How to respond to girl saying "I just broke up with my boyfriend"

[StarStruck]

I've heard different variations in the last few weeks:

"I'm heart broken"

"I broke up with my bf"

"I rejected somebody yesterday"

These girls I just know from going out, and they tell me this after asking how they are doing. Usually when I hear this I get disorientated because I don't know how to respond and why they are telling me this so casually?

Edited March 24, 2023 by StarStruck

[NoSelfSelf]

Why would you ask them how they are doing ?

[StarStruck]

21 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Why would you ask them how they are doing ?

If they ask me how I'm doing, I'm asking it back, weird right ?

[NoSelfSelf]

@StarStruck Yeah because im assuming you dont want to be friends with those women,so that queastion is total waste of time,its not moving anywhere, thats why that answer is appropriate shes thinking: omg again the guy who doesnt know whats hes doing im gonna think about other guys instead which is a disrespect if you are on date...game is deep...

[something_else]

7 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@StarStruck Yeah because im assuming you dont want to be friends with those women,so that queastion is total waste of time,its not moving anywhere, thats why that answer is appropriate shes thinking: omg again the guy who doesnt know whats hes doing im gonna think about other guys instead which is a disrespect if you are on date...game is deep...

 

 

 

It's not a bad question. Yea dry small-talk conversations are bad, but saying "you should never ask a woman 'how are you' because it's a waste of time and boring" is extreme.

My opener is "how's your night going" which is similar and it's worked for me plenty of times. You don't need fancy openers as long as you know how to move away from the boring small talk quickly. Fancy openers can actually make you look like you're trying too hard.

Edited March 24, 2023 by something_else

[StarStruck]

1 minute ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@StarStruck Yeah because im assuming you dont want to be friends with those women,so that queastion is total waste of time,its not moving anywhere, thats why that answer is appropriate shes thinking: omg again the guy who doesnt know whats hes doing im gonna think about other guys instead which is a disrespect if you are on date...game is deep...

Ok but this was in the night club or a random public place. 

Currently not trying to get laid or trying to have a relationship because I’m focused on meditation.

I’m still going out once a week to practice my game and to make friends.  

 

[StarStruck]

Just now, something_else said:

It's not a bad question. Yea dry small-talk conversations are bad, but saying "you should never ask a woman 'how are you' because it's a waste of time and boring" is extreme.

My opener is "how's your night going" which is similar and it's worked for me plenty of times. You don't need fancy openers as long as you know how to move away from the boring small talk quickly. Fancy openers can actually make you look like you're trying too hard.

True. Being anal about such small things like “I shouldn’t ask how she is doing because that doesn’t fit my game plan” is not the kind of game I want to run anyway even if I wanted to get laid. She is just a human like me. 

[NoSelfSelf]

You guys are in the mindframe im going there to get the girl ,no wonder being dishonest by asking how you doing(which you dont care and she knows it to) flys.If this is about getting women and sex im in the wrong place...

[something_else]

3 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

no wonder being dishonest by asking how you doing(which you dont care and she knows it to)

 

What openers do you usually use then?

[NoSelfSelf]

@something_else Its not about the opener, its about not talking at the women, its about what you are saying is moving things somewhere for positioning yourself,so you dont run behind her and trying to get her....

[Mada_]

Just keep talking, it's either a shit test or relevant to the conversation. Even if it's her telling you she's not interested, you still have time to turn the interaction around with your charm. 

You don't necessarily need to handle it like a sales objection, this is a sort of Mystery Method type question (if she says this, do this), can clearly work but state based game is what Leo is talking about in his videos. 

Just don't filter yourself, what pops into your head next? 

 

A girl said this to me once and I paused for a second and said "I am not upset about that at all, I'd be lying if I said I'm sorry to hear that, you're gorgeous" I just spoke my mind and she melted. Saw her again the next week. 

 

[something_else]

30 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@something_else Its not about the opener, its about not talking at the women, its about what you are saying is moving things somewhere for positioning yourself,so you dont run behind her and trying to get her....

 

Nothing you say here suggests that "how's it going", "how are you", "how's your night going" are bad openers. These are still starting a conversation with a woman, which is moving things forward.

Yea, you should move past small talk quickly, but almost all conversations start with at least 1 or 2 small talk questions.

[NoSelfSelf]

@something_else Im not going to explain myself so read what i say or dont,do as you wish....

[StarStruck]

36 minutes ago, Mada_ said:

Just keep talking, it's either a shit test or relevant to the conversation. Even if it's her telling you she's not interested, you still have time to turn the interaction around with your charm. 

You don't necessarily need to handle it like a sales objection, this is a sort of Mystery Method type question (if she says this, do this), can clearly work but state based game is what Leo is talking about in his videos. 

Just don't filter yourself, what pops into your head next? 

 

A girl said this to me once and I paused for a second and said "I am not upset about that at all, I'd be lying if I said I'm sorry to hear that, you're gorgeous" I just spoke my mind and she melted. Saw her again the next week. 

 

Last week I used a statement of sympathy and the conversation fizzled out. 

Yesterday, this is different lady, I told her: “good, now it is my turn” to her telling me she broke up with her flirt. 
And that is what I really thought and felt at that moment. Her answer was “no, no, no, I’m recovering” and it definitely emotionally spiking for her. But I failed to lead the conversation after that and it fizzled out.

My problem is that I’m inclined to be boring, reserved, second guessing a lot, and treading softly, and I’m balancing it out with being a dick sometimes instead of a pussy. 

Edited March 24, 2023 by StarStruck

[something_else]

4 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@something_else Im not going to explain myself so read what i say or dont,do as you wish....

 

I read what you said, I just don't agree with it. To me personally, it reads like someone who's learnt a bunch of theory about game but not actually done that much practice. That might not be true, but that was the impression I got, sorry.

[NoSelfSelf]

@something_else Spot on ?

[StarStruck]

2 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@something_else Spot on ?

Women take a shit, dude. Just like us. 

[Devin]

2 hours ago, StarStruck said:

I've heard different variations in the last few weeks:

"I'm heart broken"

"I broke up with my girlfriend"

"I rejected somebody yesterday"

These girls I just know from going out, and they tell me this after asking how they are doing. Usually when I hear this I get disorientated because I don't know how to respond and why they are telling me this so casually?

"Sorry, well then let me try to cheer you up, let's go to the market."

Girls say personal stuff pretty easily and openly, or they're lying to blow you off.

Edited March 24, 2023 by Devin

[Danioover9000]

@StarStruck

3 hours ago, StarStruck said:

I've heard different variations in the last few weeks:

"I'm heart broken"

"I broke up with my bf"

"I rejected somebody yesterday"

These girls I just know from going out, and they tell me this after asking how they are doing. Usually when I hear this I get disorientated because I don't know how to respond and why they are telling me this so casually?

   If they're telling you this casually you've done something to earn their trust, however you were talking and hanging out with them.

   Basically improve on the spot, that "yes and" attitude. So if they say those things, just affirm what they said, and follow up with a suggestion to cheer them up.

   

Edited March 24, 2023 by Danioover9000

[Mada_]

 

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

Last week I used a statement of sympathy and the conversation fizzled out. 

Yesterday, this is different lady, I told her: “good, now it is my turn” to her telling me she broke up with her flirt. 
And that is what I really thought and felt at that moment. Her answer was “no, no, no, I’m recovering” and it definitely emotionally spiking for her. But I failed to lead the conversation after that and it fizzled out.

My problem is that I’m inclined to be boring, reserved, second guessing a lot, and treading softly, and I’m balancing it out with being a dick sometimes instead of a pussy. 

"Last week I used" Im saying this is the wrong frame. Are you getting that? - when I gave an example of how I was successful in this situation, I didn't "use" anything, I just said what came to my head. 

Bro just say anything. Free associate. Great communication isn't completely regimented, it's when you totally relax and are saying whatever, you're being creative and spontaneous. 

Boring, reserved, second guessing, treading softly are descriptions of most guys trying to get better at dating, you're not alone here. Cool that you're taking risks, be careful about Julian Blanc style negging, being rude or mean to anyone isn't necessary.