How to manage feelings after break up

[Abhishaik]

My GF has left me as I couldn’t promise her her a future together as my mum wants me to get an arranged marriage. 
 

She had broken up with me and told me she found someone else about 3 weeks ago and I accepted it and moved on, however yesterday she called me and asked me if I was disappointed in her as she moved on quickly. I said no and that I still miss her. We talked about casual stuff for 15 mins and ended the call.

I have been feeling very sad since yesterday and can’t get the images of my ex being intimate of someone else now. I only want the best for her and I accept moving on was probably the right decision for her however how can I feel with these feelings of loneliness and a broken heart. 
 

I tried to call her today and she didn’t answer and this got my mind racing. 
 

 Please provide any hints or tips on how to overcome these feelings and try move on. 

[thierry]

First, notice the pain you feel right now is a good pain which is making you grow. Basically it is free personal development. You have nothing to do but being still while taking the pain!  

(easier said than done I know..) 

then, all you are feeling right now is normal and it is the healthiest reaction a man should have after a breakup. Take the time to heal. Every time you feel the waves of the heartbreak pain coming. Remember how courageous you are for taking the pain. If you are courageous enough, whilst the pain, try to think about what this heartbreak tells about you and why you are in this situation and how you could improve now. Then remember that one day you’ll move on and you’ll be a much stronger man. And you certainly will have opportunities with women that suits you better. I would advise you to cut clean at this point, do not call her, do not text her. Let go.

and finally last but not least hang around with good friends. Friends that make you feel good! 
(I’m basically resuming the Leo’s video on how to deal with a heartbreak.. it is a good one, you should see :p)

[Leo Gura]

1) Stop contacting her. In your mind, you need to make a final break. The more you try to drag it out and talk with her, the worse it will feel.

2) Just accept that you will go through 2-4 weeks of miserable heartache. But once the chemicals leave your system you should feel good and basically back to normal.

The heartache of breakup is just a chemical reaction. Remind yourself of that.

It also helps to focus your mind on your future and taking action towards finding a new girl. This is a great time to re-think your life and commit to approaching more girls to find a better girl.

Edited March 23, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0ctRMR8qXM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmNbrlmn00w

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29OGEGj2X-c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7p3-MJJm_R0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCcmmjlLx_I

 

[Roy]

You "manage" your feelings by letting them happen and not avoiding them. Let it process and try and focus on work/school for the next few weeks. You'll start to feel better and you'll realize your life was fine before you knew her, and it will be fine after.

You can't control people, you've gotta live your own life and do your own thing. Be your own foundation.

[Abhishaik]

Thank you for all your advice and wisdom. 
 

There was nothing wrong with our relationship it was just that my mum didn’t approve of it and wants me to get an arranged marriage. She threatened to commit suicide if I don’t fulfil her wish.
 

It took me a good 6 months courting this girl online before I met up with her. I felt so lonely before I met her. I feel like a part of me will always think what could have been if we didn’t break up in the back of my head. 
 

I think I’m just going to wait now until my mum gets me an arranged marriage, I don’t want to go through something like this again and I hurt my ex gf feelings during this time too. 
 

I will stop further contact with her as you all mentioned and try concentrate on my future.  

[meta_male]

@Abhishaik  You posted about this some weeks back, right?

4 hours ago, Abhishaik said:

There was nothing wrong with our relationship it was just that my mum didn’t approve of it and wants me to get an arranged marriage. She threatened to commit suicide if I don’t fulfil her wish.

You should cut ties with your mom if you ever want a better life. You're not responsible for her wellbeing, if anything, she was responsible for yours.

13 hours ago, Abhishaik said:

I have been feeling very sad since yesterday and can’t get the images of my ex being intimate of someone else now.

This will sound harsh, but the pain is for your best. It shows you what you miss out on out of fear of your mom.

 

[something_else]

5 hours ago, Abhishaik said:

There was nothing wrong with our relationship it was just that my mum didn’t approve of it and wants me to get an arranged marriage. She threatened to commit suicide if I don’t fulfil her wish.

 

That is not someone who has your best interests at heart.

Wanting an arranged marriage for you is one thing, threatening to commit suicide if you don't do what she says is behaviour that you absolutely DO NOT want from someone close to you in your life.

It is hard to live a good life if the people close to you are constantly emotionally blackmailing you to do what they want instead of what you want for yourself.

[Abhishaik]

I understand that I shouldn’t let someone else make such an important decision like this for me but I don’t think leaving her is an option for me.
 

She has raised me as a single mother since I was 5 and her health is not as it use to be. I need to be around to take care of her and don’t want to distance myself from her. Unfortunately, my ex gf leaving me is a sacrifice I have accepted and I’m not going to try pursue another relationship in the fear it will end up like this again. 
 

 

[integral]

This can seem harsh but the best option is to find another partner and try again. The only thing that helps here is time will heal and to block/remove her on all social media, delete all possible ways you can contact her or view her life progressing. Its vital to start meeting new girls. 

Edited March 23, 2023 by integral

[meta_male]

32 minutes ago, Abhishaik said:

She has raised me as a single mother since I was 5 and her health is not as it use to be. I need to be around to take care of her and don’t want to distance myself from her.

You can still take care of your mom without having to bend over backwards and sacrificing your life to her

[Yimpa]

On 3/22/2023 at 11:39 PM, Roy said:

You "manage" your feelings by letting them happen and not avoiding them. Let it process and try and focus on work/school for the next few weeks. You'll start to feel better and you'll realize your life was fine before you knew her, and it will be fine after.

You can't control people, you've gotta live your own life and do your own thing. Be your own foundation.

Thank you, I needed to be reminded of this. 

I still have a major tendency to need others to complete or validate me. This is something I’ve been working hard on in therapy - learning to be autonomous.

I want connections in my life, but I don’t want the quality of my life to be dependent on those connections, because they will all inevitably come and go.