one extensively, loved it and then was told it was a macbook and got a gut reaction that it was a deal breaker?  

Edited March 30, 2023 by integral

[supremeyingyang]

18 minutes ago, integral said:

But what if you used one extensively, loved it and then was told it was a macbook and got a gut reaction that it was a deal breaker?  

You are too foreseable. I OWNED a macbook, then came to the conclusion I dislike the company Apple for their philosophy, installed linux on it and after it was due I replaced it with a PC.

Edit: This is actually a fitting, witty metaphor, lol. It came by accident, but yeah.. if you dislike windows don't turn to Mac, install Linux. You figure out what that means for the discussion^^

Edited March 30, 2023 by supremeyingyang
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