Question for the men of actualized org

[Leo Gura]

It's silly to defend cheating.

Either commit or don't.

[Hibahere]

@Leo Gura 

14 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It's silly to defend cheating.

Either commit or don't.

There, we have the word of top G.?

[supremeyingyang]

@Hibahere

I see cheating not as an option. There are open relationships nowadays if you like that. And judging from me an my friends and men in my wider circle the vast majority of men are happy being monogam. Also most young men hardly get one women, let alone a second to cheat withm

[Harsh Bagdia]

Cheating is not okay.

I go by this - Don't cheat. Don't tolerate when get cheated. 

[Emerald]

8 hours ago, Hibahere said:

My ears are bleeding with these stage orange broken men saying cheating is okay and "biologically wored in men". What are you perspectives on it. Imagine that you have your ideal wife or girlfriend, you both meet each others needs and are fully compatible. Even if you are presented with an opportunity would you still cheat just for "thrill"? Why and if not then also why?

Lots of men like to romanticize the notion of what it means to be a man in order to get away from feeling disempowered.

And one of the ways they do this is by cherry picking certain biological insights and weaving them together into a male empowerment fantasy narrative.

And these narratives are usually about men holding power over women in the realm of sexuality, dating, and relationships.

This is because men often feel disempowered in relation to women and their feelings about women. And they want to tell themselves a comforting story that puts the woman in the disempowered position relative to men.

And so, they may cherry-pick some scientific truisms around men having biological urges to spread the seed wide… and they use these truisms to weave themselves a narrative like…  

“Women just need to embrace the “natural” female role because it’s in alignment with nature for men to cheat. And if she complains, then she’s going against nature and being too Masculine… because natural Feminine women are accepting when their men cheat. And women are only desirable when they’re Feminine, so they need to allow men to cheat or the man won’t be interested in them anymore because they’re not Feminine enough. I bet they’re not Feminine enough because of daddy issues and having too many trains run on them. So, women should definitely stick with one guy because lifelong monogamy is the only kind of sexual experience that doesn’t damage the woman. Also, think of lions! The alpha male gets to mate with all the females and the female lions are okay with it.So…” Etc. Etc. Etc.

This is just one example of a male empowerment fantasy narrative. And they’re everywhere.

And because of the internet… you have scads and scads of men wrapped up in the same male empowerment delusions.

And it’s really annoying because they really believe it’s true.

But the main function of men talking about this and creating this narrative is to make himself feel empowered simply for being part of the male identity group.

[aurum]

Delusional rationalizations.

If you’re a woman and you meet a guy who says things like that, just delete him from your life.

Granted, if you want to do some sort of consensual polyamory, that could be a valid couple choice. But that’s a much different strategy requiring arguably more maturity and honest communication to make sustainable. 

[Hibahere]

@Emerald beautiful that clears up pretty much every confusion 

[Spiral]

One should obviously not cheat however imagine you’re married, have kids. Yet living in a sexless relationship. It’s actually quite common. 

Now let’s say you tried anything you could think of but to no effect. You don’t want to break up the family and preferably not lose half your shit.

You feel terrible and unwanted. Then one day a colleague shows some interest in you. Surely feels tempting.

I’m neither married or with kids but can empathize with people in this circumstance. Especially since I grew up with a single mother.

 

Edited March 26, 2023 by Spiral

[Hibahere]

@supremeyingyang where are you from 

[Hibahere]

@Spiral now this is a situation I can actually empathise on because it's a real issue. I think along the marriage women get very lazy and stop prioritising their Husbands so it's the females fault here as well

[supremeyingyang]

3 minutes ago, Hibahere said:

@supremeyingyang where are you from 

Germany

[Hibahere]

@supremeyingyang Oh nice, Greetings from Pakistan ? 

[Mada_]

I'd rather not, it's inviting a silly amount of drama into one's lives and would hurt my partner which I'd hate doing. I remember upsetting my girlfriend as a teenager and just feeling horrible in my body. 

You see these Tristan Tate types on YouTube managing 15 women he's dating, such a stupid and huge time investment. 

 

[Bobby_2021]

19 hours ago, Hibahere said:

Imagine that you have your ideal wife or girlfriend, you both meet each others needs and are fully compatible

If she can satisfy his sexual needs and vice versa, then that's completely fine.

The problem is that men of high sexual drive find it impossible to have their sexual needs to be satiated by a single woman. The only problem is a mismatch of sexual needs. You can see how billionaires usually have this sort of thing going on in their lives. They usually cheat on their wifes because they are driven men with high testosterone which forces them to take risk for sexual variety. 

Well, even in this scenario, it doesn't mean the cheating is okay. Cheating is never okay wherever it is. Hiding information is never okay, whatever the realm of life you are taking into account. 

With that said, I would ask the man to discuss this with their partner if he finds his sexual needs unable to be satiated by one woman. This is a whole different scenario. Because such men are capable of having sex at almost all the time while the woman may have periods, mood swings, not being in the right mood etc. On the other hand, the man is willing to have sex is she is down, most of the time.

This is the biological mismatch of sexual needs of males and females.

You can address this in depth. 

Is she is not down, then compensate the man in other ways, instead of making him sexually repressed. 

[supremeyingyang]

5 hours ago, Hibahere said:

@supremeyingyang Oh nice, Greetings from Pakistan ? 

greetings

[Ulax]

@Hibahere I imagine I wouldn't out of empathy and compassion for my partner

[mr_engineer]

@Hibahere There is an argument that's made for harems. It is a big fantasy that men hold and it's biologically appealing to men. 

However, I personally don't think that it's sustainable. Because we have a lot of pro-monogamy conditioning, which would lead to possessiveness. And this would create a lot of political tension in a polygamous setting. Especially a harem. The man would have his favorite woman and that would lead to everyone else feeling abandoned and it would turn into a cat-fight pretty quickly. 

[Ash55]

So if my partnered even lied its probably over, i dont even tolerate lie,  from my experience with girls being in relationship (well it works both way regardless of your gender)  if there is no lies in a relationship there is no cheating.

 

in my relationship with my girl we are honest in everything, we are extremely transparent and clear about everything,

 

people in the middle east here would tolerate having a second and third wive without the consent (well basically the first wife is treated like a ghost  or as if she has no feeling or value) with is crazy

 

but in every relationship there is a contract and it might be implicit but its there and one of of the thing that is probably there is that non of you should cheat or lie even lie is a red line

So to answer your question for sure cheating is not okay

 

So if you  have self respect and i think you do you should not even tolerate lies

 

Edit : oh i see you are in Pakistan so ill tell you this in the Muslim world guys will justify a lot for them self the mentality we have is too immature, so please watch out for your own sanity

also i dont mean to generalize here amazing people are everywhere

i dont really mean to offend anybody  am just expressing a point of view

 

 

Edited March 26, 2023 by Ash55
adding

[Leo Gura]

13 hours ago, aurum said:

Delusional rationalizations.

If you’re a woman and you meet a guy who says things like that, just delete him from your life.

Granted, if you want to do some sort of consensual polyamory, that could be a valid couple choice. But that’s a much different strategy requiring arguably more maturity and honest communication to make sustainable. 

This.

[Schizophonia]

I like to play cynical.

What's wrong with cheating on your wife? I think it's mostly mental gymnastics to protect the ego.

Who cares if I cheat on her and she ignores it? Serious question.