Empty Place Instead Of The Illusion Of Romantic Love

[blueTeacup]

Hi everybody,

Has anyone here given up the illusion of romantic love as a source of nourishment in daily life? (not as a source of happiness, that much is clear).

Being exposed to images of couples, love songs etc. activates a well of pain – my own and the one that I project for the people in question.

The sight of my partner is painful - all is well between us but it triggers memories of all the disappointments, of the painful letting go of all the self induced illusions.

And in general – what do you put in place of an abandoned illusion when its absence hurts?

[Echoes]

The absence of the illusion only hurts the illusion. Truth can not be hurt

[blueTeacup]

Thank you Echoes.

 

Any idea on why the pain is being felt, then ( by me :)?

 

Edited March 11, 2017 by blueTeacup

[Nahm]

Like most emotion pain, there is a belief you hold that prevents you from seeing more accurately the mechanisms of the relationship. IMO it is the knowing you have of this inaccuracy,  but the  unawareness of it that leaves you with this deeper pain. You have probably ruled out that 'letting the past go' didn't help or 'fix it'. The belief would be that those emotions are coming from her/him.

[blueTeacup]

Thank you Nham.

I am not sure I understood what you mean.

I do not think this relationship in particular is important. It would have happened anyway.

[Echoes]

20 minutes ago, blueTeacup said:

Thank you Echoes.

 

Any idea on why the pain is being felt, then ( by me :)?

 

Because you still seem to be identified to a certain degree with this specific illusion. Or you are still identified or attached to the very feeling of dropping this illusion. You give negative meaning to the dropping of this illusion, because you believe that with the dropping of the illusion, you also drop all the feelings and emotions you had attached to this illusion.

Realize that you don't need this specific illusion to have the feelings you thought where inherent to this illusion.

[blueTeacup]

Thank you so much.

Something clicked: so I can still love, even in a romantic way

And yes, I had become involved in the story: me dropping the illusion, oh isn't that advanced

It seems so funny now.

 

 

[Nahm]

??

[alyra]

I say, "romantic" in the phrase "romantic relationship" is nothing more than an honorary classification that explains "close, intimate, trusting, and ongoing" such a relationship could be with anyone. for certain reasons of course you prefer one gender, and certain personalities, and certain looks, and etc. but really, it is a matter of cultivating the self, trusting in the other, cultivating that trust, and cultivating the relationship. this is all there is to it. 

 

what is the illusion is the fantasy of "soul mate, perfect love, intuitive knowledge that they are the one true Other" lol. cute poem :3 perfect "will o wisp" trap. realize that the soul mate is you. the perfect love is you. and you are the one true Other. lol. then go out and find another wave of consciousness to Be with. if that wave waves away, then shrug it off and find another. NBD. grow through experience. easy as pie. 

 

 

says the girl who pushes all friends away  screw humans who needs em 

[Sevi]

8 hours ago, blueTeacup said:

all is well between us but it triggers memories of all the disappointments, of the painful letting go of all the self induced illusions.

@blueTeacup

In his well-known book, men are from Mars women are from Venus, John Gray says that, this is very common and normal in relationships. He says if the person feels loved and secure enough in the relationship, then it is expected that unsolved, painful emotions surface themselves. This generally is seen as a indication of healing process of those emotions.

[abgespaced]

@blueTeacup  Are you male or female?

[Bob84]

9 hours ago, blueTeacup said:

Hi everybody,

Has anyone here given up the illusion of romantic love as a source of nourishment in daily life? (not as a source of happiness, that much is clear).

Being exposed to images of couples, love songs etc. activates a well of pain – my own and the one that I project for the people in question.

The sight of my partner is painful - all is well between us but it triggers memories of all the disappointments, of the painful letting go of all the self induced illusions.

And in general – what do you put in place of an abandoned illusion when its absence hurts?

Nothing. Instead you stop giving the illusion so much attention and power. (Ignoring or avoiding = it so super important that i have to avoid it).

You ego is experiancing the illusion. And thats fine. No need to change anything there. Same with positive things. Love without ego doesnt exist.

But realize. You are in control. How much you think about it, how you feel in response to it, etc.

A thought you have about a tomato is the same as a thought about your partner. They come and go, and only exist for a short time in your head.